i love going to the office where my GI problems can be on show for all the people who mildly respect me as a colleague
“the meds make life easier” they make doing your job and laundry and dishes and time management easier, yes. your body practically transforms into a robot that gets it all done without questioning or coaching or little incentives. which is good when you need to get these things done, which we all do. my main issue is that when i am doing all these things in a timely and efficient manner, my mind is telling me that i should kill myself quite regularly, which i do not deal with when i am not on the meds. but then you tell your psychiatrist and they go “well most mind altering medication will cause suicidal ideation” and you go hmm that’s no good. if i don’t take the medication, i will lose my job, i will not be able to maintain my apartment, and i will really want to die. but if i do take the medication, everything will stay normal, but the little mental wiring monster will tell me i want to die. So really how do you win here
it’s just like kylie minogue said, you’ll never get to heaven if you’re scared of getting HIGHHHHHHHH
i’ve always been very creative and when i would show my mother my arts and crafts as a child she would always say ‘i can’t believe you made this. i could never make anything like this. i can’t even draw a stick figure!’ and i always used to feel like wtf that’s not even relevant right now but as I’ve begun to wrap my head around the concept of birth and motherhood in general im like wait i get it…. you yourself don’t possess these talents or abilities but you invented a person that does. you had the talent inside you all along … just in your ovary. what a trip !!
what’s going on with me … mainly knitting, still in therapy working on getting sober but unfortunately it’s hard to stop smoking weed because that shit is good. And im also scared for my saturn return because i know im due for some big changes and they’re going to hurt so i’m pre-grieving
