Chapter Text
[Happy Tree Friends]
Splendid: Good morning everyone!
Splendont: It's 6 am.
Splendid: That's morning 😊
Splendid: As always, have a wonderful day and remember the chat rules!
Splendid: 1. Be kind to each other.
Splendid: 2. Please keep your display name as your name to avoid confusion.
Splendid: 3. No inappropriate postings.
Splendid: 4. Try to keep the conversational topics related to emergencies.
Splendid: And 5. Please ask me or Splendont if you need any help or have any questions.
Toothy: Okay, thank you Splendid! :D
Shifty: i feel like this same exact thing has happened word for word every day since this chat was fucking made
Shifty: i know the rules already
Shifty: that doesn’t mean i’m gonna follow them btw
Shifty: i’m just sick of fucking hearing them
Shifty: also why tf is this chat named happy tree friends
Shifty: ik tree comes from tree town but i am not your friend and i am not happy about being here
Nutty: cause itw the name if tje show
Shifty: what
Sniffles: Nutty, what are you talking about? What show? And please try to type a little slower, you're making a lot of typos again.
Shifty: 🤓
Nutty: okay and idk tbh im just a lil siloy :3
Shifty: well stop it’s annoying
Splendid: Shifty, you're breaking rules 1 and 4…
Shifty: fuck you
Shifty: kiss my ass
Shifty: 🖕
Splendid: Splendont
Splendont: What.
Splendid: Please make him behave.
Splendont: No.
Nutty: damn f dude
Splendid: …What does that mean?
Nutty: paying respects
Splendid: But nobody's died.
Sniffles: Yet.
Shifty: 🤓
Shifty: actually that’s incorrect the coffee maker fell on lifty and he died
Splendid: Oh no! 😥
Shifty: so i ask that everyone except splendont shuts the fuck up so i can be sad and lonely until tomorrow and also let me steal whatever i want
Lifty: I'M NOT DEAD DIPSHIT THAT DID NOT HAPPEN
Lifty: >:(
Shifty: dumbass i was this close to getting people to agree to let us nab shit with no consequences
Sniffles: Actually, it was incredibly obvious you were bluffing because if he were to be dead I think you would be much more upset about it than that.
Shifty: 🤓
Splendid: Stop it.
Shifty:
Nutty: anyone wanana play minecarft
Nutty: guys
Nutty :(
–––––
[Happy Tree Friends]
Lifty: anyone else just look at their sibling, see what they're doing, and think ‘god you are so stupid’.
Splendont: Yes.
Splendid: Splendont…
Cuddles: What did Shifty do?
Lifty: well it all started when he found a corn dog in a trash can.
Lifty: it had mold on it by the way. and was. in the trash can.
Lifty: dumpster diving is for cool things and not food.
Lifty: but the man who shares my genes went ‘cool free corn dog’.
Lifty: i respond. ‘shifty do not eat that it has mold on it.’
Petunia: 🤢
Lifty: IT GETS WORSE
Petunia: How?!
Lifty: shifty looks at me and says ‘fuck you. do you think i can deepthroat this thing?’
Flippy: I mean if Red's anything like Did then he might have a pretty good gag reflex. - Fliq
Splendid: FLIQPY
Lifty: SEE I WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE WITH IT IF IT WERE A NORMAL CORN DOG AND NOT THE MOLDY TRASH CORN DOG AND WE WERE IN OUR APARTMENT BUT PEOPLE LOOKED AT US AND WATCHED HIM STICK A MOLDY TRASH CORN DOG DOWN HIS THROAT
Petunia: This was IN PUBLIC?!
Cuddles: Dude I'm so sorry but this is so funny.
Lifty: and then he took a bite of it and went ‘mm. it's undercooked.’.
Lifty: i told him not to eat any more
Lifty: he still ate it.
Lifty: i’m afraid that people who don’t know what we are and can't tell us apart despite what we wear will think of me as the guy who deepthroated the moldy corn dog
Lifty: I CAN LIVE WITH BEING A DUMPSTER DIVER. I CAN LIVE WITH BEING A BROKE ASS THIEF BUT NOT FUCKING THAT
Splendid: I'm not sure what to say.
Splendid: I'm genuinely speechless.
Cuddles: LMAO
Shifty: eat shit and die lifts
Lifty: am i really the one eating shit.
Lifty: Am I
Shifty: 🖕
Splendont: Two words: Food poisoning
Flippy: How big is your dick Red
Flippy: Do they suck you off
Flippy: Are they good at it
Splendont: 🤨
Splendid: Fliqpy please stop violating rule 3.
Flippy: Fuck the rules.
Splendid: Please?
Flippy: Okay.
Cuddles: WHIPPED
Toothy: As if you aren't the same with Giggles.
Petunia: That's true, Cuddles.
Nutty: facta
Russell: They be right about that, Cuddles. Ye would do anything for that lass.
Shifty: why do you still type like a pirate dude.
Russell: 'tis just who I am, lad. It simply feels right.
Splendid: Wait, we're violating rule 4!
Cuddles: YEAH LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT ME
Splendont: …’Did you realize that these rules aren't going to be followed.
Shifty: and you don’t need to send them every fucking morning at 6 am
Splendont: You made a group chat with a bunch of people, of course they’re going to want to talk.
Splendont: Plus we're all adults here.
Splendont: Not naming names but some people are a bit hornier than others…
Petunia: Disco Bear.
Lifty: shifty
Flippy: Me
Splendid: But how am I supposed to know if there's an emergency and you need my help?
Splendont: @Splendid Ping for emergencies
Splendid: Whoah!
Splendid: I didn’t know you could do that!
Shifty: dude are you stupid
Nutty: @Sniffles hi
Sniffles: Hello, Nutty!
Shifty: 🤓
Lifty: he just said hello this time
Shifty: it's called committing to the bit lift.
Lifty: and i’m gonna commit to the bit of hanging out with nutty when you inevitably get food poisoning <3
Shifty: i've never gotten it before what makes you think i'll get it now.
Sniffles: …You ate a moldy, undercooked corn dog out of a trash can?
Shifty: 🤓
Sniffles: Why do I even bother…
Shifty: 🤓
Splendid: Okay.
Splendid: @everyone
Splendid: Splendont and I have discussed and decided to remove rule 4 and, begrudgingly on my part, rule 3.
Splendid: Additionally, rule 5, which is now the new rule 3, has been updated. If you need us to help you, you can use the @ command to summon us. Please use this responsibly.
Shifty: @Splendont
Splendont: Yes love?
Shifty: need kiss
Petunia: Don’t kiss him, he's disgusting!
Shifty: FUCK YOU
Splendont: Brush your teeth and clean your mouth and I'll think about it.
Shifty: the things i will do for love
Lifty: @Splendont
Splendont: Of course Lifts.
Lifty: :D
Shifty: THAT'S NOT FAIR
Lifty: he's probably gonna take care of your dumb ass when you have food poisoning. i at least deserve a lil kith.
Splendid: Splendont don't just fly over there to give him a kiss! They're abusing the pinging!
Splendont: It's 100% fair, Shiftster. You ate a trash corn dog, I'm not kissing you until I know I'm not going to taste that.
Shifty: UUUUUGH
Splendid: Don't text while you're flying! What if you drop your phone?
Splendont: I'm not gonna dro4oj8JbiOjpm
Shifty: OH MY GOD
Shifty: for my own sanity i hope he catches that or it gets destroyed on impact
Splendid: Why?
Shifty: 🙃
Splendid: Oh.
Splendid: I did not want to know that…
Splendid: Err, infer that.
Splendont: My life flashed before my eyes.
Splendont: You were finally right about something ‘Did.
Splendid: Thank you!
Petunia: I think that was an insult…
Splendid: Oh.
–––––
[Happy Tree Friends]
Lifty: @Nutty coming over
Nutty: k!
Sniffles: It's 2 am.
Lifty: and?
Sniffles: You shouldn't be going out alone at 2 am, especially since you live in the bad part of Tree Town, and I don't think you should be leaving your brother alone with food poisoning.
Lifty: 🤓
Lifty: yeah okay i understand the appeal
Nutty: i wanana try!
Sniffles: And Nutty, I'm especially appalled that you would encourage this.
Nutty: 🤓
Nutty: haha!
Nutty: its sillt :3
Sniffles: Does this constitute an emergency? I don't want to abuse the privileges given to me by Splendid…
Lifty: it's not an emergency. we'll be fine.
Lifty: what should we play nutty
Nutty: mario kart!
Lifty: okay!
Sniffles: But surely Splendont will be upset with me if I don't stop you, and I wouldn't want to be on a hero's bad side… Hmm, what a predicament.
Flippy: I think it could constitute an emergency, especially since Shifty likely isn't doing so well.
Lifty: no flippy don't encourage the ping
Lifty: actually he's probably sleeping i think we're fine
Nutty: :D
Sniffles: @Splendont There is an emergency.
Splendont: What is it?
Splendont: Let me back read.
Lifty: NOOOOO
Lifty: NOT THE INSTANT RESPONSE
Nutty: :(
Lifty: RUNNING
Splendont: Do not .
Splendont: If anything happened to you I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
Splendont: I'm on my way to your place right now. Can you stay there please?
Lifty: …
Lifty: okay
Nutty: oll come to you then!
Flippy: I think this proves that we are all kind of whipped for our partners…
Sniffles: Nutty, no! It's just as dangerous to go there! Also, you should be asleep!
Nutty: nah
Sniffles: What do you mean by ‘nah’?
Nutty: im on my way :D i got the gamse
Sniffles: Splendont, aren't you going to stop him?
Flippy: I think he's flying right now.
Sniffles: Oh, Nutty… You're gonna get your games stolen or worse…
Flippy: Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if they're afraid of Nutty, even in the bad part of Tree Town.
Sniffles: Nutty's a perfect angel who has done nothing wrong!
Flippy: I think he would kill a stranger for a free lollipop.
Lifty: he might kill someone he actually likes too if he's in like withdrawal.
Nutty: id nrver kill you nestie
Lifty: :D
Splendont: I'm here, in the elevator now.
Lifty: thank you ‘dont. i really appreciate it.
Splendont: No problem. I love you both, I'd drop anything for you.
Nutty: IM HERE
Sniffles: How? You can't fly like Splendont.
Nutty: magic :D
Sniffles: …
Sniffles: Understood. I just won't question it.