Work Text:
Swan dive.
It's what he told his ex-best friend, Izuku Midoriya, to do that day. Relentless, careless, and over all thoughtless with his words that he threw over his shoulder. Like they meant nothing. Like Izuku meant nothing.
Maybe he did, at the time. Katsuki hated Izuku, for a plethora of reasons. Katsuki gained a god complex a bit too quickly and a bit too young. Everyone around him was simply weak, and he was simply the strongest. Izuku was the weakest, being the quirkless-shitnerd-loser that Katsuki pegged him as.
At the time, he wished Izuku would just get rid of his quirkless existence, it would make Katsuki's own life so much easier. Without Izuku following behind his every movement, he could excel quickly and efficiently, up to UA and further into becoming the official Number One Hero. He was going to make sure of it.
He saw Izuku sneak his way up to the roof of the school, clutching the notebook Katsuki lit on fire earlier that day to his chest with white, shaking knuckles. Katsuki silently followed, though with how dazed Izuku looked, he highly doubted he would even notice him following at all. Izuku shouldered open the metal door that led to the roof, his feet shuffling across the concrete slowly as he took in his surroundings. Katsuki slipped through the crack of the door before it shut completely, and watched Izuku. Watched as he shakily took off his bulky yellow backpack, watched as he set it on the ground and leaned it against the wall where the edge of the roof was a simple fence climb away. Watched as he set down the burnt notebook next to his backpack, watched as he slowly approached the fence of the roof, his fingers curling around the rusted metal. It looked like Izuku was taking in the surroundings on the ground, watching the students of Aldera leaving for the day, all blissfully unaware of Izuku's rapid mental decline.
Unexpectedly, Izuku then backed away from the fence, a subtle shake of his head making his curly green locks flutter in the breeze that swirled around him. Like he was trying to shake the thoughts from his head, letting the wind take them with it.
And Katsuki? He couldn't let that happen.
He pushed off of the wall where he leaned and watched, a scoff leaving his lips that very quickly caught Izuku's attention.
"You know what, Deku? I think you should jump." His voice was made of rough gravel, staring down the shaking boy who looked at him with large, wavering and watery eyes.
"I..." Izuku started before taking a shuddering breath. "I don't think I want to."
Katsuki raised a sharp eyebrow at that. "You don't want to? Why don't you show a little follow through, Deku? Jump."
Izuku's tear filled eyes quickly overfilled, his cheeks now wet with fat globs dripping from his lashes. "Please, I just want to get down-"
"I'm not suggesting anymore." Katsuki quickly cut off Izuku, crossing his arms over his chest. "Jump."
Izuku took in another shaking breath, hugging himself as his fingers gripped tightly to his school uniform. He turned to face the fence once again, Katsuki's crimson eyes burning holes into his back like his palms every time he'd shove Izuku into a wall. The sobs that made Izuku's shoulder tremble slowly came to a slow, before stopping completely as an almost calming lull took over his mind and body. Like the fight left his body completely.
Katsuki let out a quiet huff of amusement before he turned and left the roof. Whether Izuku decided to actually jump or not wasn't his concern anymore. He hoped he simply installed into Izuku's overflowing brain that Katsuki wanted nothing to do with him, and that the nerd would finally leave him alone.
Within a span of 24 hours, Katsuki would very quickly come to regret that decision.
–
Izuku and Katsuki's mothers have been best friends since they were teenagers. It's how the Midoriya family moved into the same neighborhood as the Bakugo's, and how the two boys met.
Their doorbell was rapidly ringing as Katsuki was pulled from his homework, making him stand up from the desk in his room to go and answer the door, grumbling as he left his room and descending the stairs. His mother beat him to it, pulling open the door and pulling a shaking woman into her arms. He watched from the bottom of the stairs, realizing that Auntie Inko, Midoriya's mother, was the crumbling figure in his mother's arms.
She was a mess, to put it simply. Loud sobs and fat, familiar tears soaked into his mother's cardigan as she held her best friend close. He could barely catch the babbling words leaving Auntie's mouth through the sobs and screams that wracked her body, until his mother spoke.
"Izuku jumped? From... From the school roof? Oh, Inko..." Mitsuki, normally loud and brash just like her son, was now soft spoken as tears filled her own eyes. She sobbed along with her best friend, the two women folding into each other as they melted to the floor, hugging each other on their knees.
Izuku did it. The damn nerd actually jumped. Katsuki got what he wanted, but now all he wanted to do was vomit up his breakfast.
–
He didn't go to the funeral. He couldn't make himself. His mother tried to drag him along, but with how sick Katsuki looked at just the thought, she took pity and let him stay home.
She, of course, was blissfully ignorant to the fact that Katsuki was the sole reason Izuku took his life. Aside from the other losers that followed Katsuki around, drawing insults on Izuku's desk and joining any time Katsuki decided to beat Izuku's ass.
But Katsuki told him to jump. And he did.
He threw up into the toilet again, stomach bile burning his throat and making his eyes water once again. He's been in the bathroom since his mother left, leaning against the cool porcelain as he shook.
He was terribly confused, his emotions all over the place. Sadness? Regret? Anger? He couldn't place his finger on it. All he knew was that it made him sick to his stomach all over again.
–
Time passed quickly after the day of the funeral and burial passed. Katsuki took every last drop of emotion he felt around the situation and shoved it so deep into his mind that he was able to forget for a while. School had ended, barely anyone there had mourned Izuku's death, his homeroom teacher barely mentioned it aside from a passing morning announcement, and then the news became quickly forgotten. The insults and threats drawn were never removed from Izuku’s desk.
Katsuki poured all of his free time into training for UA. His life was back on track and he was excelling faster than ever. Easily placing first in the entrance exams. Easily landing himself in Class 1-A. Easily overwhelming his peers in the quirk skill test. Easily gathering admiration from his peers and teachers alike.
The strongest.
–
It was lunch time when Katsuki saw on his phone that Aldera, the middle school he graduated from a few months ago, was simply abandoned. The news of a suicide was finally resurfaced, concerning a lot of parents, and in no time, there wasn't enough students to keep the school running.
Katsuki was quiet for the rest of the day, and his classmates left him alone. They were used to him yelling at them, but a quiet Katsuki was strange. Almost terrifying. They didn't know him well enough to interfere, and so they didn't.
It let Katsuki leave immediately at the end of the day, and instead of going home, he headed for the now abandoned school.
With how short of a time that the school was abandoned, it was already looking worse for wear. Graffiti, shattered windows, locked doors broken open, police tape barely trying to keep out trespassers.
Easy access.
Katsuki slowly walked through the building, glass and rocks crunching underneath his sneakers as he wandered. This place was utterly empty, confirming it was truly abandoned.
He approached the classroom he was in last when he graduated, stopping in the door frame as he looked around with bated breath. It felt different in this room, whether it was his own imagination or not. He let out a huff as he shook his head, pissed off at his own hesitation before he headed towards his old desk, sitting himself on the creaky wooden desktop before staring out the window.
Buried memories were slowly resurfacing, flashes of green hair and burning palms ricocheting off his brain matter. A deep frown was settled on his face, his hands curled into fists in his pockets to keep himself from lighting his own pants on fire as his palms threatened to spark at the memories.
"Really thought I buried this place." A voice spoke from behind him, airy but strong at the same time. It jolted Katsuki out from his thoughts, a shiver heavily rolling down his spine as he sat up straight.
He knew that voice.
"But I should've known better." The voice spoke again, making bile roll in Katsuki's stomach.
He could barely move, fear locking up his joints and muscles as his palms began to sweat. Normally, he'd be quick to respond, taking down the threat of an opponent in less than a second.
But this wasn't an opponent, or a villain.
Katsuki slowly, jerkily turned his head to look over his shoulder, eyes wide and pupils blown. It took a while for his brain to actually register the figure standing behind him.
Curly hair, evergreen and fluffy. Green and wide eyes. Freckles.
"Deku..." Katsuki's voice left his throat in a whisper, his clenched fists relaxing along with his body as the fight left his body. He slowly turned the rest of his body to face the boy as he stared in disbelief.
He watched Izuku trace his fingers over the words still written over his old desk, a melancholy smile curled over his lips before his gaze flickered up to Katsuki.
"What... What the fuck?" Katsuki muttered under his breath, his eyes rapidly scanning over Izuku. "You- You died. My mother went to your funeral."
Izuku scoffed at that, his wide eyes narrowing slightly as Katsuki continued to ramble. "I heard Auntie say it herself, you jumped. Deku, you're dead."
"Nothing ever stays dead." Izuku finally spoke, his voice a lot less gentle than Katsuki ever remembered. It matched his hardened gaze, his smile transforming into one filled with anger.
"Deku-" Katsuki gasped out, his words dying in his throat as he registered the anger in Izuku's face.
"Hi, Kacchan." Izuku whispered, his angry smile curling wider before his form faded out, completely disappearing.
–
Katsuki barely made it home without collapsing, running and stumbling the entire way from the middle school to his room. He slammed his bedroom door behind him, dropping his school bag to the floor before dropping onto his bed face first with a thud. Burying his face into his pillow, he barely contained the scream that threatened to rip out of his throat as his brain rapidly spiraled.
Deku was there, he spoke to him, and then fucking disappeared. Deku, who died months ago. Deku, who jumped from a roof. Deku, his childhood best friend turned victim, who Katsuki told to kill himself. Deku, who fucking killed himself.
It had to be a hallucination. Maybe he unknowingly got hit by some weird hallucination quirk that brings back every buried emotion. Maybe being in that school made him suddenly lose his mind. It had to be something other than Izuku just being there, speaking to Katsuki. It simply wasn’t possible.
The brewing scream boiling in his chest tore from his lips and into the cotton of his pillow, his hands gripping tightly at the pillowcase with white knuckles. Scream after scream tore from the depths of his lungs and out his throat, small sparks from his palms burning holes into the pillow case he gripped so tightly.
Minutes, or hours, or days, he didn't know how long he screamed for, but eventually they turned into full, body wracking sobs. His pillow was slowly filling with more and more burn marks as he soaked it with tears, snot and sweat.
Every memory, every feeling, everything he buried so long ago poured from him like an overwhelming tsunami, threatening to drown him and send him directly to... directly to Izuku.
--
"Hey Bakugo, you okay?" A voice pulled Katsuki from the daze he was in, tilting his head to look up at Hanta, who was in front of him.
"Yeah, you've been off lately, man." Denki spoke, turning to glance at Katsuki as they walked back from one of their training classes with Ectoplasm.
Katsuki was slacking these past few weeks, and he knew it. He was easily distracted, getting caught up in the easiest to dodge obstacles, firing off explosions too slowly, everything unlike what Katsuki normally was. It seemed his class was catching on, and it made him grit his teeth, slowly grinding in anger. Since his run in with his hallucination of Izuku, he just couldn't think. It felt like he was being watched at every second of his life, scrutinized by watchful and verdant eyes. He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he saw him, because he knew Izuku was dead and ghosts just couldn't be real. He was still trying to convince himself that it was a hallucination quirk.
"Yeah, bro. Been a lot less manly than you normally are." Eijiro chimed in from the other side of Katsuki, a rough hand clapping him on the back with a wide smile on his face, showcasing shark-like teeth. It looked like he was trying to cheer the grumpy looking blond up, compared to the concerned look Denki and Hanta held.
"Shut the hell up, I'm fine." Katsuki grumbled to them, trying to put up some kind of front to make his words even slightly believable.
In the blink of an eye, less than a second, Izuku was behind Hanta, peering from around his arm with a grin and those dull, green eyes.
"Aw, they're worried, Kacchan." He spoke, his words teasing as he spoke. Katsuki did everything he could to hide the gasp of surprise he sucked in, but the wild look in his eyes spoke for him. Izuku didn't seem satisfied with the reaction, his wide eyes relaxing as his face turned almost... bored.
"Why don't you show them what you do to your friends?" Izuku spoke, though it was closer to a malicious whisper. Katsuki heard him loud and clear.
Katsuki looked at the three standing by him, their faces now filled with confusion. Like they didn't know what had Katsuki suddenly so tense.
Like they couldn't see or hear Izuku. It was almost relieving. It helped solidify in Katsuki’s mind that this was simply just some kind of hallucination.
--
UA had the students move into dorms at the school as villain attacks were becoming too regular, so keeping the students close was their best option of safety for the future heroes.
At least, that's what they told the students and their families. Katsuki thought differently, thought it was because they could tell he was losing his grip on reality, plus Shouto’s whole backstory with his father being... less than fatherly. Katsuki is convinced it's to get the students away from home so they can focus better.
In a way, Katsuki was relieved. Auntie Inko had been coming to the house a lot more since it was just her now, and Katsuki had to do everything to avoid her.
On the flip side, it also meant his classmates were paying more attention to him. He just hoped they wouldn't hear the screams when he woke up from nightmares.
He had been having those lately. He's only hallucinated Izuku twice now, since his passing, but it haunted him all the same. Once those memories and feelings came flooding back into his system, he couldn't stop the nightmares that came with it. His mother had chalked it up to him having trauma from losing his best friend. He decided he was going to let her keep thinking that. It's better than knowing her son's actions were closer to a villain than the hero he was training to be.
–
It’s been a while since he last “saw” Izuku, and life was slowly starting to settle back into whatever normality was. They were preparing for the UA Sports Festival, getting ready to battle each other so they could be scouted by the Pro Heroes. Katsuki put everything into his training once again, completely absorbing himself into honing his skills so he could come out on top.
And he did. Just not the way he wanted.
Shouto and Katsuki were the finalists, matched against each other to fight for first place. Katsuki kept trying to egg Shouto on, trying to get him to use his fire, and Shouto refused. Something about disobeying his father, something about refusing to become like his father, something, something, something. Katsuki only saw excuses.
Shouto exhausted himself with his ice, and Katsuki easily overwhelmed him, taking his win. It didn’t feel like a win. It felt like Shouto just… gave up. It felt like that day on the roof, the way Shouto’s shoulders just slumped, all fight leaving his body when he knew he wasn’t going to win. Like Izuku knew he was going to…
Katsuki shook his head, staring down at an unconscious Shouto. Katsuki growled, yelled, screamed at him. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t a true win, it wasn’t a proper fight. He had to be apprehended by the teachers as he raged at Shouto.
By the time the Award Ceremony took place, Katsuki was restrained and tied to the first place pillar, hands locked into some kind of contraption that could neutralize his explosive palms, and mouth locked in a human muzzle to keep his raging quiet. It didn’t stop him from trying to throw a fit anyway.
“Oh, no.” A loud laugh chimed out from in front of him, shocking him out of the fit he was throwing. The familiar laugh forcibly dragged every ounce of anger he held out of him, leaving him limp. Wide, burning eyes watched as Izuku materialized.
“Can’t you accept the medal like a hero?” Izuku continued to laugh at Katsuki, standing in front of him on the platform he was on. Katsuki’s eyes darted around, confused as to why Izuku was here. There was no reaction from anyone around him, and it further confirmed that Katsuki was the only one who could see him. That Izuku was a hallucination. It was terrifying all the same.
“Well, you know what that means.” Izuku sighed out happily, arms hugging himself as if he could barely contain his overwhelming excitement at the position that Katsuki was in. “There really isn’t anything special about you.”
Katsuki’s eyes widened further, staring at the boy in front of him. Izuku returned the stare with angry eyes and a large, excited grin. Like Izuku had won first place instead.
“You’re just some kid with a cool quirk, Kacchan.” Izuku nearly growled out, his grin twitching as he spoke. “Can’t believe I ever looked up to you.” He continued, face morphing into a full blown scowl now. Katsuki could feel his own body trembling, his breath heavily puffing from his nose as he felt that familiar churning in his stomach.
“Curiosity really killed the Deku, huh?” Izuku barked out a laugh before disappearing once again, All Might appearing not long after to place the first place medal around Katsuki’s neck. If he noticed how pale Katsuki was, or how badly he was shaking, he didn’t mention it. Nobody did.
–
Katsuki tried to push it back down. He was sitting on the couch in the common area of the dorms, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to aimlessly scroll on his phone. Anything to distract him was worth his time at this point.
“Bakugo! Man, I’m glad you’ve calmed down.” Eijiro’s bright voice chimed out, making Katsuki turn his head towards him. Eijiro flopped heavily onto the couch, nudging Katsuki with his elbow as he flashed a shark-toothed grin. “Amazing job at the Sports Festival, kicking Todoroki’s ass ain’t no easy feat, bro.” He chuckled as he spoke before he relaxed into the couch. Katsuki just simply grunted in reply, feigning disinterest as he looked at the redhead.
“But, I bet if it was me up there,” Eijiro glanced at Katsuki before jumping up from the couch, facing him with his fists suddenly hardened and bashed together, his grin impossibly brighter. “I bet I would’ve taken first place!”
“Huh?” Katsuki grunted before huffing out a laugh, a small and amused grin finally curling over his lips. “You definitely can’t beat me in a fight.”
“I bet I can!” Eijiro shot back easily, laughing loudly. The room was suddenly a bit colder, and Katsuki couldn’t help the slightest shiver rattle his spine. He hid it easily.
“Wanna test your luck, Red?” Katsuki looked up at said redhead, deciding to flash a cocky grin to brush off the feeling of his stomach suddenly churning.
“Yeah, bro! Let’s do a practice round after class tomorrow.” Another laugh left the boy, seeming pleased that he got a smile out of Katsuki. The smile didn’t last very long.
“Huh-” Katsuki’s grin quickly dropped as a hand curled around Eijiro’s shoulder, gripping tightly onto it as that fluttering, familiar laugh echoed through the room. Katsuki’s eyes slowly followed where that hand led to, landing on the shock of green next to red. Izuku.
“Come on, Kacchan.” Izuku whispered quietly, loudly, painfully, as he peeked over Eijiro’s shoulder, that malicious smile ever permanent on his face. “Show him who you really are.” He growled slightly as he spoke, gripping onto the shoulder impossibly tighter.
“Wha- Ugh, why’s my shoulder crampin’ up?” Eijiro grunted, gripping where Izuku’s hand was. Wait, was?
Izuku came and went in an instant.
“Whatever, we’re still fighting tomorrow! I’ll definitely beat you!” Eijiro laughed again, his hand still gripping his sore shoulder. This confirmed that Izuku could actually touch people, cause pain, but still, no one could see him. Unless he chose to not let anyone else see him?
“It’s all in your head.” Suddenly, that voice was whispering in his ear, and Katsuki whipped around. Izuku was nowhere to be found, and it drove Katsuki over the edge.
“What’s wrong, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Eijiro chuckled, doing his best to hide the concern that laced into his voice as he looked at the explosive boy. Katsuki was whipping his head in every direction, breathing heavily as his sparking palms gripped at his sleep pants.
“Uh-” Katsuki sputtered out, looking up at the redhead again with unfocused eyes. “I, uh,” He continued to mutter dumbly, grasping desperately for the words that rattled around his head. “Just, don’t worry about it. I’m going to bed.” Katsuki finally found a somewhat reasonable excuse before he scrambled from the couch, doing everything he could to not sprint to his room as he stomped heavily out of the common area.
“Wha-? Bro, it’s like 7pm!” Eijiro called out, but he didn’t get up to stop Katsuki. He could tell something was wrong, and he wasn’t going to interfere. He was still trying to crack the code on how to help the explosive blond. He watched as Katsuki made his exit, before pulling out his phone to text the group chat he had with Denki and Hanta.
–
Katsuki slammed the door to his room behind him before pressing his back against it, breathing heavily as he gripped at his chest through his shirt. He could feel the panic crawling through his chest and up his throat, threatening to crack his resolve and make him cry. He crumbled to his knees, weakened muscles not being able to hold his own weight anymore before he slowly crawled to his bed.
He hallucinated Izuku again, but this time, he touched someone. Eijiro clearly felt the touch somehow, and suddenly it dawned on Katsuki. Izuku isn’t a hallucination.
He stopped in front of his bed when he saw red.
Red, dirty sneakers connected to whoever was sitting on his bed, and it forced Katsuki to drag his eyes up to meet those green, vengeful eyes once again. That damn, amused grin casting shadows into his heart, making his stomach churn even harder. He couldn’t even speak, any words that tried to form quickly dying in his throat as he stared up at the boy.
“Well, well, well. Look at this absolute treat.” Izuku sneered down at him, his eyes wild with that malicious excitement Katsuki had become uncomfortably familiar with. Hearing him speak seemed to kick Katsuki into gear, a terrorized screech ripping from his throat as he scrambled backwards, his back slamming into the wall behind him.
“De- Deku-” Katsuki gasped out, his hands clutching at his chest again as the panic began to constrict his lungs. He had never felt threatened by the… the ghost that haunted him before, but once he saw Eijiro feel Izuku’s touch, it shifted something in him. It proved that Izuku could hurt him if he wanted to. He didn’t even know if he could touch Izuku, let alone fight him off if he tried to attack.
“Is that… panic that I see?” Izuku questioned, feigning innocence as he tilted his head from where it was resting on his fist. His gaze was nearly burning holes into Katsuki’s own, watching as the boy shook on the floor.
“Deku, why-” Katsuki gasped out, nails digging dents into his skin. “Why am I the only one who can see you? Who- Who can hear you?” He rasped out, his breathing becoming more rapid as seconds passed. The churning in his stomach never calmed.
“Oh? Well, duh. You’re my imaginary friend!” Izuku laughed, as if the question Katsuki asked was ridiculous. Like a child asking a silly question.
“No, I’m not. I’m…” Katsuki stopped suddenly, the panic mashing his brain into incoherence. “What am I?” He whispered out softly, the fingers he didn’t notice clawing at his own throat freezing.
“You’re Katsuki Bakugo. You’re Kacchan. My imaginary friend.” Izuku spoke with ease, that cruel grin returning. Watching Katsuki’s mental collapse was exhilarating.
And with that, he disappeared once again, leaving an indent where he sat on Katsuki’s comforter. A gasp fell from Katsuki’s lips and he crawled his way to his bed, grasping at where Izuku was seconds before. The sheets were freezing to the touch. He gripped tightly onto the fabric, a sob finally dripping from his lips. He continued to kneel on the floor as he buried his face into the freezing comforter, sobs taking over as his body shook like a leaf.
He finally grasped onto the feelings that kept him from breathing. The guilt was eating him alive. The regret gnashed and chewed on his lungs. The mourning shot ice through his veins.
As he pulled himself into his bed and under the covers, sobbing himself into a restless sleep, he fully realized it. He missed Izuku.
–
His realization brought a strange calm to him as he went through the motions of his days. He won in his practice fight with Eijiro, just barely, but he just assumed Eijiro just took pity on him. Everyone in his class could tell by now that something was clearly wrong, and yet they still didn’t know what to do or say. Eijiro, Denki, and Hanta tried to stay around him as much as he would tolerate. He would never admit it, but he was thankful. If he didn’t have them constantly goofing off and helping distract him, he’s pretty sure he would’ve fully lost his sanity by now. He would rather lose his sanity before saying thank you, though.
It wasn’t long before he finally decided to visit home again. He had been avoiding his old neighborhood for months now, and he was starting to feel guilty. Plus, his mother was constantly firing off texts to come and visit home. Something about being an ungrateful brat was thrown in there. He refuses to admit that she was right.
So, when Friday came and classes were finished, he headed for the train station. He had already texted his mother about him coming home for the weekend, and she said she would make mapo tofu and katsudon. His favorite food, and Izuku’s favorite food. He didn’t protest.
When he walked through the door of his family’s home, he was greeted by his mother hugging him tightly to her chest. It caught him off guard, but he couldn’t stop himself from dropping his bag and tightly hugging her in return. She didn’t address the fact that when he pulled away and went up to his room without a word, he had left her shirt wet with his tears.
–
Dinner was uneventful and uncharacteristically quiet, passing without a word uttered from Katsuki aside from a quiet ‘ thank you for the meal ’ and an offer to help clean up after he was finished. Mitsuki gently waved him off, telling him to get some rest and that she’ll see him in the morning. She didn’t mention the bags darkening his eyes, or the slouch in his shoulders, or the shuffle and stumble in his feet when he left the kitchen. He was practically dragging himself up the stairs and to his room, and Mitsuki had to swallow down the tears that threatened to drip down her cheeks.
She knew her son was struggling with the loss of Izuku, and the weight of the world on his shoulders as he trained to be a hero. She could tell he wasn’t taking care of himself as much as he should be, with how thin and pale his face was.
She sighed softly before pulling out her phone and calling up Inko.
–
Being home gave Katsuki the chance to sit silently in his room and just think. He didn’t have to worry about the chaos that was Class 1-A, and being in his childhood room let him actually feel something that wasn’t regret.
He walked around, looking at the All Might posters that were still pinned up on his walls, and the action figures that were displayed on shelves. Two figures caught his eye, sitting innocently next to his computer on his desk. Two folded sticky notes labeled ‘Izuku’ and ‘Kacchan’ placed in front of them.
He hesitated slightly before breathing out a sigh, taking a seat in his desk chair and pulling the two action figures to him.
When Katsuki and Izuku were toddlers, before Katsuki ever started treating him harshly, they had gotten these action figures together when they were out with their mothers. They were going shopping, and the two toddlers saw the two newest All Might figures that had just hit the shelves. It didn’t take much begging, and in no time, they both had two new toys to play with.
Izuku had taken it upon himself to label them, saying that it’s proof that they’ll both be Number One Heroes when they grow up. Katsuki never told him that was impossible. Izuku had the same set up in his room, with Katsuki begrudgingly labeling the figures as ‘Deku’ and ‘Kacchan’, both in their messy, childlike handwriting. He couldn’t help but wonder if they were still there, next to Izuku’s computer. He quietly hoped that Izuku had kept it, and knew that Auntie Inko wouldn’t have packed up Izuku’s room.
Another sigh left Katsuki as he gently moved the two papers before hugging the action figures to his chest, curling up into his desk chair before closing his eyes. He fell asleep there not long after, not even noticing the cold chill that entered the room as green eyes looked down at his sleeping frame.
–
The weekend passed quickly against Katsuki’s liking, and he headed back to UA after hugging his mother goodbye.
The next weekend, another ghost from his past came to visit, at the entrance gates of UA. Auntie Inko was standing there nervously, hugging her arms to her chest as she glanced around before her sad eyes fell on Katsuki, green brightening slightly as she waved him over.
Katsuki ushered Eijiro onto the grounds before heading to Inko, his hands stuffed into his pockets as he let his normally grumpy expression melt from his face into something softer. He felt guilty for avoiding her for so long, so when he finally reached her, he pulled her into a hug before she could even utter a word. She easily melted into the warm embrace, a gentle sigh leaving her as she returned the hug tightly.
However long the hug lasted, he couldn’t tell, but he eventually released her before taking a step back. “Auntie…” He started, his voice gentle as he looked at the tired woman in front of him. The dark circles under her eyes matched his own, and he could tell she had lost weight. She had been letting the mourning of her son completely consume her, just like Katsuki had let the guilt eat at him.
“Katsuki, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Inko spoke, her voice comforting as it reached his ears, like her hugs. It made him feel like a child again, clinging to his own mother and Auntie Inko. “I brought something for you. I figured it would fare better in your hands.” She took in a deep breath before taking Katsuki’s hand in her free one, then placing a burnt notebook into it.
He glanced at it, eyes scanning over it before sucking in a surprised breath. This was the notebook Katsuki had burnt and thrown out the classroom window that day. The one Izuku had been trying to jot down notes about the newest hero victory that took place that day.
Hero Analysis for the Future: No. 13.
“I… I hope you find some peace of mind in this lifetime.” She barely managed a whisper, her eyes watery as she smiled up at Katsuki. Just past her, over her shoulder, her son appeared.
“Tell her.” He whispered, before appearing on her other side in the blink of an eye.
“Tell her.” He whispered again, then suddenly appeared next to Katsuki.
“Tell her the truth.” He growled into his ear, fading away once again.
“I hope you find some paradise.” Inko spoke again, pulling Katsuki’s fearful eyes to her once again as she squeezed his wrists. Izuku appeared once again, on Katsuki’s other side.
“Tell her.” He growled louder, eyes wide and frenzied. “Tell her the truth.”
Katsuki felt the tears threatening to well up in his eyes as he locked his gaze on Inko, doing his best to ignore the ghost rapidly appearing and disappearing around him. Izuku was getting louder and louder as he yelled, but something was off every time he would appear again.
With each appearance, Izuku became more bloody. More tattered. More… dead. Soon enough, as he was screaming directly in Katsuki’s now tear soaked face, he looked like a fresh corpse.
Blood matted and darkened his otherwise curly, fluffy hair, streaking and dirtying his face. Broken teeth, broken nose, broken limbs, busted lip, his school uniform dripping with blood.
Like he had just landed face first from jumping from a roof before getting up and walking straight to Katsuki to scream at him about his sins.
“TELL HER YOUR-”
Katsuki’s hands trembled around the notebook he held tightly, openly sobbing in front of Inko before wrapping her back into a tight hug, his back hunching as he buried his face into her chest. Just like he would as a child when he took a tumble during a playdate with Izuku. He blocked out Izuku’s screaming until he finally went away. He couldn’t let her pick up on the terror in his eyes.
–
He calmed down at some point, Inko using a clean tissue she had in her purse to gently dab at his wet cheeks and sniffling nose.
They said their goodbyes, Katsuki taking a minute to himself to make sure he was presentable again before heading onto the UA grounds and to his classroom, making sure to stuff the notebook into his bag. Eijiro caught up to him almost immediately.
“Bakugo! Hey, who was that lady that you were talking to?” Eijiro sat on Katsuki’s desk as he took a seat in the chair, setting his bag on the floor. Somehow, they were the first two in the classroom, even beating Tenya.
“Huh? No one important, dumbass.” Katsuki grumbled, crossing his arms as he stared up at the redhead. His anger fizzed out quickly as he heard a loud laugh from behind him. “Mind your damn-” Katsuki tried to continue, but was cut off.
“Liar.” Izuku spoke, sitting at the desk next to Katsuki and Eijiro. His arms were crossed to match Katsuki’s posture, his bored amusement dancing on his features.
“Oh, I was just asking!” Eijiro laughed off Katsuki’s anger, pushing himself off of the desk to stand and look at him.
“Come on, would it really hurt you to tell someone the truth?” Izuku taunted, watching Katsuki ignore him completely with a twitch in his eyebrow.
“You looked more serious than usual, so I was worried.” Eijiro gave Katsuki a pat on his shoulder, a good natured smile once again showcasing his shark-like teeth.
“You already did your worst. What’s there to lose?” Izuku growled out as he stood from the desk, standing behind Eijiro, leaning to feign like he was whispering into his ear. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell him for you.”
That made him nervous. What if Izuku was serious? Could he actually talk to others and just chose for Katsuki to be the only one?
“We should get ready for class, huh? I hear everyone coming.” Eijiro sighed out with a stretch before noticing Katsuki’s silence. “Hey man, are you okay?” He nudged the silent blond, who looked like he was watching over Eijiro’s shoulder. “Bakugo?”
“Kacchan.” Izuku was suddenly behind Katsuki, gripping his shoulders. It was the first time he’s touched Katsuki since he started haunting him, and it brought back that horrible churning in his gut. “Pay attention.” Izuku growled into his ear, and he could feel his breath puffing over his ear.
Cold. Everything about him was just… cold. His hands, his grip, his words, his breath. He could feel the pain of Izuku’s grip spreading over his skin and into his muscles, making him stand up rigidly from his desk. He grabbed his school bag before he brushed past Eijiro, silently walking out of the classroom and out of the school before bolting to the dorms. He needed to know what was in the notebook that Auntie Inko gave him, and he needed to know now.
–
Locking his door behind him, he managed to make it to his dorm room. He somehow managed to avoid his classmates and teachers, or he didn’t notice them during his frenzied sprinting. Either way, his door was locked and he was safe from outside eyes.
He threw his backpack onto his bed before taking the notebook out from it, pushing his backpack onto the floor shortly after, completely ignoring everything that fell out and onto the floor. He sat heavily onto the bed, staring at the notebook in his hands as he scanned over the cover.
Katsuki could feel the burning eyes that watched him, but couldn’t see any shadow or figure when he glanced around. He sighed out slightly, before finally opening the notebook. The first page was decorated with Izuku’s drawings of different heroes surrounding blocky red and blue words that sat in the middle of the page, outlined with a gold border.
PROPERTY OF IZUKU MIDORIYA!!!
It made Katsuki wetly chuckle to himself, a strange warmth filling his chest. It was just so… Izuku. The colors matched All Might’s hero costume, most of the little doodles being of the said hero, with others like Endeavor and Hawks mixed in. As Katsuki continued to read through each page, all fully filled with notes and drawings of different heroes, he had a soft smile over his lips.
It quickly fell at the next page.
Katsuki’s own page. Just like the other pages, there was a drawing of him in his hero costume. It made him remember when they were younger and friendlier, they were talking about what they wanted their hero costumes to look like. The fact that Izuku remembered after all of those years, and Katsuki subconsciously took that memory to make it into his current hero costume… It made him lose his breath.
Next to the drawing on the second page were notes and an analysis of Katsuki. His name, his quirk, height, weight, blood type, likes, dislikes. It was more thoroughly filled out compared to any other hero page he’d seen so far. The only thing missing was a hero name, but there was a list of all the names they came up with together so long ago. He snorted at one of the ideas. He was very glad he didn’t end up choosing Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, it’s too much of a mouthful.
It kept going for a few pages as Katsuki continued to read about himself, the notes turning into something like a diary for Izuku. Every time they spoke, every time Katsuki did anything to Izuku, and any time Izuku thought of a way to help Katsuki improve his quirk since he clearly couldn’t actually tell him. He’d just get his ass beat.
A droplet of wet dripped onto the last page, and it didn’t register until then that Katsuki was crying. He never actually realized until now; Izuku looked up to him so much more than he ever thought. Originally, having Izuku follow him around constantly was a hindrance. Now, he missed his presence.
The next page was Izuku’s own hero page. His hero costume drawing was cute, it almost looked like a bunny if Katsuki didn’t know it was reminiscent of All Might. He remembered helping Izuku with the mask of his costume, telling him he should add All Might’s signature hair into the costume somehow without being super obvious. The ‘smile’ mask was Izuku’s idea.
His notes were very bare aside from the basics, but the one thing that stood out was that Izuku had one hero name picked out. He would’ve chosen Deku.
Katsuki’s sobs followed the words shortly after. It wasn’t long before that chill slowly rolled into Katsuki’s room, freezing him down to the bone as he violently started to shiver. Izuku manifested to stand before him, arms crossed tightly over his chest and jaw grinding his teeth together so audibly that it made Katsuki’s own teeth throb. Katsuki didn’t have a choice as his eyes dragged to meet the almost glowing, blinding green pair, goosebumps spreading over his skin immediately as a feeling of dread slowly trickled down his spine.
The aura that surrounded Izuku was wildly different compared to the normal, low-level cloud of malice that usually surrounded the boy. It was like that malice had evolved, like a ghastly poison spilling over the thin veil that covered the deep seated anger Izuku had caged and buried so deeply he almost forgot it even existed, now resurfacing with an itch and a burn that could only be satisfied, could only be fed and satiated by Katsuki’s own poisonous anger and pain.
“Izuku-” Katsuki could barely whimper out the boy's proper name, the fear so deep in his gut that it practically reset his brain. He hugged the burnt notebook to his chest with an almost crushing grip, as if it was his last remnant of safety from the storm that brewed not even five feet away from him.
“Do you think you have the right to say my name anymore, Katsuki?” Izuku barked out at the trembling boy, his face twisting further into his rage. “Do you think you have the fucking right to even touch that notebook after you nearly destroyed it?” Izuku’s voice was slowly rising in volume, making Katsuki’s ears ring.
“Auntie Inko-”
“Do not speak about my mother.” Izuku cut Katsuki off before he could get out a full sentence, though he doubted he could actually speak anyway. He was normally full of quips and retorts, but now all he could do was stare at the terrifying ghost in front of him. “She only gave you that because it was left with my backpack on the roof. She couldn’t stand having the reminder anymore. She already hid the backpack somewhere in a closet.”
Katsuki stalled at that, glancing down at the notebook in his trembling hands before shaking his head a bit. “No, no, that can’t be true. Auntie wouldn’t just give this to me for no reason-”
“It was the proof that I died , Katsuki. She lives in denial.” Izuku grunted, words biting at Katsuki’s ankles and drawing blood with their fangs. “Just like you. Living in denial that you killed me until I showed up at that godforsaken school. Suddenly, you’re all fucking scared because, hah, surprise! You can’t just get rid of someone and not pay the price. I just gave you a more personal reminder.”
Izuku had moved closer at some point as he berated the now openly crying blond, a finger pointed accusingly at him. “ You bullied me for the majority of our lives, you drove me to the brink, and right when I decided not to, you stepped in and pushed me over the edge.” He was yelling in Katsuki’s wet face now, the accusing finger pressed harsh and painful to the boy's pounding chest. “ You killed me, and yet, you still can’t growing a fucking pair and admit it to yourself. You even had the gall to not show up at my funeral, didn’t even get to see how only my mother and your parents were there. It was close-casket, by the way. My head was too caved in to make me presentable.”
Katsuki let out a shuddered breath as the assault of tears continued to freely pour down his cheeks and splash onto his uniform shirt, leaving large and damp spots behind. Izuku was right, and Katsuki knew it; he couldn’t find even a sliver of a falsity in his words.
“What… What should I do?” Katsuki whispered out into the heavy air that surrounded them, his hands falling weakly into his lap with the notebook still tightly clenched in his freezing fingers. “Apologizing just… isn’t enough. It’ll never be enough to atone for what I did.”
Izuku stared at him, scrutinizing for a moment before a more sadistic smile crept into his features. “Just pray that you’ll be forgiven in your next life, and take a swan dive off the roof of the building.”
With those words, it was like Katsuki got rocketed back in time, suddenly standing in that classroom with the two people he used to call friends, staring down at Izuku who cowered at his desk.
”Just pray that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life, and take a swan dive off the roof of the building.”
He remembered the heat in his palms and the bubbling anger in his stomach, the way his friends laughed along with him. He remembered the unbridled hatred that swelled under his skin, the burning sparks that popped from his fingers, the deranged smile sewn onto his lips.
What he doesn’t remember is why he started hating Izuku in the first place. Katsuki was always brash and angry, picking it up from his mother, but when did his normal demeanor transform into hatred? It was a little before Izuku was diagnosed quirkless, but he was so young at the time that he could barely decipher his own feelings, let alone remember them.
He remembered that, no matter how loud he was or how rough he played, Izuku was always there with a bright smile and praising words to follow Katsuki with. Izuku was always there by his side, looking up to the blond boy with shining admiration in his eyes. Izuku was always Katsuki’s favorite, and maybe that started to scare the young boy at some point. At such a young age, he became possessive of Izuku and instead of teaching himself restraint, he pushed the other boy away. Favoritism was weakness and Katsuki hated being weak, so he had to cut all of it from his bones. Izuku was the only thing that refused to fall away, following after him day after day as Katsuki’s playful shoves turned into aggressive burns and harsh words.
Katsuki had loved Izuku since they were in diapers, and it was only now that he actually realized it. It made him… angry. At himself, perhaps. Maybe at Izuku. Mostly, at the world.
The realization violently shot him back into the present, his buried rage punching through his chest to burn next to Izuku’s in a bright and challenging flame.
“You were weak .” Katsuki growled, setting the notebook to his side on the bed before standing to his full height, nose to nose with Izuku.
“I was a child!” Izuku shouted in return, not backing down in the slightest as sparks popped in his peripherals.
“A weak child in my fucking way.” Katsuki huffed, pressing a hand to Izuku’s chest to push him back roughly, shoving him against the wall next to his closet with a loud thud. “Defenseless Izuku. Deku. Weak and scrawny.”
“You’d kick me down every time I tried to grow stronger.” Izuku tried to push Katsuki’s away from him with a shove, only making the boy grunt at the effort but not budging. “I tried to follow in your footsteps and grow stronger with you! You never let me!”
“That’s the fucking problem, Izuku!” Katsuki shouted with spit flying from his curled lips, making Izuku quiet down with confused eyes. “You were defenseless , I couldn’t have protected you if you did the normal reckless shit you always did! You had no regard for yourself, you were always so fucking selfless that it made me sick .”
Izuku stayed quiet as he watched Katsuki rage, his eyes calculating as they darted across his face.
“You just- fuck, Izuku! You constantly talked about being the quirkless hero, you never thought about the fact that it would kill you! Training here at UA would’ve killed you!” Katsuki’s hand that was pressed to Izuku’s chest moved to punch the wall next to his head, his eyes squeezing closed. “I would’ve been so caught up in worrying about keeping you alive that I would’ve suffered in the process. Loving you would’ve made me weak.”
The silence in the room was alarmingly loud, Katsuki’s ears ringing as his anger burnt harshly at his palms. Izuku stared at him with quiet surprise, blinking owlishly up at him before frowning.
“ Love? ” Izuku whispered before he laughed incredulously, shaking his head before shoving at Katsuki’s chest again. This time it was weak and unwilling, his hands trembling. “When the fuck did you ever love me? Are you kidding me?”
Katsuki sighed out deeply before he opened his eyes again, locking onto Izuku’s. He ignored the smoke that seeped from his clenched fist still pressed against the wall, trying to hold back the sparks that threatened to crackle with his still burning chest. “Since the day our mothers introduced us, I think.” He unwillingly grunted out his words, teeth clenched tightly. “I became obsessed, and once I found out you were quirkless, I knew I needed you away from me.”
Izuku continued to stare harshly at him, his gaze wavering and uncertain. His expression was unreadable, and it set Katsuki further on edge than he already was.
“I would’ve been a danger to you, and even with how young we were, I knew that.” Katsuki gritted out before finally pushing himself away from Izuku, turning his back to him as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I was set on becoming Number One, you already know how much I talked about it. Being Number One means being at the forefront of all danger. Villains target that person and everything close to them just to get their five seconds of fame and a firm kick to the fucking jaw.”
Katsuki kicked off his sneakers as he spoke before taking off his uniform blazer, haphazardly tossing it onto his bed before rolling up the sleeves of his button down. He gazed at his arms momentarily before turning to Izuku, who hadn’t moved an inch.
“The scars on my body are from training. My body is built to withstand my explosions. The hits I’ve taken would’ve blown your fucking arms off.” Katsuki felt a sigh slowly leave his lungs before unbuttoning his shirt. A starburst scar was spread across his chest with a zipper-like scar in the middle. “Eijiro quite literally punched through my chest. Edgeshot used his quirk to fix me up to get me to Recovery Girl.”
The look in Katsuki’s eyes showed steely determination as Izuku’s eyes flitted over every scar that was left on Katsuki’s pale skin. He waited in silence as Izuku took each scar into pained consideration, his frown growing with each one.
The silence once again hung in the air, no longer burning hot with rage, instead cooling into lukewarm remorse and mournful glances. Instead of speaking, Izuku slowly approached Katsuki with unsure steps before he reached to place a hand over the starburst scar, his palms ice cold as they rested on the blond’s skin. After minutes, maybe hours, passed, Izuku took a deep breath.
“Kacchan, I…” He started hesitantly, eyes still locked on where his hand rested. “I looked up to you. All Might might’ve been my hero, but you were the one actually in my life. You and my mother were all I had.” His words end in a whisper, his hand faltering before withdrawing from Katsuki’s chest. His hand caught Izuku’s before he could pull away completely.
“I’m sorry.” Katsuki whispered in return, holding Izuku’s hand back to his chest.
“I lost half of everything when you… started being so mean.” Izuku continued, not being able to meet the blond’s eyes. “I clung so desperately because you were all I knew.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Kacchan, you were my everything. My inspiration, my best friend, my… my first love.” Izuku’s voice grew watery along with his eyes. “It hurt so bad. You were everything to me, no matter how much you hurt me, I would’ve rather been pushed and shoved than being so… so fucking lonely .”
“I’m…”
“When you told me to kill myself, your word felt like gospel.” He finally looked up at Katsuki, tears clung to his lashes as he drew in a trembling breath. “Hearing you tell me to kill myself was like…”
“Izuku-”
“It was like a breath of fresh air.” Izuku rushed out, cutting Katsuki into stunned silence. “Hearing you actually wanted me dead gave me the sense of freedom that I didn’t know I needed until I heard you say it. I almost convinced myself out of it when I actually went to the roof, but there you were. It was like everything aligned and it was the world telling me it was okay to do it. So…”
“So you did it.” Katsuki’s voice left his throat in a whisper before he could stop it, his hand squeezing Izuku’s own.
“Yeah. I did it. And then I didn’t die.” Izuku nods before his eyebrows crinkled. “Well, I did die. Turns out I’ve always had a quirk. In a sick, twisted way, you were completely right about jumping off of the roof. I just had to kill myself and get a quirk in my next life.”
A hurt noise punched its way out of Katsuki as he crumpled to his knees, still gripping Izuku’s hand. Izuku continued as he watched Katsuki collapse in on himself.
“I call it Poltergeist. Obviously, I’ve had a lot of time to experiment with what I can and can’t do. It took a while to be able to manifest visibly, and then I had to learn how to appear to certain people. Same thing with talking, and touching. I had to relearn everything; walking, touching, speaking. Everything. Good thing I’m a fucking nerd, right?”
A humorless laugh left Izuku and Katsuki made another soft noise of hurt, his form trembling.
“It made my anger grow. I hated that your hatred towards me was what got me a quirk I wanted so fucking bad. I hated that I had to die to get it. I hated that because of death, I had to learn to somehow live again. It wasn’t pleasant falling through floors, but at least I don’t feel pain anymore.”
Izuku finally decided to kneel with Katsuki, removing his hand from his tight grip to cup his face and force him to look up. He was crying again, of course. The revelation of how Izuku felt up until he jumped and then after felt like being punched through the chest all over again. Just less blood and gore this time.
“I’ve watched you since then.” Izuku’s voice becomes quieter, his eyes locked on Katsuki’s. “I’ve watched you live your life like you didn’t kill me. I watched you make friends and the jealousy I felt made me hate you even more.”
A shuddering breath left Katsuki and Izuku pursed his lips. He moved his thumbs to gently swipe away Katsuki’s flowing tears.
“I’ve also watched you change.” He whispered, and the look on Katsuki’s face made his heart swell. Innocent confusion and big, watery eyes. “Your friends are good to you and good for you. You’ve calmed down. Your harsh words don’t actually hold malice, and your friends know you well enough to know that. You’ve changed my opinion.”
“Izuku…”
“I’m still… angry. One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of the things I felt during death kind of just linger. They can become dull but they don’t actually go away.” Izuku sighs out at that, his thumbs continuing to dry Katsuki’s cheeks. “I’ll always be angry, and I’ll always hate you.”
“Izuku, I’m so-”
“But.” Izuku cuts him off again, pressing his forehead to Katsuki’s. “But, I’ll always love you. That will never change.”
They both fell silent at that, eyes closed and settling into the comforting touch of their skin. The silence swelled and pulsed around them, unspoken words and emotions sticking to their skin and dripping down their necks. All they knew now was that they loved and hated each other so passionately that maybe, just maybe, it was always meant to be like this. Their own red string of fate wound so tightly around their hearts that they never had any other option.
One meant to die and rise from the ashes of his hatred. One meant to light that flame so they could finally burn together.
But who cares about fate, right? Now, they had each other. They’ll figure out everything else later. They had eternity and lifetimes, after all.