The Uncanny Stories

cisnormativity (hello yes i am back this blog isn’t dead lmao)

i love when people mock me for using the word “cisnormativity”
because they don’t even know what that word actually means.

cisnormativity is being assigned at birth in a second ;
cisnormativity is being given barbies until the age of eleven and then hearing about how disgusting
our natural functions are ;
cisnormativity is being unable to talk about periods without recieveing the words madam, or she/her/hers ;
cisnormativity is not seeking medical help because it’s about genitals, again ;
cisnormativity is being seen as a girl, a girl, a girl, every second of your existence, no matter what ;

cisnormativity is the two het boys
yelling at me from a white van thinking they have a chance with me because all they see is girl, girl girl ;
cisnormativity is “i want two boys to carry that heavy stuff for me !” ;
cisnormativity is recieving the same sexist remarks anyways,
cisnormativity is being scared to walk alone at night because cis dudes just don’t understand the meaning
of the word “no”.

cisnormativity is me getting a haircut and hearing the hairdresser say “you look more like your mother now !”, as if i wasn’t already a copycat of my mom, this wasn’t the point !
cisnormativity is wanting the boy part, but not getting the boy part, because i am too small, too ;
it’s not my 5'1 ass and my baby-face that will get me the role anyways.
cisnormativity is being forced to go to the boys’ section, just to find something masculine that fits,
because the men’s section is inaccessible for my frail body.

cisnormativity is me being let in women spaces while my trans sisters are left at the door ;
cisnormativity is the pussy hats at an anti-trump rally ;
cisnormativity is hearing again and again “there are only two genders !” ;
cisnormativity is all the lessons i’ve given about my gender and all the lessons i’ll give in the future.

but let me tell you,
if you or any cis person you know
ever complains about “cisnormativity” again,
just remember,
if i can put up with a lifetime of injustice and ignorant people
all around me
they can put up with five minutes of me talking about it.

porcelain doll

fragile and insecure
here comes this porcelain doll
that is me
i bend i break
i play this game for you
but just for you

hoping that you’ll love me one day
twist, shout and scream
hoping one day you’ll me by friend
and understand my being

but here i am, trapped
in this little box
called society
called planet earth
a ballerina who didn’t choose
her own costume
the costume didn’t even fit
and yet
i danced in the shadows
hoping you’d notice me.

everything is, i realised
a little mind game played
by everyone ; hypocrisy
is the lies on our lips
but yours are so pretty,
and i wish
oh i deeply wish
i could kiss them
to reveal the truth
of mine.

but you are made of pure gold,
you are an indestructible diamond,
and it seems that most people
or should i say, everyone
is made like you
i am a porcelain doll
in a world of metal
i dance i bend i break

all for your entertainment.

trigger warning

(trigger warning : death mention)

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i am a whole person

all around me are perfect couples
perfect duos, perfect friendships
perfect romance, perfect love
perfect everything.
a perfect i can’t achieve.

many times, i’ve been told
“you can’t live alone forever
you’re probably thinking about
wanting a best friend, or maybe
a romantic partner, something
that would make you happier.”

what they really meant was that
i am not a whole person by myself
no matter what i do
i’m a half of something
a portion, a fraction,
something that can, and should,
be completed, to be fulfilled.

so when i told them that my life
hasn’t been well lately,
that i’ve been struggling in my own head
demons scavenging my flesh
and eating every litte part of me,
when i told them that these demons
were my only company
they told me
“well, maybe, you shouldn’t be alone
someone else would bring you great happiness.”

and when i replied that i’ve tried, vainly,
to find happiness written on your parted lips,
in the crook of your hollow arms,
in the pleasure you’d allow me to get from you,
when i realise your white lies were just
meant to isolate myself from the rest of the world,

i gave up.

i’ve been trying to find my hero recently,
my salvation in the form of your shallow pity,
i’ve been told i can’t love anyone else
if i don’t love myself first.
in a sense, they were right,
not in a sense that i should love myself
to be able to give love to others
(i’m selfless and self-destructive
just to save someone else from their own doom),
but that before caring about others,
sometimes, i should put myself in the priority.

in a sense, i am the center of the universe.
my own universe.
and all the “one day, you’ll find that companion”,
your blank statements of
“i didn’t have a best friend
for the first eighteen years of my life”
when i’m turning twenty
won’t be able to make me forget
i don’t need a hero in my life
if i’ve been so far all alone.
after all, i’m my own hero.

i am a whole person,
and no one take that away from me.

the urge

(warning : vivid descrption of urges to self-harm, suicide, and idealisation of substance abuse. i’m putting the poem under a read-more just in case someone could be triggered. read at your own risks. it’s just to vent my current feelings and nothing else. i do not promote these behaviours and encourage you to seek help if needed)

Keep reading

red bull, bull red (not related to redbull the yucky drink)

i am a bull
trapped in an arena
against my will.

around me, bullies
are the toreadors who hurt me
with their spikes
their spikes are words
that will never leave me.

they keep me running,
in circles, going nowhere,
and i comply.
i’m too stupid and i
keep playing the game anyways.
they don’t know any better,
but it seems that i don’t either.

society, looking from their seats,
very far away
(it looks like they’ve always been here)
cheers up at my anger
my untempered feelings, my irrational
fits of rage
(they cheer up again as i yell)
they love my responses,
my reactions,
they keep begging for more,
and since i’m trapped anyways,
i keep playing.
and i keep getting hurt.

everyone watches the corrida
without any second thought.
they don’t ask themselves about
the cruelty
of the gesture.
maybe i was born to be a bull.
red bull, bull red.

everything around me is red,
and it’s barely just my blood
staining everything around me.
the toreadors, the bullies,
barely keep me alive,
for their game. otherwise,
i’d be dead already.

and that’s how, in a comatose state,
stuck in limbo, i keep playing the game,
victim of my own ego
and of a society who hates me so fucking much
there will be no ally tonight
and never ever ever ever.

i wish the game was over but
it will never be over
oh i wish it was over
i wish i could just leave
but i can’t
and my only escape is death.

i am a bull
trapped inside an arena
and i wish i could die.

a statue of stone

i am a statue of stone
immobile and disenchanted
i am a memory of the past
a fairy turned into stone.

this is my curse, maybe,
for loving who i loved
and for being who i am
beauty queen filled up with drugs
ancient model, empty and hollow.

cold and distant, i appear,
but my heart is still beating beneath
but my heart was the downfall
of my beloved
so i try to mute it

“hush hush, passion of my heart,
hush hush, love that turned to hatred,
hush hush, fine wine turned to vinegar,
you will be silenced now.”

and in the distance, the mirage
of a little girl i once knew
is now a bright woman
flying off to other seas.
but it’s not me, who appears,
it’s my beloved crying,
and i can’t return her sorrows.

i am an introvert, but i’m not

i am an introvert ; but i am not anti-social.
it’s just that i can’t bare people for too long.
in the morning, when i see them for the first time,
getting their energy from their conversations
around a coffee,
i am too tired, usually, to realise,
there are too many. but i’ll come to it
eventually.
as the day passes, however, they start
to bug me, to upset me
how come there are too many people
in the same place at the same time ?
how can they be energised
by the presence of others ?
i am tired, already
of trying to hide my true self.
i hate the fact that my true self
will never be accepted by society.
but that’s another story.

i am an introvert ; but i’m not boring.
i have the most vivid world, that lives
inside of me. but people don’t understand,
the extroverts, relying on the outside world
do not understand my internal world,
so pure, so beautiful, so untouched.
they hate the fact that
they can’t touch my world
they could be a part of it,
if they wanted to,
if they just listened to me.
but they don’t.
so i shut the doors to this wonderful world,
and put the keys around my neck,
so no one can access it.

i am an introvert, but i’m not ignorant.
i can see through the cracks, i can see
the masquerade, the lies that people use
to stay in society. but i am honest,
and i will not play this game.
that’s the reason for which
i can seem to over-play my emotions
(which i can feel more deeply than others)
and that people hate me.
people hate being told the truth.
they will always hate it.

i am an introvert, but i’m not anti-social.
i don’t hate people, i don’t want to
run away from them. i love people.
i love understanding their real selves,
the essence of their hearts, what makes them
wake up in the morning.
but in a world of lies and deceit,
where friendships are made and broken in a second,
(when they don’t have any value and don’t make any sense)
where there is no place for people like me,
where i can’t avoid the annoying and loud majority,
i don’t hate them. but in the end,
when i spend too much time with them,
i just want to run away in my private fantasy,
where no one is the subject of judgment.

“you always hate what you don’t understand”, the wise man said,
and i said, “i hate extroverts.”

tfw you have a very vivid dream that is Writing Material™ but you wake up before the end and you have to make it up yourself

reposting my playlists because i need more sounds like these ones !!!

(basically, i need each playlist to reach between ten/twelve songs. i’d like songs in the theme & the tune of these songs plz i’ll love you forever.)

going insane playlist (basically songs about going/being crazy) :
- mad hatter by melanie martinez
- message man by twenty-one pilots
- control by halsey
- sail by awolnation

bad bitches club playlist (songs about being a heartless little biatch who doesn’t give a single fuck) :
- hit and run by lolo
- victorious by panic! at the disco
- homewrecker by marina and the diamonds
- black sheep by gin wigmore

sexy horny beasts playlist (about little sexy horny beasts who are hot af and love sex) :
- for your entertainment by adam lambert
- the bad touch by the bloodhound gang
- do i wanna know ? by the arctic monkeys

this is the end playlist (apocalytic songs about the end of the world) :
- world on fire by les friction
- the last masquerade by linkin park
- fall by dotan

upbeat songs playlist (happy songs to uplift you during sad days) :
- on top of the world by imagine dragons
- young volcanoes by fall out boy
- safe and sound by capital cities

let’s go home playlist (soppy songs about going home after a hardship) :
- home by dotan
- home II by dotan
- always gold by radical face
- time by mikky ekko

fighter winner playlist (basically you destroying your rival hehehe) :
- come with me now by the kongos
- wires by the neighbourhood

(i know i could be googling “songs about this or that”, but i don’t like them bc they are not the same tune as the ones in my playlist/they aren’t my taste, so i’m asking to the fans of the bands in question if they have related artists/songs to complete these playlists !!!)

so anyways if you have any songs that resemble the above ones thanks a bunch for your suggestions !!!

have a nice time and see you soon !!! <3 <3 <3