Chapter Text
Namjoon had met Jungkook at university through mutual friends, and had a strange connection at first. Their friendship and mutual respect for one another was unspoken, and could easily hang out or study together in silence without feeling uncomfortable with one another. Namjoon thought that Jungkook was wonderful. His smile would knock the air out of Namjoon's lungs, and his laugh made Namjoon want to store the sound in his brain forever so he could hear Jungkook's happiness on loop forever. Realistically, they didn't speak a lot, but would rather just spend time in each other's presence often, and maybe that shouldn't have been enough for Namjoon to fall for Jungkook. But Namjoon had never felt so comfortable and understood before, and he thought that he was coming to terms with the fact that he perhaps, maybe, probably, likes Jungkook as more than just a friend.
Until.
Until the night where they let things get a little messy. They've known each other for well over a year at this point, and their shared friend group are all piled into Jungkook and Jimin's tiny apartment playing drinking games.
Until they're so drunk that they've given up trying to be mature, so they decide to play spin the bottle.
Until the bottle lands facing Jungkook, and Taehyung dares Jungkook to kiss Namjoon.
Until Namjoon and Jungkook lock eyes, and in that moment, Namjoon feels the most sober he's ever felt in his entire life. Jungkook's eyes are shy as he stands and walks towards Namjoon, both avoiding eye contact with one another. Namjoon feels like there's nothing else that currently exists on this planet bar him and Jungkook right now as he stands and is met with Jungkook standing far closer than he thought.
Spin the bottle kisses don't go like this. They don't start with Jungkook cupping Namjoon's cheeks softly, a little hesitant as their eyes are locked on one another, until they're not, and their lips are softly connected. Jungkook's lips are soft against Namjoon's, and he's not ready to open his eyes when he hears the jeering from their friends makes Jungkook pull away. Namjoon slides his hands out from where his fingers were tangled in Jungkook's hair and sits back down, watching Jungkook walking back across the circle. Both of them are silent as their friends continue shouting and jeering at them.
Spin the bottle kisses between friends don't end with Namjoon and Jungkook somehow being the only two left in Jungkook's apartment at the end of the night. Yoongi, Seokjin and Hoseok disappeared at some point throughout the evening back to their shared apartment, and Jimin offers to walk Taehyung home to the apartment that Namjoon shares with him. They don't end with Namjoon and Jungkook passionately making out on the couch, or with them half naked in Jungkook's bed, grinding against each other and desperately panting each other's names until they came.
But that's how this one does.
Namjoon and Jungkook's friendship changed after this. The awkward silence that they previously owned, was actually now awkward, and the way they dealt with it? By not talking about it.
Hanging out with Jungkook became weird for Namjoon, because it always felt like Jungkook looked like he had something to say to Namjoon, that there was something on the tip of his tongue, but he would never say it, and neither did Namjoon, and that's how it was between the two of them. Jungkook slowly drifted, stopped hanging out with their mutual friends as much, and Namjoon began blaming himself.
After the fifth time that Jungkook doesn't show up, Namjoon can't sit in silence any longer, because everyone seems far too normal about the situation. "Where is Jungkook? Is he okay?"
Hoseok looks confused, "You didn't know? He's just been hanging out with Jinyoung lately. They're dating now."
Of course. Namjoon obviously didn't know, and had no idea, because even though Namjoon and Jungkook's texting relationship before was sparse, they used to at least meet up in person. Now Jungkook doesn't hang out with Namjoon or text him at all, and Namjoon can't help but think that Jungkook knows that Namjoon likes him and doesn't feel the same, so he feels bad. He doesn't want to lead Namjoon on any longer. Fine.
Namjoon dwells on this for a while, and can't help but think about how good Jinyoung is. Jinyoung is tall, has a sharp and handsome face. He's passionate, a little quiet, but shares interests with Jungkook. It kind of seems like they're a little too perfect for one another, and Namjoon hates it. He hates it so much, because Jinyoung is buff and Namjoon isn't. Jinyoung can sing beautifully and Namjoon can't. Jungkook loves the gym and has a beautiful voice himself, and Namjoon just knows how perfect they probably are together. He accepts that he's not enough for Jungkook, so he does his best to shove all of his feelings to the back of his mind and move on.
This is Jungkook letting Namjoon know that that night had meant nothing. He knows now.
So, Namjoon tries to get out there, too.
He dates casually, but never gets past the second date with most people. He just never feels connected, and doesn't feel emotionally or mentally available to bother wasting time with someone just for the sake of feeling loved. As much as he feels like he really wants to get over Jungkook, the idea of potentially stringing another person along for his own selfish reasons makes Namjoon feel a little queasy, because this usually plagues his mind as he's sitting across from one of his dates at dinner.
He gives up on dating after a little while.
It's a year later that they all graduate, and Namjoon's still single. Jinyoung and Jungkook are still very much in love, and they move in together after graduation. Namjoon moves in with Jimin and Taehyung, because as much as Namjoon thinks Jimin and Taehyung are unbearably suffocating with their soulmate connection, the thought of being alone is far more unbearable.
Jungkook seems to keep in touch with everyone except him. He'd always overhear Jimin or Taehyung discussing what Jungkook had texted them about, or their friend group casually talking about Jinyoung's new acting role he's bagged, and how excited Jungkook is about it. Namjoon keeps silent, because clearly they don't know how much of a strain that night put on Namjoon and Jungkook's relationship. They probably don't understand that there's a reason for them to not keep in touch. Not that Namjoon really knows what it is, either.
Namjoon realises that he needs to find something. He's been feeling demotivated, and at the age of twenty three, he feels like he's having a midlife crisis. He feels stuck, and hasn't found what will make him feel like he's doing something with his life. The thing is, that Namjoon doesn't necessarily care about being single. He just can't stand another day behind the counter at a local coffee shop, hoping that Jungkook will walk through the door he stares holes into.
Namjoon often daydreams that Jungkook will walk in, that he'll walk in and will truly remember him. That Jungkook will remember the night that they shared together, and how many unspoken words there were, and how it shouldn't have been left like it was between them.
But it was, and Jungkook never walks through the door.
Over the next year, Namjoon takes some time. He makes changes in his life, gets a job working as a partnerships manager at a marketing firm, and saves up to move into his own place. He feels like he's really moving for the first time in a while and is finally becoming his own person. He feels happy, and it doesn't stop there; he meets Jaebeom through mutual work friends and they hit it off. Both of them produce music in their spare time, and through unspoken words, because Namjoon's never really been good at the spoken ones, their hangouts turn into dates. They drink wine together in Namjoon's apartment and they have, what Namjoon feels, is a relatively healthy and grown up relationship. They communicate well, but also live their own lives and take it slow. Namjoon likes it a lot. He feels comfortable.
Their shared friend group from university don't meet up as often as they should, but Jungkook begins attending again. Jungkook brings Jinyoung along, and Namjoon brings Jaebeom. Namjoon feels comfortable and proud next to Jaebeom, being able to introduce him as his first serious boyfriend. Jaebeom hits him on the arm for that comment, and Namjoon thinks he seeks a spark of hurt flash across Jungkook's eyes when the word 'boyfriend' leaves Namjoon's mouth, but he thinks he's looking for something that isn't there. It feels a little weird and inappropriate to be thinking about this with Jaebeom next to him, and sitting opposite Jungkook for the first time in years, so Namjoon shrugs it off, thinking it's just Namjoon holding onto something he never should've held onto in the first place.
Something about Jungkook coming back influences them all to meet up far more frequently than they did before, and now they're meeting up at least twice a month. Tonight, they all decide on hotpot. Both Jinyoung and Jaebeom are missing, so it's just their original group of friends sitting around the table and bickering about whether to go to karaoke after they eat. Jimin and Jungkook fight for karaoke, and Taehyung, Seokjin and Hoseok try to argue for clubbing instead. Namjoon and Yoongi sit silently, giving each other a knowing look, and knowing they'll just go along with whatever's decided.
Namjoon isn't sure how, but Jimin and Jungkook win, and he assumes that it's their power of being the youngest out of the group, but mostly their cuteness, which is undeniable. They're each so awfully and dangerously cute when they want something, the idea of them using the charm as a team is probably how they managed to win 2v3. That's why they end up walking in the freezing cold to the closest karaoke bar after they've paid for their food. Namjoon notices that Jungkook's trailing a bit behind the others, so he slows down to keep him company.
"Is Jinyoung not here?" Namjoon attempts to spark a conversation; their first one on one conversation in years.
Jungkook's face lights up just at the mention of his boyfriend. "He had an audition today, he called me earlier and let me know that it went really well. His parents picked him up afterwards to take him to eat, but I'm sure he'll get the part. He's really talented."
Namjoon can't help but smile at the way that Jungkook speaks about him with such fondness. It's cute. "Oh, well, please pass on my congratulations to him. Hopefully this is an early celebration, right?"
"Yeah, hopefully." Jungkook giggles, "What about you? Where's Jaebeom hyung?"
"I'm not sure if Jinyoung has mentioned before, but Jaebeom makes music with a few of his friends. They've booked time in the studio tonight." Namjoon replies, feeling a little silly at how his cheeks begin heating up just by speaking about his boyfriend.
"It's a shame that neither of them could come, but I'm really glad that we've had the chance to speak again, Namjoon hyung." Jungkook smiles so wide that his eyes crease and Namjoon can't help but think that that smile could get him anything he wanted.
Namjoon smiles back at him, taking a moment for the situation to truly settle in. He feels warmth spread across his body as he looks at the happiness plastered all over Jungkook's face. He's so happy that Jungkook's happy, and he's happy that he, himself, is happy,too. For the longest time, Namjoon had really thought and hoped that it would be them together. Now, though, Namjoon realises that both of them have found a different kind of happiness elsewhere, and he doesn't need to hold onto that one night in a dorm room at university. They'd both grown up and moved on, and Namjoon really doesn't want to change that for the world.
Both of them divert their attention from each other as they hear a commotion from the boys in front, yelling at them to catch up. Jimin begins whining about the cold and Taehyung rubs his hands along Jimin's arms to warm him up. Seokjin and Yoongi walk straight into the bar, not bothering to wait for them to catch up, and Hoseok awkwardly bounces from one foot to another, clearly feeling cold but being too polite to go inside and leave them.
Jungkook chuckles, shouting towards Hoseok, "Just go inside! We'll be just a second!" Before turning to Namjoon with a shit-eating grin on his face, "Race ya, hyung."
Jungkook began running before Namjoon could process what was happening, and Namjoon curses Jungkook for being a cheeky brat before chasing after him. He gives up before managing to reach Jungkook who was triumphantly waiting at the doors to the bar. In Namjoon's defense, not only does he lack stamina, it's also freezing and his lungs are burning.
"When it's cold, it's harder to run." Namjoon pants, holding himself up against the doorframe of the bar.
"Hyung, that's a pathetic excuse. Jinyoungie and I can train you at the gym if you let us." Jungkook laughs as they walk through the doors into the warmth.
"Honestly? Thank you for the offer, but I'd rather die on my own terms. Both of you would kill me." Namjoon chuckles, feeling thankful that Jaebeom isn't so interested in working out that he'd drag Namjoon along.
"Suit yourself." Jungkook pouts, both of them reaching the others who were at the desk booking the room.
"Ten bottles of soju enough? We can order more once we're in the room." Seokjin states offhandedly, the bottles already ordered. Namjoon and Jungkook look at each other and hold back laughter.
"This'll be fun." Jungkook whispers to Namjoon, who wordlessly nods his head in despair, awaiting the shitshow they'll be having to deal with.
But in the grand scheme of things, the night's pretty tame compared to other nights they'd shared in the past with copious amounts of alcohol. Perhaps it was the fact that they've learned how to handle their drink over the years, or that they weren't using alcohol as a coping mechanism for the stress that university had always brought them. The most important thing was that they didn't get kicked out, because, somehow, even in a soundproof room, they usually managed to make enough noise to be ejected from karaoke bars. This was a first for them, and Namjoon's pleasantly surprised at how much has changed.
They all take turns to sing, Namjoon never really enjoying singing in the first place, especially the attention that comes with singing in front of others. Instead, he chooses to sit with Yoongi off to the side, cradling the bottles of soju and laughing at the others making fools of themselves as they dance and sing their hearts out, their enthusiasm starting at 100 percent even before there was a drop of soju in their systems.
As it draws closer to the end of the night, and Seokjin and Jungkook have finished their duet, Taehyung and Jimin step up to try and out-do them. What actually happens though, is more of a weird, sultry, love-song ballad being drunkenly slurred down the microphone as Jimin and Taehyung grind against each other. Hoseok turns to Yoongi and Namjoon in the corner of the room and gags, the entire room bar the singers erupting into giggles. If Namjoon's honest, watching Jimin and Taehyung is a little uncomfortable, and he can sense that Jungkook is feeling the same.
He slides himself closer to Jungkook, who's fiddling with an empty soju bottle and ripping the label off and trying to look anywhere but Taehyung and Jimin almost getting it on in the middle of the room.
"Hey," Namjoon says, "How are you getting home? Would you want to share a taxi? I'm sure the others will make their own ways home, but I guess both of us will have to go alone. Do you want to split?"
Jungkook smiles, putting down the bottle and picking up his phone. "Sure, wait. Hold on." He opens the map app and zooms in, "I live here. How far is this from you?"
Namjoon leans over, "Ah, I live just between here and yours. Is that alright? Just wanna make sure that you get home safe." Jungkook nods back.
Jimin and Taehyung's song fades out, and Namjoon gets up to begin arranging their bottles in a pile to be cleaned, "Jungkook and I are going to head off now, we're splitting a taxi." He announces. Seokjin nods, getting out his phone and begins ordering a taxi for the others.
"Jiminie, Taehyungie, do you need us to order you a taxi?" Hoseok asks as Jimin and Taehyung sit down on the benches, a little out of breath but in their own world as they snuggle against each other.
Jimin pouts, it finally hitting him how much he and Taehyung had let themselves go tonight, "Yes please, hyung. I'm sorry."
They all collectively chuckle, "Be quiet, you're both young. Enjoy it while you can. we'll make sure you both get home safely, yeah?" Yoongi smiles at Jimin reassuringly, and Jimin's pout turns into a big smile.
"Thank you guys, I've missed you so much." Jimin mumbles.
"Right, before this gets too soppy, quickly check where our taxi is, Jungkook." Namjoon jokes, nudging Jungkook's shoulder who bursts into laughter.
"Shut up, you." Seokjin slaps Namjoon's arm and smiles fondly down at him. It's been a while since they've all been together, or had really meant it when they've said they've missed each other like this. Namjoon knows that their friendship will never be the same as it was before, they'd spend almost every waking moment together and had lived with each other. Being an adult sucks, Namjoon thinks, it's always bittersweet remembering the times they spent together.
"Hyung, our taxi's outside." Jungkook gets up and starts putting his coat on.
"Hold the fuck on, didn't we order our taxi before yours?" Seokjin yells, opening the app on his phone.
"Stop complaining and say goodbye to us like the good hyung you are." Namjoon teases, and begins giving everyone around the room a half hug before grabbing his coat and following Jungkook out of the bar.
The taxi ride is short, and Namjoon and Jungkook chat aimlessly about both of their apartments and the areas surrounding them. It's little pieces of information like this that Namjoon likes to try and piece together to work out who the new Jungkook is, and what's changed since they stopped speaking. There's a lot to catch up on, but Namjoon's thankful that Jungkook feels comfortable enough to be talking with Namjoon like this. Like a close friend.
As soon as Namjoon realises they're getting close to his apartment, he makes sure to exchange numbers with Jungkook, asking him to text him as soon as he's home so Namjoon knows he's safe.
Namjoon feels a little fuzzy as he lies in bed that night, even without having Jaebeom to snuggle with. His phone buzzes, and it's a new number. Jungkook texted him to let him know that he's home safe, and there's another message saying that he wants to make sure they do that again sometime soon. Namjoon sends back a smiley emoji and wishes Jungkook a goodnight, navigating to Jaebeom's text conversation to let him know that he's home safely and that he's missed him.
Namjoon often begins self-reflecting when he's had a drink, and he can't help but think about how happy he is right now. He has an apartment, a stable job, Jaebeom, and his old friend group back together. And Jungkook. He has Jungkook back after so long thinking that he might not ever have him as a friend again.
It's a few weeks later when Namjoon receives a text from Jungkook while he's at work. He's been feeling a little shitty, his manager had just piled an extra workload onto him because his colleagues are slacking. Now Namjoon has to somehow fit more clients into his already packed schedule than he usually has, and he feels like he doesn't know if there's going to be an end. So when Namjoon's phone lights up, he breathes a sigh of relief because it's not his work phone for once.
JK
Hyung!!!!! Jinyoungie and I were talking and he wanted to know if you and Jaebeom hyung wanted to go out to eat!
Maybe a double date? Hehe 💛
He smiles down at his phone and can't stop thinking about how cute Jungkook is, even through text.
Namjoon
Ohhh, cute!
I'll text JB and let you know (◠‿◠✿)
He knows he's smiling like an idiot as he texts Jaebeom asking if he's interested, and Jaebeom responds almost instantly with a thumbs up and lots of excited emojis. Namjoon has never been on a double date before, and he's excited that he has the opportunity to get to know a little more about Jungkook and Jinyoung, and also giving Jungkook the opportunity to get to know Jaebeom better too.
Namjoon
It's a yes from the both of us! ＼（＾○＾）人（＾○＾）／
Let us know when you're both free!
Jungkook texts back almost instantly, and they both begin planning around their schedules with lots of smiley emojis. Namjoon almost feels a little silly over how giddy the entire idea of going on a double date makes him, but it raises his spirits enough to get through the day, even giving him the energy to bother staying a little later at work than he usually would, desperate to get through his extra workload.
Over the next week, they manage to finalise the details and plan an evening that works for all four of them to go and eat. Namjoon tells Jungkook that he can choose whichever restaurant he wants, and Jungkook replies letting him know that he's eliminated all seafood restaurants. Namjoon chuckles when he sees this, showing Jaebeom his phone and struggling to believe that Jungkook has remembered anything like this about Namjoon after all these years.
Jaebeom looks up from Namjoons phone and is impressed, "I think it's safe to say he's a good boy. I'm glad Jinyoung has someone like him." Namjoon smiles and nods in agreement. Namjoon's glad, too.
"How do I look? Do I look okay? Should I change the earring?" Jaebeom worries, turning around from looking at himself in the mirror to face Namjoon who is already admiring him from behind as he sits on the bed. He takes a moment to drink Jaebeom in; Jaebeom's wearing skinny black jeans with a white shirt tucked in that's a little tight against his toned chest, a leather jacket finishing the look.
Namjoon shakes his head in disbelief, "You can't go out like that."
Jaebeom pouts, "What? What's up? Do I look bad?"
"You're far too attractive for anyone else to be looking at you." Namjoon says, getting up and hovering his hands in defense over Jaebeom's body as if to cover him up. Jaebeom smiles shyly, jokingly swatting Namjoon's hands away. "Seriously, though, you look great, baby." Namjoon plants a soft kiss on Jaebeom's forehead.
"You're the one that I should be hiding, you look amazing." Jaebeom responds, turning himself back around to face the mirror and pulling Namjoon against him, wrapping his hands around his waist. "Look."
And Namjoon looks. He looks at both of them standing next to each other, Namjoon himself wearing a pair of slacks with a floral shirt tucked in. There's a stark contrast between the two, he looks a lot brighter than Jaebeom's vibe. They look good together, though, he thinks, even if they look like they're two completely separate people. Well, they are two separate people, and Namjoon wouldn't want to change that in a million years.
"Come on, we better get going. I'll drive." Namjoon smiles, slapping Jaebeom on the ass and fleeing the room before Jaebeom has time to retaliate.
When they arrive at the restaurant, Jinyoung and Jungkook are already seated, and Jungkook spots them first, eagerly waving them over after they walk through the door. Namjoon places his hand on Jaebeom's back and leads them through the restaurant, bowing at both Jinyoung and Jungkook before sitting down.
"Hey!" Jungkook smiles, "It's really good to see you both, this is long overdue."
Namjoon returns Jungkook's smile, "Definitely."
"Yeah, thank you for the invite." Jaebeom says, opening the menu to begin reading, "I've never been here before."
"Ah, it's amazing." Jinyoung muses, "It's one of my favourite restaurants, and Kook mentioned how you don't like seafood, Namjoon. I thought this would be perfect for all of us."
Namjoon looks up from the menu to see Jinyoung smiling at him, and he nods towards him as a thank you. He feels warm knowing that Jungkook has Jinyoung to take care of him. From what he knows of Jinyoung, he's polite and thoughtful. He ensures that everybody is involved in conversations whenever they're together, and always carries himself well. He looks at the couple in front of him and smiles.
"Hyung," Jungkook says, directing his attention towards Namjoon, "I think you're going to love the japchae here."
Namjoon's flustered under the attention that Jungkook is drawing to him, because now the entire table is looking at Namjoon. "Well, I can't turn down your recommendation now, Jungkook. Thank you."
They all order and small talk amongst one another, before Jinyoung turns to Jaebeom and asks, "How's the music coming along?"
Jaebeom blushes, "It's going really well, thank you. Namjoon has been helping me with it and has been adding some really nice touches that I probably wouldn't have thought about myself. We're a good team." Jinyoung and Jungkook beam at that comment, and Jungkook nods a little to himself in agreement.
“That’s so good to hear. I’d love to pop in the studio when all the guys are there next time, is that alright with you?” Jinyoung asks.
Jaebeom nods. “Of course. I’d love to get your vocals on one of my projects if you’re interested, text me whenever you’re around and I’ll let you know. It’s always nice to have outside opinions on things, too.”
“Have you been working on any of your own music, hyung?” Jungkook turns to Namjoon.
“Ah, I’ve been working a lot with Jaebeom. But sometimes I find time to have a little play around. We were actually thinking of setting up a little studio in the spare bedroom of my apartment.” Namjoon says, looking at Jaebeom who nods in agreement.
“Yeah, that’ll be fun to build. As soon as we get the stuff together we’ll probably start working on it. It’ll be awesome, Namjoon’s so talented.”
Jungkook nods again, “That’s so awesome. Can I see it when it’s finished?”
“Sure! We should have you guys round to my apartment next time. Jaebeom will cook. You won’t want to eat anything I create.” Namjoon says, the table laughing along.
“That sounds like a good plan. I’m sure we can host after that. Perhaps dinner dates will be a regular thing we can do together.” Jinyoung responds.
“Sounds awesome.” Jungkook says, clapping his hands as soon as he realises their food's about to be served. “I’m so hungry.”
As they eat, their conversation flows naturally, and Jinyoung begins to tell the story of his and Jungkook’s first date. The topic intrigues Namjoon but also makes his stomach turn in a weird way thinking back to this time in his life.
“Jungkook offered to walk me home,” Jinyoung laughs, “but as soon as we got to my doorstep, he admitted that he was too scared to walk home alone.”
“Did you walk him home?” Namjoon says fondly as he eyes Jungkook whose face is bright red.
“I did, and then I walked back home alone. He texted me and apologised, and said he understood if I didn’t want to ever see him again. So I asked him out again.”
Jungkook looks mortified, covering his face with his hands.
"Oh bless you, Jungkook." Namjoon smiles, watching Jinyoung pull Jungkook's hands away from his face. Namjoon turns to see Jaebeom smiling in their direction, endeared by the both of them.
"They're so sweet." Jaebeom muses from the passenger seat.
Namjoon smiles, "Yeah, they are. I'm really happy for the both of them. What did you think of the idea of us inviting them to the apartment?"
"Of course, Joon. It's your apartment, and we've never really had the opportunity to host. I'd never been on a double date before, but trying things out is fun, especially if it's with you." Jaebeom places his hand over Namjoon's on the gearstick. Namjoon feels his heart flutter, wondering how on earth he managed to get this lucky, wondering whether he ever thought he could be this happy. Does he deserve this happiness?
"I'll do anything with you." Namjoon breathes, ensuring to keep his eyes on the road, but letting the butterflies do their little dance inside of his stomach. "I love you." Namjoon whispers.
"I love you too." Jaebeom responds, Namjoon hearing the smile on his lips as he speaks.
Over the next couple of weeks, Jaebeom and Namjoon spend their free time setting up the studio. There's a couple of evenings where Jaebeom comes over after Namjoon has finished work and Namjoon loves the extra nights he gets to spend with Jaebeom as he does what he loves. He's happy.
They begin their work in the spare room of Namjoon's apartment. It already has a bed and a wardrobe in that Namjoon wants to keep as he wants it there in case he has friends staying over. They plan out how they want it to look and it takes them just a few hours one evening to build Namjoon's desk. They install acoustic absorption panels around the room and carefully position the equipment that Namjoon has collected over the years on the desk; his PC, audio monitors, his audio interface and a MIDI keyboard. Namjoon knows that he doesn't have the most extensive studio setup, but as him and Jaebeom stand in the room and admire their hard work, Namjoon is proud of how it looks and is excited to start writing music again.
It doesn't take long for Namjoon to begin spending all of his free time in his studio, looking through his old notebooks from years ago and reliving his pain through his lyrics that were scattered aimlessly throughout the pages. There was a certain anger that Namjoon had when he was younger, and it was extremely evident in how he used to write. Comparing this to how he writes about his life now, Namjoon feels like he's grown and matured a lot. And sure, Namjoon really did feel angry towards the world and had a reason. Now, he's finding that he's writing more about how to deal with that anger and how to get through the days as they come.
Namjoon doesn't think he'll ever release this music anywhere, probably not even just uploading to Soundcloud like Jaebeom does. For now, this music is just for him, and he finds it a healing and relaxing hobby that he enjoys sharing with his significant other. Jaebeom doesn't try to push when he asks if Namjoon would ever want to upload it anywhere and Namjoon says no. It's something he loves about Jaebeom, he's patient and understanding when it comes to Namjoon, and he feels thankful to have this kind of positive anchor keeping his feet on the ground.
Jungkook and Namjoon continue inviting each other on double dates, and they even visit Jungkook and Jinyoung's apartment one evening. Their apartment is much nicer than Namjoon's, and he feels a little self conscious at the concept of inviting them to his apartment after visiting theirs. It's understandable, Jinyoung is an up and coming actor, and Namjoon shouldn't really try and compare himself to other people and the way they live. Especially because Jinyoung and Jungkook are super humble about everything, Jungkook choosing to work part time as a personal trainer in the entertainment industry and volunteering at the local community centre by teaching dance classes. After every double date, Namjoon and Jaebeom always leave and have a conversation about how good for each other they are. Namjoon hopes deep down that people think that about him and Jaebeom, too.
As the months go by, Namjoon is content with how things are going. The last time he'd seen Jungkook was a couple of months ago, though, and he can't help but remember that he hasn't checked up on Jungkook as much as he should've when he's awoken at 3am by a call, his phone screen glowing and he can barely make out Jungkook's name on his caller ID.
It's a weekend that he's spending with Jaebeom, and they're at his apartment. He whispers an apology and plants a kiss on the side of a half asleep Jaebeom's head before picking up his phone and darting into the hallway of his apartment.
"Jungkook-ah?" Namjoon half-whispers as he picks up the call, "Is everything okay?"
There's a silence on the other end, and it takes a couple of beats before Jungkook replies, "No." It sounds like he's been crying, and Namjoon doesn't want to press.
"Where are you?" Namjoon asks, "Do you need me to come and pick you up?"
"I'm at my apartment right now. Jinyoung and I are over."
"Oh." Namjoon replies, feeling like he's probably the worst person that Jungkook could've called in this moment.
"I don't know why I called you, I'm sorry." Jungkook says timidly, as if he was reading Namjoon's mind.
"You're fine. You know I'll always be here for you." Namjoon offers, cringing at himself.
"..Yeah." Jungkook squeaks, sniffing and sounding like he's on the verge of tears.
"Do you need me to come and pick you up?" Namjoon repeats.
"Is that okay?"
"Don't be silly. I'm getting my shoes on this second." Namjoon says, already walking towards his bedroom.
"Okay," Jungkook whispers, "Thank you." He hangs up.
Namjoon sits on the side of his bed, "Babe, I need to get Jungkook. I think something happened between him and Jinyoung."
"Shit," Jaebeom croaks, "I hope he's okay."
"Me too. You're fine with him staying in the guest bedroom, yeah? I'm sorry this is happening on our weekend together." Namjoon whispers, carding his fingers through Jaebeom's hair.
"Joon-ah, don't be silly. Go get him, he needs you right now."
"Thank you, babe. I love you, get some sleep." He plants another kiss on Jaebeom's cheek before darting out of his bedroom and slipping on the first pair of shoes that he sees. The fact he's still wearing his Ryan pyjamas doesn't cross his mind until he's already in his car, but it's too late to care, and hopefully it'll make Jungkook smile.
Namjoon pulls up to Jinyoung and Jungkook's apartment, spotting that Jungkook is already standing on the pavement outside of their complex with his backpack on. Namjoon gets out of the car quickly, walking towards Jungkook and offering to take his backpack. Jungkook nods, Namjoon seeing how red and bloodshot his eyes are from crying, and he looks exhausted. Namjoon gestures for Jungkook to get in the passengers' side and puts his backpack in the boot.
"Do you want to talk?" Namjoon asks, closing the drivers' side door and starting the engine.
Jungkook's eyes are trained to his hands in his lap, "No. I'm not ready."
"Okay." Namjoon breathes, the entire ride back to his apartment silent.
On their way up to Namjoon's apartment, he spots Jungkook grin slightly as he takes in Namjoon's pyjamas, and it makes Namjoon feel a little relieved that he's managed to help Jungkook smile in some way, as he doesn't think he's going to be able to manage cheering Jungkook up in any other way.
"Wow," Jungkook huffs a breath of air as they walk into Namjoon's apartment.
"What's up?" Namjoon replies, "Jaebeom's here, by the way. He's asleep."
Jungkook nods and smiles politely, still standing awkwardly in Namjoon's doorway. "Your apartment is really nice." He whispers.
Namjoon smiles, guiding Jungkook to the living room to sit on the couch and gesturing for him to sit down. "Would you like a drink?"
Jungkook looks up at Namjoon from the couch and Namjoon can't help but think about how small he looks like this. Jungkook looks vulnerable and visibly uncomfortable, probably not wanting to be here at all. "Can I...Do you have hot chocolate?"
Namjoon smiles fondly and nods in response, “Of course, I’ll be right back.”
As Namjoon is warming up milk for the drink, he has a look in the cupboards to find if he has any marshmallows, and grabs the whipped cream from the fridge. He’s lost in his thoughts as he pours the drink, adding the cream and carefully placing marshmallows on top as he tries to think of conversation topics and comforting words he can use if Jungkook begins crying. Namjoon kind of sucks in these situations, but he’s going to try his best.
He brings Jungkook’s hot chocolate back into the living room to find Jungkook on his couch completely spaced out. This isn’t an irregular thing for Jungkook, he’s constantly in his own mind somewhere, no one ever really knowing what he’s thinking about. However, now isn’t really the time that Jungkook should be left alone with his thoughts, and Namjoon hesitates as he notices that Jungkook’s eyes are brimming with tears, and he feels like he’s intruding by pulling Jungkook from his thoughts.
“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon whispers, placing the mug on the coffee table and bringing Jungkook back to consciousness.
“Oh, wow. I’m sorry.” Jungkook shakes his head and stares at the mug on the coffee table. “Oh! Thank you.” He chuckles.
“I used to be a barista,” Namjoon waves him off, “it’s nothing.” Namjoon sits down next to Jungkook and realises he’s hit his limit of conversational topics. Jungkook leans forward to retrieve the mug and takes a sip.
“This is delicious, thank you.” He hums.
“Stop thanking me.” Namjoon tries to hold back laughter as he turns to spot that Jungkook has given himself a cream moustache after moving the mug away from his lips. “I told you, it’s nothing. You have, uhh..” He points at Jungkook’s upper lip and Jungkook smiles back, swiftly bringing his free hand to his mouth to cover it, his cheeks dusting red.
“God, I’m tragic.” Jungkook laughs self-deprecatingly, far more seriously than usual.
And Namjoon doesn’t know what to say. Jungkook means so much more than just having a silly whipped cream moustache on his upper lip as he’s sitting on Namjoon’s couch after breaking up with his boyfriend.
“I...I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to.” Namjoon tries, not really knowing how to reassure or comfort Jungkook. “Honestly, you’re more than welcome to just go and crash in the spare room for tonight if you want.”
“Thank you,” Jungkook whispers, his eyes trained on the remnants of the whipped cream left in the bottom of the mug, “I just... I don’t really wanna be alone right now. Is that okay?”
“Of course. I’m here.”
Namjoon has really missed Jungkook, if he’s honest. This is a really bad time for Jungkook, and it’s extremely awkward for the both of them. Namjoon doesn’t really know why Jungkook chose him to call, but he wants to ensure that he doesn’t regret choosing Namjoon as the contact he chose to dial. Although it’s been years since they’d spent any alone time together, Namjoon kind of hates that it’s come to this for them to have time alone together. He knows he’s being selfish, but he hopes that moving forward, him and Jungkook manage to reconnect as close friends again. He missed the Jungkook that he knew back in uni, and things were definitely a lot different back then, Namjoon really isn’t interested in Jungkook in the way he was back then. He will admit that he has a love for Jungkook that’s always ached in his heart, but it’s not a romantic love, Namjoon has come to accept.
“He told me I was a stupid kid.” Jungkook whispers, breaking the silence between them and Namjoon turns his attention to him, waiting to see if he’ll continue talking. Jungkook’s eyes don’t move from the mug as he carries on. “I was holding him back, and I knew it. I knew I was, and I always told him I was. He was always so ambitious, you know? He used to tell me not to be silly, even though I’d always begged him to admit it. The only time he’d ever admitted it was earlier, when he was throwing it back in my face and telling me that, yeah, I was holding him back.” Jungkook begins silently crying. “When I asked him why it suddenly mattered, why he lied before and would always deny it, he told me that I was being immature and stupid, and that he was lying so I’d stay until he found someone better. I guess that means he did.”
Namjoon is shocked, not knowing what to say. He feels selfish for wanting to cry on Jungkook’s behalf, another half of him wanting to drive back to Jinyoung’s place and beat the shit out of him. Displaying this kind of anger in front of Jungkook is useless though, and he’s trying to figure out the right way to react to this, as this was definitely the last scenario of break-up he’d thought Jungkook and Jinyoung would have.
“I hope you know that he’s full of shit." Namjoon replies, placing a hand on Jungkook’s back, “I don’t find it necessary to curse him out or whatever, he’ll get his karma. But, I’m just begging that you don’t believe a word he’s said to you. He was selfish and he wanted you to leave, so he tore you down. I can’t let you believe what he’s said. He’s been juggling both your relationship and his career for years now, so there’s no fucking excuse. He’s guilty, and he’s piling the blame on you.” Namjoon says, trying to not let his anger get the best of him.
Jungkook’s tears don’t stop running, and he nods lightly. “I know. It’s just. So fucking weird to experience. Someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with, completely turning within a week and basically telling you you’re bad for them. I just. I should’ve known something was wrong. He started going to bed without kissing me goodnight about a week ago, but I don’t know. It just didn’t cross my mind that he’d turn it all back on me. It’s hard not to blame myself.”
“It just shows his true colours. If he didn’t feel the same anymore, there are a million different ways to tell you. But instead, he chose to blame you and make you think it was your fault. You are an amazing person, and he isn’t, Jungkook. You left without trying to make things difficult, and you’re handling this a million times better than I would. You’re so strong, and you probably don’t believe me, but you are far too good for him.” Namjoon says, carefully rubbing Jungkook’s back as he cries. Namjoon knows that Jungkook probably isn’t really listening, or probably doesn’t agree with what he’s saying. Jinyoung has broken Jungkook down and used his insecurities as a weapon against him, and wounds inflicted like these take far too long to heal. Namjoon continues, “You’re allowed to feel hurt and broken right now, and I promise I’ll be here for you whenever you need me.”
Jungkook turns to face Namjoon for the first time and sniffles, leaning in towards Namjoon’s chest and silently asking for comfort. Namjoon wraps his arms around Jungkook, letting him cry in his arms.
Namjoon isn’t sure when, but Jungkook does stop crying. There are moments where Jungkook stops and starts again, and nothing needs to be said. Namjoon just holds him until Jungkook pulls away from Namjoon. “Thank you, hyung.” His eyes and nose are red, and he looks so small and sad. “I think I’ve cried myself to exhaustion. Can I—?” He asks, and Namjoon knows.
“Of course. Follow me.” Namjoon gets up and leads him to the spare room, “Please mind my equipment.” He says, turning the light on and gesturing to the bed.
“Your studio,” Jungkook breathes as he walks in, “I never got to see it.”
Namjoon chuckles awkwardly, remembering back to their conversation during their first double date. Namjoon invited them here, and Jungkook had asked Namjoon to show him his studio once it was finished.
“I’ll get you some clothes.” Namjoon whispers, because he doesn’t know what else to say.
When Namjoon returns, Jungkook is sitting on the very edge of the bed, lost in his thoughts again. “The bathroom is the last right at the end of the hall.” Namjoon says, leaving the clothes on the edge of the bed and nodding at Jungkook.
“Thank you again, hyung.” Jungkook croaks, looking at Namjoon who turns and smiles before closing the door behind him.
Namjoon wakes up only a couple of hours later to find that Jaebeom has already left the bed. He smells the faint scent of coffee and breathes in for a moment, remembering what happened last night, or, well, just a few hours ago. Jungkook is in his spare room which is actually his studio, and he probably hasn't slept a wink. Namjoon decides that he needs to get up and check on Jungkook.
He passes Jaebeom who's sitting on his couch, a mug of coffee resting on his lap as he's scrolling through his phone. Namjoon plants a kiss on his head, "I'm going to check on him." He whispers, hopefully quietly enough that Jungkook hasn't heard. He knows how much Jungkook overthinks, and blames. He's going to blame himself for all of this, he's going to blame himself for needing a place to stay and is going to be stubborn about the entire thing, claiming that he doesn't deserve anyone's help and will try to leave before he's ready. Jungkook definitely has grown up and matured since their uni days, but he knows that this side of Jungkook remains. It's something he loves about Jungkook, and also knows will be something that will make him want to rip his hair out as he helps Jungkook through his break up, if Jungkook lets him help him through it.
He lightly knocks on the door, "Are you awake, Jungkook?" Namjoon says quietly, not loud enough to wake a person up, but loud enough that an awake Jungkook can hear.
"I'm awake, hyung." Jungkook replies, and Namjoon can't really read his mood through his voice.
"You don't have to come out, but we have coffee out here when you're ready. Also, you should probably shower." Namjoon offers, and walks away to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. Jungkook wouldn't leave the room without being asked, but Namjoon hopes that he'll take him up on his offer. He waits in the kitchen to hear the spare room door open, and soon enough, he hears the click. As he's pouring another mug, Jungkook walks into the kitchen. He looks exhausted, and looks like he's only just stopped crying recently. Namjoon tries not to look at him with pity, so he shoots him a shy smile and slides him the mug.
"Whatever you need, I'm here. Please just ask." Namjoon offers.
Jungkook locks eyes with Namjoon, and Namjoon can see that Jungkook's holding back tears. He opens his mouth to speak, but instead nods. He stands against their kitchen counter and drinks his coffee, his mind a million miles away.
Namjoon doesn't want to press, respecting that Jungkook is probably struggling right now. He likes to assume that he chose Namjoon to rely on because Namjoon is terrible at well, everything, and that includes comforting others. So, he goes to sit next to Jaebeom on the couch. He keeps a comfortable distance, not wanting to make Jungkook feel uncomfortable. The last thing he wants is Jungkook to see him and Jaebeom acting like a couple, and Jaebeom nods as soon as Namjoon sits beside him.
"Should I go? I feel like, I don't know. It's probably weird for Jungkook if I'm here." Jaebeom whispers.
Namjoon ponders that for a moment, weighing up the options. Realistically, Jungkook probably doesn't care that Jaebeom is here, he's probably trying to work out how to get himself into a new apartment within the next week so he isn't relying on anyone anymore. Namjoon also understands that it's weird for Jaebeom to be here, especially as he knows that Namjoon wants to be here for Jungkook, and he probably wants to give them the space for Namjoon to focus his attention on Jungkook.
Namjoon nods, "I think you're right. Thank you, honestly."
Jaebeom smiles, "Don't be silly, Joon. He needs you right now."
Namjoon turns back to the kitchen to see that Jungkook isn't there anymore, but hears the shower turn on. "Alright." He smiles, leaning in and planting his lips softly against Jaebeom, "I love you."
"I love you too." Jaebeom smiles back, and Namjoon sees him out with another kiss and a promise to call him later that evening.
Namjoon is cleaning the kitchen and preparing food when Jungkook reemerges from the spare bedroom, dressed in his own clothes and his hair still damp. He's timid, standing awkwardly at the kitchen island silently.
"You don't need to talk if you don't want to. You know I won't make you do anything." Namjoon says, turning back to continue chopping vegetables, his back to Jungkook. He hears Jungkook shuffle, and then assumes he's sitting on a stool at the island.
"I know, hyung. Thank you." Jungkook says.
"There is one thing I'm going to make you do, though." Namjoon puts down the knife and turns to face Jungkook, "You're going to listen and accept when I tell you that you're staying here for as long as you need, and that you're going to accept the help I'm offering, okay?"
Jungkook frowns and looks at the counter, avoiding Namjoon's eye contact. "Okay."
For both of their sakes, he turns back around and continues prepping breakfast. "Are you working tomorrow?" He asks.
"Uh, no. I don't have any clients tomorrow." Jungkook replies, and if Namjoon's honest, that's more of an answer he thought he'd give him.
"Alright. You know that I work 9-5? So I'll be gone during the day during the week, but I have a spare key for you."
"Okay." Jungkook says. He's grown up a lot, Namjoon thinks.
And perhaps he pushes a little too far when he says, "Do you need me to go to his apartment and grab anything for you?"
He hears Jungkook get off the stool. "No." Jungkook whispers, and when Namjoon turns around, he's gone.
Namjoon doesn't see him for the rest of the day, and he doesn't push. He texts him to let him know that there's dinner in the kitchen for him, and makes a point of shutting his bedroom door loud enough to let Jungkook know that the coast is clear. After he's spent a couple of hours on the phone to Jaebeom, he comes out to find the kitchen has been cleaned, and the food Namjoon left for Jungkook nowhere in sight. Namjoon goes to bed feeling better knowing that Jungkook's at least eaten tonight. He's ready to be there for Jungkook whenever Jungkook feels ready to be listened to.
Right now, though, Jungkook probably doesn't want to be seen or heard, so Namjoon lets him.