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Letting Go of Your Ex: CBT Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction Paperback – February 1, 2023

by Cortney Soderlind Warren PhD (Author), Antonio Cepeda-Benito PhD (Foreword)

117 ratings

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Do you feel like you’ll never get over your ex?

Are you struggling to get over a former lover? Do thoughts and memories of your ex occupy your mind day and night? Do you wish you could talk to them, touch them, see them—anything to make you feel close again? Are you consumed by anger, sadness, frustration, or unbearable pain that your relationship is over? If so, you’re not alone—and you may be going through a love-addicted breakup. For people who struggle with love addiction, breakups can be downright devastating. Yet, there are tools you can use to start healing.

Letting Go of Your Ex offers powerful, evidence-based skills grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you manage intense emotions, get unstuck from the past, and start focusing on what makes you happy now. Feeling addicted to your ex can leave you in a constant state of craving and withdrawal. But you can emerge as a stronger, more honest, and authentic version of yourself. This compassionate and practical guide can help you heal your pain, and start enjoying your life again—with or without your ex.

You’ll learn:

How and why love can function like an addiction
How to change the harmful beliefs that keep you stuck on your ex
How childhood experiences affect adult romantic relationships
How to avoid recreating old dynamics in a new relationship

From the Publisher

Are you struggling to get over an ex? If so, you're not alone.

This book offers powerful, evidence-based skills to help you get unstuck from the past

For those struggling with post-breakup emotions, this book is like having a therapist in your hand

WARNING: California’s Proposition 65

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Letting Go of Your Ex is an expertly crafted self-help guide that will assist anyone struggling to get over a former love. Based on a cognitive behavioral conceptualization of addiction, Cortney Soderlind Warren skillfully helps readers understand their post-breakup symptoms of heartache while teaching practical skills to facilitate healing. Infused with examples that anyone who’s fallen in love can understand, this book offers readers an empathic path to growth and empowerment.”
—Phillip Levendusky, PhD, ABPP, faculty at McLean Hospital and Harvard Medical School

“For people suffering in the emotional black hole of love addiction, Cortney Soderlind Warren provides a path forward to a safe place, grounded in one’s values. She creatively adapts cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills to guide therapists in a structured yet flexible way to help their clients transform themselves from the inside out. Using a practical approach with empathy, Warren instills hope that healthy mutual love and fulfillment are possible.”
—Edmund C. Neuhaus, PhD, ABPP, assistant clinical professor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School

“There are many resources to help clients with their intimate relationships, but few to guide them when those relationships end. This wise and sensitive book by Cortney Soderlind Warren fills the gap—supporting clients through a three-part process of understanding their pain, examining beliefs and early experiences contributing to their distress, and navigating steps toward letting go and moving forward in a healthy way. Readers will grow and prosper!”
—Douglas K. Snyder, PhD, professor in the department of psychological and brain sciences at Texas A&M University, coauthor of Getting Past the Affair, and coeditor of Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy

“Every once in a while, a book comes along that fits several much-needed criteria in the pantheon of self-help texts. Cortney Soderlind Warren combines a compassionate point of view from her work as an esteemed author and clinician, pairing her personal experience with her years of clinical, research, and academic expertise. Filled with case studies and pragmatic exercises, this book is for anyone who has ever felt addicted in romance.”
—Patrick Ross Scott, PhD, LCSW, DCSW, LFAPA, adjunct assistant professor of psychiatry at the Kirk Kerkorian School of Medicine at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV); president of the Association of Integrative Psychology; and executive vice president and clinical director of Heads UP Guidance and Wellness Centers of Nevada

“Cortney Soderlind Warren’s evidence-based approach to healing after a breakup is practical and effective. Anyone struggling with difficulty moving forward after a relationship loss will find comfort in this inspiring read, which helps readers to know they are not alone, and gives them empowering solutions for letting go.”
—Judy Ho, PhD, ABPP, ABPdN, CFMHE, clinical and forensic neuropsychologist, tenured professor at Pepperdine University, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage

“For those struggling with post-breakup emotions and behaviors, Cortney Soderlind Warren’s book is like having a therapist in your hand. She walks the reader through the process of CBT in a seamless fashion, interwoven with example vignettes which truly bring the book to life. Her embedded worksheets will be a gift to readers embroiled in ‘EXAHOLIC’ patterns. Warren truly has a gift of breaking down complex concepts into easily digestible bites, as she invites the reader on a journey of self-discovery.”
—Lisa Durette, MD, DFAPA, DFAACAP, vice chair of the Kirk Kerkorian School of Medicine at the UNLV department of psychiatry and behavioral health

“Letting Go of Your Ex is an engaging book for anyone who finds themselves addicted to love and struggling to let go. Cortney Soderlind Warren breaks down the healing journey into three easy-to-follow stages with exercises to help you along the way. This book is an excellent first step toward building a confident and authentic self.”
—Linda Castillo, PhD, psychologist, and professor of counseling psychology at Texas A&M University

“Cortney Soderlind Warren eloquently captures the inner psyche of a person who is in the throes of a painful breakup. Using case studies, science, and practical tools, Warren helps the addicted person gain insight into why they feel the way they do, and how they can free themselves from emotional heartbreak. This is definitely a book I will recommend to my patients struggling to get over an ex.”
—Robi Ludwig, PsyD, psychotherapist, author, TV expert, and creator and host of Talking Live with Dr. Robi Ludwig and the Byte Size podcast

“For anyone who has fallen head over heels in love only to find it’s taking an eternity to stop thinking about your ex, this book is for you. Compassionately narrated life stories meet empirically supported techniques for letting go of your ex.”
—Andrea Goeglein, PhD, cofounder of Serving Success; cohost of the Hey Boss Lady! podcast; and coauthor of the Don’t Die inspirational book series

“Cortney Soderlind Warren’s book explains how CBT skills can be used to address a love addition to an ex-spouse, partner, or love interest in a way that makes the techniques accessible to anyone. The case studies provide fascinating insights into the real-life applications of CBT. Warren also explains the underlying neurological basis of love addiction, and provides a compelling case for using CBT to address this problem.”
—Nancy Raymond, MD, board-certified psychiatrist who has served on the faculty at two Midwestern medical schools over her thirty-year career

About the Author

Cortney Soderlind Warren, PhD, ABPP, is a board-certified clinical psychologist; and former tenured associate professor of psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas (UNLV). Having won numerous professional awards for her research, Warren is an expert on addictions, eating pathology, self-deception, and the practice of psychotherapy from a cross-cultural perspective. In addition to her academic work, Warren is a speaker, author, and coach with a passion for bringing psychological tools to the public. She earned her doctorate from Texas A&M University after completing a clinical internship at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School in 2006.

Foreword writer Antonio Cepeda-Benito, PhD, has published extensively, received several awards, and his research connecting the disciplines of behavioral neuroscience and clinical psychology to investigate drug addiction and eating disorders from a cross-cultural perspective has been supported by grants from the National Institute on Drug Abuse, the Texas Department of Health, and the Spanish Ministry of Science and Technology. In 2009, he was named one of the “Top 100 Most Influential Hispanics” by Hispanic Business Magazine.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (February 1, 2023)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 200 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1648480373
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1648480379
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.2 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.44 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #56,754 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #75 in Divorce (Books)
- #97 in Codependency (Books)

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117 ratings

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Cortney S. Warren

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Dr. Cortney Warren is a Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist. She received her Ph.D. in Psychology from Texas A&M University in 2006 after completing her internship at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical School.

Cortney is an expert in eating pathology, addictions, self-deception, romantic relationships, and cultural competency. To date, she has written almost 50 peer-reviewed journal articles, delivered more than 75 professional presentations and public addresses and written 7 book chapters. She is currently writing a book on love addiction and breakups, which is scheduled to be published in early 2023. She is licensed in Nevada and California.

Although Cortney received tenure at the University of Nevada Las Vegas in 2012, she formally retired to pursue a career that would allow her to bring psychological information to the public. In addition to continuing her research, speaking, and consulting work, Cortney remains an adjunct faculty member in the Department of Psychiatry at the Kirk Kerkorian School of Medicine.

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Customers find the book insightful, with exercises and examples that help them understand themselves better. Moreover, the book serves as a roadmap for getting over a breakup, with one customer noting it's a must-read for healing from love addiction. Additionally, the writing is easy to understand, and customers appreciate the compassionate approach of the author.

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Insight Healing power Ease of reading Readability Compassion

30 customers mention "Insight"30 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful and instructive, with great exercises and examples that help them understand themselves. One customer notes it provides fact-based information on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

"...she helps the reader understand what love addiction is, overcome limiting beliefs, and how to move forward in life without your ex...." Read more

"As a fellow mental health clinician, I am so excited to find a hands-on book to be able to recommend to clients that are struggling with letting go..." Read more

"...It really is a great book because it breaks down CBT work at a basic level where anyone can understand and do the CBT exercises - which happen to be..." Read more

"...Decent examples. The homework you gotta put in can be time consuming but it’s about building habits ...." Read more

15 customers mention "Healing power"15 positive0 negative

Customers praise the book's healing power, noting it provides a roadmap for getting over a breakup and resolving an addiction to a former partner. One customer mentions it serves as a practical guide for those seeking healthy relationships.

"...The author does an amazing job of identifying and normalizing love addiction and how the cycle represents itself with excellent case example...." Read more

"This book reads for the more intense romantic relationships that you gotta be over and done with . Decent examples...." Read more

"...book is an invaluable resource and roadmap with solutions and tools for healing and ultimately recovery." Read more

"...more than that, she guides you moving forward with a more enjoyable relationship with yourself, and the ability to create a healthy dating life." Read more

13 customers mention "Ease of reading"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and understand, with one customer noting that it provides actionable steps and another mentioning its clear and sensible game plan.

"...an incredible psychologist and has written a book that is both easy to understand and relatable...." Read more

"...This book is easy to read and relatable on some many levels! Any person would benefit from this book and participating in some of the exercises...." Read more

"...it breaks down CBT work at a basic level where anyone can understand and do the CBT exercises - which happen to be extremely helpful...." Read more

"...I particularly enjoyed Dr. Warren's authentic writing style and ability to communicate without sounding too clinical. She absolutely nails it...." Read more

13 customers mention "Readability"13 positive0 negative

Customers find the book highly readable and recommend it as a must-read, with one customer describing it as a great guide that leaves the reader renewed.

"Letting Go of Your Ex is a great book for anyone who is trying to get over their first love or is going through a divorce...." Read more

"...It really is a great book because it breaks down CBT work at a basic level where anyone can understand and do the CBT exercises - which happen to be..." Read more

"I just finished this wonderful book and wanted to post as soon as I could in case anyone needed some help of “Letting Go of Your Ex”...." Read more

"I loved reading this book, I love all the tools available to mitigate triggers and difficult emotions...." Read more

5 customers mention "Compassion"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the compassionate approach of the book, with one noting how it combines understanding with gentle guidance.

"...The author is compassionate, and encourages you to be more honest about your emotions and make a plan to move foreword...." Read more

"...It uses exercises and worksheets, with plenty of examples, mixed with gentle guidance on examining your various thought processes about yourself and..." Read more

"...Great book to help family and friends support and understand their loved one, who is going through a rough breakup...." Read more

"...The author's compassionate and humorous tone, combined with personal anecdotes, makes it a pleasant and enjoyable read during a potentially..." Read more

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T.S
A great book for anyone recovering from a breakup or divorce!
Reviewed in the United States on February 15, 2023
Verified Purchase

Letting Go of Your Ex is a great book for anyone who is trying to get over their first love or is going through a divorce. Dr. Cortney Warren is an incredible psychologist and has written a book that is both easy to understand and relatable. Drawing on both personal experience and those of her clients, she helps the reader understand what love addiction is, overcome limiting beliefs, and how to move forward in life without your ex. What I love about this book most is that not only are you learning about how to heal from a breakup, but Dr. Cortney gives you actionable steps and exercises you can take in your own life.

If you're currently struggling with a breakup or divorce, I highly recommend this book! There is hope out there and this book will help you on your journey of recovering from a breakup.

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2 people found this helpful

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Dimetry
Actual hands on tools
Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2023
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As a fellow mental health clinician, I am so excited to find a hands-on book to be able to recommend to clients that are struggling with letting go of past relationships! So often we see clients come into the office due to a relationship issue or breakup and want practical skills or tools to help them not only understand why they feel the way they feel, but to take action in their journey to an overall healthier life. That is exactly what this book does. The author does an amazing job of identifying and normalizing love addiction and how the cycle represents itself with excellent case example. Dr. Cortney Soderlind Warren provides several hands on personal exercises that really provide people with action along with understanding about their triggers, red flag thinking, and patterns of love addiction. She provides an encompassing look at how people develop core beliefs about love and how greatly it impacts their view of intimate relationships. This book is easy to read and relatable on some many levels! Any person would benefit from this book and participating in some of the exercises. I will be recommending this work highly to not only clients, but friends and family.

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11 people found this helpful

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Sally Elizabeth
Easy Read
Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2023
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It might sound ironic that I'm calling this an "Easy Read", because it's not easy breaking up of course. It really is a great book because it breaks down CBT work at a basic level where anyone can understand and do the CBT exercises - which happen to be extremely helpful. I personally could not relate to everything because my attachment wasn't as strong as some of the examples, but it was still extremely helpful. I was able to use the skills to start training my mind to view my pain and journey in a different light. I love that you take the questionnaire at the beginning and at the end because I was able to see how far I had come. I read the book in a week because I was desperate for relief, and it really helped a ton! You have to stick with it and do the work, but anyone can do it! Also, if you have never heard of or done CBT therapy, this is a fantastic, non-intimidating way to start and learn about it. I would recommend this book to anyone who is going through a break-up.

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7 people found this helpful

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bayArea
For the Most Intense Relationships
Reviewed in the United States on February 26, 2024
Verified Purchase
This book reads for the more intense romantic relationships that you gotta be over and done with . Decent examples. The homework you gotta put in can be time consuming but it’s about building habits .

I thought there would be more in the book for those trying to leave different levels of bad abusive relationships.

Good starter point for many . Get with a professional if you find yourself stuck and not progressing

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Liz H. Kelly
Must Read to Heal Yourself from Love Addiction
Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2024
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Letting Go of Your Ex by Dr. Cortney Soderlind Warren is a must-read for anyone who’s felt addicted to love, and had a hard time letting go of their Ex. What I love most about this book is the empowering tips and proven evidence-based CBT skills that you can use immediately. The author is compassionate, and encourages you to be more honest about your emotions and make a plan to move foreword. If you seriously want to say good-bye to a bad relationship and enjoy life again, read this book!

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Liz H. Kelly

Must Read to Heal Yourself from Love Addiction

Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2024
Letting Go of Your Ex by Dr. Cortney Soderlind Warren is a must-read for anyone who’s felt addicted to love, and had a hard time letting go of their Ex. What I love most about this book is the empowering tips and proven evidence-based CBT skills that you can use immediately. The author is compassionate, and encourages you to be more honest about your emotions and make a plan to move foreword. If you seriously want to say good-bye to a bad relationship and enjoy life again, read this book!

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Robert Rowell
We All Need a GPS to Help Us Get There -- This Book Is A Must Read for Everyone
Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2023
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Letting Go of Your Ex is a helpful resource for anyone navigating the pain of break-up and love addiction of an ex. Dr. Warren skillfully weaves personal stories, self-help exercises, an evidence-based approach, case studies, and solutions into a compelling and transformational guiding light to change. The book commits to providing its readers with useful and supportive exercises to promote individual accountability and consistent behavior patterns in the journey towards healing and letting go.

Not only is this book a must read/must have GPS for anyone trying to overcome a love addiction and the pain of a break-up with an ex, it is relevant for anyone dealing with the nuances of relationship addiction in general (work, family, society, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc..).

I particularly enjoyed Dr. Warren's authentic writing style and ability to communicate without sounding too clinical. She absolutely nails it. This book is an invaluable resource and roadmap with solutions and tools for healing and ultimately recovery.

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2 people found this helpful

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Owen J. Burns
A Path toward a better, healthier life
Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2023
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I just finished this wonderful book and wanted to post as soon as I could in case anyone needed some help of “Letting Go of Your Ex”. Oh, how I wish I had access to this book when I was younger! That said, I now have it as a resource to suggest to friends and family who are struggling with this all too common problem. Dr Warren is not only a “board certified clinical psychologist,” but she is a former professor as well. Therefore, she knows how to take the sometimes complex ideas of psychology and fashion them into down-to-earth, straightforward prose. With step-by-step advice in each of its chapters, Dr. Warren provides us with a clear and sensible game plan about how to move forward with our lives at a time when we may temporarily feel upside down and moving at a dizzying speed in all the wrong directions. Dr. Warren is there with us; she knows the challenges of this experience. She has not only helped countless others in the same situation and done the research (just check the reference section!) she has herself taken this journey. I highly recommend your buying this book and reading this book so that you too have the knowledge and skills you need to create a better life for yourself.

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9 people found this helpful

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Gabriel Soto
Great book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 31, 2023
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Having just gone through a break up myself, I found this book to be extremely helpful and understanding what’s going on inside of us.

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Letting Go of Your Ex: CBT Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction Paperback – February 1, 2023

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Must Read to Heal Yourself from Love Addiction

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5.0 out of 5 stars A great book for anyone recovering from a breakup or divorce!

5.0 out of 5 stars Actual hands on tools

5.0 out of 5 stars Easy Read

4.0 out of 5 stars For the Most Intense Relationships

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Read to Heal Yourself from Love Addiction

Must Read to Heal Yourself from Love Addiction

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5.0 out of 5 stars We All Need a GPS to Help Us Get There -- This Book Is A Must Read for Everyone

5.0 out of 5 stars A Path toward a better, healthier life

Top reviews from other countries

5.0 out of 5 stars Great book

A great book for anyone recovering from a breakup or divorce!

Actual hands on tools

Easy Read

For the Most Intense Relationships

Must Read to Heal Yourself from Love Addiction

We All Need a GPS to Help Us Get There -- This Book Is A Must Read for Everyone

A Path toward a better, healthier life

Great book