You hear that? First it’s, “He’s only 26 minutes late,” a month later it’s, “He only hits me when he’s drunk.” Slippery slope, Allison, slippery slope.
aeschylus: stayed outside in his old age to avoid a prophecy that he would die from having something fall on his head, died when an eagle thought his bald head was a rock and dropped a turtle on him to break its shell
plato: partied too hard
empedocles: jumped into a volcano to prove that he was immortal
philitas of cos: was such an incredible pedant that he wasted away while studying erroneous word usage
saint lawrence: roasted alive during christian persecution under valerian, joked that he was done on one side and needed to be flipped over
didius julianus: purchased the roman empire in an auction, ruled for 9 weeks, executed for being ineffective leader
petronius arbiter: sentenced to death by nero, opened his veins while enjoying a sumptuous dinner party, edited his will to list all of the reasons he hated nero
Tag urself I’m Plato
may i present to you
li bai: attempted to kiss the reflection of the moon in a river; fell overboard and drowned
george plantagenet: requested to be executed by being drowned in wine
tycho brahe: died of a bladder or kidney ailment because he was too polite to go to the bathroom during a banquet
adolf frederick: ‘the king who ate himself to death’; died of digestion problems after eating a meal of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, smoked herring, champagne and 14 servings of his favourite dessert
