I just realized (yesterday) that I missed the the April A-Z blogging challenge for this year, something I had been considering doing. Ah, well...maybe I'll do my own A to Z thing in June (you can still get 26 days, if you skip Saturdays in place of Sundays). Just an idea.
On with the show...
Dear JB:
I'm part of a community group that runs multiple TTRPG games at our FLGS with rotating GMs and systems. One player signs up for every game, but at the table they’re often distracted, rarely engage, and occasionally interrupt with random rule questions. Sometimes they'll take big risks and then get upset when things go poorly. But mostly they just sit there and look at the rule books, or very often, rolls dice loudly when it's not their turn (I guess because he's bored?)
They’re very active on our group Discord, especially when it comes to system discussions and collecting rulesets, so it’s clear they’re passionate — just not always at the table. They're younger, socially awkward, and likely pretty lonely, which might explain why they sign up for everything.
Other GMs have noticed and voiced concern. I imagine this must be a common problem, I am curious what approaches others have taken to similar circumstances? What’s worked for you — or not worked?
How Do You Handle Low-Effort Or Awkward Players In A Public Group Setting
Dear DM:
The question of how to handle players at the table is very similar to the question of how a coach should best handle players on a team. As with a team sport, the Dungeon Master must recognize that every player is a unique individual...however, they must also recognize that there is a "group objective of play" that it is their responsibility to direct; one cannot cater to the needs of a single individual at the expense of the team/group as a whole.
It's an age-old question, and one of the many things a DM/coach will work on over the course of their career, gradually (hopefully) getting better at that balance with time and experience.
But I get that you're looking for some concrete advice. Here's my two cents:
First off, I'd ignore everything this player...let's call him "Bill" for convenience...I'd ignore everything Bill posts on social media platforms like Discord. Social media in general (and Discord in particular) is its own activity, separate from the activity of gaming. It carries its own "signals" and "posturing," functions by its own rules, and has its own "objectives of play." A person can be the greatest poster on Discord or BlueSky or whatever and be absolutely worthless at the gaming table. The mental muscles needed to troll or do witty repartee or post pix of your collection or make funny memes, etc. are very different.
Do NOT conflate passion on social media with passion for the game. Passion on social media just means the person is passionate about social media.
SO...once we cut that out of the equation, what do we know about Bill? Well, he's "young" and "socially awkward"...both phrases which could mean a LOT of different things. I mean, a dude in their 20s seems "young" to me...but to a DM in their 20s, this could mean a teenage kid. And socially awkward has a broad spectrum of possible definition; do you mean he has problems interacting in a mature fashion? Or that he's shy in general? Or that he makes inappropriate comments around women? Or that he wears a MAGA hat and brings political discussion to the table? Or what?
So, what else? You say he's "often distracted?" How? Is he surfing his phone at the table? Is he constantly checking out the hot customers that come into the store? Is he habitually daydreaming or doodling rather than paying attention? Is he showing up to the able stoned off his ass? All of these types of "distraction" call for different methods of resolution, so it's hard to give you a specific answer without knowing specifically what's going on.
Finally, you say that Bill rarely engages, occasionally interrupts with rules questions, sometimes takes big risks (getting upset when those risks go poorly), and "mostly just sits there looking at the rule books rolling dice loudly when its not his turn." Okay, great...that is some actionable material to go on.
At my table, we have some "house rules" that I politely (but firmly) enforce. These include:
- no screens at the table during the game (I don't use them either...I print up my material before play)
- all dice rolls are done in the open and in a box top that I use for the purpose
- players may freely consult the PHB at any time
[we also have the house rule "no PvP," but that's not pertinent to your issue]
Players being players they...of course!...play with their dice at the table, stacking them and whatnot. But dice rolls only occur when called for, and players are asked to refrain from dice rolling when not. I do not mind players reviewing the PHB, especially if they need a refresher on their character's abilities...generally they know when they need to put it down and pay attention (their fellow players will call them on it if they start drifting). At convention games, you sometimes find players have only brought digital copies of their books and thus MUST consult a screen for information, and I am generally more relaxed in a con setting; however, in my "home game" (i.e. when not traveling) I usually have multiple PHBs to pass around (I think I own four or five at the moment?), so it's never "necessary" for someone to pull out their tablet or phone, unless they're getting an emergency call.
Oh...and I never worry about players "interrupting with rules questions." I am the Dungeon Master after all...as the de facto referee and Final Word on rules arbitration, I'm supposed to know the rules and be able to provide those rules (as needed) to the players. The players cannot play the game to the best of their ability without full knowledge of the rules, and I want them to play to the best of their ability.
So, what do we have left? Bill rarely engages but sometimes takes "big risks," getting upset when things go poorly. Okay, well, I LIKE my players to take "big risks;" fortune favors the bold, and it makes for an exciting game at the table. However part of growing in experience as a player is learning to take calculated risks (i.e. not taking DUMB risks)...and that's mostly something that's only learned through 'trial & error' (or observing the trial & error of others). For a "young" player, failure is part of the learning process, and it's okay to let players fail...even losing their characters (they can quickly make a new PC and rejoin the game). Upsets can be managed, by making stakes clear before the player attempts something risky ("Well, Bill, you can try to jump over that lava river, but if you fail your roll the PC is going to plunge to a fiery death...just know that up front.")...but tantrums over failure generally decrease as players mature and build resilience through successive failure. It is just a game, after all.
And as for engagement...well, DM, that part's on you, not the player.
Unless a player is being forced to play (and I have had one or two of those over the years), no person sits down at the D&D table unless they want to engage with the game play. Don't tell me there are some people who "just like to watch"...that's bullshit. You can watch (i.e. observe) the game being played without siting down and making a character, especially in a public space like an FLGS or con setting. Anyone who sits down wants to play...no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
But the D&D game doesn't "go" without the DM. If you, DM, simply say "You're in the town of XYZ, what do you want to do?" How are they supposed to engage with that?
Player 1: What can we do?
DM: What do you want to do?
Player 2: Um, is anyone offering a job or a quest?
DM: Where are you looking?
Player 1: Is there a tavern nearby? Maybe with job postings?
DM: There's a tavern...the Lusty Lad...you can go check it out.
Player 3: Okay, we do. What do we find there.
DM: Well there's no "job board." There are some dwarves at a table. The bartender is a bearded half-elf. A few rowdies seem to be fighting over a card game they were playing. A serving wench asks if you're here to eat, drink, or both.
Player 2: We ask the woman if she's heard of any adventure around here.
DM: She says, no, but maybe Old Bartleby might know of something. She says he's an old wizard who lives on the outskirts of town and is always getting up to strange things.
Player 1: Can we get directions to Bartleby's dwelling?
DM: Sure, but she wants your food order first.
Player 2: Okay, we get....
Meanwhile, Bill has been reading through his PHB and stacking dice. You know why? Because he's bored. I'm bored. I'm bored reading that, I'm bored writing that, I'd certainly be bored running or playing it.
And yet, many DMs waste precious time running D&D in this fashion. Or worse...detailing an encounter with some shopkeeper for players just looking to buy supplies. Maybe the DM is tarting things up with funny voices and accents...it's still poor game play.
Yet THIS ain't the answer either:
DM: Your food has arrived and you're just digging in when there's a CRASH! as something huge smashes through the wall just behind you...it's a bulette! And it looks hungry! Declare actions and roll for initiative!
There's no meaningful choice being given here, nor is there any player agency being exercised. How can ANY player (let alone a young, socially awkward one) engage with a game that is purely reactive?
Short answer: they can't.
For players to engage with material, they must be presented with situations that offer choices, and then be allowed the agency to make meaningful decisions that address the situation. Here's a (simple) example:
DM: You guys are low on cash. You've come to the town of Fulz because you've heard rumor that there's a tomb in the foothills nearby that stuffed full of loot, but the locals won't mess with it because it's also supposed to be full of death traps.
Player 1: How would we even know where it is?
DM: A local man is willing to take you there for a hefty fee...or he can offer you a hastily scrawled map for a lower price. However, finding the place without a guide will probably take longer (and incur more wandering monster rolls).
Players (consulting): Okay, we'll pay the guy to take us there.
DM: Great. Now is there anything you want to buy from the town shops in preparation for the adventure?
Look at that! Right off the bat you've got meaningful decisions to engage the players. Do they want to go loot the tomb (they might decide they don't want to)? Do they want to pay for a guide or a map (they could have chosen neither and looked for a third way to find the tomb)? What adventuring gear are they going to encumber themselves with (and spend their dwindling resources on)? After that, it's just roll a couple of encounter checks and deposit the group at the entrance of the creepy tomb...adventure awaits!
As the DM, you need to be presenting the players with situations and scenarios that forces them to make decisions...meaningful, pertinent decisions. This is what creates engagement in the players...this is what causes them to invest themselves (time and energy) in the campaign.
And these situations don't all need to be as simplistic as the tomb example (though simplistic is good for newer, less experienced players). They can be things like:
DM: Bishop Eustace, the town's patriarch has died. There are ugly rumors around town that he was assassinated at the behest of the local magistrate (with whom the bishop had been feuding lately over matters both spiritual and temporal). To profess his innocence (and not cause a riot) the magistrate has offered 30,000 gold coins to anyone who can determine solid proof that he had nothing to do with the good bishop's death (and, yet, brings some other culprit to justice).
Or how about:
DM: War has recently broken out between the kingdom and the nearby Duchy of Albion. Towns along the border (about 15 miles from where you are) have been pillaged and burned; rumors say the raiders are orc mercenaries wearing the Duke's livery. The burgermeister is mustering the militia in anticipation of an attack, and all able-bodied men and women are required to take up arms...this would include your party members, if you decide to stay in town.
Immediate situations requiring the players to make meaningful choices. Do they stay and fight? Move on to another town, hoping to keep ahead of the advancing forces? Offer their abilities to one side or another? Throw a monkey-wrench into the whole affair by looking for their own means to profit off the situation?
If Bill is only "rarely engaging" with the game, chances are you're not giving him situations with which to (meaningfully) engage. Without something in which to invest his time and attention, how and why can you expect him to engage? Just because he likes to pretend he's an elf?
So, then, DM, here's my advice with regard to poor awkward, young Bill: design adventure scenarios that require the players to make meaningful decisions. Adopt some house rules that cut down on distraction (no screens at the table, no showing up stoned, etc.). Accept that a young player has some growing to do with regard to maturity (dealing with losses) and learning the game (asking questions). Be patient, be firm, be fair. The player will come around, eventually. And you'll be a better DM for it.
Sincerely,
JB