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Kaito’s leg bounces up and down with such a force that it rattles the entire coffee table. They tried at first to press down on their thigh in hopes of stopping the motion, but the moment they did that, their other leg started up, so… they’re just letting it happen. It’s fine. There isn’t anything but the remote resting on the coffee table right now, and that thing’s spent more time under the couch than it has anywhere else on earth. It can take another fall. Even if Kaito had nothing to be nervous about, their leg would probably be going off—that’s just how it is—but right now, every car they hear passing by through the open window and every set of footsteps that makes their way past the closed front door have Kaito on high alert.
Rantaro should be home within the next few minutes, though. His flight got off about an hour ago and it’s not a long train journey back here from the airport. That’s one of the reasons why the two of them chose this apartment in the first place, its convenience; makes it much easier for Rantaro to sneak away past midnight when he gets seized with restlessness.
Restlessness kind of like what Kaito’s experiencing right now, actually. They let out a huff and flop back against the couch, taking their shaking leg and folding it, resting their ankle on their other knee, but predictably, the leg they still have touching the carpet starts bouncing almost immediately after. It’s like clockwork. Kaito really does not do great with anxiety.
The click of the lock snaps them out of their thoughts. Kaito looks up with wide eyes and watches Rantaro, looking tired but altogether just as composed as he always does, steps inside, his suitcase in tow. His gaze lifts and settles on Kaito, and he smiles, a soft, pleasant little thing that crinkles his eyes at the edges. Kaito smiles back, because they have to—Rantaro always smiles so genuinely when he sees them, Kaito almost doesn’t get it—but already their nerves are starting to fray, the question threatening to burst up and out of their throat.
They need to talk about something else. It wouldn’t be fair to ambush Rantaro the second he comes in through the door.
“Hey,” Kaito offers, trying not to sound like they’re about to bounce off the walls. “How was your flight? How was Canada?”
“Long, and cold, respectively,” Rantaro responds. He fluffs out his hair and bumps the door shit with his hip, shrugging off his jacket and draping it over his suitcase. Rather than bring either of them into his room, though, he leaves them by the front and makes his way over to join Kaito on the couch, a respectable distance away, his hands folding together in his lap. “Alright, though. Same as always.”
Same as always. So that means no results. But of course it does—Rantaro would’ve told Kaito if he’d made progress. Kaito would’ve been the first person Rantaro would have told, if he’d found one of his sisters. Still, seeing the resignation in Rantaro’s face calms Kaito somewhat, replaces some of the anxiety with sympathy.
“You’ll get there,” Kaito promises, lifting their hand to squeeze Rantaro’s shoulder. “Just gotta rest and then get back to it, right?”
Rantaro smiles, a rueful thing, before putting his hand on Kaito’s. “Right,” he agrees. “But enough about me. You had something you wanted to talk to me about, right, Kaito?”
At once, Kaito’s anxiety skyrockets back to its earlier levels—if not more intense now that Rantaro is sitting right in front of them, looking at them. His eyes are soft, patient, and yet Kaito finds that they can’t quite bring themself to meet them. They look at Rantaro’s ear so they don’t have to, then decide that’s too much of a reminder of what they want to ask, so drag their gaze down to the floor instead. It’s cowardly of them, but their own ears are already starting to burn in the silence. They just need to do what they can to force the words out.
“Kaito?”
Damn, Kaito’s been quiet too long. Rantaro sounds concerned. Kaito clears their throat. “Yeah, I did. Uh—you worked at a tattoo parlour for a while, didn’t ya? Doing like… piercings and stuff.”
“Right,” Rantaro agrees. Kaito sneaks a look back at him and watches one of his hands come up to fiddle with the many cartilage piercings in his right ear. “That’s where I got most of these, in fact.” He chuckles. “Why do you ask? Are you thinking of getting some metal?”
Hell. Kaito’s face flushes red. Since when was Rantaro so good at reading them? They duck their head down low and take their hand away from his shoulder to grip their knees, instead, taking a couple calming breaths. This is so embarrassing, every part of it—but what’s worse is the fluttering excitement in their stomach, the gentle happiness at how casually Rantaro asked the question. He doesn’t think Kaito is weird for it, doesn’t think they’re—what, unmanly? A freak? Of course he doesn’t, Rantaro has never once judged Kaito for anything, especially not when it’s been related to their gender and presentation, and yet…
One of Rantaro’s hands lays itself on top of Kaito’s. “Kaito? It’s okay if you want to get some piercings, you know? You’d look good with them.” His other hand moves around to brush against Kaito’s ear, and when Kaito glances at his face, they see that his eyes are narrowed, scrutinising. “I think a gold ring would look really good… it’d complement your hair. Of course, you should get what you want, but I’m just saying. If you’d like, I could call the parlour I used to work at. I’m sure they’d be willing to—”
“Actually,” Kaito starts. Rantaro doesn’t seem offended to have been interrupted; on the contrary, he smiles, his eyebrows quirking. Kaito takes a moment to remember how to breathe. “I was wondering if—I know you don’t do it like, for pay anymore, but I was wondering—if you could do it for me? Like—” Oh, this sucks so bad. The warmth creeps down to Kaito’s neck. “Like… pierce my ears.”
“You wanted me to do it?” Rantaro asks, his eyebrows raising further.
“Yeah, I just—” Kaito clears their throat. “If we go to a place people are gonna… look at me, and stuff, and they’ll probably be cool since they all got piercings themselves but I still don’t…” Kaito doesn’t know how to put it into words, the suffocating feeling that comes with being seen, acknowledged; even just with Rantaro here, it’s an overwhelming weight that bears down on their shoulders. And Rantaro… they like when Rantaro sees them, likes the way his eyes soften and crinkle at the edges. From strangers…
Rantaro squeezes Kaito’s hand. “That’s okay,” he says. He smiles, now. “Of course I can do that for you, Kaito. I’ll go get my supplies if you want to wait for me in the bathroom, I should still have some beginners studs.” He tilts his head to the side, nose scrunching. “I think I have some gold ones… though purple would look really good on you, too.” He releases Kaito’s hand and their ear both at once, fingers brushing against their jaw as he pulls away and stands. “Just lobe piercings for now, I’m guessing?”
A strangled laugh bubbles out of Kaito. “Yeah. I think I’d better walk before I run.”
“Not a bad idea,” Rantaro agrees, voice teasing. He ruffles Kaito’s hair as he steps past. “Just wait, though. A year from now I’ll have you pierced all over.”
The thought of that isn’t actually as embarrassing as Kaito would have expected. They get to their feet and make their way into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet so they don’t have to look in the mirror, reaching up to touch their septum with their fingertips. Would they like to get a piercing there? Maybe in their belly button? They mull it all over while they wait for Rantaro to arrive, but it isn’t long before their roommate has entered the bathroom with a kit in hand. He rests it on the sink and turns on the tap to wash his hands, glancing in Kaito’s direction.
“Nervous?”
“A little,” Kaito admits, rubbing the back of their neck. A lot is the more accurate answer, but they’re not so much scared of the piercing itself as they are of what it represents. “Is it gonna hurt?”
“Well…” Rantaro flicks the water off his hands and pulls on a pair of rubber gloves. “It’ll be more like a pinch and release than anything really painful. It might ache on and off over the next couple weeks, but your tetanus vaccination would’ve hurt more. I do hear the second ear is worse, though.” He opens his kit and pulls out a pair of small, white packages, perhaps containing the needles, and then a box which he hands to Kaito. “I couldn’t tell you, since I got my lobes done when I was an infant.”
Upon opening the box, Kaito finds several pairs of earrings twinkling back at them. They swallow, looking over the full set of studs. There are four different colours: blue, green, purple, and gold. They consider the green for a moment, because the colour is so close to Rantaro’s eyes and it makes them feel kind of soft, but… Rantaro had said the gold would look good on them, didn’t he? They carefully extract the pair and close the box again, holding both the box and the chosen studs out to Rantaro.
“Is that ethical? Like, piercin’ a baby’s ears?” Kaito asks, as Rantaro empties their hands. “You kinda can’t consent at that age, y’know?”
“It’s a whole conversation,” Rantaro admits with a chuckle. He puts the studs to the side and picks up a permanent marker, leaning down by Kaito’s face and making a mark on each of their earlobes. “Ultimately, I don’t resent my parents for it, but I wouldn’t do it to my own kid, either. Get me?” Rantaro fishes a mirror from his kit and hands it over to Kaito, gesturing for them to look at their ears. “Do you like how I placed them? I can move them in either direction if you want.”
Kaito frowns thoughtfully as they look at themself. The dots are placed evenly, right in the middle of their lobes. “It’s good, yeah.”
“Good.” Rantaro smiles. He turns now, reaching for a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a cotton swab. He wets it, then leans by Kaito’s face, carefully rubbing down one of their lobes. It’s colder than Kaito is expecting, and when they shiver, Rantaro chuckles, bumping their shoulder.
“Ass,” Kaito grumbles.
“Sorry, sorry,” Rantaro laughs. Kaito watches him turn and select one of the needles from the sink, tearing it open. As he pulls the needle out of the package, Kaito swallows, worrying their lower lip.
Noticing Kaito’s gaze, Rantaro gives a reassuring smile. “Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to position the needle by your ear and count down from three, but I’ll be stopping after two. Whenever you’re ready, you say one and let out a loud breath, and that’ll be my cue to pierce your ear.” He bumps Kaito’s cheek with his own. “At your own pace. If you change your mind or want me to go slower, just tell me that, okay?”
Huh. Kaito blinks, rubbing the ear that Rantaro hasn’t yet sterilised, but nods when Rantaro’s gaze on them becomes expectant. “Okay.” Kaito clears their throat. “That sounds… yeah, that sounds fine.” Honestly, they would sort of prefer it if Rantaro just went ahead and did it for them so they won’t get to overthink it, but… well, this is nice, too. It gives them agency. Rantaro has always done that for them, respected their boundaries, been very conscious of what they need and how they communicate, for as long as they’ve been rooming together. It’s ridiculous, because Rantaro is in every way an extremely attractive man, with high cheek bones, a pleasant dusting of freckles, and long, pale eyelashes, but…
That, more than anything else, is what makes Kaito’s stomach do flips as Rantaro positions the needle by their ear.
“I’m going to start counting now,” Rantaro says. Kaito starts to nod, then stops, biting their lip and deciding to respond verbally instead.
“Go ahead.”
So Rantaro says, “Three, two…” and trails off, his eyes remaining focused solely on Kaito’s ear. It’s a bit of an awkward angle, so Kaito can’t quite make out his expression, but they don’t think he looks upset, either, or impatient. How long would it take for him to lose his patience with them, Kaito wonders? To put the needle down and tell them that they’re not ready, to call them an idiot for wanting this in the first place? Kaito swallows and fiddles with the material of their pants. Would Rantaro ever do such a thing?
“One,” Kaito whispers, exhaling through their nose. The pain is sharp but quick, just the slightest of pinches in their lobe, and though Kaito sucks in a breath, they manage to keep still as Rantaro bends the end of the stud and pulls away. It’s cool, and weighty, and Kaito rolls their head a couple times to get used to the sensation, but… “That was fast.”
“I told you it would be over quickly, didn’t I?” Rantaro smiles, tossing the needle into the garbage and reaching for the other one. “Remember to stay still for this one, too, okay? It might hurt a bit more now that you’ve gotten the initial piercing out of the way.”
Kaito nods, fingers twitching in their lap as they suppress the urge to reach up and touch. Rantaro moves to the other side of them and leans down again, cool, gloved fingertips brushing against Kaito’s jaw and making them shiver before he positions the needle.
“Ready?”
“Ready,” Kaito affirms. They manage to find some of their normal confidence, flashing Rantaro a grin. Rantaro returns it as he starts the countdown, and this time, Kaito puffs out their chest and exhales as they say, “One!” and Rantaro slides the needle through. It does hurt just a little more this time, as promised, and though Kaito winces, they keep still until they feel the pop in their lobe that indicates that the stud is closed off, and Rantaro pulls away.
As Rantaro is rolling off his gloves to throw in the trash, he turns to smile at Kaito. “There, that’s everything. You can look at yourself in the mirror now if you want.”
Taking that as their cue to get up, Kaito stands. A rush of dizziness hits them nigh immediately and they stumble, flailing around with their hands to try and steady themself on the bathroom counter, but they find Rantaro first. Or perhaps more accurately, Rantaro finds them; his arms close around Kaito’s waist and pull them back onto their feet, grip strong and reassuring. Kaito has to take a moment, between the blood rushing in their newly-pierced ears and the way their heart stutters from being so close to Rantaro, to catch their breath.
Then, “S-Sorry, I didn’t—”
“It’s okay,” Rantaro interrupts. He eases Kaito back to lean against the sink, but doesn’t let go. “That was my fault. I should have warned you, sometimes people get dizzy while getting piercings. I’ve even had clients pass out.” He offers a small, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry about that. Are you okay?”
“I…” Kaito looks down at their chest, which is pressed up against Rantaro’s, and the arms around their waist. Selfishly, they hook their arms around his shoulders and squeeze, keeping him close. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just need a minute. Or maybe a couple.” They hug plenty often—Kaito’s always been a hugger—but there’s something about this position in particular, with Rantaro’s arms resting on Kaito’s hips, that feels more… intimate, maybe. Kaito doesn’t know how to put it into words. Regardless, they feel themself relax when Rantaro just smiles again, leaning their foreheads together.
“Sure. As long as you need. In the meantime, do you want to check my work?” Rantaro grins. “If you hate it, you can always just take them out. They’ll heal right back up. Or I can walk you through upkeep as soon as you’re feeling better.”
Upkeep, right. Kaito should’ve figured there would be something like that, considering that they have two new open wounds. Still, they consider the question for a moment, then turn to face themself in the mirror. It’s a bit of a twist to turn without releasing their hold on Rantaro, but after some maneuvering, they come face to face with themself, and…
Huh. Kaito’s face is red, which they probably should’ve expected, and they’re smiling; they hadn’t realised that they were smiling. The studs in their ears catch the light every time they turn their face. Rantaro was right, too, about the colour complementing their eyes and hair. It’s a nice visual, like looking at the sun from the depths of outer space, and Kaito feels…
Pretty. No, they feel radiant.
“Wow,” Kaito breathes out.
“I do that bad?” Rantaro’s voice is grinning. Kaito lets out a huff and turns back to swat at him.
“‘Course not, man, don’t be stupid, I…” Kaito trails off, clearing their throat. “It looks good. Thanks for… doing this for me.” They meet the mischief in his green eyes, watch as it fades away, leaving only softness behind. “You must’ve been tired.”
“Oh, I was. I always am.” Rantaro takes one hand from Kaito’s waist and brings it up to their cheek, cupping it, tilting their face down and leaning up to press his soft lips to their forehead. “You don’t have to worry about it, though. Doing this with you energised me better than a nap ever could.”