Chapter Text
It started with furtive looks. Sometimes gleeful, but more often they seemed to be sympathetic. At first Hermione did not know what to make of the looks people would throw her way. She was puzzled, as she had the beginnings of a wonderful career at the Ministry of Magic. Sure it was all research, but she thrived in that environment.
She was also lucky on love, she was in a passionate relationship with Severus Snape. He had survived Nagini’s attack in the shrieking shack. Hermione, had been the one to lead the healers back to recover his body after the battle. Only to discover he was still alive, it was found that a stasis charm had been cast upon him. It slowed the progression of the venom in his blood stream and thus helped save his life. It was, however, never determined just who had cast the charm. There were several ‘suspects’ but none came forward.
Hermione would come see him everyday in his convalescence. Severus was resentful of Hermione's interference and would sit stonily while she was visiting or would become down right violent toward the healers. One day Hermione became irate with his stony silence and berated him.
"Damn it, Severus! don't you see that we are trying to help you? No! You just sit there like a bloody toddler not getting his way. Don't you see that there may be a reason you survived?! You sacrificed all those years to spy on Moldevort," Severus could not stop the quirk to his lips at Hermione's mispronounceation of the unlamented Dark Lord. "And for what, to quietly die and be forgotten? Why don't you grow a pair and actually take your life back. You are FREE, Severus, no longer beholden to anyone but yourself!" Hermione lambasted him for his stubbornness in sabotaging his recovery, tears running down her cheeks. He began to see that maybe she was right, he was free and he needed to take control of his own life.
From that day on Severus took an active part in his therapy and before too long had made a full recovery. The only souvenir he took with him were six small puncture marks from Nagini’s fangs, two for each strike she had made to his neck.
Once Severus made the conscience effort to heal they began to talk during Hermione’s daily visits. At first, it was purely academic discourse. Over time, however, more personal anecdotes peppered their conversations. It hit both of them by surprise when during a rather lively debate about the properties of willow bark compared to willow root in healing potions that Hermione leaned over and kissed him.
“I, uh I don’t know why I did that, Severus. I’m sorry,” Hermione stammered, blushing. Her hands still resting lightly on Severus’ shoulders.
“I know exactly why you kissed me. Come here, you silly girl,” Severus growled, grabbing her by the elbows and proceeded to snog her senseless.
After those first kisses, nothing else of an intimate nature happened at Severus’ insistence while she was attending Hogwarts to finish her seventh year. Severus being discharged from St. Mungo’s resumed his post as Professor of potions. He told Headmistress McGonagall that he would only remain in the post until a competent replacement could be found. Five years has passed since the final battle and no such replacement had been found to meet Severus’ exacting standards.
It was on Hermione’s Graduation day that she and Severus consummated their relationship. By that time, they were so high strung from wanting each other that when it finally happened it was explosive. There was no romantic candlelit dinner, or slow dancing to the wireless. After the commencement was completed Severus swept Hermione up into his arms and with an activate port key disappeared to parts unknown. They did not resurface for a week.
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It was decided that during the school year, Hermione would rent a small flat in Hogsmeade, so that she and Severus could spend time together. They would alternate nights spent in the flat and in Severus’ chambers at the school. Hermione would commute to the ministry, and conduct research for ongoing cases for the MLE. During the summer they would both live at Severus’ home in Spinner’s End. This arrangement worked for them and they were content, or so Hermione thought.
It was four years and some months into her relationship with Severus that she first noticed the glances and looks of sympathy, but Hermione paid them no mind she was used to getting attention due to her involvement in the war. And then she began to hear whispers and snippets of conversations that would abruptly cut off when others noticed she was near. Even those she brushed off, as petty jealousy and office gossip. No, it was the silence and distance she began to feel in her relationship with Severus that really piqued her suspsions.
It started out small, instead of the passionate kiss in greeting she was used to at the end of their busy days, Severus would pull away abruptly or just give her a slight peck on the lips and the times they would make love began to dwindle as well. There was a time that a night did not go by without one of the other initiating contact. Their passion for each other did not dwindle, until recently that was.
Their love making had been explosive in the beginning, so much so that they were both rendered near unconscious and shaking. Severus was a talker during sex. He would demand that Hermione tell him how he made her feel, the goal was to leave her a blubbering mess of coital satisfaction. Hermione would try her best to withhold her moans and cries as she knew it drove him wild. It was a game of sorts between them, and neither left the bed unsatisfied.
Now, it seemed as he was just going through the motions, not displaying the same passion to secure mutual pleasure. More often than not, it would be Hermione initiating their sexual congress, she was having a hard time even calling what they did lovemaking anymore. He no longer took the time to ensure Hermione’s climax. More often than not, he would reach completion and would turn away from her promptly falling asleep, leaving Hermione bereft. When she did say something to him about his efforts, he would bring her quickly to climax with his hands or mouth, only then to roll on top of her to get himself off, never engaging with her like he used to. She felt that she was just a convenient hole, a vessel for his seed.
Other things began to change as well. There were no more cuddled conversations about how their days had gone, no more quiet evenings with just them reading. He no longer wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks for dinner and a drink. Severus began to spend more nights at the school, not joining Hermione in her flat in Hogsmeade. When she would go to him at the school he would cloister himself in his lab for hours until she gave up and went to bed. She suspected that he did not join her, that he in fact slept on the sofa in his study. She tried to talk to him several times, to see why he was acting so distant, but he would just brush off her concerns saying that he was bogged down with essays, his school duties and private research.
Hermione wanted to take Severus at his word, not wanting to believe that her relationship was falling apart and having no idea on how to repair it.
It was an early Monday evening in April when Hermione found herself in the Three Broomsticks wanting a drink desperately, but knew she would not indulge. Alcohol never solved any problems, only created them. Due to the stress of her now tenuous relationship with Severus did not stop her from desiring loosing herself in an alcoholic stupor. She was surprised to see all of the professors there on a school night, all except that is, Severus. She walked over to the table where Headmistress McGonagall was sitting with Flitwick and Sprout.
“Hello, Professors.” She greeted them.
“Hermione, dear! How are you?” Minerva asked sipping on her gilly water, the other professors returning Hermione’s greeting.
“I am doing well, Minerva. But I am surprised to see all of you here. Severus said that everyone was bogged down with OWL’s and NEWT’s prep as well as other grading,” She said.
“Oh no, dear the prep for OWL’s and NEWT’s will not begin for another month. You mean that Severus is not at your flat?” Minerva asked surprised. “He said he was going to see you after dinner.”
“No, he is not, he said last weekend that he could not see me for the next week or so as he had so much work to do. Which is a little distressing as I have something I need to tell him. All of my efforts to contact him have been for naught. I know he has received my messages as Archimedes returned without them, but Severus has not replied,” Hermione said, a small ache in her gut began to grow. She pressed her hand to her lower stomach as if to sooth it.
“That is odd, he told me that he was going to ask you to accompany him to a potions seminar in Amsterdam. He said that there was someone who might actually meet all of his requirements in taking his place here at Hogwarts the next term. And he wanted you to go with him to help vet this person. He said nothing to you at all?” Minerva asked.
“Not a word since Saturday evening,” she replied the ache growing as suspicions began to connect in her mind, the sympathetic looks from random people. The quickly hushed conversations at the ministry and in Diagon Alley. Severus’ distance not only in the bedroom but in all aspects of their relationship. It was then that she noticed she did not get the same looks or interrupted conversations in Hogsmeade. Of course, if Severus were being secretive he would be carful to act the same as he did with everyone he dealt with on a regular basis.
“Well, my dear, Severus said that he would not be catching the port key until later tonight, I assumed that you would be with him. If you hurry you might be able to catch him in his chambers as he has not come to you. Though he has changed his password, but if he has not told you what it is yet I will. Come close.” Minerva said when Hermione shook her head indicating that she did not know what it was.
Hermione bent her ear close to Minerva and she whispered, “The password is: Violet dreams."
Hermione straightened, “Thank you, Minerva. I will see if I can catch him.” And she turned away from the table to make her way up to Hogwarts castle a fire burning in her eyes. Leaving Minerva with a feeling of dread.
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Hermione, made her way into Hogwarts and down the dungeon corridor to Severus’ chambers. She reached his private quarters and whispered the password Minerva had given her. The door unlocked with a quiet ‘snick’ sound. Hermione pushed open the door to Severus’s study. Vivaldi was playing quietly on the wireless and she could see a shadow moving in the bedroom. There was only one shadow and by the graceful way it moved she knew it was Severus. Hermione approached the bedroom door and it creaked slightly as she opened it wider.
“I am almost finished packing, my love,” Severus said not turning around.
“And just what are you packing for, Darling?” Hermione asked quietly.
Severus’ back stiffened and he whirled around to face her. “Hermione!” he exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”
“Apparently, I am to join you on a trip to Amsterdam in order to vet a potential replacement for your post here at Hogwarts. A trip I had no clue was to take place. And by your reaction, Severus, I am not the love you were expecting,” She replied. “Tell me, Severus. How long were you going to string me along? Who is your new love?” her eyes stinging with the beginnings of tears, but she refused to let them fall All of her suspicions falling into place.
Severus looked at her with wide eyes, his mind racing to come up with something to tell her. But he knew he could not continue to lie to her, and his shoulders slumped. “Lily Evans, formally Potter. We ran into each other at the Ministry about three months ago. Her divorce from James had just been finalized and I was going to submit my latest patent and take you out to lunch. We began to talk and before either of us realized it was late afternoon,” He said. “It was like we had never parted, we began to have lunch together and before I know it she was declaring her love for me and I for her.”
“This has been going one for three months? I remember that night, you came to my flat that night, we made love all night. It was the most beautiful night I had ever experienced. Now, I have to wonder if it was Lily you were actually making love to,” Hermione whispered.
“I’m sorry, Hermione. I never meant to hurt you. We just connected. I was trying to find a way to tell you, I thought if I distanced myself that it would make it easier,” Severus said seeing the sheen of unshed tears in her eyes. “I really can’t explain it. It was like we never parted acrimoniously, as it used to be when we were students. It started as two friends reconnecting after a long time apart and over time it grew into more.
“I told her about you, she was happy for us,” Hermione scoffed. Severus continued, “She said that she knew I would be able to love again even though it was believed she was dead. I still care for you, but I find that my feelings for Lily are stronger.”
“Indeed,” She said using one of his oft used rejoinders. “She was so happy for us that she managed to steal you away. Have you slept with her, Severus? And she already knew about us being in a relationship. Remember, I told you she and James Potter were at Harry’s birthday last July?”
“No, I don’t. She gave no indication that she knew of us when we met three months ago. And it is none of your business whether or not we have slept together.” Severus said indignantly. “I was going to reply to your last message and tell you everything.”
“None of my business?” Hermione snorted. “You, Severus Snape are my lover, my partner. How is it not my business?”
“Well, I-,“ But Hermione cut him off.
“So, you and Lily are going to Amsterdam and leave me none the wiser, and if I had not shown up tonight? You were just going to throw away what we have via owl post? I don’t even rate high enough for you to tell me face to face that you found a better love? You, Severus Snape are a coward to send me a ‘Dear Jane’ letter, and all for what? Avoid my becoming hysterical, my begging you to reconsider? Well, it looks like I saved you some parchment. I love you, Severus, you have broken my heart, but I refuse to let my broken heart, break me. I wish you joy.” She turned to leave him to his packing and his new love.
“Hermione, wait!” He exclaimed. She paused in the doorway to the corridor. “ I’m sorry. What will you do now?”
“A little late for apologies, and does it really matter, Severus? You needn’t to worry, we will be fine,” Hermione turned and walked out of Severus’ chamber back stiff and tears still refusing to fall.