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“Your hands are cold.”
The back of Jimin’s hand barely touches Jungkook’s as they hold their phones against the train car’s window, both of them facing outside and catching the view of the sprawling sea in front of them.
It’s there that Jimin wonders how even something this small can make him feel something .
Maybe it’s the air in Japan. Maybe it’s the sight of the sea again. Maybe it’s just being at the right place with the right person.
“I’m pretty cold right now,” Jungkook easily retorts, “Aren’t you?”
“I think you get cold easier than me. Look at you, all bundled up.”
Jimin can’t help but pinch Jungkook’s cheek for a second. It makes Jungkook grin at him so cutely and so softly, making a face that gives Jimin butterflies.
There’s something about them lately that’s different.
Jungkook’s been much happier, and it makes Jimin so happy too. Despite the looming events that make Jimin a little anxious, he hasn’t felt this light and content in a long time.
“Hyung,” Jungkook quietly says after a moment.
“Mm?” Jimin then moves his phone, turning the camera to face Jungkook for a second, before he stops recording and puts the phone away.
Jungkook follows suit, pocketing his phone and facing Jimin.
“Do you think…” Jungkook swallows before continuing, “Do you think it’ll be really cold in the military?”
Jimin doesn’t miss how Jungkook’s been openly talking about their enlistment for the past couple weeks, and even more during this trip.
The anxiety that’s been kept at bay in Jimin’s chest bubbles up a little. It's still a topic that he doesn't enjoy thinking about, but there's been more comfort around it lately, especially since they're going in together.
“Probably,” Jimin answers, voice quiet, afraid that it might shake if he speaks any louder, “But we’ll be fine.”
He doesn’t even know that for sure, but he’s the one who should be telling Jungkook this. Things will be fine. They should be. Because they’ll be there with each other, and if Jungkook gets too cold then Jimin will keep him warm, at whatever cost.
Jungkook doesn’t say anything. He just moves to sit a little closer to Jimin, and sets his sights back out the window.
Jimin suddenly feels the bittersweet gloominess fill the air between them.
So as he turns to look out the window, he discretely places a hand on Jungkook’s lap, a small attempt at giving him some warmth. Like clockwork, Jungkook’s hand moves on top of his.
There it is again–Jimin’s insides feeling something.
"Jungkook," he quietly starts again, attempting to move past that gloominess.
"Yeah?"
"What's your favorite part of any of our trips so far?"
Jungkook is quick to answer.
"This one right now."
Jimin’s heart skips a full beat.
Slowly, Jungkook intertwines their fingers on his lap. At the same time, the song changes into something more sentimental.
Jimin’s heart had been racing for different reasons lately, and his eyes definitely don’t miss the way Jungkook sticks to him more than he ever did before.
Because there really is something different about them lately. This air between them is familiar and yet it’s something entirely new to him.
"We did so much though," Jimin says, softly chuckling, "I thought you’d say something about food, or that gravity theme park. Maybe even canoeing? How can this be your favorite?”
Jungkook just shakes his head.
"Those were all really fun, but this one’s different. Right now, I couldn’t ask for anything else.”
Jimin tries to grasp what Jungkook had just said. He racks his brain for a response, but all he can muster is a thoughtful silence.
Right now, I couldn’t ask for anything else.
Should Jimin ask what Jungkook means?
“I get you. This is a lovely train ride,” Jimin says instead, embracing how pure the moment is, how beautiful the sight is outside, how calming the weather is, how having Jungkook beside him puts him at ease.
He hears Jungkook sigh–a sigh where Jimin’s not sure if it’s good or bad–so he turns to look at him.
“What?” Jimin asks, and Jungkook’s eyes leave the view outside to stare straight at Jimin’s eyes from this close distance.
Jimin shivers. Jungkook’s eyes are even starrier today. Jimin can never get used to how breathtaking they are.
“It’s not just the train ride, hyung,” Jungkook quietly murmurs, so quiet that cameras and mics probably won’t pick it up, so quiet that Jimin wouldn’t hear if he wasn’t so attuned to Jungkook.
His heart picks up its pulsing.
Jungkook gently squeezes his hand once.
“What else is it, then?” Jimin couldn’t help but ask.
He watches as Jungkook licks his lips, as his big brown eyes flit from his face to their intertwined hands to the view of the sea outside.
Jungkook’s thumb then gently rubs the back of Jimin’s hand. He shivers even more.
“It’s… everything,” Jungkook breathes out, eyes catching more and more stars-he’s getting teary eyed, it seems.
With the way he knows him so well, Jimin can tell that Jungkook’s holding back. But whether it’s holding back tears or holding back words, or both, he’s not so sure.
Jimin just nods in understanding.
“We’ll come back here again, for sure.”
“Yeah. We’ll go back here a lot. And maybe one of those times, we could ride this train back and forth all day… just sit here and look outside.”
Jungkook squeezes his hand again, and now it’s his turn to get teary-eyed.
There’s so much unsaid, and Jimin realizes it’s him too who’s been holding something back.
Because there’s still something about this moment, and about the way the two of them are today, that makes him want to cry.
What exactly is it?
"What about you hyung?" Jungkook suddenly asks when Jimin stays silent, deep in thought, “Do you have a favorite memory on any of our trips so far?”
Jimin keeps his gaze out at the sea, not wanting Jungkook to read what his eyes might transparently say.
You. You’re my favorite memory.
“It’s hard to pick one,” he says instead, trying to gear into a light, joking tone, “I like them all because you’re with me.”
He ends it with a childish grin, just so Jungkook wouldn’t look too much into it, so he wouldn’t figure out the weight of Jimin’s honest words.
Because if he does, it might be too much for either of them right now.
But when he turns to look at Jungkook again, he finds much more emotion locked in his starry eyes. So much emotion that it tugs at his soul.
“You know,” Jungkook murmurs, before he nods, “You know I feel the same way, right?”
Jungkook squeezes his hand for a third time, and Jimin’s heart just bursts into life.
“I know.”
It’s not a secret between them anymore–Jimin knows that they both know it to some extent. They’re aware that each other’s company is something they both enjoy, something they both can’t live without.
And they’ve said it a few times already. But this time, somehow, it feels like it means something more.
Something more. Jimin wonders if he’ll ever figure out what that really means for them.
“Thanks for coming with me here, hyung,” Jungkook says after a while.
Jimin chuckles. “Why are you thanking me for coming with you? This show was my idea.”
“Well,” Jungkook’s tone rises exaggeratedly, as if he’s kidding, “You could’ve planned this trip and let someone else come in your stead. Like, what if Namjoon hyung came instead of you?”
Jimin laughs a little louder. “You would totally like that, though.”
“Mm, well, now that I think about it, I think going with him here specifically would’ve been perfect, actually. Would you mind going back and sending him here?”
“Brat!” Jimin takes his hand off Jungkook’s lap and lightly smacks his chest.
Jungkook laughs, and his cheeks tint with a pretty shade of pink, and Jimin’s heart leaps over and over again.
Slowly, the hand Jimin used to smack his chest is getting enclosed by Jungkook’s hand again.
It’s warmer now, and there’s even more warmth blooming from Jimin’s chest.
“Jimin hyung, you know it wouldn’t have been the same though,” Jungkook says, squeezing at Jimin’s hand again before placing their intertwined fingers back on his lap.
That’s all Jungkook says.
There’s still so much they’re both holding back, and the air is thick with what Jimin knows are unsaid thoughts and feelings, with actions that they choose not to do, with lines they choose not to cross.
For once, Jimin’s hand squeezes back.
Jungkook’s eyes widen just a fraction, before a small smile settles on his lips.
I’m really happy with you. Jimin wants to say it. Maybe he’ll just say it this way, with a little grip of the hand.
He sighs contentedly, looking out at the sea again.
“It’s so beautiful,” Jimin mutters, but he can’t shake this feeling–he can feel Jungkook’s gaze burning against the side of his face.
“Yeah. Really beautiful,” Jungkook simply says.
He turns, just to look at Jungkook again, and he finds the boy staring at him.
Jimin looks away just as quickly, heart soaring and crashing at the same time.
He feels Jungkook’s gaze return to the sea outside, and he finally settles down, basking in the moment, relishing in the way Jungkook’s now much warmer hands are still on his, with their sides stuck together comfortably, letting his thoughts fly as the sprawling sea endlessly makes his heart content.
Jungkook was right. In this moment, there’s nothing else Jimin could ask for, too.
The song in their earphones changes.
It’s Jimin’s song. No, their song. The one Jimin wrote for the fans. The one he asked Jungkook to sing with him, because it was for him too.
“This is perfect to listen to while looking at the sea,” Jungkook quietly comments.
And Jimin’s heart beats faster.
And somehow, he can feel Jungkook’s heart beat faster too.
And slowly, Jungkook’s head falls on his shoulder.
And Jimin can’t breathe.
He’s never felt this way before. Everything they both said leading up to this moment had felt so heavy with the weight of the unsaid and undone, and it makes something as small as Jungkook leaning his head on Jimin’s shoulder feel a thousand times warmer.
And all that warmth is what he knows as love.
And there's so much love between them.
And the words being sung in their ears seem to say everything they need to say: t hat with the uncertainty of their future, one thing he’s sure of is that he’ll want to stay by Jungkook’s side.
“Jungkook,” Jimin whispers, turning a little to look at him, expecting him to look up too.
But then Jungkook closes his eyes and smiles softly, and Jimin feels warm all over again.
“Yeah?”
Jimin, for the very first time, entirely admits it to himself right then and there: Jungkook has all of his heart.
And he wants to say it out loud. You have all of my heart, and so I’ll stick with you as long as you want me to.
“Do you feel warmer now?” Jimin asks instead.
“Mm.” Jungkook then just snuggles even closer.
“Is my shoulder that warm?”
Jungkook doesn’t answer immediately, and Jimin thinks he may have dozed off.
But then he feels Jungkook sigh.
"Not just your shoulder."
"Hm?"
“You’re entirely warm to me, Jimin.”
There it is again–the fluttering of his heart, the warmth in his stomach, the shivers down his back, the weight of what’s unsaid just settling within them comfortably.
And Jimin isn’t blind. He’s admitting it to himself now: they’re something else.
They’re not just friends, whatever that means for everyone else. He would be stupid not to notice just how much affection they have for each other, just how much they understand each other on a deeper level that it's overwhelming to think about.
Whatever they’re called, it’s them. And it’s something so beautiful and chilling and all-encompassing that it hollows out Jimin’s inside, as if carving a space for Jungkook’s soul.
“This one’s my favorite, too.” Jimin quietly says after a while, the words leaving his lips before he can stop them.
“Hm?” Jungkook then looks up at him, and it seems that he suddenly understands, “Oh. Good.”
This moment is his favorite. It's so simple, and yet it has changed everything.
He hadn't been entirely sure before, but he’s so sure of it now. Jimin is as important to Jungkook as Jungkook is to him.
He feels it as Jungkook snuggles even further into him, and as he leans his head on Jungkook’s. He feels it every time they breathe together. He feels it all around him now, and he doesn't know why he hadn't been so sure before.
“Thanks, too, for coming with me here,” Jimin sincerely says, squeezing at Jungkook’s hand again.
“Of course. You’re giving me the most beautiful memories to relive, you know?”
I love you. It’s at the tip of Jimin’s tongue.
“You are, too,” Jimin finds himself saying instead, knowing just how heavy an I love you would’ve felt, “I hope we get to do this forever.”
“You have to promise me, hyung. We’ll keep coming back here, even when it'll be hard to do in the future. Promise me.”
It’s so easy to do that. He’s still so anxious, so uncertain of what’s to come, of what hardships they might face, but it’s worth it to look towards the future, because Jungkook will be there.
“I promise,” Jimin quietly murmurs against his head, quickly linking their pinky fingers together, “We’ll be back here on this very train. Over and over again. As much as you want.”
So warm. So sweet.
It feels like a much deeper promise too. A promise to say by each other's side for as long as they can.
Jungkook then rubs a thumb again at the back of Jimin’s hand comfortingly.
“I hope you’re not thinking too much of what’s to come, hyung. I’ll be with you, and we’ll relive this moment over and over again if it helps get us through everything.”
Jimin’s heart fills with so much warmth, but this time it’s so, so different. He knows he’s never felt this way before–never this strongly. And it’s all because of Jungkook.
He always thought he had to be the person to give Jungkook all the comfort in the world, but somewhere along the way Jungkook had become the person he finds the most comfort in too.
From that moment on, Jimin gets the resolve to consciously show Jungkook more of the way he loves him. Even more than he ever had before.
Maybe he’ll start right now.
“Jungkook,” I love you.
Why is it hard to say now? It’s usually so easy, because it’s just the truth.
He breathes in and out.
“Jungkook,” he tries again, but for some reason the words won’t come out.
Maybe it’s because he’s scared. Maybe it’s because he knows that if he says it now, it would have an entirely different meaning than any other time he’s said it.
It’s getting harder to breathe.
“Hyung, you don’t have to force it,” Jungkook suddenly says, nuzzling his neck even more.
“W-what?”
“You want to say something, but it seems like you can’t. At least not right now. I don’t know what it is, but you don’t have to force it.”
“Oh.”
It’s overwhelming, gut-wrenching even, just how much Jungkook understands him.
Maybe they are soulmates, and Jimin hasn’t figured it out yet.
“We’ll be together for a long time," Jungkook's voice turns even softer, "Whatever it is you wanted to say, you can tell me whenever you’re ready. Whenever you’re comfortable, okay?”
Jimin wants to cry.
He can’t think of anything else but one thing: he loves Jungkook so, so, so much.
So Jimin doesn’t say anything else. He just squeezes Jungkook’s hand again, and Jungkook squeezes back. For now, he hopes it says everything he couldn’t say.
But he’ll say it. Maybe soon. Maybe one day. Maybe when it’s just the two of them, and Jungkook can’t mistake it for anything else but the deepest love he's felt for anyone ever.