I hate not doing anything actually but I’m very, very good at not doing anything. I have a natural talent for loitering, lounging and wasting time. An inherent idleness.
i am a woman. i am full of useless information. i am always tired. i constantly say strange and unpleasant things. i have no hobbies. i just listen to music all day to avoid thoughts. i love coffee. i cry at every little inconvenience. i smell really good. i treat people kindly. sometimes i forget im a real person. i love violence. i am ready for death
i hate applying for jobs because the employers are always like: do you enjoy working in a stressful environment???? do you strive for unobtainable standards of perfection???? are you good at dealing with people that make you feel extremely uncomfortable??? do you mind losing real hours of your life in order to make minimum wage?? are you a fan of capitalism??? do you love selling your soul just so you can afford to live???
I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I took joy in the things that made me happy.
— Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane
being the eldest daughter is just *asks mother what’s wrong* *cannot express emotions* *”don’t worry i’ll do it”* *fiercely independent but only bc you would rather die than inconvenience someone by asking for help* *carries the trauma of your entire family* *asks mother what’s wrong* *the constant feeling of guilt that has no known origin* *third parent. maybe even replacement father if urs is shitty enough* *emotional punching bag for both parents* *not even a slight clue as to what a healthy boundary is* *asks mother what’s wrong*
