Chapter Text
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After the disaster that was the mission on Horizon, Garrus found himself, Zaeed, and Shepard on Omega. The two humans were drinking themselves into a stupor at the Afterlife; one seemingly for the hell of it and the other to forget. Forget Horizon, forget the Collectors, forget Kaidan and their history.
“To Horizon, and kicking some Collector ass!” Zaeed exclaimed, raising his glass of mysterious purple liquid into the air. Shepard said nothing, half-heartedly acknowledging his toast before throwing her drink back.
“Let’s get back to the ship,” Garrus interrupted, having had enough revelry for the day “think we could use the rest.”
Shepard grabbed the bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy she bought from the bartender and wordlessly marched to the ship, not looking to see if her team was following. As they exited decontamination and walked on to the ship, Shepard beelined for the elevator. Garrus followed, needing to take it down to the battery. To his surprise, rather than going to the first floor where her room is, Shepard pressed the button for the third floor.
“Meeting with Miranda?” Garrus asked. The two have an odd relationship. Miranda is obsessed with Shepard’s wellbeing after having spent two years of her life rebuilding her. Garrus made a mental note to buy her some chocolates or something as a ‘thank you’.
“Dr. Chakwas. She lost something when the first Normandy-” Shepard paused, looking down at the bottle of brandy in her scarred hand. “When all that happened. Figured I’d bring it back to her.”
“That’s…really thoughtful, Shepard.” Garrus looked down at her as the elevator slowed, his subvocals humming. She carried a sadness in her eyes that people rarely get to see. Every day she presents as their fearless leader, but after seeing Kaidan, Garrus can see that something broke in her. Shepard looks up at him as the elevator comes to a full stop.
“I try.” She says. The elevator opens, a rush of cold air and voices enters a space that had been just the two of them. Shepard steps out first, making her way to the doctor’s quarters. Garrus feels a sting of emptiness, standing in the elevator alone.
As he walks towards the battery, he sees through the clinic’s windows as Shepard presents the bottle to Dr. Chakwas, the doctor immediately embracing her. Shepard had never been one for physical touch unless it came to her female companions or Kaidan.
Garrus closes the door to the battery behind him, the soundproof doors drown out all the noise from the crew outside. He is alone with the hum of the battery. Running a quick diagnostics, he sees that the weapons need recalibrating after Horizon and gets straight to work. The time is 2:30 AM, but he knows he won’t be getting much sleep anyway. Pulling up his omnitool, Garrus quickly runs through his messages to put in an order for new parts when he sees the last message he received from his crew back on Omega.
Ambushed. Be vigilant. Remember Us.
His breath catches. In a haste he removes the omnitool and throws it to the side. It falls to the ground. Garrus rests his hands on either side of the battery console and tries to steady himself. He failed when he let Shepard die that day. He failed when he didn’t knock Kaidan’s teeth out for talking to her like that on Horizon. He failed when he walked himself into a trap. He failed when he let his team get ambushed. He failed with C-Sec, failed to become a Spectre-
Before he could spiral any further, a notification popped up on his discarded omnitool. Garrus walked over to it, bending his knees to pick it up. The time was now 2:50, and a message had just come in from Shepard.
SHEPARD: you awake?
Garrus’ fingers seemed to move on their own as he typed his response, his heart in his throat.
GARRUS: I am.
Shepard answered immediately.
SHEPARD: can i come down?
GARRUS: Of course.
Garrus looked around at the battery. Had he never dusted? Would Shepard find it strange that he prefers to sleep here rather than in the crew bedrooms? He hurried to clear tools and paperwork from the workbench so that she had somewhere to sit, swatting at any dust that floated through the air from the disruption. Pulling up the mirror function on his omnitool, Garrus looked at himself for the first time since his accident on Omega. His scar was still fresh, but was beginning to look less so. He still had some muck from the day's mission on his face, which he quickly wiped away. Turians don’t sweat in the same way humans do, so his scent wasn’t much of a concern.
A knock at battery doors snapped Garrus out of his grooming. She never knocked before, he wondered why she felt the need to now. He walked over to the doors, opening them. As the doors parted, Garrus noticed that the outside noise had died down quite a bit. Shepard stood alone in front of him, freshly changed out of her armor and into shorts, an oversized N7 hoodie, and a pair of black slippers. The shorts, as she had described them to him before, were known as “biker shorts”, they were skin tight and stopped around her mid-thigh.
“Hey.” She said, her voice quiet.
“Hey.” He responded. He never quite noticed how much taller than her he was until just now. Turians are a tall species, but even Shepard who was tall for a human female paled in comparison to him. “Come in.” He moved to the side to give her space to enter. She walked in, meeker than usual, as if this wasn’t her ship. The door closed automatically behind her; she didn’t flinch. She smelled of brandy. “Sit, please.” Garrus said, gesturing to the workbench.
“I’m alright, I won’t be long.” She replied, stuffing her hands in the hoodie pockets. A silence fills the air as she looks around the battery. “You cleaned?”
“You noticed,” He chuckled, “Gotta be ready for random inspections by our esteemed commander.” The comment made Shepard blow air through her nose, a small form of laughter humans practice. Garrus took it as a victory. “So… uh,”
“I know it’s late, I just…” Shepard sighs, looking into his eyes for the first time since the elevator. “I… I don’t know-” Her voice shakes. For the first time ever since Garrus has known her, Shepard appears to be crying.
“Sh-Shepard?” He walks towards her, holding a hand out to place on her shoulder, but he hesitates. He’s never touched her before. Sure they’ve pulled each other out of danger on the battlefield, he’s pushed her out of the way of oncoming rockets, but a tender touch was a boundary they’ve never crossed. His floating hand wavers as he pulls it back, when suddenly Shepard barrels into his chest, hiding her face in his armor. Garrus is surprised, stiff, not knowing what to do or say. She sobs something into his chest that he can’t hear, bringing up her hands to wipe away tears and snot. She stays there for a minute, two, shaking like a child. Garrus feels his heart break in two every time she whimpers, every time she sniffles, every time she sobs.
Suddenly, she backs away from him. “I died.”
“I know.” He replies, feeling a pit form in his stomach. He tries not to remember that day. Watching as her vitals that he had tagged on his visor plummeted as she asphyxiated in space.
“I died and came back. And that's not enough for him.”
“He’s an idiot.” Garrus replied, his subvocals humming a familiar angry tune. Try as he might to remain professional, he hated talking about Kaidan. Hated hearing Shepard talk about Kaidan. Hated even thinking about the things he said to her on Horizon. Turned her back on what she believes in? Betraying the alliance, betraying him? He has no idea-
“He emailed me, you know?” Shepard said, interrupting Garrus’ train of thought. “Some half-assed apology for Horizon. And then he slips in that he’s been moving on.”
“What?” Garrus interjected, sounded much more offended than he had meant to.
“With a doctor.”
“Oh come on .”
“Then he says, ‘oh when things have settled down, maybe-’” She says in a voice replicating Kaidan’s. “Maybe my ass. I was fucking DEAD.” She stops, taking a moment to catch her breath. She runs her fingers through her hair and Garrus picks up a whiff of her shampoo, cursing superior Turian senses. “I died saving him. Saving Joker. And he doesn’t let me get two words in before he storms off. Then let me know he’s moved on.”
“You don’t need him.” Garrus says.
“I never needed him. I don’t need anyone,” Shepard says, slurring her words a bit. “I was with him because I wanted to be.” She pauses, looking down at her scarred hands. She lifts them, touching her cheeks where the scarring has yet to heal and her cybernetics peek through. “To feel wanted.”
“...Wanted?”
“I know. Soldier, Commander, Spectre, and yet girlfriend is the part I miss? It’s stupid, I know. I just…” Shepard looks up at Garrus, her eyes puffy and wet, “He made me feel special.” Her eyebrows furrow as she fights back further drunken tears.
Garrus’ heart falls to his stomach. He has never known Shepard to need male validation. In this vulnerable state, Garrus can see that under all the armor and valor, Shepard is organic. She wants, needs, yearns . There are some things only a partner can provide. Satisfaction, attention, love, pleasure. As hard as she had fought for the safety of the galaxy, she also fought for Kaidan. Opened herself up to him. And he closed her out today.
Garrus realized in that moment just how stupid the Lieutenant was. Two years ago, Garrus met Shepard. And in those two years, Garrus has never once stopped looking to her. She is everything he had been looking for in a leader, a friend, a partner. Even when she was dead he thought of her and the things she had taught him. Her every word is something he clings to, her every action an inspiration. Kaidan had a goddess of war, life, and death in his hands and he wasted it. Garrus would never have made such an error.
“Shepard,” Garrus spoke before his brain had even processed what he wanted to say. She looked up at him with those big brown eyes, and he couldn’t help what came next.
“You aren’t special because Kaidan made you feel that way. You’re special because you’re you . Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel. I followed you into hell not because of anything Kaidan said or did. But because it was you . I’d do it all again.” Shepard blinked and a stray tear dropped to the floor of the battery room. “When it comes to me…” Garrus paused, reaching out his hand and finally placing it on her shoulder. “There is no other choice. It’s you.”
Shepard’s chest inflated, her eyebrows raised with what seemed to be shock or anxiety. Garrus thought for a moment that he went too far. He considered Shepard a dear friend, his best friend. Maybe in a universe where Turians and Humans never went to war, they would be something more. But maybe that sentiment was not shared.
Suddenly, Shepard places her hand on top of his that rests on her shoulder. He takes note of her warmth, how something so much smaller than his talons has done so much for the galaxy. She moves his talons off of her shoulder and on to her cheek. Garrus nearly flinches at the intimate gesture, but relishes the feeling.
“Am I… still the woman you think I am?”
“Yes. I know you, Shepard. You haven’t changed. Just got some new parts.” Garrus says, rubbing a talon along the scars of her cheek.
Shepard smiled, leaning her head deeper into his large hand. Garrus stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. His heart raced. The woman he admired more than anyone in the galaxy was alone with him, with her head in his hand, crying about her recent breakup. His mouth opened, tongue suddenly feeling dry from the anxiety and anticipation.
“You know me.” Shepard whispered to herself. She looked up at him with lidded eyes that called to him, pulling him closer to her.
“I know you.” Garrus said. In that moment, he thanks the Spirits that humans are not attuned to Turian subvocals.
Shepard steps forward, moving her hand to the side of his face that is not scarred. She puts herself on her tiptoes, and places her lips on his.
Electricity surges through Garrus’ whole body. Turians don’t “kiss”, but he’s read enough Fornax to know that humans do. It’s meaningful, like the act of turians touching their foreheads together. And Shepard is doing it to him .
She pulls away, cheeks redder than they were before.
“S-sorry, I…” She says, beginning to pull away. Before she can move further, Garrus feels his free arm move practically on its own and snake its way around her waist.
“Don’t ever apologize for that.” He says in a low voice.
Shepard smiles, eyes closing as she pulls his neck down to meet her halfway. Her lips meet his again with more confidence. His arm around her waist tightens, his other hand pushes his talons into her hair. The locks feel as soft as he always imagined. His mandibles twitch as he hears her sigh. He smirks, opening his mouth to let his tongue meet hers. She eagerly opens her mouth and he tastes the brandy on her tongue. He pulls her closer, finding that it is simply not close enough. She wraps her arms around his neck and moans against him. The sound surprises him; he’s never heard anything so sweet.
The heat of the moment combined with alcohol seems to get to her, as Shepard loses her balance mid-kiss. Garrus easily holds her weight. Pulling away from the kiss, he chuckles.
“Alright?” He asks, looking down at her. He can feel the flesh of his neck running hot as he looks at her, lips all puffy from their kiss.
“Long day.” She replies, steading herself. Before she moves, Garrus suddenly lifts her in the air, placing his hands under her thighs. The size of him compared to her makes it nearly impossible to not touch her behind, but he tries to be a gentleman anyway. She yelps in surprise, letting her head fall backwards in laughter as she wraps her legs around his small waist. He had only ever seen her like this with Liara and Tali; to hear this jovial laughter because of him, the feeling was indescribable.
He turns around with her in his arms and rests her on the workbench. At this height, they are nearly face-to-face. “You’re tall.” She says.
“Observant.” He replies, claiming her lips once more. She spreads her legs apart, making enough room to pull him closer. “Spirits, Shepard.”
“Everything you dreamed of? Making out with a human?” She said with a devious smile. He grabs her thighs and pulls her against him in response. The impact of her soft body against his armor elicits a moan from her. She rocks her hips against him again as their kiss continues, moaning into his mouth with each movement.
He pulls back for a moment and she groans in disappointment, a sound he never wants to hear again. He thinks for a moment, remembering his “studies'' of human anatomy from vids and Fornax. Typically, a few things make human women moan like that. Nipple stimulation, vaginal penetration, or clitoral stimulation. Judging on their current position, Garrus chalked it up to the final option. He watched as Shepard twitched in front of him, biting her bottom lip, clearly eager to get him back within tongue’s reach. But Garrus had a different idea.
He snakes a talon under the waist of her shorts. Her eyes widen in surprise. “May I?” He asks.
Shepard laughs, “Such a gentleman.” She lifts her ass from the workbench, allowing Garrus the leverage he needs to pull her shorts down. There, in the red light of the battery, he is faced with perhaps the most delicious sight he’s seen in his nearly three decades of life. His mouth hangs open, mandibles flexing against his cheeks.
“Don’t stare.” She says, bringing her knees together in embarrassment.
“Sorry I just-” Garrus kneels in front of her, looking up at her with red lights dancing on her skin. When he first met her on the Citadel, he never would’ve expected that one day he’d be kneeling between her legs. “First time with a human.”
“And mine with a turian. You know what you’re doing?” She asks.
“Think so, but you’ll let me know.” He answers, gently prying her knees apart. The scent was intoxicating. He had heard rumors that human pheromones were hard to resist for some species. He watched for a moment before using two talons to pull the largest of the lips apart. Something…majora? He made a mental note to look up the exact terms later. The sound of her wetness as he spread her apart spurred him forward. Just from making out he had her like this? He opens his mouth, allowing his long blue tongue to roll out before making contact with the lips. He laps her slickness, savoring the taste. A bit salty, like the aftertaste of getting hit with a biotic attack that leaves your jaw bruised - and absolutely delicious.
“Higher.” She said, using her fingers to point to the mound of flesh towards the top. She uses the finger to rub the mound and twitches, bucking her hips forward.
“What’s it called?”
“Clitoris.” She said breathlessly.
“And that must be where most of the nerves are located-”
“Stop analyzing and start eating, big guy.”