I actually love hearing about reformed people’s stories. I love hearing about people who were in toxic communities or people who used to objectively be dickheads talking about how they got out of that. How they made themselves better.
I hate how most people’s initial reaction to stories like that are things like:
“How could you have ever done those things?!” “Oh my god, you believed those things?!” “Well it doesn’t un-do the harm you did!”
People incessantly advocate for change but then refuse to allow people who have changed the grace of being acknowledged and given opportunities and chances.
I love hearing about ex-antis talking about how they don’t spend their days being angry and sending death threats anymore.
I love hearing about ex-homophobes who realized there’s no magic law about what is “natural.”
I love reformed bullies talking about how they made amends with their victims and spend their days being considerate of others.
You can’t scream about wanting people to change but then expect them to spend the rest of their lives stuck in the past and on who they used to be. You can’t expect people to spend the entire rest of their lives grovelling and apologizing and demeaning themselves.
Instead of clinging to who they were, latch onto who they are.
Ask how they got out of it. Commend them on changing. Enjoy that there’s one less cause of harm in the world.
My dad has worked with this sculptor, Ed Dwight, on a few projects over the years, and they’ve become pretty good friends. I knew there was more to his story, but had never heard it like this:
ALT
