Chapter Text
Gwen stared out the window, waiting for Arthur and Merlin to return. It had been two days since Cammmlan. Two days since Arthur got fatally injured. Two days since Gaius told them that Arthur and Merlin were riding for Avalon, to heal Arthur.
"What if they failed?"
Gwen shaked her head, she couldn't afford to think like that. She had to keep hope that Arthur would come back to her.
But what if he didn't? What if he died? What if she never saw him again? She would have to lead Camelot alone.
"They won't fail, Arthur and Merlin will come back." Gwen told herself firmly, taking deep breaths to steady herself.
She couldn't afford to look weak, not now after such a huge battle and with the king's life being in danger. Her kingdom relied on her to be strong, to be a beacon of light, to guide them and help them heal.
Suddenly she heard a knock, her heart pounding, Gwen turned to face the person, hoping her face didn't give away how close to falling apart she was. "Come in" she told the person at the door
Gwen let a relieved laugh when Merlin entered the room. "Merlin! Your back! Is Arthur-" Gwen started, but the question died down in her throat. One look at Merlin was enough to tell Gwen the answer.
Arthur was dead.
"No"Gwen muttered, collapsing to her knees, sobbing. "No,he-he can't be de-dead" Gwen sobbed, her voice cracking, tears running down her face like a never ending stream.
Merlin knelt down next to her, wrapping her in his arms. She could feel him shaking, which meant that he was probably crying too.
"I'm sorry." he began, breaking away to look at her, his eyes looked puffy and red, he looked so dejected, so lost. As if Arthur had been the only thing keeping him together and now that he was gone, he had finally broke.
"I'm sorry Gwen." he repeated again, averting her eyes and looking at the ground."I should have saved him. I should have been quicker. I should have stopped his death."
"Merlin." Gwen said softly,wiping away his tears."Look at me" she told him, Merlin reluctantly looked up. The look in his eyes was so broken, so defeated that Gwen just wanted to wrap her arms around him and never let anything hurt him again.
"Arthur's death was not your fault. You might have magic Merlin, but that doesn't make you invincible. Ultimately your still human like the rest of us." Gwen squeezed his hand, trying to convey that she held no ill will for him.
Merlin eyes widened and he looked like a startled deer,he looked at the door as if planning to bolt. That thought left a bitter taste in her mouth. The fact that one of her oldest friends, someone who should have been able to trust her, was so scared of her made, her want to scream at the world for being so cruel.
"How-how do you know about that?"Merlin asked her, his voice quivering, as he turned back from the door, looking her in the eyes. His eyes were full of fear. Full of fear from her she noted sadly.
"I figured it out." Gwen said simply shrugging, sighing,Gwen informed him, in what she hoped was a placating tone"Merlin I'm not going to hurt you"
Merlin looked at her as if searching for any signs, that she was lying. Gwen smiled at him, squeezing his hand again, trying to convey without words that she was here for him.
"I should go" Merlin mutterd finally, starting to get up, Gwen pulled him down again.
"What do you mean, you should go?" she asked him incredulously.
"I mean that I should go. I should go from Camelot, I killed Morgana, you don't need me anymore." Merlin informed her in a strange sort of detached monotone voice, as he pulled his hand from her grip and got up. Glancing at the door again, he continued in that same voice" This way you won't have to pretend, you like magic. You won't have to tolerate me. Maybe I'll go to Hel-"
"STOP IT" Gwen shouted, getting to her feet and grabbing Merlin's hands again. "You aren't leaving Merlin. You hear me?So,what if you have magic"Gwen exclaimed, hoping she didn't sound as desperate as she felt.
"IT'S NOT JUST MAGIC"Merlin cried, taking a deep breath, he continued in a more calm voice." I'm the greatest sorcerer to ever live. I'm magic itself."
"So?I'm still not letting you leave. Besides you being magic itself, is proof that magic can't possibly be evil."Gwen told him, palming his cheek. "Because you Merlin are anything but evil."she said softly, looking him in the eyes, Gwen tried to convey without words that his having magic-no, being magic itself changed nothing about how she felt about him.
"I've done some pretty bad things." Merlin whispered, leaning into her touch, still keeping eye contact which Gwen took as a good sign. Tears were running down his face again.
"All for the right reasons, I'm sure."Gwen consoled him, running her finger in circles on his cheek to comfort him.
"Some of them weren't " Merlin muttered, biting his lip.
"It's okay Merlin. You might be magic itself Merlin, but ultimately your still human and like all human beings, your allowed to make mistakes and a few bad choices." Gwen comforted him, as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Merlin immediately hugged her back as if he was drowning and she was his only lifeline. He began sobbing in her arms again.
"I'll let you down Gwen."Merlin sobbed, his body shaking with sobs. " I let Morgana down, I let Arthur down and I'll let u down
too" Merlin said that as if it was a fact, as if it was bound to happen.
Gwen pushed him away, crying herself now, she folded her arms around her chest as if to protect herself. "So that's it? Your just going to leave?"Gwen snapped at Merlin, her voice pleading and
angry. "After Morgana? After Arthur? After Elyan? "Gwen seethed at him, as she glared daggers at Merlin.
"I have to Gwen. "Merlin muttered, looking ashamed but still determined.
"No, no, you don't Merlin" Gwen told him angrily, shaking her head at him.
"You know what? If you leave now Merlin, then I'll follow you." she informed him, she stepped forward and forced him to look at her."Wherever you go Merlin, I'll follow you ." she told him determinedly,"Because I'm not going to lose my best friend too."
"Gwen, you don't understand. I failed. I failed my kind, I failed Arthur, I failed everyone." Merlin said in a hollow tone,he was snatching at his hair , as if trying to pull it out;looking more distraught then Gwen had ever seen him.
"Merlin, please ."Gwen pleaded with him, as she grabbed his hands and stopped him from pulling at his hair. "I can't lose you."she told him softly, her voice cracking.
"Arthur was supposed to bring magic back, you know."he told her in a defeated tone. His face looked so broken, so defeated, and Gwen wanted to give hell to the people who had done this to him.
"Is that the reason why you stayed?" Gwen asked him. She knew that wasn't the truth. That Merlin stayed because Arthur was like a brother to him,but she needed to hear it from Merlin.
"No. "Merlin said, a broken smile on his face. "I stayed because he was like my brother, Gwen, and I couldn't bear losing him."
"Well then, it's time to make him proud." Gwen shouted at him " We can still bring magic back, Merlin, we can still do all the things Arthur was supposed to do. "
"The prophecy said that-"Merlin began, looking as if he believed something like that was impossible but Gwen cut him off.
"Doesn't matter what it says."Gwen chided him in a stern voice, cuffing his head. "We can do this, Merlin, but I can't succeed if you leave, I need you by my side Merlin."Gwen told him, her tone desperate and pleading.
Merlin looked at her for a minute. As if deciding whether to stay or leave.After what seemed like an eternity, he muttered. "Fine, I'll stay. "
Gwen gave a small laugh, throwing her arms around him again, she whispered into his ear "Thank you Merlin." which Gwen didn't understand why, but made him start crying again.
"Arthur said that to me before he died. Those were his last words to me." Merlin told her, hugging her back.
"It's okay, Merlin, it's going to be okay" Gwen comforted him, rubbing soothing circles on his back, some of her own tears falling.
Arthur was dead. The king was dead. Gwen was the sole leader of Camelot now, but she wasn't alone, she had Merlin and all the knights.
And even though dark times were ahead. Even though it was going to take every ounce of persuasion she had to bring magic back and convince the people it wasn't evil, Gwen knew it was going to be okay. They will all heal, it would take time but they will heal with each other's help. And together, Gwen decided, together they were going to build a peaceful Camelot for all.
But for now, she decided, for now they could just stay here, mourning the loss of Arthur.