Archive of Our Own ^beta

Joel’s got a great grill in his backyard. 

Dinner at his house is a now time-honored tradition, three years into their relationship. Ellie can’t cook for shit, never has been able to, and escaping to her dad’s house for a much-needed reprieve is pretty much a weekend go-to.

College is a lot, working is a lot, navigating her new kinda-relationship with Dina is a lot. Settling into Joel’s well-worn lawn chairs, an iced tea in her hands with ice clinking the sides of the glass, the warm Texas setting behind the hills, it’s almost like a little safe haven. 

Joel’s manning the grill tonight, while Tommy chats their ears off about the case Maria’s working on that has her away from home so much. He’s lonely, which Joel says is the main reason he’s allowing his brother to intrude on his and Ellie’s dinner. And an honest excuse to spend time with his little niece, who’s currently plopped in Ellie’s lap, playing with the Star Wars keychain on her belt loop.

“...and Maria’s gonna be back to visit this weekend, but the DA’s got everyone working overtime,” Tommy explains, as Joel hands him a plate of ribs to de-adultify for Rosie’s benefit. Tommy begins slicing up the meat into small pieces, collecting the assortment of fruits Joel had set out and arranging them on her plate.

“Babygirl!” Tommy hoots, catching his daughter’s attention. Rosie tilts her head away from Ellie’s keychain, eyes alight with excitement at the image of her dad walking toward her. It could either be her love for him, or her love of barbecue. Total toss up.

Rosie extends her arms for Tommy, who swoops down and hauls her up, kissing the top of her curly hair. “You hungry, little mama?”

She nods eagerly. “Hungry, Daddy!”

“That’s my girl.” Tommy smiles down warmly at her, turning to sit down in the lounge chair beside Ellie. “Thanks for keepin’ her occupied, honey.”

Ellie scoffs, leaning back against the plastic support of her own chair. “Please, she’s the only one mildly interested in my Star Wars memorabilia.” 

“Hey!” Joel chides as he approaches Ellie with a fixed plate of her own. “I watched that last one with ya’.”

“Okay, that was The Mandalorian. It’s separate from the movies.”

Joel scoffs. “Right. Just a few seasons of a handsome guy walkin’ around in a tin can. Different.”

“Maria thinks that one’s real good lookin’,” Tommy adds, as he sets Rosie on his knee and allows her to pick at the plate he’d prepared.

“Not my type,” Ellie shrugs, picking up a rib from her plate and digging in.

“Well, he don’t have tits,” Tommy bites back, making her snort out a laugh through her bite.

“Hey, don’t make my kid choke,” Joel scolds his brother, “and don’t say tits. Your daughter’s right there.”

“Tits!” Rosie repeats with a gummy smile, looking up at Joel.

Joel arches an eyebrow at Tommy, who looks chagrined. Ellie cackles out another laugh.

“Don’t tell Maria,” Tommy pleads.

Chuckling, Joel makes his own plate and sits in the chair on Ellie’s other side. They eat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, until Rosie announces she has to use the potty, and her father is quick to whisk her inside. They’ve just finally really gotten the hang of her potty training, and fully out of training diapers, Tommy’s not in the mood for any sort of accident.

Left to their own devices, plates quickly emptying, Ellie can tell Joel’s got something on his mind. He keeps casting anxious glances her way, chewing his food intentionally, as if he thinks with something occupying his mouth he won’t have to say whatever it is he ’s thinking.

“Joel,” Ellie nudges his ankle with her sock-clad foot, pursing her lips when he glances over at her. “You look like you’ve got something to say. Everything alright, man?”

“Oh, yeah, ‘course.” Joel nods quickly, pushing potato salad around on his plate. “Just had somethin’ I wanted to run by you?”

“Hit me,” Ellie nods, sitting up a little and focusing her attention on him. It always makes him a little uneasy when people pay him so much mind, Ellie’s noticed in their years together. Joel’s used to taking care of everyone else, putting everyone else first. Being listened to, truly listened to in more than a “following his orders” way, that’s hard for him. 

Still, Ellie meets his eyes, smiling encouragingly. That’s what they do. They help one another where they struggle.

“Alright.” Joel blows a breath out, shaking his head like he feels stupid. “I wanted to see if you might like to take a little road trip with me to Houston this weekend. They’re doin’ a launch, and I got us some tickets. Thought…thought you might wanna go down there and see it? We could stay overnight, there’s this hotel there that’s space themed and it’s got-”

His sentence is cut off by Ellie launching herself across the chair, arms tangling around his neck so tightly she’s sure she must be cutting off his airway.

She doesn’t care. She buries her face in his shoulder, tamping down the tears that yearn to surge from her eyes. His large, warm hand presses into her upper back, and his low voice chuckles, surely relieved.

“Is that a yes?” Joel asks.

“Are you fucking stupid?” Ellie demands.

He laughs again. “I’m takin’ it as a yes. There…there is one other thing, though.”

Pulling back, Ellie arches an eyebrow at him questioningly. 

Joel clears his throat, nodding more to himself than anything. “Tess is comin’ with us.”

She blinks, a bit surprised, but he doesn’t give her a chance to reply before he’s talking again.

“I know y’all don’t know each other too well, so I thought this might be a good way to get to. She’s got a son about your age, Leo, he goes to CalTech. He’s always been into space and stuff, so she’ll enjoy the trip too. She don’t get to see him much ‘cause they’re so far away, and-”

“Joel,” Ellie cuts him off with a smile, waving a hand dismissively, “that’s great. I can’t wait to go.”

Relief breaks through his expression visibly, and his shoulders settle. He smiles at her shyly, his teeth just barely showing behind his lips. It’s a more bashful look than she’s used to seeing on him, and she suspects it has something to do with his excitement to bring Tess. 

Ellie has met Tess a few times now, and she’s aware that Joel and Tess are steadily dating. She thinks it’s cute, honestly. The old guy must get lonely. 

“You sure it’s alright? I-“

He’s interrupted by his brother and niece exiting the house, Tommy with Rosie on his shoulders, fingers clutched around her chubby ankles. She’s got her hands fisted in his shaggy hair, and she’s grinning. 

“Rosie is officially the best in the world at usin’ the potty,” Tommy announces with genuine pride in his voice. 

“I think she’s the best at everything ,” Ellie says, hopping up from her chair to swoop in and snatch the little one from her uncle’s shoulders. Rosie shrieks gleefully as Ellie throws her over her shoulder and spins wildly. 

Tommy takes his place beside Joel, picking at the remnants of Rosie’s plate. “Lookit that, Joel, our girls.”

Ellie rolls her eyes at how mushy it is, pausing only when she hears how thick Joel’s voice is in reply. 

“Yeah. Our girls.”

She hikes Rosie up on her hip -momentarily ignoring the girl’s eager pleas for more - to offer Joel a small, reassuring smile. He smiles back, that tight bundle of nerves around his eyes still tense. 

Ellie resolves then, looking at his ambivalent expression, to make this road trip go as smoothly as possible. 

He deserves this.

It’s not a long trip, about three hours from Austin to the launch zone. The hotel they’re staying at is just a few miles inland, all in all not a bad drive. 

Still, it’s Ellie’s first real road trip. For the first few years of her adult life, she’d lived in her car, so the idea of a long journey in a car has never been particularly endearing. But this is all about fun, and spending time with Joel, two things that fucking rock. She’s got all her homework handled and her Friday shift covered (thanks Andre!) and she’s ready to fucking go. 

They’re taking Tess’ car, since it’s roomier and more reliable than Ellie’s jeep or Joel’s truck. She pulls up to Joel’s house in her sleek SUV, classic rock blaring, and rolls the passenger window down to grin at them.

“You’re late,” Joel gripes, bending down to pick up his overnight bag as Tess exits the car and saunters over to them.

“Oh I’m sorry, my overnight shift saving lives must’ve made me oversleep,” Tess hits back with a good-natured eye roll.

“Oh, saved some lives, did you?” Joel’s voice suddenly sounds more teasing. “I distinctly remember gettin’ a text asking me to go set a fire in the city ‘cause you were so goddamn bored.”

“Can’t blame a girl for trying, Tex,” she replies. 

Ellie shifts on her feet unsurely, her own duffel bag abruptly feeling too heavy to just sit here and stand.

“Hey Ellie,” Tess says to her with a warm smile, “thanks for letting me crash the trip.”

“Oh, dude, no problem.” Ellie waves a hand dismissively, struggling under the weight of her duffel with her other.

“Here.” Tess leans in and takes the bag from Ellie, the muscles in her bicep tensing and shifting with ease as she slings the bag over her shoulder. 

Damn. She's strong. 

Joel and Tess load the hatchback up with the bags, teasing each other mildly as they go. Ellie can't help but watch them, moving together like magnets, always in synchrony but not realizing it. Joel moves one way, Tess glides parallel to him in the other, an almost practiced routine of comfortability that seems intense for such a fresh relationship. 

She wonders, in his first acceptance of a woman in his life after Sarah’s mom, if Joel’s somehow met his fucking soulmate.

Joel offers to drive since he gets carsick on long drives, and Tess is quick to hand him her keys. Ellie settles into the backseat, legs stretched out as far as they can go in the roomy cabin, head pressed against the window as she watches Joel’s house fade into the background.

She’d been expecting a bit of awkward quiet, but Tess makes quick work of starting conversation. She cranes her head to the side to look back at Ellie curiously. 

“So, Joel tells me you’re nearly done with your Associates, that’s pretty exciting.”

Ellie nods thoughtfully, even though the thought of Joel talking about her behind her back makes her face feel warm. She knows he’d said it pridefully, giving her way more credit than she deserves.

“Yeah, this is my last semester.” Ellie shrugs. “I’m a few years behind. I heard your son goes to CalTech?”

“Yeah.” Tess’ smile grows softer, her eyes filling with this warm glow of tenderness. “Full ride. Mechanical engineering.”

“How much does he have left?”

“Two more years until his Masters. I miss him.” Tess shakes her head. “But we were talking about you.”

“Oh.” Ellie shrugs again. “Not much to talk about, really.”

“Have you thought about transferring for your Bachelors?” 

Ellie nods, and Joel jumps in to answer this question. “We went and toured a few. A&M has programs for transfer students. There were a few others she liked too but…” he hesitates, glancing at Ellie in the rearview mirror.

“They were far,” she fills in for Tess. “Like, multiple hours.” 

“Ah, I get that,” Tess nods in agreement. “Well, it’s your decision of course, but my two cents? Being far from home can be difficult, but it might be worth it in the end.”

Joel’s head cuts sharply to her, though she doesn’t seem to notice, too busy talking to Ellie.

“You want to be an astronaut, right?” Tess asks.

Ellie nods. “Um, yeah.”

“A&M got a good space program?”

“It’s good. I mean, really I’d have the best shot if I tried to get into the US Astro Academy, or Far Point University. They’ve graduated a lot of astronauts,” Ellie explains.

Now, Joel’s looking at her in the mirror again. “What? You didn’t tell me that.”

Ellie shrugs again. “They’re far. And I’m in my last year of qualifying for the age requirements for the Astro Academy.  It’s…” she waves a hand, “pipe dream.”

Joel clears his throat. “NASA’s here. Don’t it make sense to stay close?”

Tess arches an eyebrow in his direction. “Close to NASA, or close to her dad?”

“What’s wrong with it bein’ both?” he demands.

“Nothing,” Tess replies easily. She looks back at Ellie. “What’s the deal with Far Point?”

“Buzz Aldrin graduated from there before he joined the air force,” Ellie explains. “I mean, how fucking cool is that? Buzz!”

“That’s cool as hell,” Tess agrees, “have you signed up to tour?”

“Oh, no, no.” Ellie shakes her head. “It’s…it’s a lot. I’d have to do four whole years there, and I’m already so behind. And their acceptance rate is...” She shakes her head. “Pipe dream, also.”

“You know,” Tess regards her, “my captain is actually close with the dean there. If you want me to talk to him, I could-”

“Oh, no no,” Ellie is quick to cut her off, shaking her head again, “it’s…it’s so far away. And I wouldn’t be able to get in anyway. Don’t call in any favors or anything.”

Tess studies her curiously. “So that’s it? Texas A&M and then…then what?”

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Ellie chews on the inside of her cheek. “Um…”

“Tess, lay off,” Joel says gently, “she’s got plenty of time to figure all that out, she’s got a damn 4.0. She’ll do whatever she puts her mind to.”

“Of course.” Tess smiles reassuringly at Ellie. “Of course you will, kiddo. Sorry, didn’t mean to press. A&M is a damn good school.”

“It is,” Joel agrees, “you’ll love it, Ellie.”

“Absolutely,” Ellie agrees, smiling gratefully at Tess. “Thanks for the offer, though. That was really nice.”

“Anytime. Okay, enough lame, boring life talk. I also hear you’re into Star Wars.”

Joel groans quietly.

Ellie sits up straighter. “Wait, are you ?”

Tess glances sideways at Joel to make sure his eyes are on the road, before she subtly pulls down the hemline of her t-shirt to reveal a small tattoo on her shoulder. It’s a colorful, delicate portrait of Princess Leia in her gold bikini, artfully shotgunning a beer.

“Holy shit!” Ellie exclaims, reaching out reflexively to take Tess’ arm and examine the ink more closely.  

“Yeah, that was a good Comic Con weekend,” Tess muses, laughing idly at whatever memory she’s thinking of.

“Don’t get any ideas,” Joel tells Ellie with a huff, clearly having already seen the tattoo.

“Nope, totally copying this and getting it on my face.” Ellie shakes her head in disbelief. “This is the coolest thing maybe ever.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Tess grins, glancing down at the tattoo. “I regretted it the next morning of course, but it’s grown on me.”

“No, dude, it’s amazing. I might need to get one just to give Joel a heart attack.”

“It’d be worth it just for that alone,” Tess agrees with a chuckle. 

“Lovin’ this,” Joel mutters dryly. 

“Ignore him,” Ellie says dismissively. “Are you up to date on Mando?” 

“Oh my god, am I? Okay, what did you think of the last-”

“I’m gonna turn on the radio,” Joel cuts in, flicking knobs on Tess’ dashboard until a slow country song begins to twang through her speakers.

Without missing a beat, Tess reaches over and clicks the sound off. Joel groans again, and Ellie sees Tess grin.

Okay, maybe this is going to be more fun than she thought.

The car ride is turning out to be a nice time. Ellie and Tess actually have a lot in common, shared interests and a dry sense of humor. The discussions move in a nice rhythm, with everyone  getting  a chance to chime in for the most part. They’re two hours and an extremely in depth prequel discussion in (sorry, Joel) when he curses under his breath. 

“What is it?” Tess turns away from Ellie to look at Joel, whose eyes are resting on the dash display behind the wheel.

“Tire pressure’s low on the back driver,” he answers quickly, “just gonna pull over, see what’s what.”

“Careful, Tex,” she warns him gently, looking around them at the speeding cars on the interstate. He nods in assurance, and carefully guides the car over to the pull off, killing the ignition.

“Stay in the car, ladies,” Joel says, exiting the driver's side door. Ellie watches through the back window as he squats down beside the tire. She hears him curse again.

“Was that him?” Tess asks, clearly itching to get out and help.

“Yeah,” Ellie winces, “maybe a flat tire?”

“Hey, Tess, darlin’?” Joel calls before either of them can figure out what to say.

“Coming.” Tess moves for the door, but Joel halts her by calling out again.

“Hey, stay put. Lotta cars out here and they ain’t slowin’ down. Just wanna know if you gotta spare?”

“Yeah, in the trunk compartment!” Tess replies. Then, she looks at Ellie. “I’m gonna go stand by him and make sure the cars see us. Don’t want anyone sideswiping him.”

“I’ll help.” Ellie moves to follow her, but Tess’ voice is gentle when she interjects,

“You should stay in the car, safer.” With that, she exits and heads around toward Joel. 

Tapping her feet anxiously against the floor mats, Ellie watches as Tess appears beside Joel, who looks startled to see her. 

“I’ve got this, darlin’, get back in the car,” he tells her right away.

“Let me help,” she insists, “hell, I can change the tire myself, you know.”

“I’m well aware. You oughtta go sit in the car, don’t want you gettin’ hit.”

“ I don’t want you getting hit.”

It’s clear they’re at a standoff, so Joel sighs, shoulders sagging. “Alright, alright. Just, stay close to the car. Let me get this jacked up.”

“I should get out!” Ellie calls. “I’m weighing down the car!”

“You weigh two pounds!” He yells back.

With an aggravated groan, Ellie scoots over to the passenger side door and climbs out, circling around until Joel and Tess both spot her.

“Back in the car!” They yell in synchrony.

“I’m helping,” she insists, standing beside Tess as Joel begins to jack up the car so he can get the tire off.

It’s slow work, cautious and careful as cars speed by without a care in the world. Tess stands behind Ellie and Joel, as if shielding them with her own body, wincing each time a car zooms past at top speed with no intention of slowing down. It’s very clear to all of them that if someone isn’t paying enough attention, one wrong tilt could spin them out and flatten the trio.

Joel tells both of them to get back in the car many times, but neither woman is too keen on letting him boss them around. 

By the time the tire is on, they’re exhausted and starving. This has set them back significantly, and Joel is clearly displeased about the unexpected delay. He ushers the women back into the car and seems eager to get back on the road. 

It’s a miserable stint of traffic, driving slowly to make sure the spare is good to go, and Joel clenching his teeth against motion sickness before they finally make a stop for dinner. 

The diner is a small, dimly lit little place off the interstate. It’s pretty deserted out here, just an empty stretch of highway and a myriad of silver stars lining the inky black sky. 

Ellie, for one, is starving. They get seated in the back corner of the diner, bustling with a surprising amount of guests. Country music sings from a jukebox in the corner, cherry red booths and glistening chrome countertops make her feel like she’s walking back in time. 

Tess and Joel sit beside each other, the opposite bench to Ellie, who’s already perusing the milkshake menu when their server glides over on a pair of lace up roller blades. She’s wearing a tightly knit button up dress in a mint green color, and a folded over white apron around her waist. She grins at them, revealing a small smear of red lipstick across her front teeth. 

“Howdy there folks!” She greets them cheerily. “My name is Lou Anne, I’ll be takin’ care of you tonight. How are we doin’?”

“Good, thank you,” Tess answers with a tired smile.

“Mom and dad takin’ you on a little road trip?” Lou Anne asks Ellie as she begins passing around wrapped cutlery and entree menus. 

Ellie pauses with her hand on the menu, Lou Anne’s words sinking in. 

Mom and Dad?

That’s fucking new.

“Headin’ down to see the rocket launch tomorrow,” Joel saves her by swooping in to accept his own menu, smiling politely at Lou Anne. 

“Oh how excitin’!” Lou Anne croons. “You know, my first husband was an astronaut. He loved every second of it, though I missed him somethin’ fierce. Then he made off with my sister. After that, I didn’t miss him so much!”

Tess looks at Ellie, wide-eyed, clearly doing her best not to react to Lou Anne. Ellie bites down hard on her tongue to keep her composure in check.

Joel swoops in again, ever the expert at polite Southern-isms. “Well ain’t that a bitch? Men, dogs, all of ‘em.”

“Heard that,” Lou Anne agrees.

“I think we’ll need a minute here,” he tells her.

“Of course! Let me get y’all some waters and give you a chance on the menu. Y’all want any coffee?”

“As much as you got,” Joel requests.

“I’m on it honey.”

Once she’s cleared the table, Joel’s accusatory eyes cut to Ellie and Tess, who finally let out a few garbled, snorting laughs. 

“Y’all ain’t got no home training,” he scolds, which only makes them laugh harder.

“ Dogs, all of ‘em,” Ellie mocks in her best attempt at a gravely Joel voice. Tess smacks the table with her hand and laughs again.

“Knock it off you vagrants,” Joel chides again, though Ellie can see the corners of his lips twitching like he wants to smile. 

“As long as you don’t run off with my sister,” Tess hits back, and Ellie covers her face with the menu to hide her giggle. 

Joel is shaking his head when she looks back, but his teeth are digging into his bottom lip to hold back the laughter. 

It’s nice to see him this way. He laughs more these days than Ellie ever would’ve thought possible when they first met.

Sometimes she thinks back to that surly, quiet man she’d met on the construction site. He was so lonely, so angry, so full of contempt for the world and existing in it. Yet, something drew him to her. Something within him pushed him to take her under his wing. That deep piece of himself, the long-dormant father inside of him, bubbling to the surface to rescue a kid in need.

Never did she see herself here, debating where she’s transferring colleges to, afraid to be apart from him, even at the potential expense of her future. 

And now, he’s got a new woman in his life; someone smart and beautiful, funny and selfless. Someone who can look after him, the way he’s always looking after everyone else. Someone to cure that lonely part of him that even Ellie can’t fill. 

Now, he looks happy .

They place their orders with their chipper server, debating over coffee if Lou Anne’s sister is as much of an over-sharer as she is. The conversation is easy, light-hearted. Ellie finds herself laughing so hard at one point that she nearly chokes on her pancakes, and Joel moves to pat her on the back before Tess stays him with a gentle hand to reassure him. 

“She’s a big girl,” Tess reminds him with a chuckle, “she can chew her food.”

Joel rolls his eyes, picking at the remnants of fries on his plate. “Can’t hurt to be sure.”

Ellie laughs lightly. “He’s a little overprotective.”

“It’s sweet,” Tess replies, smiling. “It’s like he’s worried you’re gonna keel over and die or something.”

The air at the table changes very swiftly. Joel adjusts in his seat, brows furrowed, jaw tight. Ellie glances between him and Tess, wide-eyed in surprise that she’d make such a flippant remark. Someone who knows Joel’s history, who knows that his first daughter did keel over and die…well, it’s a pretty insensitive fucking thing to say. Seems out of character for someone like Tess, who appears very confused by his reaction. 

Then, realization hits Ellie. 

He hasn’t told Tess.

“What’d I say?” Tess demands, clearly confused by the abrupt tension between them.

“Nothin’,” Joel responds swiftly, shaking his head and smiling thinly at her. That polite, southern composure is evident on his tight face. “Just, never know with Ellie. She likes to cause trouble. Right, kiddo?” His eyes meet her face desperately, searching, pleading .

“R-right,” Ellie nods in agreement. “Yeah. I give him headaches. Reckless.”

“Alright then.” Tess frowns deeply. “If…that’s all. You sure I didn’t-”

“Hey what would y’all say to some milkshakes?” Joel suggests, interjecting Tess’ sentence and holding up the colorful dessert menu. 

It’s clear Tess isn’t pleased about being interrupted, but she can seem to tell that something has happened here. A deep, purple bruise that isn’t meant to be poked at. 

“Get me an Oreo, Tex,” she tells him with a small smile. “I’ve got to run to the ladies.”

“You got it, darlin’.” He nods firmly at her as he slides out of the booth toward the restroom. 

Once they’re alone at the table, Ellie glares at Joel with accusatory eyes. “What the f-“

“We ain’t gotten all into our pasts yet, alright?” He shakes his head again. “It’s…that’s heavy shit? Alright? I’m not…I ain’t there yet.” 

“So she doesn’t know anything? I mean, Sarah, or your-your,” Ellie fumbles over the next word, “ attempt?”

Joel winces. “No, none of it. It don’t seem like good date conversation, now does it?” 

“You’ve been together for months! What else does she not know? I mean, who does she think I am?”

“Oh Ellie, don't be ridiculous. She knows you’re my kid, that I took you in.”

“Joel, c’mon man, you gotta tell her. This kind of shit is like, important . Especially when you really like someone. And I can tell you really like Tess.”

Joel sighs, shoulders deflating. “You’re right, kiddo, I know it. I oughta tell her. I already should have. It’s…it’s just…” 

“Scary?” Ellie fills in quietly. 

He nods, eyes focused on the table. 

Hesitantly, Ellie reaches her arm over their empty plates to take his hand in hers. His familiar fingers are rough and calloused, but still so gentle when he squeezes her palm in his own. 

“Listen man,” she begins carefully, “letting people in is fucking scary. I think you and I know that better than anyone. But… but if this,” she gestures between them, “has taught me anything, it’s that letting the right person in can change everything.”

Joel glances up at her through his eyelashes, lips curved in a tender smile. He nods thoughtfully, a faraway look in his eyes. 

“You’ve got a point there,” he admits.

“Of course I do. I’m a fucking genius.”

“Won’t catch me arguing.”

“Well there’s a first.”

He laughs, a soft sound, warmed at its edges by the tenderness of their hands interlocked. It’s only when Lou Anne bounds over to take their milkshake order, that their hands separate. 

Tess returns shortly after, and the awkward air seems to dissipate as the trio enjoys their dessert and moves on to less heavy topics.

When they finally do pull up on the bumpy asphalt that is the hotel parking lot, Ellie learns that Joel was not exaggerating. It really is space themed. 

The exterior is a chrome color, with neon lights blaring at the check-in doors. There’s a silver halo around the top crest of the roof, in the shape of a stereotypical UFO with little green circles to represent the lights. There’s a bustling restaurant that seems overcrowded even at this hour, people in little alien hats and colorful clothing spilling out of the front doors.

Joel makes a small noise of acknowledgement in his throat as he puts the car in park. “Well, ain’t that on theme?”

“We’re only a few miles from the launch site,” Tess observes, “they must be leaning into it.”

Ellie rolls down her window, poking her head out to see the drunken, giggling crowds of people parading around in front of the hotel. 

“Looks like I’m not the only alien around anymore,” Ellie teases Joel lightly, wagging a hand at a couple walking out of the restaurant with little green antennas on their heads.

Joel laughs.

“It’s kind of funny that space is synonymous with aliens,” Tess notes, “I mean, it’s a NASA launch site, not a UFO site.”

“Yeah but that’s where aliens live,” Ellie reminds her matter-of-factly.

Tess grins. “You’ve got a point.”

“Y’all hang tight, I’m gonna get us checked in.” Joel kills the ignition and exits the car, heading for the hotel entrance. Ellie watches with amusement as he dodges floppy spaceship hats and twirling wands with neon lights at the ends. 

In the quiet of the car, Tess turns to face her. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“What’s up?”

“Back at the diner, it got a little awkward. Did I-”

Her question is interrupted by a drunk man wearing a UFO floppy hat, barreling into the side of the car. He apologizes loudly, pushing his limbs up off the passenger side door, and meanders off toward his next destination. 

The next moment, Joel is back at the car, opening the trunk to signal that he’s secured their room key.  With a huff, Tess exits through her door, leaving Ellie alone in the car.  

She hesitates, her skin feeling prickly all of a sudden. The situation at the diner, discovering that Joel hadn’t told Tess about Sarah…it isn’t her place to comment on it. She’s gonna need Joel to start being honest with his girlfriend pretty fucking fast- Ellie’s just as bad with conversations like these as he is.

A shortage of rooms due to the hotel being busy for the launch, leaves the trio sharing tonight. Joel apologizes to Ellie, but she tells him it’s okay. Not the first time they’ve shared a hotel room, and she feels pretty comfortable with Tess after their day on the road. She doesn’t like being alone in hotels anyway, which he knows. Besides, she thinks that might be the real reason they’re all sharing, even if he doesn’t say it.

Ellie sets her duffel at the foot of the double bed by the sliding glass door. It overlooks a second-story balcony, flatlands in the distance below a dark sky full of silver flecks. She leans against the railing, elbows bent, face cast up toward the vast expanse of the evening.

Ellie’s always yearned for something more. Growing up in the foster system, she spent most of her time looking out windows, wondering what lay beyond the restrictive confines of whatever shitty home she was stuck in. She yearned for more , she yearned for freedom, for the chance to leave this fucked up place called Earth and find herself so far away that even a phone call from CPS couldn’t reach her.

Against her will, she thinks about what Tess had offered in the car today. An in at Far Point, a way to help her get closer to achieving her dreams. Her entire life, all she’s done is struggle and suffer and want for things. Ever since Joel, it seems like shit’s just falling into her lap. 

It’s too good to be true, right? It’s more than she could ever deserve. Tess could just talk to a guy and what? Get her a shot?

If she got into Far Point, she’d be a fucking shoe-in to make it to NASA. It’s not exactly an easy acceptance, and their space program is damn near the best. 

She’d also be across the country. 

It’s really fucking ridiculous, because she spent most of her life fending for herself, but she’s afraid. Over the past few years she’s come to rely on Joel. He’s a father to her in every way thinkable, and they need each other. She helps him, he helps her, they look out for each other. Besides, there’s Tommy, Rosie, Maria and Andre, Jesse and Dina, god- Dina- they’ve only just started sorta dating. Ellie can’t screw it up now by moving thousands of miles away. She has people now. 

It just can’t happen. It’s a pipe dream. She has too much at stake now to run off and leave it all behind for some fantasy.

Her eyes cast up to the sky again, lashes fluttering as she takes in the delicate pattern of silver lights decorating the darkness. In a way, it’s never been closer. Yet, like a scared little girl, she pushes it away. 

She’s disappointed in herself, letting the fear control her like this. She’s been scared all her life, never truly feeling secure until she had the embrace of a grouchy old contractor to curl her up in a cocoon of safety. 

How is she supposed to leave him? His first daughter left him. Ellie is all he has. 

“Hey.”

Ellie turns to see Tess exiting the sliding door out onto the balcony, smiling. Her hair is pulled back in a sleek ponytail, face free of makeup. She smells like some sort of night cream, crisp and fresh. She’s wearing a pair of black pajamas, sock-clad feet stepping out over the threshold. 

“Hey,” Ellie replies gently, “where’s Joel?”

“Showering. Figured he’d get a jump while you were out here stargazing.” Tess smiles and looks up at the expanse of stars above. “You really love this stuff, huh?”

“Yeah.” Ellie nods, glancing back up at the open sky. “Always have. When I was in really bad foster homes, sometimes I’d just look out the window and imagine I was on a spaceship, all the way out there.”

“You wanted to be far away from it all,” Tess responds, more an observation than an inquisition. 

“I did.”

“And now? Now you’re afraid to leave?”

Curiously, Ellie tilts her head toward Tess in question. Tess gives her a knowing look. 

“C’mon kid. I basically offered to get you into Far Point and you turned me down. Hard to think of another excuse for someone who wants to be an astronaut so badly.”

Exhaling, Ellie nods again, this time to concede. “I guess you’re right. I…I couldn’t leave my dad and go across the country.”

Tess purses her lips. “Why not?”

With a chuckle, Ellie looks at her. “Are you trying to get rid of me or something?”

“No, not at all honey. I just… I know a thing or two about regret, is all. Hate to see a smart woman like yourself get saddled with it.”

The younger of the two frowns. “You think I’ll regret not going to Far Point?” 

“I think you have dreams,” Tess corrects, “big ones. You have passion, desire. You have life. I’d just hate to see you sacrifice that for something as meaningless as geography.”

Ellie studies the sky again, the navy blue pattern of light cascading across the horizon. It breaks into the blackness, offering beautiful hues that contrast the silver flecks delicately. 

Passion, life, desire. 

She’s never really had the luxury of having any of those things before. 

“You know a thing or two about regret?” She asks, eyes darting sideways to study Tess’ face briefly. 

At this, her green eyes darken a bit. Her lips tilt down, and she exhales, shaking her head. Ellie watches her for a beat, watches the furrow of her brows, the sad turn of her mouth, the vacant pain in her normally glimmering eyes. And she wonders, why this look feels so… familiar. 

Tess glances over at her, blinking rapidly, and Ellie suddenly realizes why. She’s seen this look before. On her father. 

Indescribable pain, barely masked by a curtain of dry humor and toughness. 

Grief. 

“Tess?” Ellie asks softly. 

“My son,” Tess manages, voice wobbly. 

“Your son. He’s at Caltech, yeah?”

Tess’ eyes squeeze shut, forehead wrinkling. “He was . He was when he…just before he…” she falters, her voice breaking before she can get out the rest of the sentence. 

The unsaid words hang in the air between them. 

Just before he died. 

“Oh,” Ellie says the word like it’s been punched out of her, a huff of air shooting from her lungs. 

Tess nods again, wiping a quick hand across her eyes to keep them dry. “Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Sorry, sorry Ellie.”

Ellie’s mind is moving a mile a minute, pouring over the details of their conversation in the car. 

“I’m a few years behind. I heard your son goes to CalTech?”

“Full ride. Mechanical engineering.”

“How much does he have left?”

“Two more years until his Masters. I miss him.” 

“I-I-“ Ellie shakes her head in disbelief. “I’m sorry I had no idea- did you- does Joel know?”

“No.” Tess exhales. “I couldn’t figure out how to- I didn’t know how to tell him something like that. I mean, it’s heavy. It’s a lot. It’s been a long time. And I’m okay, you know, as okay as you can be… but it still hurts. And I really like Joel, I don’t want to scare him off.”

With white knuckles, Ellie’s fingers wrap around the balcony railing. “Tess…I mean, first of all, I’m so fucking sorry. That’s awful. I don’t even know what to say…. I’m sorry about your son. But, if I can be honest? You should tell Joel. Trust me, I think he’ll understand more than you think.” 

Like, completely understand, considering he’s got a dead kid he’s hiding from you, too!

Seriously, what are the fucking odds ? These two really are soulmates- in every annoying way. 

Tess breathes out, leaning back with her shoulders deflated. Her gaze looks faraway now, eyes soft, mouth drawn down. 

“You’re right,” Tess agrees after a moment of quiet consideration. “Joel is a good man. I should’ve been honest with him from the start. It was just… less scary to pretend everything was okay. That I was… normal , I guess.”

Ellie reaches over and squeezes Tess’ hand. “You are normal. Trust me, everyone else is fucked up in their own way. No one gets that more than Joel. When he first took me in… well, we both had a lot of healing to do.”

The woman looks grateful, returning the grip on Ellie’s hand. “Thank you, honey. I’m sorry for dumping this on you. This trip is about you, and-“

“This trip is about us ,” Ellie corrects her with a gentle smile. “He wanted us to get to know each other. Kinda fucking feels like we do.”

Before Tess can reply, the balcony door slides open, and a heavy pair of footsteps steps out. Both women glance over to see Joel standing there, looking inquisitive. He’s dressed in a pair of checkered pajama pants and a white t-shirt, his graying locks damp from a shower. 

“Everythin’ alright?” He asks warily. 

“All good,” Ellie assures him, releasing Tess’ hand. “Just bonding and shit.”

“Hmph.” Joel rolls his eyes and closes the distance, wrapping an arm around Tess and pulling her in as they lean against the railing. His eyes cast up to the stars, a small, wistful smile hinting at his lips. 

“Nice night,” he comments. 

“Yeah,” Tess agrees softly, resting her cheek on his chest. 

Ellie watches them for a moment, transfixed. The easy affection that ebbs and flows between them, while neither of them seem to realize it. It appears to come naturally, their desire to be close, their warmth. Two cold, sarcastic people softened in the other’s presence. 

“I’m gonna snag the next shower,” Ellie says, “I think you two have some things to talk about.”

She gives them both a pointed look until they seem to understand simultaneously. They glance at each other, speaking in tandem. 

“I have something to tell you.”

They both look perplexed by their simultaneous words. 

“Have fun!” Ellie salutes them teasingly and sequesters herself in the safety of the hotel room. 

She takes her time in the shower, scrubbing off the day in the car and the thick layer of emotional turmoil that feels like it’s settled on her skin. 

As she languishes under the hot water, she finds herself reeling with the knowledge of how far she’s come. Whether it was therapy, or finding a family, or not living every day in fear anymore… something significant has changed within her. 

It’s enough to make her smile as she lathers up her loofah and inhales the fragrant bubbles of soap. Life is not what it once was, life is fundamentally different, and it’s an odd thing to reconcile with. She wonders if she’ll ever get tired of being amazed at how happy she is these days.

Which begs the question, how could she ever leave?

Joel has made it clear he doesn’t want her to go, heavily encouraging her to look at Texas schools, to stay close by. She doesn’t want to leave him. They’re family. 

But…what if Tess is right? What if she regrets not going forever?

Would it be ungrateful to take Tess up on her offer? To jump at the chance to cross the country and take her best shot at her dreams? To leave Joel behind, alone, missing her?

That’s a little dramatic, she can’t help but think, you’ll visit each other, and FaceTime, and he’ll undoubtedly learn to text like a pro if it’s the only way to reach you. 

But he’d still be here alone.

She turns the shower off, droplets dancing down her choppy hair, dribbling onto her collarbone. Ellie thinks about leaving. 

It’s what Riley had done- the thing that got her killed. Run off to leave this life behind and seek something better. Ellie had been too afraid to go with her, and that’s why she’d died. 

After everything, all the ways she’s changed for the better, is she really still that scared little girl? 

It's different now, of course. She’s got things that matter here, people she’d be leaving behind. A man who loves her so deeply he’d saved her life, and cares for her like a daughter. He takes her on trips just to see the thing she loves most in the world.

Well, second-most.

Is that what this is then? A choice between the two things she’s loved most in her entire life? Her father, or her dreams? 

After dressing in her night shorts and one of Joel’s big t-shirts, Ellie crouches beside the toilet, scrolling on her phone. The Far Point website is simple and inviting, and her eyes fall victim to the enticing tagline at the top of the applications tab.

ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND

APPLY TODAY TO NEW YORK’S MOST ESTEEMED STEM PROGRAMS

With a sigh, she scrolls further, finding herself enthralled by the graduates list, the successful astronauts that have made names for themselves after leaving this school. Against her will, she imagines herself in one of these photos, decked to the nines in her suit, holding her helmet, grinning at the camera with pride in her eyes. Knowing, against all odds, she’d finally done what she’s always dreamed of doing. 

She exits the website to her phone’s home screen, suddenly entranced by another image. The photo of Joel and her on Space Mountain, arms high, grinning and screaming, both looking utterly elated. It’s the happiest either of them has ever looked in a photo, she’s sure of it.

More resolute than ever, she closes her phone and exhales. There is no choice here, no debate, no question. 

Joel saved her. Joel took her in, loves her as his own. She owes him everything. She cannot, she will not just abandon him. It’s the only thing that’s right. 

She won’t leave him on his own the way she did Riley.

Ellie gets to her feet and exits the bathroom, rounding the corner hesitantly. She’d intentionally taken a long time, hoping Joel and Tess were able to talk out whatever it is they needed to talk out. She hasn’t heard any yelling or throwing, which seems like a good sign. All the couples she’d grown up around tended to do that when things got too real. She peers toward the balcony door, surprised with what she finds. 

Joel’s arms are around Tess, who’s got her face pressed into his shirt. Her shoulders are wobbly, breath hitched almost as if she’s crying. It’s surprising from the normally tough, dry woman Ellie’s met.

And Joel…oh, Joel.

He’s holding her so tenderly, one palm cupped around the back of her head, the other gently stroking her spine. He’s saying something to her, and she’s nodding as though his words are reassuring. Still, he holds her, never faltering, never letting go because she needs him.

He glances up as Ellie fully rounds the corner, and their eyes meet. Hers are wide and apologetic, his are wet with unshed tears, but gentle.

He smiles at her, and nods once. A confirmation. They’ve told each other. And if the way they’re embracing is any indication, it went better than either of them had been worried about. 

Tess breaks away then, looking up at Joel without noticing that Ellie is watching from inside. One of her hands comes up to cup his rugged cheek, thumb brushing delicate lines over his face, as though in reverence. Joel looks away from Ellie at the sudden distraction.

And with an urge to her body, something like unfettered passion and adoration, Tess leans in and kisses him. 

That’s Ellie’s cue.

Quietly, she slides the curtain closed on the balcony door, and crosses the room to plop down on her bed, reeling from the heavy emotions of the evening. 

Though, as she considers what she’s just seen, she can’t help but correct herself on an earlier worry. 

At the very least, Joel is not as alone as she’d thought.

The night is restless, as hotels always are for Ellie. 

Between Joel’s grating snore - somehow Tess sleeps soundly beside him, unbothered- and the general discomfort she has with hotels, it’s tough to fall asleep. 

Ellie rolls around, sprawled out on the mattress, staring up at the popcorn ceiling through the dark for a while. Her eyelids get heavy, though her mind fights sleep, and it takes hours before she finally succumbs.

There’s little relief in slumber, as she finds herself standing outside her old foster home, blinking rain from her eyelashes as Riley whispers through the noise.

“...have to come with me!” she’s insisting. “It’s not safe here!”

She’s right, of course. This foster home is bad . Marlene’s hit her with the belt so many times already, Ellie’s begun to grow numb to the feeling of leather slapping across her arms and back. But, honestly, at least she eats here. There’s food most nights, and as long as she keeps her mouth shut, she doesn’t get the belt. It’s as good as it’s gonna get, really. 

“If I run again they’re gonna send me to juvie,” Ellie tries to reason with her best friend. “I’ll never get adopted if I have juvie on my record, Riley!”

“Oh please Ellie, you’re sixteen. No one is going to adopt you!” Riley throws her hands up with exasperation. “Just face it, we’re basically adults now. People don’t take in adults. Our best shot is to get the hell out of here before Marlene fucking kills us!”

And Ellie wants to go, more than anything she wants to get out of this place. Wants to leave. Wants to stay by Riley’s side.

But alongside the fear, there’s something more powerful and more damning all at once.

Hope.

She’s not ready to let go of that tiny, miniscule thread of hope within her. That immature, probably stupid and misguided, part of her that wants to believe someone, someday could want her. 

“I can’t,” she tells Riley, voice breaking, “I’m sorry. Please stay?”

Riley shakes her head. “No way. I’m not going to stay here and wait to die. Good luck, Ellie. I really hope you don’t get killed.”

With that, she’s gone.

The rain melts to tears on Ellie’s face, and she wakes with a start, hand clamped over her mouth instinctively to hide the gasp that chokes from her throat. She’s sitting upright in a stiff hotel bed, white comforter tangled around her sweaty legs, and she can’t fucking breathe.

She hears stirring in the other bed, but disregards it, scrambling to her feet and moving for the door. She just barely hears Joel’s whispered, “Ellie?” before she’s outside.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Ellie finds herself standing in the parking lot, illuminated by only a pale streetlight. The restaurant is closed now, no more lingering patrons or drunk people in floppy alien hats. The flatlands surrounding her feel vast and endless, the cool spring air near suffocating as she struggles to fill her lungs. Her knees knock together, her chest burns, her eyes feel damp.

“Ellie.”

He’s beside her now, one arm reaching out to touch her between the shoulder blades. She glances sideways to see his concerned face, brows furrowed, lips drawn down, eyes heavy with worry.

“I-I’m fine,” she manages to gasp, “Joel, go back to bed. I didn’t mean to-”

“Honey, what’s wrong?” he interjects immediately, “hey, just breathe Ellie, s’okay.”

“I know,” she replies, voice weak and raspy as she attempts to steady her breathing, “just a bad dream. It’s okay. I’m alright.”

And she is. She’s not immune to the past; pain always lurking around the edges of her mind even when things are really good. Still, it’s easier to bear now. She just has to calm down, take a few moments and breathe fresh air.

“Here, baby.” Joel kneels down beside her, and Ellie realizes he’s brought her sneakers. She looks down at her bare feet, crunching gravel. “C’mon kiddo, don’t want you steppin’ on no glass.”

Dutifully, she slides her feet into the sneakers, resisting the urge to cry when he gently takes her ankle in his hands and helps guide her in. 

“Thank you,” she stammers.

“Don’t ever gotta thank me for lookin’ out for you, s’my job.” Joel opens his arms, and Ellie falls into them easily, breathing in tune to the steady rhythm of his heart. “Do you know what brought it on?”

“Just…hotels, you know,” Ellie murmurs, “never great.”

“I’m sorry darlin’. I should’a-”

“No, nope. Don’t even, Joel. Not your fault in any way. Don’t you dare.”

“Wanna talk about it? What it was about?” His voice is soft, caring, every bit a concerned father. She can’t help but remember Riley’s words to her on that cold, rainy evening.

No one is going to adopt you! People don’t take in adults.

Ellie looks up at his face, furrowed brow, drawn down lips; pure worry. Not an ounce of anger or frustration in his expression. All he cares about is that she’s okay. His love is so pure, so untarnished and wholesome.

How could she ever leave him? 

“Joel,” she says into the fabric of his shirt, breathing in the familiar smell of his Old Spice deodorant.

“I’m here darlin, what’s goin’ on?” he murmurs into her hair, 

“I’ll never leave you, I promise,” is all she can get out through her trembling breaths, “you know that, right? I would never take this for granted. I’m never leaving.”

“Ellie,” his words come out in a quick huff, “what- why-”

“Thank you for bringing me out here, thank you for caring so much.” Ellie wipes at her eyes and exhales shakily. “I’m never gonna leave you, okay? I mean, you know that?”

“I know that, baby girl.” Joel cups her cheeks, tilting her face up so he can study her more closely. “Take a breath, Ellie. It’s okay.”

“I wanna go to A&M for school,” she continues, her voice a babble at this point, “I don’t care if it’s not the best. I wanna be home, okay?”

“Alright Ellie, that’s great. Was that what you dreamed about?” 

She shakes her head lightly. “N-no, but I just…it’s what I want. Okay. Just had to tell you that.”

“Okay honey, I’m real glad to hear it.” Joel pulls her back in and kisses the crown of her head, both of them exhaling. “You gonna be okay to go back to bed?”

“Um…you go without me. I need some more fresh air,” she confesses.

“I ain’t leavin’ you alone in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere at night,” he replies without missing a beat. “You want me to go stand over there quietly?”

Her heart wrenches at the offer. “No, no. Let’s stand here together.”

“Alright then kiddo. Let’s stand here together.”

Under the glistening silver starlight, he holds her. They stand together, where she intends to keep them for as long as possible.

The next morning is full of hustle and bustle.

They have to be at the launch site pretty early, so after Joel and Ellie return to the hotel room to try and catch up on some missed sleep, there’s little time to relish in what they get. Tess’ alarm blares them all awake alongside the rising sun.

There are scrambled morning showers, muttered greetings of the tired, caffeine-less sort, shuffling bare feet and toiletry bags unzipping. Ellie feels like a zombie until Tess returns to the room with some sludge-y coffee from the front lobby. She gulps it all down so quickly it burns her throat. 

Then, they’re on the road. Tess is driving today, Joel in the passenger seat readjusting every few minutes like his back is hurting. Ellie figures all the time in the car hasn’t been kind to his aging body. Add in lack of sleep, she’s amazed he’s not in a worse mood.

He seems in surprisingly high spirits, actually. Maybe it was finally being honest with Tess, which seems to have brought those two closer, maybe it was Ellie reassuring him that she’s going to stay in Texas. Whatever the reason, he’s cracking jokes and grinning around sips of disgusting coffee like he’s in paradise.

Ellie herself is in high spirits too, practically bouncing in her seat as she looks out the window at the passing scenery. With each mile they close in on the launch site, she grows more excited. It’s finally setting in, she’s going to see a fucking rocket ship launch! 

This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for Ellie. Joel’s gone out of his way to spend his time, money, and effort to bring her here, just so she can have a taste of what she’s always dreamed. 

She’s reminded, as they near the launch site and she begins to see the large scaffolding, of her childhood journal. Every day she’d doodle little spaceships, blasting off with puffy gray clouds and brilliant orange flames propelling them. Every science project was about space, every movie was about astronauts (or the occasional dinosaur) every chance she got to break away in the library was to snatch another book about Sally Ride. 

It’s another thing she never thought she’d get to do, right alongside having a family and feeling safe every day. Getting to see real astronauts take off for the great unknown.

And because of Joel, as everything good in her life is, she gets to do it.

Ellie is giddy as they park the car and begin to extract themselves amongst the crowds of people heading for the launch site barrier. It’s a bit of a scramble to get through, to find themselves at the barrier, looking up at the most beautiful rocket Ellie’s ever laid eyes on.

It’s there, right in front of her in all its glory. It’s huge, bigger than she could have ever imagined. Involuntarily, her hand comes up to clasp over her mouth, eyes wide as she takes in the sight before her. A sleek white exterior, cavernous engines, an entire crew of people working to bring this beauty to life.

And if she closes her eyes for just an instant, if she tries really hard, she could imagine what it’s like on the inside. What it might feel like to be those people she sees walking across this platform in their jumpsuits, waving to the elated crowd. How everything else would just disappear once she was sealed inside, and she’d finally be able to shroud herself in the stars.

Ellie’s never been religious, stayed in a few foster homes with shitty Catholic values and uptight, bigoted morals, but never found credence in such things for herself. Never believed in a God who allowed so much suffering, the way Joel seems to still be able to. Never could permit herself to get wrapped up in the spirituality or faith of believing in something otherworldly. 

That is, until she sees that rocket take off.

 Ellie understands, all at once, how people can find faith in the seemingly impossible. 

She’d thought for so long that the moment would go by so quickly there’d be no time to savor it, but in reality, that launch feels like it takes her through her entire life. 

That little girl with the astronaut book clutched under her arm, hiding it from her foster parents so they didn’t confiscate it. That buck-toothed kid doodling spaceships on the margins of every assignment she’d ever been given. That young adult hearing her pseudo father say he’d pay for her to start college classes. 

And maybe, if she gets really lucky, a grown woman, climbing into the cockpit of a ship just like this one. 

She hasn’t realized that she’s begun to laugh, an elated, borderline maniacal sound. Tears stream down her cheeks, soaking her shirt collar, lips spread in such a wide grin that it’s begun to strain her cheek muscles. 

The craft is disappearing from view now, the fiery engines burning so brightly she can still see a hint of orange in the distance. Her eyes are unmoving, gaze locked on the slowly fading sight of the rocket. Her ears feel like they’re full of ocean water, chest inflated with warm air, face soaked, throat dry from her cackling laughter.

For the briefest instant, she is on that ship, leaving all of this behind. She feels weightless. She feels free.

Then, she glances over to see Joel looking at her. He makes no effort to hide that he’s blatantly staring; reverence seems to pour out of his body. His own eyes appear a little red, teary, though none spill. The expression on his face as he looks at Ellie… well, he’s beaming at her like she just sprang forth from sunlight itself. 

Their eyes meet, her own dripping with tears of euphoria; his utterly teeming with devotion.

And there are no words in any language that could possibly be strong enough to measure the gratitude she feels for him in that moment. No way to thank him for what he’s just given her. No chance in Hell she’ll ever be able to repay even a fraction of what she owes this man.  

People around them are beginning to disperse with casual conversation about how cool that was. Ellie’s sneakers feel planted to the dry grass, legs unmoving, heart stunted in her chest as she tries to come down from the high that’s just completely consumed her.

It’s Tess who breaks the bubble of bliss with her gentle voice. “Wow. That was really something.”

“Sure was,” says Joel, clearing his throat at the tail end of the sentence. “Ellie?”

She looks back at the sky, where now only a smoky trail of fuel lies stagnant in the air. She wants to fly up there and breathe in the fumes, if nothing more than to have a piece of this day to take with her.

It’s only when he clears his throat again, does Ellie realize Joel is holding something out to her. She looks down to see a small pin in the center of his palm. It’s a rocketship in front of a circular molding of the earth, with little gold trim and stars on the wings. 

“Welcome back to Earth, kiddo,” he tells her, his smile heavy with unexpressed emotion.

There is simply nothing else to do besides throw her arms around his neck and sob. He catches her slight weight with ease, wrapping his arms around her waist and laughing jubilantly while Ellie babbles out insufficient mutterings of gratitude.

“Thank you Joel! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! ”

“Oh, honey,” is all he murmurs in reply. 

Somehow, she manages to pull back, taking the pin from his hand and immediately stabbing it through the material of her flannel shirt. Then, she whirls on her heel and throws herself at Tess, who wobbles a bit more than Joel had under her weight, but still catches hold of her with ease.

“Thank you,” Ellie breathes into her hair.

“Thank me?” Tess chuckles softly. “Kiddo, I’d pay all the money in the world to see that look on your face just one more time.”

“Best day fucking ever,” Ellie replies as she pulls back and glances between them, wiping liquid from her cheeks with a giddy grin. “I wanna do it again, so bad!”

“Someday it’ll be you in there,” Tess tells her firmly, and all Ellie can do is laugh with elation again. 

“What do y’all say we go get some lunch before we hit the road?” Joel suggests, glancing between the two women with a fond smile spreading his lips.

“We can literally do whatever you want dude,” Ellie responds.

“Shit, if I’da known this was all it would take to make you a good listener, I would’a done it years ago,” he teases lightly as they begin to turn from the launch site toward the cars.

The gentle insult rolls right off her shoulders. Ellie feels like she’s floating, rather than walking. She keeps replaying the launch in her head on a loop, over and over, trying to commit to memory every facet of the endeavor. The sounds, the smells, the sights. The way Joel was looking at her. She wants it with her forever.

They stop for lunch at a cafe Tess finds on her map. It’s as dinky a place as the diner was, but the food looks pretty damn good. The trio find themselves seated at a round booth, each with a heaping helping of hot, rich soup and grilled paninis. 

Ellie watches Joel and Tess from the corner of her eye as they eat. The conversation is lighthearted, jovial and upbeat. There’s nothing in the actual words that might lead her to think anything had changed. 

But the way they move just feels more intrinsic. He leans in, she moves sideways to make room. She bends down to pick up a fork, his hand glides across the edge of the table to cup around the corner so she won’t bump her head. She leans her head back to laugh, he brushes hair from her face with a delicate finger that she doesn’t shake off. Her eyes are a bit gentler when they land on him now, his arm around her shoulders more steady. Comfort, ease, something they’d needed to build up to. 

They’re connected in more ways than Ellie could’ve ever hoped. She’s happy, truly, that he’s found someone he can share himself with. It’s what he deserves. It’s what they both deserve. 

The conversation is idle as they make it through their food and head back for the car. It just feels comfortable , in that content, serene way you’re supposed to feel with family. 

If Joel’s mission here had been to bring Ellie and Tess together? He was a successful man. 

Tess is driving again, Joel in the passenger seat while Ellie stretches her legs across the back row. She’s got headphones in for this stretch, and Joel is too busy ODing on Dramamine to combat his car sickness to be much of a conversationalist. 

It’s quiet now, but the content, comfortable sort of quiet you can only really have with people you’re close to. Rather than uncomfortable or tense it feels… serene. It feels like home. 

Tess drops them off outside Joel’s a few hours later. She lets the engine run while she helps them unload their bags and take them into his front foyer. It all feels very mundane, but in an oddly good way. 

Ellie remembers the envy that she always felt watching family road trip movies. The nonchalant way they joined together to haul suitcases or gas up the car or stop for snacks. She remembers how her friends at school would talk about taking trips over spring break, about how it was so annoying having to be cooped up with their parents for a week straight. 

Thinking about that used to hurt; a pang in her chest that ricocheted with each year of empty hope that dragged by. She used to try to ignore the family photos and anecdotes that other kids would come back to school with. 

It’s mostly weird because it doesn’t feel weird. She’s grown used to this now, after a few years with Joel. Normalcy. It’s such a funny thing to have to get used to. One would think a lack of chaos and calamity is the norm. That things being okay is the norm. 

Really, it’s been a change that’s taken years to fully get comfortable with. 

Tess hugs Ellie for longer than she’d expected, but she doesn’t mind. She likes the woman, likes her as a person and likes her for Joel. 

“My offer still stands,” Tess reminds her quietly, before they separate. 

“Thanks for everything Tess,” Ellie replies, smiling. 

Joel bids her a slightly grosser, more PDA goodbye, and they both stand aside to watch her SUV disappear down the road. 

Once they’re alone, he turns to Ellie. “What do ya say kiddo? Wanna order some dinner before you head home?”

“Sounds great.”

They set up on Joel’s couch with takeout Chinese food in their laps and some crime documentary on the TV.  Ellie is surprised to find herself hungry even after the numerous stops for greasy roadside food on the trip. 

It’s comfortably quiet again, just the occasional chime in from one of them whenever they have a theory or a comment about the story. Joel is convinced ten minutes in that he’s got the killer pegged. Joel is right more than she likes to admit, so she doesn’t dare to contradict him this time. 

They're a half hour in when Joel sets his to-go container on the coffee table and pauses the television, sighing heavily. Ellie glances over to see him pressing his palms into his knees, clearly apprehensive. 

“Heartburn?” She asks with sympathy in her voice. He should’ve known better than to knock back so much spicy chicken without a second thought. 

“No,” he scoffs, then reconsiders, “well, yeah.”

“Let me get your-“

“No, no stay put. I wanna talk to you about somethin’.”

Her brows furrow. “Okay?”

Joel sighs again, leaning back against the couch. He runs a hand through the wiry hair of his groomed beard, lips twitching like he’s trying to figure out how to phrase whatever it is he’s thinking. 

“Back at the launch,” he begins slowly, “the way you looked… I ain’t ever seen you like that, Ellie.”

She offers him a hesitant smile. “Yeah man, that shit was a dream come true. Thank you, again.”

“Right.” He turns his head toward her, forehead wrinkled, lips drawn down speculatively. “But that ain’t all you dream of.”

Confused, Ellie shakes her head. “What do you mean?”

“You want to be an astronaut.”

“Uh…yeah?”

He exhales, meeting her eyes. “And the best way to do that, would be to accept Tess’ offer, right?”

Ellie shifts on her seat, throat suddenly feeling dry. Her heart hammers against her chest, fingers tightening as she wraps them around her arms to secure herself. 

“There…are other ways,” is all she can muster. 

“But this is the best way,” he replies flatly. 

“I guess so,” she agrees, looking down at the frayed fabric of her jeans. 

Joel sighs again, shaking his head slightly as his eyes draw down. “I think you oughta accept her offer.”

Ellie’s head snaps toward him, disbelief written across her expression. “What?”

“Ellie, I can’t let you sit back and take the safe way out. That ain’t how I raised Sarah and…and I won’t let you do it either. This is a huge opportunity, this is what you’ve always wanted, kid. And Tess can help you get it. I know I been makin’ a big deal about you staying close by. I’m sorry. It’s been hard for me to…to accept the thought of you leavin’. But that ain’t right. You have to do this.” 

“You want me to leave?” She’s a little ashamed at the hurt palpable in her voice, but his words cut like a knife. All this time she’d come to trust him, to know that he’s the only person who never wanted to get rid of her, the only person who’s wanted her close , and now this? Now he wants her to go? Across the country?

“That is damn near the last thing I want,” Joel assures her, his voice even and steady. “If I had my way you’d still be living here, with me . But the only thing that would be worse than letting you go, is knowing I’m holdin’ you back. I can’t do that, Ellie. Not when you’ve worked so hard to get here. I saw you at that launch, honey. You need to do this. After everything you been through? You owe it to yourself.” 

Ellie stares, uncomprehending. It feels like her brain is short-circuiting. This can’t be right, can it? Joel is telling her to accept Tess’ offer of getting her into a prestigious astronautics academy across the country, and go? Just leave ? Everything? Her job, her friends, her…her family? 

Joel?

And she curses herself, because so many years later, she’s still that scared teenager, clinging to what she knows, terrified to seek out what she doesn’t. 

“I-I can’t,” she stammers, “I’m scared.”

“That’s okay, darlin’.” Joel reaches over and rests a hand on her knee. Almost instinctively, she reaches for it and clasps her fingers around his. “Bein’ scared is part of life. Hell, all the best things that ever happened to me usually made me pretty scared.”

“Like what?” she demands. 

“Like proposing to my girlfriend in high school, startin’ my own business, havin’ my daughters.” He gives her hand a tight squeeze. “I’d do it all over again, every single thing, even though it was real goddamn scary. All of it led me to you, kiddo.”

“Where would I live?” She argues. “Dorms are so expensive. And I can’t work full time while I’m-” 

“Ellie, you know damn well I’ll take care of you. I’ll cover your housing, c’mon now. I’ve still got some of Sarah’s college fund left. She’d want me to put it to good use.” 

“No, Joel, you’ve done so much already. I won’t ask you to-“

“You ain’t asking, honey. This is your dream, ain’t it?”

Unable to lie, she nods slowly. “Yes.”

“This is your shot , ain’t it?”

“Yes…”

“Then why the hell would we let somethin’ as stupid as distance stop you? You’ll come down for holidays, I’ll fly up for spring break. We can do that FaceChat or whatever the hell it’s called. It’s only a few years, kiddo.”

Ellie looks at his face, surprised to see earnest conviction there. She knows this can’t be easy for him, talking her into leaving and going so far away. Yet there he sits, heedless of his own wants and desires, always always putting her first. 

She doesn’t deserve this. She can’t do this to him. 

But… she thinks about that little girl, doodling spaceships in her notebook. That scared little girl who could never jump into the great unknown. Who never had the chance. 

Doesn’t she deserve it? 

“I don’t know what to say,” is all she can manage. 

“Listen and listen good,” Joel tells her sternly. “We are family. You’re my kid. That’s forever. Bein’ in different states for a little while ain’t gonna do a damn thing to change that. This is unconditional. You hear me?”

“I-I hear you.”

“So you’re gonna pick up the phone, call Tess, and tell her you wanna accept her offer. Yeah?”

“I-yeah, okay.”

“I love you,” he says, “and I’ll still love you even from far away.”

She doesn’t know why, but for some reason it’s that sentence that makes Ellie burst into tears. She clamps her hand over her mouth and feels hot liquid dribble down her cheeks, eyes squeezing shut. He’s beside her again in an instant, his large arm pulling her in, tucking her against his chest. 

“Talk to me darlin,” he murmurs, worry evident in his gentle tone. 

Ellie presses her face into the thick fabric of his flannel, feeling the warm material soak up her tears. It’s hard to explain; she doesn’t know how to tell him that these aren’t tears of sadness, rather than overwhelming relief. 

She’s been so afraid of abandoning him, leaving him on his own, betraying him after he’d done everything in his power to save her life. All she’s wanted to do is try her best to return the favor. 

Here he is, reminding her that his love has no boundaries, physical or emotional. Here he is, ready to embark on this journey with her, support her in more ways than she could’ve ever asked for. Here he is, being her father. 

“Thank you,” she says again, although it still doesn’t feel like nearly enough to show proper gratitude for what he’s given her. If she could go back in time, find herself outside that construction site, give herself even a glimpse of what life could be… well, it would’ve made it all a lot less scary.

“I love you,” he repeats, more firm this time. 

“I love you too, man. Fuck . I love you so much.”

“Just don’t forget me when you’re a big fancy astronaut, hm?”

“Of course not dude. I’m gonna bring your picture to space with me and introduce the aliens to my dad.” She smiles against his chest at the thought. “They’ll be all: bleep blop your blop dad blop is blop funny looking blop.”

Joel snorts out a laugh. “Great plan.”

Ellie wipes at her face, drying her cheeks and sucking in a slow, deep breath. The reality of all of this still hadn’t set in- probably won’t for a while. The future feels uncertain and frightening, though not in the ways it used to. 

It’s easier now, with someone who has her back, loves her unconditionally, who always looks out for her. 

It’s easier with Joel. 

“What do ya say kiddo?” He asks softly, once he can tell her cries have settled to a more muted sniffle of contentment. “Wanna finish the show? You can give Tess a call tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” She doesn’t move away even as Joel leans forward to grab the remote and hit start. 

They lean back against the sofa, entangled, Ellie’s head on his chest, Joel’s steadying hand between her shoulder blades. 

It’s closer than they usually get, even nowadays with how tactile they can both be. But she can feel that they both need it. 

They’re gonna need to soak up as much of this as they can, before they’re apart. 

And it’s scary- it’s so fucking scary. But sitting here in Joel’s arms, his warm affirmations still hanging between them in the air…

Well, it all feels like it’s gonna be just fucking fine.