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Jerry couldn't help but feel like a burden.
It wasn't a new feeling, of course. Living with his best friend, Sleepy Gary, and his family had to have some repercussions, but at times like this, where he sat in the family den alone, blindly watching TV and questioning his life choices, was when it hit him the most.
How could he have let his life go so downhill? He had his life planned out from when he was a young boy.
It had all seemed so easy to achieve back then, hadn't it?
He could hear something drop above him, and a loud, nervous whimper. Looks like his friend's father-in-law, Rick, was passed out drunk and had woken up his son, Mortimer. Now he was the only one up.
Jerry got up and made his way to the family's kitchen, opening the fridge. The room, illuminated by the light from the fridge, only looked unfamiliar and eerie to Jerry. He fished out a beer and sighed, bumping the fridge with his hip to close it. He opened the bottle and took a large sip, letting the cold liquid alternate from soothing and burning his throat.
"You're still up?" A voice asked, causing Jerry to jump. He looked around the room, and could just barely make out his friend in the darkness.
"Oh... yeah. Couldn't sleep." Jerry responded as his friend made his way towards him. Tension filled the air between them as they stood silently, Jerry taking another sip from his beer.
"You've been up a lot." Gary responded, leaning slightly on the wall. "Are you okay?"
"I'm just... questioning my choices." Jerry said after a slight hesitation.
"Why don't you question them with me?" Gary asked. Jerry raised an eyebrow, but remained silent as Gary continued. "Let's go for a drive."
"A drive? Gary," Jerry let out a chuckle. "It's three in the morning. We can't go now."
"Why not?"
Jerry stayed silent at Gary's question. He had no reason not to go with Gary, but things had been awkward between them ever since the boat trip.
The next thing he knew, he was in Gary's car, listening to a late night/early morning talk show. The two men were silent as they drove for nearly twenty minutes. Jerry gazed out of the window at all of the dark homes, before Gary made a sudden turn to a lit up store.
"Why are we stopping?" Jerry asked, turning his head to Gary.
"I thought it would be nice to stop for some ice cream." Gary responded, a slight smile tugging at his lips. He unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car, while Jerry, who hadn't been buckled in, only stared at Gary shut the door. He let out a sigh and proceeded to get out.
The two made their way inside of the ice cream store, which was completely empty except for a blonde haired woman standing at the counter, her head being held up by her hand. She snapped up at the bell ringing and ran to the part where the ice cream was.
"Wel-" The girl cut herself off with a yawn, and she brushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ears, obviously embarrassed. "Welcome to Stephanie's Sundaes, I'm Gwen. How can I help you?"
"We'd like two chocolate Sundaes please." Gary said. The woman nodded and began to get two small glass cup.
"No, no, Gary. I don't need a sundae."
"Please Jerry, I insist." Gary responded. "It's my treat."
"Well... okay." Jerry shrugged. He rubbed his arms together, shivering. He was wearing nothing but a white tank top and green flannel-print pajama pants. He was not only cold, but embarrassed to be seen in public like this. However, Gary didn't seem to care, and held the two Sundaes in his hand.
"Shall we take a seat?"
Now the two men sat facing each other on a table, eating their Sundaes in complete silence. It was Gary who broke the silence.
"What have you been questioning about your life, Jerry?" He asked. His umber eyes locked with Jerry's, and Jerry's eyes traveled down from his eyes, to his thin lips and sculpted cheekbones, all the way to his bobbing Adam's apple. Gary reached out and caressed Jerry's hand, giving him a comforting smile. Jerry's eyes quickly went back up to Gary's and he snatched his hand away. For a moment, Gary looked dejected, but covered up his rejection with a sweet look.
"I'm... questioning you. I'm questioning us, I mean." Jerry admitted, looking to his now empty cup.
"How so?"
"What happened in the summer... what does that mean between us?" He looked back up at Gary's face. "What are we?"
Gary's eyebrows were narrowed as he pondered how to answer this question. Jerry looked from Gary to his cup, and the two men sat in silence, both reliving the passionate night they had spent together that summer, before resuming their daily lives as if nothing that happened.
It had hurt Jerry more than he would ever acknowledge.
"Well... what do you want us to be?" Gary asked finally. Jerry could feel his eyes locked on him, watching him.
"I want us to be together," Jerry admitted. "But you're married. You have children. I don't want to be a home wrecker."
The two continued to sit in silence.
"Can I ask you something, Gary?" Jerry asked, running his spoon through his cup.
"If I can ask you something after." Gary responded. Jerry gave a small nod, confirming that Gary could ask him something. He took a deep, yet shaky breath.
"Are you happy with Beth?"
Gary thought for a few moments. "I am. But... I'm not complete with just Beth. I love her, but I don't think she's the one for me. Does that make sense?"
Jerry nodded, adjusting himself so that his hand would be holding his head up on the table.
"Now, Jerry... how do you feel about me?" Jerry's eyes suddenly flashed up, and he watched Jerry intently. He could feel his cheeks getting warmer with the question.
He wanted to respond, but he couldn't. How did he feel about Gary? He had never put much thought into it outside of just wanting being with him.
He loved the way Gary looked. He was a handsome man, with light brown curls that was always covered with his nightcap. He wasn't exactly muscular, nor was he thin-- in fact, the man had a bit of a beer belly, but it was something that Jerry appreciated about him. He was perfect in personality, always calm and there for someone, always a shoulder to lean on, but he was imperfect in looks. Jerry just wanted to run his hands through his hair like he did on that hot, summer night, and be held close like he once was.
He needed that in his life. But after that night, he had gone out and done the same thing with many other people, and it was never the same.
He needed Gary. He wanted Gary. He...
He loved Gary.
"Jerry?" The sound of his own name cut him out of his thoughts, and Jerry snapped back to reality. Gary's face was etched with concern, his left hand resting on the table, as he studied Jerry's face.
"Gary, I think..." Jerry began, before hesitating. Tonight, he would do something bold and brave, and he could only hope that his and Gary's relationship would survive through this. He slid a hand across the table, and rested it on top of Gary's pale hands. "I think I love you."
"You think?" Gary asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, I haven't loved anyone before, so I wouldn't know." Jerry admitted, letting out an awkward chuckle. He realized Gary's hands intertwining with his, and the man was smiling.
"Let's go," Gary said. Still holding hands, the two got up from the seats and exited the building. They sat next to each other in the back seats of the car, eyes locked passionately.
Their lips locked. It was a soft and gentle kiss, filled with love, but Jerry pulled away.
"Wait, Gary... I don't want to do this. Not when... Beth and you guys..." Jerry said breathily. Gary raised his eyebrows, confused for a second, before understanding what he meant.
"Jerry, Beth and I... we're considering spending some time apart."
"Is it my fault?"
"No, never. We just don't think we're right for each other." Gary answered quickly. "It's okay if you don't want to do this, but I'm just letting you know."
Jerry gave a quick nod, and looked out of the window. The dark blue sky was littered with stars, and the moon illuminated the night. Other than the sounds of crickets, nobody was in the area. It was now or never.
Jerry turned his head back to Gary, who gave a knowing smile. The two kissed, a small one at first, until their kissing became more passionate.
In the dark, night sky, Jerry leaned into the arms of his lover, a small smile on his face. He had never felt more complete.