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Merrin held her breath as the Mantis’ door opened and she spotted him, the slump of his shoulders and stiffness of his stance evident even from a distance. She let it out slowly as her lungs started to burn and followed a half-step behind BD-1, the little droid’s feet clanking softly against the ramp. Cal avoided her eyes, kneeling to catch BD as the droid threw himself against Cal’s chest. He held the droid’s little form tightly, cradling him for a moment before letting him back down to the ground. Greez stood in shock, lower arms clenched together as his upper one lifted to his head.
“How . . .?” he muttered, the word dying off into a sob as he stumbled forward to kneel by Cere’s body. Cal watched him in silence, and though Merrin saw his fingers twitch in the Latero’s direction, he didn’t seem to have the strength to reach out.
Cal straightened, hesitating before raising his eyes to Merrin’s, shoulders resolutely set, as if he was still on the defense. As if he expected her to blame him, to hurl harsh words his way.
She did neither of those things, barely waiting more than a second to glance at the bodies under the tarps before rushing forward. She caught him around the waist as he fell against her, burying his face in her shoulder, hands gripping the back of her jacket tightly.
They broke apart after a long moment, his hands lingering in the fabric of her shirt as she held him steady. He met her eyes with what looked to be a great effort, his gaze dazed and far away.
She ran a hand down his arm from his shoulder to his hand, squeezing his metal fingers reassuringly beneath his glove. His fingers tightened against hers for a moment before he pulled away, kneeling beside Greez with a hand on the Latero’s shoulder.
“Let’s get them inside,” he said roughly. Greez nodded, patting BD-1’s head when the little droid nuzzled against his arm.
-
Cal barely stifled a groan as he sat on the couch, dropping his head into his hands and scratching his metal fingers over the short hair at the back of his neck.
Greez cleared his throat, mustering up his I’m upset but can’t show it voice to growl, “You take care of that?”
“Yeah,” Cal said breathlessly, leaning his head back against the couch and closing his eyes. “Yeah, they’re . . . They’re safe.”
Greez nodded. “We’ll find a proper place to bury them soon.”
“The remaining Anchorites have scattered,” Merrin said, rounding the corner into the lounge with three thick books cradled in her arms. “The Empire pursues them, but may return at any moment.” Her eyes flickered up to Cal, who was now staring resolutely at the ceiling. “Cere bought enough time for BD-1 to reach us with the contact codes for the Hidden Path.”
Boop , BD said sadly, tilting his head down toward the floor.
“But this is –” Her voice broke and she inhaled sharply, reaching to set the books on the table with a gentleness the others had rarely seen. “All that remains of her Archive.”
Cal lifted his head, leaning forward quickly before checking his movements. He reached out tentatively, fingers clenching once, and took one of the books from Merrin’s hold. He brought it into his lap, brushing his fingers over the worn leather cover, the fragile paper pages.
Suddenly the words were indecipherable to him, and his grip on the volume tightened as tears blurred his vision. “We were so close to a second chance.”
“What a rotten raw deal!” Greez shouted, jumping up from his spot and startling BD-1. “Tell me,” he demanded, pacing towards Merrin, all four arms waving in a physical example of his emotions. “How could Bode be a Jedi and an Imperial spy?!”
Merrin scoffed, dropping her hands to her sides and moving to fill Greez’s empty spot. “He is no Jedi.”
“Why couldn’t we sense him?” Cal asked.
Merrin shifted her weight, trying to get comfortable despite the fact that her muscles were still wound up tight, ready to burst back into action if needed. “He deceived us all.”
“No,” Cal said, shaking his head sharply. “I still should have been able to –”
“Now that’s enough!” Greez snapped, spinning to shove a shaking finger in Cal’s direction. Cal sat back a little, hands still clenched around the book in his lap.
“Cal,” Greez said, more gently, his voice tired and world-weary and so, so broken. He waved his hands out in a sweeping motion, like he was clearing a table. “That’s, it’s enough, okay? What Bode did, it’s – that is on him . It’s not on you.” He glanced at Merrin, at BD. “It’s not on anyone here. It’s on him.” He huffed out a laugh, tears glinting off his cheeks in the half-light of the Mantis’ lounge as he spread his hands wide. “We all know it’s a rigged game. But we choose how to play! ” He thumped a fist against his chest emphatically, punctuating his words.
Merrin clenched her hands around the edge of the couch. “It is a shame that there is not a bounty on his head. We could have hunted him with a guild tracker.”
Cal went still as Greez tossed his hands into the air, eyes darting back and forth, never resting on anything. He set the book aside and leapt to his feet, stumbling slightly as he put weight on his right leg and running out of the lounge.
Bwee-eep? BD said, looking at Merrin as he chased after Cal, metal feet thunking on the floor after jumping off the table.
Merrin met Greez’s eyes, brows furrowed, and pushed herself to her feet to follow the Jedi.
“Locator beacon!” he said, voice finally sounding a little closer to what it should as he leaned over the navigation table. “It’s how Bode reached us on Koboh.”
“Could it still be active?” Merrin asked, footsteps quickening as she and Greez caught up with Cal.
“Well,” he said, pressing the activation buttons, face lit up blue by the light of the holotable as it booted up. “Let’s find out.”
The diagram flickered to life, and they all searched the blue lines desperately for the dot that would indicate Bode was within their grasp.
“Ugh,” Greez said, defeat heavy in his voice. “Nothin’.”
Cal’s expression tightened, eyes lingering a moment longer on the map. He slammed a hand down on the table, turning away with a shouted curse.
They all froze as the table beeped, Greez leaning forward to confirm what he was seeing.
“Cal,” he said. “The signal.”
Cal turned, running back to the table as he caught sight of the white signal in the midst of the blue. “It’s faint. BD, dial it in.”
BD trilled excitedly, messing with the table’s controls until a blinking red triangle glittered to life on the holo.
“The Nova Garon system,” Cal said, reading the label in a low voice.
“Wait, wait a minute,” Greez said. “Why would Bode take a detour?”
“He’s got a daughter,” Cal said. “Maybe that’s where she lives.”
Merrin leaned forward, glaring hard at the little triangle. “And we could catch him there. But, Cal . . .” she shook her head. “This feels like a trap.”
“Yeah, it does.” Cal paused, glancing at Merrin. “So what do you think? Do we risk it?”
Greez held his hands up. “I don’t see what choice we got.”
“For Cere,” Merrin said. “And Master Cordova.” She backed away, moving towards the cockpit. “I will mask our approach.”
“Okay,” Greez said, determination clear in his voice. “You two grab some seat. I got the con.”
Beep beep! BD said, jumping up and down before running over to stare intently into Cal’s face. Cal met the droid’s eyes for a long moment before nodding to himself. “For Cere.”
-
Merrin sighed in relief as the soft fabric of her sleepwear slid over her skin, a welcome comfort after so long in her jacket and trousers. Using her powers to continually mask the ship’s approach to Nova Garon was draining her more than she cared to admit, and she was more than ready for a couple hours’ sleep. Her enchantment would hold even while she was unconscious, she’d made sure of it. She slipped back out into the common space to make a cup of tea, a frown marring her features when she spotted a familiar figure leaning against the holotable.
“Cal?”
The Jedi looked up slowly, blinking a haze out of his eyes as he focused on her in the semidarkness. “Hey, Merrin.”
“What are you doing awake?” she asked, folding her arms around herself to ward off the cold of the Mantis’ common area as she stepped towards him. “It is late.”
“I just . . .” he sighed, gaze returning to the holotable. He shook his head, features lit up in blues and greys. “I can’t figure it out.”
Merrin stepped up next to him, looking over his shoulder at the mess of coordinates and information on the table. “Figure what out?”
“How I couldn’t tell Bode was Imperial,” he whispered, his voice ragged and tinged with guilt. “I should’ve been able to feel his energy and tell based off of that alone. I could’ve stopped him, or made him see reason, or something . I could’ve –”
“Cal,” she said, cutting him off with a gentle voice. “That is not productive.”
He dropped his head, shoulders drooping and hands clenching around the edge of the table. “All those people,” he gasped, voice shaking. “I should’ve been able to save them.”
“Cal Kestis,” she said, softly but firmly, reaching out to grip his forearm. “Their deaths are not your fault.”
“But –”
“They are not ,” she repeated, a little louder this time. “It is like Greez said. Bode’s actions, and their consequences, are his responsibility. Not yours.” She straightened, keeping her hand on his arm but no longer bending to speak directly in his ear. “Besides, what’s done is done. It is what we do next that matters now.”
He inhaled shakily, but nodded. “I know.”
“And that means the best thing you can do now is get some rest.”
He raised his head, staring at the holograms for a moment longer before reaching for the power button and shutting the table off. The room was plunged into a deeper darkness, but Merrin didn’t mind, her eyes adjusting quickly as the safety lights along the edge of the room provided enough light to see by.
Raking her eyes over him again, she noticed the way he favored his right side, weight held unsteadily on his left leg, and a further glance upward revealed the singed and torn edges of the fabric above his shoulder. She stepped forward, placing a feather-light touch on the vest above the wound. “You are injured.”
He flinched at the contact before leaning into it, desperate for the comfort but still too keyed up to recognize it as such. “I’m fine.”
She shook her head. “That is unacceptable to me, Cal Kestis. You must take care of yourself if you are to come back from this ready to fight again.”
He sighed, dropping his head to run a weary hand across his face. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
She laced her fingers loosely through his, both flesh and metal, and tugged gently at him until he followed her to the guys’ bunks.
“Can’t we –” he took a breath, clearly struggling to hold down the train of thought as his adrenaline started to crash. “What’re we doing in here?”
“We are here for privacy,” she said, guiding him towards his bunk and removing her hands from his to place them on his shoulders instead. “And to make sure you are taken care of.”
“I can do it,” he said softly, green eyes meeting hers and holding more vulnerability than he’d let himself show in a while. She knew that it was because of what he’d gone through, that he simply didn’t have it in him to keep his guards up for any longer, that as his adrenaline dropped and exhaustion took over he would continue to feel worse. “You don’t have to stay.”
She pushed on his shoulders gently, guiding him to sit on the bunk and pleased when he offered her no resistance. She touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers, brushing a wayward lock of hair out of his eyes. “Do not insult me by thinking I would leave you alone at this time.”
He leaned into her touch, breath catching at the gentleness in her voice, the softness of her hand against his skin, and ducked his head.
Merrin pulled him forward, wrapping her arms gently around his shoulders and holding him tight. “Can you remove your shirt? Or shall I?”
“I can do it,” he said, leaning back and tugging off his vest, then his overshirt. He hesitated before removing the thinner undershirt, exposing the scars that stood out even paler than his skin. He winced as the movement jostled the blaster wound at his shoulder, expression tightening.
Merrin reached for his shoulder, hesitating when he flinched away, green fire flickering between her fingers.
“It will help,” she said softly. “But I will not if you do not wish it.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said, and she watched as he steeled himself. He held himself steady as she squeezed his other shoulder, moving slowly so as not to startle him when her power reached his skin.
He tensed, then relaxed as her magic started to work the way she’d known it would.
“Better?” she asked, knowing the answer even before she asked.
He nodded absently, eyes slipping shut as the magic eased his pain and loosened the tension in his muscles.
“It cannot heal,” she said, voice tinged with an apology as she pulled her hand away and saw the still red-tinged skin beneath. “Only relieve the pain.”
“It’s okay,” he said, reaching up with his metal hand to squeeze her fingers. She felt the press of the joints beneath his glove, the coolness of the metal feeling odd in place of the warmth his flesh hand offered. She did not dislike it, she found, just thought it strange. “We have bacta pads for that.”
She nodded, pulling away to rifle through the first aid kit Greez made sure was kept in every major room on the Mantis for just such an occasion as this. She found the bacta pads easily, peeling the backing off of one and reaching forward again to smooth it against his skin.
“There,” she said, fingers lingering on his arm. She met his eyes, seeing how quickly his lingering adrenaline was fading in the way it took him a couple of seconds to focus on her face. “Where else are you hurt?”
He didn’t resist her this time, simply shifted to expose his opposite side. “Ribs,” he said, clearing his throat as his voice scratched against it. “Fell.”
“You seem to always be falling, Cal Kestis,” she said, chuckling to hide the pang of worry she felt every time he hit the ground. “You should take better care to avoid high places.”
“Probably.” He lifted his arm at her request, allowing her to smooth another patch over the mottled bruising on his ribcage. He hissed when she applied pressure to the spot, but kept himself from pulling away. “But where’s the fun in that?”
Merrin’s brow furrowed. “I do not understand. You find falling through the air to be fun?”
Cal shook his head, a small laugh breaking from his chest. “No,” he said. “It’s just an expression, a sarcastic way of saying that it isn’t fun, but it’s likely to happen again, so you might as well accept it for what it is.”
“Oh,” she said, planting her hands on her hips. “That is odd.”
“Yeah,” he said, this time with a full laugh. “I guess it is.”
Merrin grinned, glad to see his smile after everything that had happened. She fought against the sudden, strong urge to press her lips to his, to feel his smile against hers. It was hardly the time for such a thing.
She couldn’t say she objected to the idea itself, though.
She shook those thoughts from her head as Cal pulled a clean shirt over his head. “Have you any other injuries?”
“I think we got the major ones,” he said, inspecting his arms and wincing at the scrapes and bruises he found there. “Just bumps and bruises otherwise.”
“Hmm,” she said, ghosting her fingers over an already-swollen spot on his wrist. “You humans are so fragile,” she whispered. “It worries me.”
Cal’s expression dropped, and she could tell that her words had brought on thoughts of Cere, of Cordova, and of how quickly their lives had been extinguished.
“Yeah,” he said, matching her tone. “It worries me too.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, dropping her eyes at the sorrow in his voice. “I didn’t mean –”
“It’s okay,” he said quickly, reaching across his lap to take her hand in his.
She cleared her throat against the sudden onslaught of tears that threatened to spill over at his touch. He was alive, despite everything. He was here, his hand warm against hers, and regardless of everything that had been taken from them in the past twenty-four hours, he was as safe as any of them could be.
“I will leave you now,” she said, hoping against hope that her voice wouldn’t give her away. “So you can rest.”
“Merrin,” he murmured, fingers holding onto hers for a second longer before letting her pull away. He met her eyes, sincerity shining through the clear exhaustion he carried. “Stay?”
It was a question, a request she could accept or deny rather than an order to be followed, and she felt a surge of affection for the Jedi who knew her well enough to give her the option of leaving if she wished.
She nodded, just once, but it was enough. Cal sat back on his bunk, leaving a space for her if she wanted it, and it only took a moment’s thought for her to decide that she did. She took a moment to switch off the light above his bed, leaving the dimly-glowing emergency lights to guide her. She sat down next to him, leaning hesitantly into his personal space when he reached to put his arm around her and gently resting her head on his shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re here, Merrin,” he whispered, his voice shaky. She found his hand and gripped it tightly, shifting to lie down on the slightly lumpy mattress and prompting him to do the same.
She faced him in the near-darkness, his hand held safely in hers, and smiled. “As am I. Now sleep, Jedi. You will feel better when you wake.”
He finally relaxed, the tension draining out of his body as he took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, comforted by his presence beside her, both physically and in the Force, and slipped easily into sleep.