Chapter Text
I woke up today, earlier than any other days of the year. My stomach was eating itself, but I knew I couldn't get anything down. Not today. It was the roaring of the thunder who woke me up, the sky seemed angry , screaming and shouting at everyone to wake up. Rain was falling heavily, but it always did at that time of the year. I don't know for the rest of Panem, but here, in district 7, the reaping always happens on a rainy or a stormy day. As if the sky knew just how sad of a day it truly was. I mean, what's more tragic than sending kids to a deadly fight against other kids.
I must've had, like, three hours of sleep tonight and if I'm being honest, it's probably the most I've had in years. I mean, for the day before the reaping. I usually simply can't sleep, my thoughts racing too quickly and I simply cannot close my eyes. Last years it was so unbearable that I sneaked out and I went to my favorite place in the whole district : a small cave deep in the forest. It's only a 30 minutes walk from my house and it's pretty peaceful. I often go there with my friends and my older brothers. Some of my best memories are from that small spot and every year, I worry I'll never have the chance to go back.
The house is buried under silence, which is unusual for my big family. No one is screaming, no one is crying and no one is running around. No one asks me to get up like every other day. Even though this is what I am usually begging for every single morning, today it makes me feel sick. Deeply sick. The silence is so loud that I can hear my heart starting to beat even faster and faster and faster, until it's all I can hear. I am laying down in my bed, eyes wide open, and I wonder about all the different possibilities for today. What if I get reaped? What if someone I love get reaped. My mind is racing, as if thinking of all these horrible scenario would stop them from happening. I force myself to get out of bed and go greet my parents. The wooden floor creaks under my every steps and it makes me wonder if my parents even heard me sneak out before. I bet they have, but they still let me do it. As i enter our small kitchen, I see them both, sitting at the table all alone. I guess I'm the first awake because none of the food has been eaten yet. Not even my parents, but it's pretty obvious why they haven't ate. They're already full of fear, food wouldn't go down. The terrible fear they have to live with . The fact that they could lose one of their babies today.
I greet them with a forced smile, trying to hide my crippling anxiety, so they don't have to worry more. I can't even imagine what they're going through every years. They return the same weak smile, as if they had the same intention as me, to not worry one another. But I'm worried, I am painfully worried. I sit down at my usual place and the silence is even louder than before. No one says a word. Not a single word. I mean, what is there to say? One of my brothers or me could be reaped and sent to a deadly arena. And all that for what? The pure enjoyment of rich weird looking people who apparently enjoy watching poor children die. And if its not someone from my family, it could still be a cousin, one of our neighbours, a coworker's child or it will simply be a child. A kid. Someone's baby.
No kids aged from 12-18 are safe in the districts. None. Every and each one of us are in danger. Some more than others because of the tessera system. Or just because you are older. Your name get puts one more time each years. I am 17 years old.
I try eating some of the eggs my mother made us, but just the smell of it makes me want to throw up. I, too, am too full of fear to eat anything today. As I stare down at my food, I hear my youngest brother Ollie, get out of his room, still sleepy. He was quickly followed by a bolt of energy, my other younger brother, Aspen. They are at least, both too young to get reaped this year. I couldn't have taken it. Ollie sat next to my mother and he started gobbling his food. He was still too young to really understand what today meant. Apparently Aspen was also too young, because he was running and jumping around as if it was the best day ever. It kind of annoyed me, but I could only be happy he was this innocent and that he was safe, for now. He started to tackle me and I didn't react. I would've normally tickled him, but not now, I was not in the mood at all. He didn't stop and he started hitting me while laughing. And I was trying so hard to keep calm, until I simply couldn't anymore.
"Will you stop it Aspen, will you leave me alone?!" I said , raising my voice.
He stared at me like a deer in front of a hunter. He was clearly taken aback by my response and my sudden change of energy. I felt terribly bad, I should not have lashed out at him like that. He started crying and went to find shelter in my mom arms. My parents both looked at me with the same look. A look full of worry, pity and mostly despair. I sometime wonder if they regret bringing us into this cruel world. I bet they at least do right now. I decide to get away as quickly as possible, not wanting to fuck up the mood once again. Or to just fuck it up more.
As I get near the front door, I am greeted by Cedar, my other brother, who i guess, had the same idea to sneak out as me. He smiles at me and I actually cannot tell if he's faking or not. He tries to open the door but I quickly stop him.
"What are you doing?" I ask
"Same thing as you, I am trying to get away from this depressing environment."
"At least go see mom and dad just for a bit, please?"
I look at him, waiting for a reaction. He rolls his eyes and he once again, tries to open the door.
"Cedar, they at least deserve a good morning hug, especially today. Go on, I'll wait for you."
He quickly went in the kitchen and I took my raincoat before getting out.
The rain was calmer than earlier and it sounded like a sweet melody to my ears. I always loved rain, it always made me feel at ease, so I guess I was lucky to be born in 7, where it's always rainy. I looked at the house of my neighbour and from their windows I could see both parents hugging their children while crying. And suddenly I noticed that the sweet melody I was hearing was not so sweet. It was mixed with weeping and screaming and despair. Now it felt more like a torture to hear this music and my body felt much heavier now.
My brother finally got out, also wearing his coat and we started walking towards our special place.