Smoke And Mirrors
The Loneliest Man In The World
Out Of Time
Bathwater
gentle replacement
Little Death
Petrichor
Crucify Me
i kinda wish that i could say
my love is hopeless
but truth is that i love with
raging, stubborn hope
and manic, blind devotion
driven by a pinch of drunk delusion
because crimson colored clouds
in my skies turn into
delirious starry nights
and streaks of golden light
you paint in my mind
whenever i think i’m dying
but now the stars are gone
and you’ve disappeared
and i’m wide awake
in the middle of a battlefield
i can’t see through all this smoke
the mirrors of illusions
are all smashed now
and in the distorted reflections
is a stranger who looks like you
yet i still slice my fingers
gathering all the shards
try to piece it all back together
to reconstruct the illusion but
even if i manage to do it,
will i still see the cracks?
i pitch Hope against all odds
a prayer to the gods
to cease this hurricane
of raining fire and colossal
boulders of the most grotesque
myths ever uttered in your name,
holding on to it like a lifeline
the way i’ve held on to your words
and i know that it’s all on me cuz i followed
all on me cuz i yearn for better tomorrows
so go ahead, condemn me brothers,
for i have dared
to dream dangerously
and held on tight to these beliefs.
so if my sin is to love religiously
then fuck it, crucify me
Denial
i keep having to jump-start my heart
and pump oxygen into my lungs
i absentmindedly turn blue
and have to keep reminding myself to
breathe…breathe…breathe…
my ribcage is collapsing in on itself
my tongue is dead
my hands won’t move
my eyes see nothing but the tear
in the fabric of this fragile reality
i had so carefully crafted for myself
smoke has vanished, mirrors broken
all Dreams are shattering
sweet Delirium, don’t abandon me
Desire turns into Despair
Destruction rains fire
over this once sacred place
where do i escape to now?
Destiny, please have mercy
Death, please take my hand
take me far away from here
if it’s the end of the world
must i keep waking up?
am i just entranced by an angel?
oh, but angels do fall, don’t they…
or maybe get thrown into
the abyss by treacherous hands?
surely that must be the case
(it has to be, there’s no way that-)
if i make enough wishes on falling stars
will they come true? will i have to trap them
and chain them to me to make it so?
but if i do that, would i be any better than-?
please understand, it’s nothing personal
i just want to reshape the entire world
in battles between gods
rarely do humans survive
and when it comes to defeating monsters
i think i was braver as a child
at least back then i was built out of the certainty
that all the magic in the world
would eventually give me a happy ending
i’ve grown up among the ghosts
of all the past lives and broken
fragile things that haunt me
even now, and i don’t wanna bury
the one hope i have left
in my bloodstream
just let me live in the ocean
where the fire cannot touch me
even if there’s water in my lungs
i can learn to breathe underwater
i want to know it all
but i don’t know if i wanna find out
i want to ignore the warning,
it’s not real, this isn’t happening
maybe one day we’ll all forget about this mess
as with everything, it’ll eventually fade
but right now, i’m just gasping for breath
stop. rewind. replay
you ever notice how people only say
“i love you” when they’re about to say goodbye?
sometimes they don’t even say it
but the words stay there suspended in the air
and they kick you in the gut
as violently as your racing heart
runs after them until you’re out of breath
but they’re long gone
and water seeps into your punctured lungs
from the rising tides of grief
it hits you in waves
thrashing and dragging you inwards
begging you to stay, just like
you did to them back then
and now you sort of understand
what it must’ve been like for them
there’s no one to blame
still, the words now ring alarm bells in your head
you grow and nurture an aversion to them
and any kind of kindness, any kind of pain
disguised as affection
because you know there’s a pattern
of mismatched mixed signals
in the plot of these films
that you’ve seen a thousand times
but can’t help but to
stop. rewind. replay.
just to avoid getting to the part where
you ever notice how people only say
“i love you” when they’re about to say goodbye?
sometimes they don’t even say it
because it’s easier then to take flight
and you both know that
Safety was always a dangerous land
but indelible hand prints don’t lie.
and neither do eyes.
mine were bleeding and yours
were screaming to be seen, and i tried
and you showed me new colors
and taught me to speak in a language
only dreamers, gods, and fools understand
how am i supposed to go back
to my own dull world after all that?
i don’t want to. i won’t. i refuse.
stop. rewind. replay.
Icarus’ Wings
they say hope can save us, heal us
but if all this hope has been a hoax all along
is living for a hoax living at all?
like Icarus
clinging onto the wax on his arms
as he sinks
to the bottom of the ocean
would you say he survived the fall?
and if i am Icarus
you are my wings
you were made for flying
not for carrying the weight of the world
you’ll want to show me the galaxy
as we soar high up above it all
in a parallel existence
where we have always
been one and the same
feather to flesh
flesh to bone
guarding our hearts
and failing
as you grow weary
from holding my weight
my touch scathing
your delicate feathers
the ties that bind us dissolve
and you inevitably let go
they say hope can save us, heal us
and i really hoped that i could fly
but my skin burns with desire
so much filthy desire
it ends up being my own demise
Addiction
it all started sweet as sin
now i’m addicted to the sting
you’ve shown me whole new colors
and songs in frequencies
i’m not supposed to hear
you speak in the language
of old gods and prophecies
your skin is an elixir
of esoteric eroticism
you make me feel all powerful
you make me feel divine
with you, i am seven years old again
Ruling over fantasy worlds
that you made up in my head
you lull me to sleep
in the velvet of your embrace
you make me feel like,
for at least one moment
i am worthy of a life
i know it’s all a lie
i know that i should stop
but if i wake up i’ll want to die
i’m addicted to your voice
i’m addicted to your tongue
are you an angel with black horns
or a demon with benevolent eyes?
either way, i’m gonna trust you
either way i’ll give it all up for you
no matter the cost
you’re my hell and you’re my heaven
you’re the sun i gravitate around
if i fell out of orbit
i’d be doomed to roam the cosmos
as a rogue and lonely planet
i’d never find life again
i’d die cold and alone in the dark
let me hold onto you
just a little longer
i don’t want to die alone
i need your company and warmth
it’s all a fantasy, i know
but it’s better than the waking world
over there i have nothing
please don’t let me go
i know i have to, eventually
and i will, in due time, i swear
but for now, let me love you
let me love you let me love you
for another little forever
for better, for worse
for richer, for poorer,
in eternal sickness and delusion
til Reality do us part