Chapter Text
Zuko's Point of View
The air was cool, the skies clear of any sign of bad weather. I focused my attention on maintain the war balloons height. This trip would be a good thing if it succeeded. It was just unlikely to be a success. I didn’t want to argue that to Sokka though. This was for his honour, and I could understand the lengths that he was going to restore it.
I glanced over in his direction. He was sat down, arms lent over the sides of the basket nonchalantly as always it seemed. I was envious of that. I couldn’t imagine the relief, the freedom of being that carefree, that happy. I had meant what I had said to him on Appa when he was trying to leave. I’m never happy. Content at best when I was with uncle, but not happy.
Sokka also happened to be looking in my direction the pair of us making awkward eye contact for a moment before we both looked away. I hated how awkward this was. Maybe I should have practiced with the badgerfrog again, not that it had really helped the first time around. What did I even say to him now we were alone? Hey sorry for hunting you relentlessly and attacking your village that one time. “Pretty clouds” Sokka’s voice broke the silence between us and I looked out of the basket to the sky. He was right, they were pretty.
“Yeah.” I paused. Say something else Zuko, anything else. “Fluffy” I sighed to myself. I should jump out of the basket.
There was another silence between us before Sokka began to whistle. I turned and looked at him “What?” He had been looking back out over the basket again but turned his head towards me
“What? Oh, I didn’t say anything” I watched as he wafted his hands about as he spoke, his speech a little broken up. Wow this really was awkward. Sokka couldn’t even think of anything to say and from what I understood the only way he would shut up was if he had a mouthful of food.
He looked down so I looked away. Maybe I should have let him go alone. No, that’s not true. “You know, a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons” I turned around and Sokka looked at me with wide eyes for a second, but he relaxed when I responded with “No kidding”
“Yep. A balloon, but for war.” He gesticulated again, his pitch changing in his voice. He was so expressive.
“If there’s one thing my dad’s good at it’s war” As I spoke I added more fire into the hearth.
“Yeah, seems to run in the family” I looked at Sokka, who now had his hand on the back of his neck
“Hey hold on, not everyone in my family is like that” I tried, though the list wasn’t long.
“I know I know” I looked at him surprised. “You’ve changed” I blinked at him, before looking down, a wave of guilt hitting me.
“I meant my uncle. He was more of a father to me, and I really let him down” Sokka was quite for a moment, and I was glad I wasn’t looking at him. How could I have betrayed my uncle? After all he had done for me? “I think your uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us. That’s hard” He sounded genuine, understanding. And for some reason I wanted to keep talking to him. It felt good. “It wasn’t that hard” I admitted
“Really? You didn’t leave behind anyone you care about?”
“Well I did have a girlfriend” I admitted, turning back to look at Sokka “Mai” Sokka smiled at me, leaning forward, closer
“That gloomy girl that sighs a lot?” He was smiling and I couldn’t help but smile to
“Yeah” It faded as quick as it had appeared “Everyone in the fire nation thinks that I’m a traitor” I looked back at the hearth “I couldn’t drag her into it”. And… and other things. Complicated things. Things I couldn’t even explain about myself.
Sokka sat back, crossing his arms over his chest, before sighing “My first girlfriend turned into the moon.” I looked at him, thinking of something to say to that. We had just exchanged personal things, bonded. That took months even years for me to normally do and Sokka had just done it so easily, made it feel so easy. I needed to say something like he had. Genuine, understanding. “That’s rough buddy” Sokka pouted, maybe not at what I had said per say but at the memory. What I said couldn’t have helped though. I really debated jumping now.
I woke up from the memory, sighing. Most people relived embarrassing school days or moments of importances, but I kept reliving what I had said to Sokka in that war balloon. It was months ago. The war was over, we had won. I was fire lord, in charge of an entire nation and here I was dreaming about what I had said to Sokka. Surely that wasn’t healthy?
I stared at the canopy of silk above me, the dim lighting catching in the creases as it rippled in the breeze. A calm ocean. I was somewhat envious of that piece of fabric. I wanted to be the calm, that tranquil but it still felt like there was a storm brewing inside of me. I sighed, getting myself out of bed and walking towards the balcony. It beat the bad dreams I suppose. The nightmares that had me waking up screaming, a cold sweat. I’d even burnt the sheets a few times. No one in the palace said anything about it though and I was grateful for that.
I went and lent myself against the fencing, looking up at the sky. It was clear, the stars flickering above. The celebrations of the war being over and me becoming Fire Lord were also at an end. I normally wanted parties to end but I guess that was before I had people I wanted to spend time with. They would be heading home, Toph going to Ba Sing Se with my uncle, who was happy to make a life there with tea. Aang was going to be heading to the South Pole with Katara and Sokka. And I would be here. In the palace. Full of people, but all alone. I looked over the palace wall when I heard a firework, some celebrations still carrying on from earlier.
The people seemed happy, maybe not the ones in court, be the people of the Fire nation, out there. They weren’t sending their son’s to war anymore though, they were going to be living in a nation of peace, and there would be new trade, new life… And I was stuck with my old life. Prince to Lord. Serving people. Doing what will make them happy. But… I didn’t feel happy. I shook my head. That didn’t matter. Being Fire Lord meant that I was a servant to the people, to this nation. It was an honour.
I shook my head. I need space, air. It was like I was suffocating. I went back into my room, pulling on some basic clothes, the ones I had travelled in because they were comfortable. They were me. Not the silk robes, and layers of tradition. I opened the door to be met with two palace guards positioned outside of my door. “My Lord” They bowed “Is everything alright?” I blinked at them. The hallway was brighter than I had been expecting, and there were people talking. “Yeah” I managed, shutting the door behind me “I erm… I was just going on a walk” I turned to walk but heard their armour moving. When I turned back around they froze like statues. They meaned to follow me. I sighed “You don’t need to follow me”
“But it’s protocol my lord”
“I…” I sighed. My head was beginning to hurt. I just wanted the cool air again. I wanted away “Just stay here.”
“But my lord we are to protect you”
“I can protect myself. Really I just want some time alone” I went to walk again but the sound of their metal armour moving stopped me. It was like it was clawing at my bones. “Stay here” I repeated, my voice raising. I felt hot, burning up “But my lord” They tried and this time I snapped
“That’s an order”
“Whoa there” I turned my head to sound of Sokka, an arm going around my shoulder “Easy there Zuko”
“What are you doing up?” I mumbled. This was going to spread around the palace like a forest fire. How I was trying to leave, how I shouted at the guards. How I wasn’t good enough.
“Don’t worry men I will look after his lordship.” They looked between themselves before bowing, Sokka turned us away and walking me down the corridor. “Are you alright?” Sokka asked, and I could feel his eyes on me “Fine” I shrugged his arm off, heading down the stairs and out into the palace gardens.
The wind blew against my face and I closed my eyes with a sigh. The headache felt less intense, I felt calmer. “So…” I opened my eyes as Sokka spoke, finding him in front of me. “How come your up?”
“I could ask you the same thing” My voice was flat and Sokka shrugged dismissively
“I was just wondering around the place. What about you?”
“I just wanted some fresh air” Sokka nodded
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No” It came out faster than I wanted but he didn’t say about it. But he did smile at me, the half smile, that gave him a dimple, eyes soft as he looked at me.
“Alright, I won’t.”