Chapter Text
A/N: I don't own Avatar. (Plus Aang and his friends are all 18 in this fanfic) This takes place before Sozin’s comet but goes in a different direction. I'll also be calling each chapter a book like the show. Azula Bumps Her Head
Book 1: Injuries
*Somewhere in the woods* "SURRENDER AZULA, YOU'RE OUTNUMBERED!" Aang ordered as he, Sokka, Toph and Katara surrounded Azula.
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Azula roared as she charged but tripped over a branch and bumped her head, knocking the Fire Nation princess out cold.
"Wow…that was easy!" Said Aang. Holding Azula, Aang and his friends went to set up camp in a nearby empty cave.
*Cave Camp*
Katara is instructing Sokka on how to tie up the unconscious Azula w/ chains. "Now Sokka, it's really important to….." Said Katara.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah I got it." Sokka interrupted.
"Okay then." Katara said, while also saying "Jackass" under her breath as she leaves the cave.
"Alllllrighty then: one loop here another there and…(phone buzzes) OH IT'S MY AVATAR APP! I HOPE I UNLOCK MYSELF!" Sokka said as he rushed out of the cave, forgetting to finish tying Azula. As Sokka left, Azula started to wake up.
*Outside* Aang, Toph, Katara and Sokka are trying to start a camp fire while Momo and Appa are resting near the cave entrance. They had no idea what they were going to do with Azula.
“DAMMIT! I got Katara again." Sokka sighed.
"What's wrong with getting me?" Katara asked while trying to play her small ukulele and failing.
"Well 1.) I already got you 100 times, 2.) I haven't unlocked myself yet, 3.) you're an annoying bitch and 4.) refer to the first 3." Sokka responded.
"At least I'm not a furry who jacks off to Dr. Hutchinson from Rocko's Modern Life." Katara countered.
"Okay look that only happened one time!" Sokka blushed.
"More like once a day every day." Katara said.
"Hey it's not my fault hooks are sexy! And what about you? You always had the biggest crush on Filbert and…." Sokka said in defense.
"GUYS JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Aang yelled.
Katara and Sokka stopped arguing.
"Good. (To Toph) Hey Toph how's that fire coming?" Aang asked.
"Working on it." Toph said as she was rubbing two sticks away from the fire pit.
"Uh Toph you're facing the wrong way." Aang pointed out.
"Oh sorry!" The blind girl apologized as she turned to face the right direction, but gave up after 10 minutes of trying. Frustrated, the Earth bender made a huge stone statue of M. Night Shyamalan and destroyed it.
"Damn, if only one of us knew fire-bending (everyone gives Aang an annoyed look) HEY DON'T BLAME ME FOR WHAT HAPPENED, BLAME THE WRITERS!" Said
"Here let me help." Said Azula as she shot a blue-fire-lightning-bolt at the logs in the fire pit, starting the fire.
"Thanks Azula (pauses and realizes Azula is free) AZULA!" Aang screamed as he, Katara, Sokka and Toph got into their battle stances. Toph was facing the opposite way, so Aang politely turned her around to face Azula. Momo and Appa woke up due to the noise.
"SOKKA YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CHAIN HER UP!" Katara yelled.
"YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DO IT NEXT TIME!" Sokka roared.
Aang then said, "GUYS SHUT IT! (to Azula) ALRIGHT AZULA! WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY OR…."
Azula then sees Momo, runs up to him and makes the same expression Spongebob Squarepants did in the episode "Dumped" when trying to train Rex the worm. "OMG WOOK AT DA WIDDLE WINGED-LEMUR! (inhales) WHO'S A GOOD BOI? (inhales) WHO'S A GOOD BOI? (inhales) WHO'S A GOOD BOI?!" Azula said, hitting the Spongebob impression right out of the park, down to the big eyes and front buck teeth.
Aang and his friends are confused as fuck and were about to say something. (Stops Spongebob impression and goes back to her actual face) "Oh look an ukulele!" Azula squealed with excitement as she picked it up, sat down by the campfire and started to play/sing "Kumbaya My Lord."
Team Aang had seen many things but never in the group's entire existence (or the entire existence of each member) have they seen anything like this.
"Alright Azula… what gives?" Aang asked.
"Oh sorry how rude of me, ever since I bumped my head in our last battle, my good side finally showed up! The reason it was suppressed for so long was that my mother never loved me!" Azula said cheerfully while resuming her song.
The gang stood there stupefied, they couldn't even believe their eyes. (And Toph couldn't believe her ears)
(10 minutes later)
Azula is singing to some songbirds as if she's Snow White or something, while the gang discusses what to do.
"Look let's just dump her in the next pro-Fire Nation town we come across." Sokka suggested.
"And leave her in this condition? That's like releasing a dog without balls back into the wild." Aang replied.
"Well we can't keep her with us." Sokka said.
"Well we also can't just drop her off either…Katara what do you think?" Aang asked.
"I think this whole thing is bullshit: it must be some kind of act! (To Toph) Okay Toph, use your bullshit-detecting-powers to see if Azula is lying!" Katara ordered.
"Okay." Said Toph as she does her power on Katara.
"I said Azula not…." Katara tried to say.
"HEY TOPH DOES KATARA PICK HER NOSE FOR FUN?" Sokka asked.
"What? Ew! NO! Why in the world would I pick my own…..?" Katara tried to explain.
"Katara just lied." Toph confirmed. Katara stood there humiliated, Sokka fell to the ground laughing, Aang face-palmed, Appa was blank, Momo dabbed and Azula smiled.
"It's okay Katara I won't judge or think any less of you!" Azula said.
Katara was pissed.
"Yup she's telling the truth." Toph confirmed again as she used her truth/lie power on Azula.
Katara was more pissed.
"Hey Katara, wanna go pick some flowers with me while holding hands?" Azula asked.
Pissed off beyond all recognition, Katara then said, "THAT'S FUCKING IT! I'M GOING TO PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT THIS WHOLE THING IS PURE BULLSHIT! (to Toph) TOPH HIT MY HEAD WITH A SMALL ROCK! (Toph lifts big one) I SAID "A SMALL ROCK" NOT A BIG ROCK YOU STUPID, BLIND LOLI…..!" (Gets hit in the head with the big rock and slumps down)
"Sorry, should've let you finished." Toph apologized. As everyone gathered around Katara, a bunny rabbit hopped over to the downed Water-Bender and nuzzled her cheek, waking her up. Upon seeing the bunny, Katara smiled.
Aang then added, "Wow, maybe she was right about the whole…." To everyone's horror, Katara grabbed the bunny, brought it to her mouth and bit its head clean off all while the bunny screamed as blood cascaded down Katara. "WHAT THE HOLY FUCK?!" Aang screamed.
"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…! (starts choking on the rabbit head as Azula runs up and performs the Heimlich maneuver, saving Katara's life as she spits out the rabbits' head) ….(inhales)….thanks…where was I?...Oh yeah!...MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Katara laughed evilly.
"Katara why did you do that?" Aang asked.
"Ka-Ka-Katara why did you do that? Are you that retarded? IT'S BECAUSE I'M EVIL NOW!" Katara answered.
"Oh no!" Aang replied back.
“And now that I'm evil, I'm free from having to date you and your chode Aang!" Katara laughed evilly. "You do realize that my dick is actually 8 inches when erect right?" Aang pointed out. Toph uses her truth/lie power and confirms that Aang is telling the truth, causing Katara to stop laughing.
"Even though I grew up Vegetarian, I read that eating meat is good for your dick so I ate some bacon and my dick went from 5.5/6 inches to 8 inches." Aang explained. L
Katarajust stood there, and wanted to punch herself in the face for being so stupid as to pass Aang up like that. “DAMN YOU JUST COCK-BLOCKED YOURSELF SIS!" Sokka laughed until his sides started to hurt.
"Yeah….well…I'M STILL GONNA BE EVIL!" Katara declared as she pulled out a black sharpie marker and was going to draw herself a Hitler mustache but drew a regular bad guy mustache instead because the author doesn't want his fanfic being taken down.
"NOW I'M OFF!" Katara said as she tried to twirl her mustache but couldn't because it was a drawing. Frustrated, Katara set off to the nearest costume store, purchased a fake mustache (while getting laughed at by everyone in said store) returned to the camp, puts the mustache on, and says "OKAY NOW I'M OFF…FOR REAL THIS TIME!" as she twirled her fake mustache and ran away.
Aang then said "Alright gang, lets…..(Azula's crying interrupts Aang) Azula?" Azula is holding the rabbit's severed head and presses it against her forehead. "THIS POOR LITTLE GUY DID NOTHING WRONG! I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS SAD SINCE DOOMGUY'S PET BUNNY "DAISY" WAS KILLED IN DOOM 2: HELL ON EARTH!" Azula continued to cry.
Aang, Toph, Sokka and Azula buried the dead rabbit and held a short funeral. Once the funeral was done, Azula walked up to Aang and hugged him.
"Thanks Aang, you're kind, handsome, brave, understanding and have 8 inches." Azula said as she hugged him tighter.
Though clothed, her D-cup tits pressed against the Airbender's chest. Then Azula pecked him. Breaking the peck, Azula then tried to apologize, only for Aang to pull her in for a passionate kiss.
Seizing an opportunity, Sokka put some breath spray into his mouth, walked over to Azula and said "You can lean on my shoulder as well babe." as he pinched her ass.
Without breaking the kiss, Azula used her left heel to kick Sokka square in the balls, causing him to roll up in fetal position while crying.
"Sorry Sokka, reflexes." Azula said before resuming her make-out session with
A/N: Anyway, I always wanted to do a fanfic like this. Let me know what you guys think in the reviews. I'll have book 2 (chapter 2) up sometime tomorrow. Anyway take care!