The European magazine advertisement for ‘Shadow The Hedgehog’.
Support us on Patreon

loaf with mama

itd be funny if i made a fankid specifically of one of eggman's bastard children he doesn't even know exists. thatd be funny

ive been thinking about this since last night, designs arent final but here she is maybe

she's 6 years old. she was "made" at the beginning of the adventure era, so her little story takes place a couple years after current modern sonic when the blue rat is 17 years old. she's an outdoorsy kid because her mom works from home and lets her go outside as much as she wants because it means peace and quiet in the house.

i actually have a bit more on her mom (designs also not final obviously)

she was a software developer for the eggman empire that worked her way up the ranks due to her diligence and complete lack of objection to anything she was told to do. she worked on interfaces for various early eggships and the infrastructure she made for those and the weapons systems aboard them is still being used in the modern day.

her high rank meant more direct interaction with egghead, kept strictly professional and brief as to not eat up his precious time. she developed a bit of a fascination with him when she finally landed a few meetings with him in person. she lingers after the end of a meeting one night, a few drinks in her system, and they end up having a one night stand that meant nothing to eggman but a lot to her. she regrets it in the morning, but tries to pick herself up and keep doing good work.

she discovers she's pregnant and her perspective is changed. she isn't showing yet, so she can hide it for a bit while she figures out her course of action. she thinks over the unbalanced nature of her and ivo's """relationship""", how she got to this point (desperate and talented young woman who was brought in by the bountiful blood money and stayed because she liked the challenge her assignments gave her), if she would be able to afford or be able to bring up a child in the first place, and she settles on something that changes her life. she's keeping the baby and quitting. she puts in her four weeks without fuss, and her boss is silent.

she has plenty of money stocked up while she looks for work, but she realizes that her experience is more niche than she thought it was. eggtech is notoriously weird, and her skills in eggtech infrastructure weren't applicable to most non-empire-related jobs, rebellious or otherwise. she's too hurt and prideful to participate in resistance efforts, so she learns a few other coding languages (much easier to parse than eggman's self-engineered mess) and does normie shit. the work isn't as satisfying, but it's safer.

she doesn't tell her daughter about who her dad is and is secretive about him. the kid, of course, just wants to learn more and is insatiable in her curiosity. it isn't hard to go snooping through her mom's old stuff, look at her red hair, and put the pieces together. once she asks if it's eggman, her mom tries to explain herself but isn't successful.

the kiddo goes out to explore and such as usual, but this time she's on a mission to find sonic (or any of his friends) and tell him (or them) about her plight. she wants to see her dad. she doesn't care if he doesn't care, but she wants to see him and announce that she exists and... she doesn't know what will happen after that. she doesn't know how she feels about him, but she wants to form her own opinions and doesn't want to be left in the dark anymore.

predictably sonic and friends do help her get in touch with eggman and it's a very belle-adjacent situation where hes like ok why would i care. why are you here. leave.

the actual interesting dynamics would be the complexities of her relationship with her mom after all of this and her relationships with eggman's other "children" like sage and belle. lalalalalalalalala

it took me a while to realize he doesnt say it in the show ever… it’s weird how stuff spreads like that

at least, if he does ever say it it’s in a missable place where i completely missed it in every viewing of the show, and nowhere near as common as it is in fanfic

anticommission

the idea that cursing is 'mature content' is so funny to me. have you attended middle school? you will hear the breadth of your language's profanity and possibly a second language. google presents: playpen internet

the build a bear platypus is so hideous omg... this is just what starline deserves

i made it starline . bit sloppy but that's because i had to use pixlr on my phone & it's like. midnight

oh my god

Friend entering group chat: Hey guys

Other friend: My pet stag beetle just did a sick flip

First guy: Sick

Other guy: Sick

Guy that makes everything about TMBG: This is just like Insect Hospital by They Might Be Giants

Friend that's stuck in a time loop: TMBG guy deviated last loop

a second tornado has hit the egg carrier

Possible reasons all magical girls are gay

• When Kyubey mods your body during the contracting process to make you strong enough to fight witches he also makes you into girls
• Being a magical girl involves a dangerous secret lifestyle that can only be shared or understood by other girls in the same situation and so all of your friends and love interests after contracting will be magical girls for the same reason there are lots of gay soldiers
• The potential to make a contract requires a deep malaise, an inability to fit yourself into the bounds of the ordinary life society expects of you, a hidden desire so great you’d throw away your life for it. All of this correlates very nicely with queerness and ensures the contractee demographic is mostly gay to begin with
• Magical girl culture has heavily normalized lesbianism to the point where meeting a magical girl with a boyfriend is regarded as bizarre and unusual and this encourages newly contracted girls to pursue each other
• Actually Kyubey only bothers offering contracts to baby lesbians. He thinks they’re better negentropy generators the same way girls are better than boys. He has a special magic incubator gaydar system to evaluate prospects and everything

ALT

ALT

ALT

ALT

ALT

I think she'd look cool in a fancy dress

What they don’t tell you about getting into bird watching is that once you get into it, you do not get to decide when you bird watch. You can be on the beach of some distant tropical country with nothing planned except relaxing. But then you see a Common Fluttering Nut Buster and you’re like fuckkkkkkkk holy shit guys the Common Fluttering Nut Buster is not supposed to life this far west holy shitttttttttt