just-shower-thoughts:

If you work at a sex shop is porn still NSFW?

beyoncescock:

list of things to do when you’re sad:

• eat chocolate
• listen to music
• order pizza
• buy new clothes
• watch movies
• masturbate

beewatch:

me: can i go to the bathroom?

teacher: i don’t know. can you?

she’s got me. i haven’t evolved a standard animal digestive system. i continue to photosynthesize my energy

christmasbarakat:

my dad is a cop and i just called him and he was like “hey i have a 17 year old boy in the back of my cop car right now that i’m running him to the station” and i asked if he was cute and my dad said “Hey, my daughter wants to know if you’re cute” and the guy said “i want to say yes, sir” and my dad started laughing so hard

canimuff:

blue whales are the largest animal ever recorded, like you literally need to be in a helicopter to actually see one in from a perspective with zero distortion. idk i just feel pretty lucky to be alive on earth at the same time as them and they don’t even want to kill me. they just wanna use their toothbrush mouthes to filter the ocean of smol ocean bugs. they have communities and they sing to each other to communicate. work is slow im sorry happy friday whales r so cool

beyoncescock:

i want a cute boyfriend and $500,000

just-shower-thoughts:

Bullets are the only thing that do their job after they have been fired.

thexfiles:

Anxiety: look out
me: for what
Anxiety: look out

maybenotboring:

sure, I don’t get a “healthy” amount of sleep like SOME PEOPLE do but can they do THIS *stands up, blacks out for a second*