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“Don’t tell anyone,” Lance begs.
“But—”
“Don’t. Allura, please.”
“I… okay.”
Allura is… conflicted.
It’s been barely a varga since what Allura will be calling The Incident. Barely a varga since she flew to the Red Lion, desperate and frantic. Barely a varga since Lance asked her to keep his death a secret.
The thing is, they’re in a war. All of them have brushed their hands with death several times, more than any of them can count. It’s not abnormal for a cryopod or two to be used after a battle.
But… none of them have actually died before. Their heartbeats have reached terrifyingly slow rates, but none of them have actually stopped.
It’s just—Allura was scared, okay? She’s still experimenting with Altean alchemy and stuff, she doesn’t know what she can do! She supposed her desperateness to save her friend translated into her powers, but what if she had failed? What if she never knew anything about Altean alchemy?
Lance would’ve died, that’s what. Permanently.
It would’ve been a huge blow for Voltron. But more importantly, it would’ve been a huge blow for the team.
Pidge would be devastated, having to lose yet another brother. Hunk would’ve cried for weeks—Allura knows that they go way back. Coran would suffer yet another loss. Shiro… he’s been a bit off recently—because of the stress of the war, Allura presumes—and Lance’s death would’ve been yet another slap in the face. And Keith hasn’t been contactable for almost three months now, but he would be devastated too. They all would!
And another thing—Allura doesn’t get why Lance won't tell the team! She’s always known that he’s a bit of a self-sacrificing idiot—that much is clear from when he pushed her out of the radiation beam’s way—but that doesn’t warrant the team’s ignorance! These kinds of things have to be shared. And then the team can give Lance a talk about being less sacrificial. While showering him with hugs and affection.
When they came back to the castle, high on their success, Lance had retreated to his room almost immediately. He didn’t even say anything. Nobody knew about The Incident.
Quiznack, Allura’s tearing up now. She can’t help it. It makes her so upset to know that Lance doesn’t think his death is worth telling. She needs—she needs to tell someone, but she can’t betray Lance’s trust like that.
Ugh. Maybe she can talk to Lance instead and convince him to tell the team.
Allura ventures off to his room, knocking on the door gently. “Lance? It’s me. May we talk?”
There’s no response.
Allura frowns and enters the room. She steps back in surprise when she sees what’s inside.
It looks like a hurricane happened. Little gadgets and other things Allura doesn’t recognise are scattered everywhere. The blanket is thrown onto the floor, crumpled. Lance’s jacket, which she rarely sees him without, lies folded and on the centre of his bed. It looks odd in the otherwise messy room, so neat and tidy.
She peeks into the bathroom and sees facial products strewn all over the sink, haphazardly arranged. Allura remembers Lance telling her how important it is to store your products properly. This… does not look stored properly.
Allura leaves Lance’s room and walks through the castle halls blindly, trying to listen for any Lance-like sounds. A loud whoop of laughter, a banging noise followed by excessive cursing in what Allura has learned to recognise as Spanish, a melody being hummed softly…
It concerns her when she can’t hear any of it, even after walking around for ten doboshes.
Her feet eventually carry her to the training room. She can hear somebody inside, but they’ve just gotten back from a pretty difficult mission, so that’s a little weird. Maybe Shiro is in there? Though, looking at the time, it’s not his regular scheduled training time.
Allura enters the training room and finally finds who she’s been looking for.
Lance grunts as he’s thrown onto the ground by a training bot. He leaps back up and attempts to swing his sword, the metal clashing heavily with the bot’s staff. Lance digs his heels into the ground and shoves roughly, sending the bot flying. It’s defeated with a crash.
“Training simulation complete. Continue?”
“End training sequence,” Allura interrupts. Lance whips around, sword gripped tightly in his hands.
“Allura?” he asks. Allura walks into the room, plastering a casual smile on her face. She’s dealt with so many diplomatic meetings that have tested her patience to the very end. She can put on a fake smile perfectly.
“Your stance has been getting better,” she says first, hoping to diffuse the tension before she gets to what she really needs to say.
Lance narrows his eyes. “Thanks, but you’re complimenting me. What’s your ulterior motive here?”
Damn. He saw right through it.
“Uh—” she says, laughing a little awkwardly. “Can’t I compliment a fellow paladin who’s hard at work?”
Lance fixes her with a deadpan stare.
“Fine,” Allura grumbles. “Um. I wanted to talk to you, Lance.”
Lance sighs. “If it’s to ask me to talk to the team again, then I don’t want to hear it.”
“But you must!” Allura insists. She’s a little thrown off that Lance caught on so fast, but then again, he’s always been the most observant on the team. “The team will surely want to know—”
“Like hell they’ll want to know,” Lance cuts her off. His words are sharp and biting. “Allura, I’m grateful that you saved me today, really. But what’s done is done, and the best thing for us to do is move on. It’s not a big deal.”
Allura makes her eyes go wide and sad. It’s a trick she used to pull all the time when she was younger. She believes the paladins call it ‘puppy eyes’. “Lance, please? I promise you they’ll care. It’s impossible that they don’t.”
“Look!” Lance shouts. Allura jumps back, surprised to see the usually cheerful and pleasant paladin so defensive. “If the team cared, I’d know, okay? I was there when they used to give a shit about me. But somewhere along the line, I became the weakest link. Pidge and Hunk think I’m a joke, Shiro fucking hates me, Coran has no time anymore, even you think I’m not worth hanging around. Keith promised me he cared but then he left—” He cuts himself off with a grimace.
Allura… doesn’t know what to say. “I—I didn’t know we made you feel so…”
“Whatever, Princess. I don’t care. You should drop it.”
Lance turns away. “Start training simulation: Level four.”
Targets materialise all across the room. Allura has to step away to avoid being hit by Lance’s precise shooting. He never actually aims at her, but his lasers are always a hair breadth’s away that it forces her to move. It’s a clear sign that she’s being asked to go.
Allura leaves the training room, her steps slow and her heart heavy.
“Have you noticed that Lance’s been withdrawing from us a lot lately?”
Allura freezes from where she’s reading a report on the latest planet they’ve visited. She looks up to Pidge, who asked the question.
“Yeah,” Hunk agrees. “It’s almost like we don’t see him at all anymore. Other than for training and meals.”
Allura shifts in her seat uncomfortably. Her, Pidge, and Hunk are currently in the recon room, working on their individual projects or activities. It had been a pretty peaceful silence. Unfortunately for her, Pidge zeroes in on her shifting instantly. Her eyes narrow sharply under the oversized glasses she wears.
“Allura. What do you know?”
“N-nothing!” she yelps. Quiznack, that sounded a little too defensive, right? She should cover that up. “I was just, uh, feeling a bit restless from our last mission.”
“We haven’t had a mission in three days,” Hunk points out. Ah, that’s right.
“Well—it’s an Altean thing. You two wouldn’t understand.” She crosses her arms and looks away huffily. Keith used to do it and it always got the rest of the paladins to leave him alone. Well, except for Lance, but that’s a different story.
“Allura, we can tell you’re lying,” Hunk says.
Oh, right. In her defence, Allura has never claimed to be a good liar.
“L-look, Lance made me promise, okay? I can’t tell you.”
“You know we’re going to get it out of you anyway, right?” Pidge asks. Allura sighs, slumping into her chair in defeat.
Pidge is right, though. Allura has many things, but willpower against her teammates’ prodding is not one of them. “Okay, okay. Um… Lance has been feeling a little lonely, that’s all.”
Hunk frowns. “That’s all? That can’t be it.”
“Well, he thinks we don’t care about him. Which is ridiculous, because of course we do, he’s part of the team. I’m unsure where he’d get that idea,” Allura says. She hugs her knees to her chest. “Do you think we did something? Like, maybe we just didn’t realise? Because of course we’d care if he died. I still can’t fathom why he wouldn’t—”
“Wait,” Pidge interrupts. “Lance died? Uh, expand on that, please?”
Oh. Oh no.
“What?” Allura says, laughing awkwardly. “Did I say that? I didn’t say that, are you sure I said that?” She smiles and it feels terribly forced.
“…The radiation beam,” Hunk whispers. Allura can see the moment the realisation sets in. She squirms uncomfortably. “He pushed you out of the way, didn’t he? I heard him scream your name and a loud bang, but the plates were in place and he came out fine so I thought…”
Allura covers her face. “I’m sorry! I didn’t want to keep this from you but I swore to Lance I wouldn’t tell!”
“Why wouldn’t Lance want to tell us?” Pidge says. Her voice trembles.
And Allura looks around the room, noticing that it’s just the three of them. Shiro’s taking a nap for his headache and Coran’s doing chores. Usually, the rest of the team would relax in the recon room together, taking a nice break from the everlasting doom of war. Usually, Lance would be the first one here.
Then why has the lack of Lance’s presence become something of the norm?
“We really are leaving him out,” Allura gasps, shooting up from her seat. “Hunk, Pidge, when was the last time you’ve hung out with Lance for fun?”
Hunk immediately opens his mouth to respond, only for nothing to come out. The longer the silence stretches, the more horrified he looks.
“Oh,” Pidge mumbles. She sounds numb. “Oh, shit.”
“I can’t remember,” Hunk cries, getting increasingly distressed. “Oh my God, I can’t remember.”
Pidge and Allura wince collectively.
“It’s our fault, isn’t it?” Hunk chokes out. His eyes fill with tears. “I’m supposed to be his best friend! When did this…”
When did this happen?
“The only time I talk to him is to tease him. I can't recall the last time we’ve had a proper conversation,” Pidge says. Her hands grip her device so tight that her knuckles turn white.
“And I’ve been so busy with Lotor or the coalition that I’ve completely neglected him,” Allura confesses. The words sink in and make her stomach churn uncomfortably. “I didn’t realise he’s been so… alone.”
“Crap,” Pidge says. Hunk is full-on bawling by now.
“He thinks we don’t care about him,” Allura continues with an embarrassed sigh. “I suppose our actions haven’t done much to dispute that claim.”
She hangs her head in shame as the room goes silent. Other than Hunk’s occasional sniffles, nobody says anything.
Finally, one of them speaks. “I need to go hug him and give him a long apology,” Hunk sobs, getting up. He disappears from the room, quick as a flash. Allura knows by experience not to interrupt them when a personal conversation is occurring.
Pidge stands up too, adjusting her glasses. Her lips are set in a grim line. “I’ll go talk to Coran about any space malls nearby. I’m gonna get him something good if it’s the last thing I do.” She dashes off, leaving all her gadgets behind.
Allura watches her teammates go. She knows now how shitty they’ve all treated Lance, how much they haven’t been acting like a team. It won’t be easy patching up the hole they’ve unknowingly created, but they’re going to try.
She’s going to try too, she decides, as she gets up from her seat, going to her room to search for sleepover supplies. Lance is going to be showered with love and affection and she will do it. She has responsibilities and a job to do, but being a good friend is one of them too, isn’t it?
She enters her room and gathers some pillows and a huge fluffy pink blanket. Then she gets to work attempting to set up what Lance had once taught her to be a pillow fort.
It’s not a lot, but it’s a start.