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From The Annals of “The Hubby Needs To Take His Show On The Road”

I get an email pop up notification on my phone from the hubby and I see the beginning of the body of the email which says “Look! We won!!!”

I’m driving, so I can’t open it up. I think about all the things we might have won….a trip, a stay at a resort, $$$.

I can’t wait until I get home so I can open it.

I get home and eagerly read the full email.

It’s a notice from Southern California Edison on our energy use compared to our neighbors.

According to them, we use 108% MORE energy than our neighbors.

🙄

From The Annals Of “My Interesting Uber Driver”

So I had quite a lot of stops I made around SF yesterday, getting in as much sight seeing I could before collapsing because I had only 4 hours of sleep.

When I was done with seeing the Yoda statue and Lucasfilm over at the Presidio, I got a driver via Uber.

I get in the car and I see on his dashboard a ton of small Star Wars themed toys.

Me: Oh wow, I see you’re a Star Wars fan! Have you ever been over here before?

Driver: Yeah, about 2 hours ago.

Me: (laughs) No, I mean inside.

Driver: No. I should go someday.

So the driver and I start talking about Star Wars and Lucasfilm. And then, he offhandedly mentions this little gem.

Driver: So, ya know, I’m actually a real life Sith Lord.

Me:

Driver: Yeah, I took the training and have a light saber and all that.

Me: Wow. That’s pretty amazing! (inside I’m thinking “Why does this stuff always happen to me?”)

Driver: Yeah, people get really intimidated when they learn that I’m a Sith Lord. It kinda throws ‘em.

Me: I’m sure it does.

LOL…we talked a bit about the burdensome responsibilities of a Sith Lord and then I changed the subject so he could give some restaurant recommendations. And he got me back to my hotel, so all ended well!!

From The Annals of Husbands & Wives

Me: Wow, do you realize this summer we’ll have been married for 22 years?!

Hubby: You’re welcome.

Me: <eyeroll>

From The Annals of – “I Don’t Know If It’s My Hearing or Her Pronunciation ”


I’m talking with a friend’s 9 year old daughter…

9 yo: Michelle, I’ve decided Imma dress up in a whore costume.

Me: WHAT?!

9 yo: For Halloween! Imma dress up in a whorer costume.

Me: A what?!

9 yo: You know, a WHORE RRRRR costume.

Me: You mean a “horror” costume?

9 yo: Yeah, you know, something scary for Halloween!

Me: (relieved) good girl…you already scared me! O.O

Perspective

A friend was relating her recent and not very pleasant trip to a local tourist destination.

“Knott’s Berry Farm is the Walmart of theme parks.”

Adventures In Hubbyland: The “Someone Thinks He’s A Comedian” Edition


Even when I have a day off work, I’m never really “off”. Case in point: I’m at home on a day off dealing with an urgent work related phone call. I hear the dogs start “woo-wooing”. The hubby is coming in the door from work and the dogs are barking and woo-wooing. The person on the other end of the line is laughing as I’m shouting to the dogs “Quiet, shh!!!”.

I tell the hubby “Go outside with them. I’m on the phone with work and I can’t hear.” He and the dogs walk past me and go into the kitchen. The dogs are quieting down as they are passing me.

I turn back to my work conversation on the phone, and I hear a loud “WOO-WOOOOOOOO”. I turn back to tell the hubby to get the dogs outside. And what do I see in the doorway to the kitchen?

All three dogs sitting quietly and looking at me.

My husband, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “WOO-WOO. WOO-WOO. WOO-WOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

<sigh>

Adventures in Hubbyland:The Inside Joke Edition


The hubby and I were talking about something and he made me laugh.

Me: You think you’re so funny.

Hubby: Well, I am. I’m ‘WITTIER’ than you. HAHAHAHA!!!

Me: <eye roll>

Adventures in Hubbyland


The hubby and I are driving past a yard sale—

Me: Ooh, look. Your favorite thing!

Hubby: (grunts) Ugh. A garbage sale.

Me: Nooooo, it’s called an “estate sale”.

Hubby: If you’ve laid out a blanket, put your stuff on top of it to sell and you’re in front of an APARTMENT building– it’s a garbage sale. If you put your stuff out on the front lawn of a 14 room mansion, THEN it’s an estate sale.

From The Annals of “My Physical Therapist Missed His Calling”


My Physical Therapist is a pretty funny guy; we keep throwing barbs back and forth while he’s helping me work on my ankle.


PT: So, are you still in school?

Me: NO! Remember, I told you! I’m so DONE with school.

PT: Oh yeah, you have your doctorate?

Me: Yeah. I have a total of 4 degrees, that’s why I’m freakin’ DONE with school.

PT: (sarcastic) Wow, you must be really old.

Me: Yeah. I’m 52.

PT: (sincere) No way! I’m 41. I thought you were way younger than that. I was thinking you were probably 49.

Me: What?

PT: That’s a compliment. I thought you were that young.

Me: What? That’s not a compliment, that you thought I was three years younger than I am. A compliment would have been that you thought I was late ‘30’s/early '40’s.

PT: (sarcastic): What? Well NOW you’re just in Fantasyland.


What a wiseass. But a good physical therapist ;-)

Adventures in Hubbyland….the “I Must Have A Death Wish” Edition:


I had shared with my hubby that my physical therapist thought I walked like a duck.  That was a mistake.

Hubby: Hey, is it wrong for me to throw bread crumbs on the floor?

Me: Huh? What are you talking about?

Hubby: (starts giggling) Because you walk like a DUCK!!! (doubles over and grabs his stomach while laughing)

Me: <narrows eyes>