Chapter Text
“You want some gum?”
Those were the first words uttered on the cargo plane to Pahkitew Island. They were uttered by none other than, perhaps, the most marketable of all the contestants; a young lady with a cream tank top and feather earrings. She extended a gum-clutching hand towards her stout seatmate, who was one of the least marketable contestants on this cast of misfits.
“Hmm… my ears are finding some trouble acclimating to the change in air pressure… bah, why not?” He plucked a stick from the foil pack, and when he stuck it in his mouth, his eyes watered.
“Cinnamon,” He said, and he barely kept it together as he spoke. A hand gripped his grey slacks as he powered through the intense burst of flavor.
“As much as I would like to spit this out, that would not be… proper. ” He grimaced as he chewed. “Your tongue must be completely numb for you to withstand such a burning assault.”
“What? It’s just cinnamon, it’s not that bad. Besides, it wears off after, like, twenty chews.”
“Perhaps that is the case for your indomitable mouth, but I assure you— ”
He paused. The girl gave him a quizzical look as he chewed, and the stress in his face evaporated. “ —Oh. It seems you were right, after all,” The boy said. “And on that note, allow me to introduce myself—I am Maximillian Morgan, however, Max is sufficient.” He extended a pale hand towards her, and she shook it firmly. Perhaps, a little too firmly.
“Well, nice to meet you, Max. I’m Sky.” She said, and she noticed his hand as it grew a little red. “Oh, crap, sorry.” She let go of him, and he moved his fingers to alleviate the pain.
“Your hands are calloused. And strong,” Max said. “Tell me, Sky, how is it that your hands behold such surprising strength?”
“Well, I’m a varsity gymnast,” She said, somewhat sheepishly. Her hands rubbed the back of her hair as she explained. “And basically, grip strength is a requirement, so coach says I always have to find ways to improve it. Like, when I go grocery shopping with my mom, I can carry all our groceries for the week…in one trip.” She raised a finger to emphasize her point, and Max gasped.
“In one trip? Inconceivable!”
“Oh, puh-lease. That ain’t nothin’!”
Their heads turned to another contestant; a portly blonde girl in a pink crop top. She filed her nails as she approached their bench. “If you’re as strong as I am, grocery shoppin’s a piece a’ cake.”
“A piece of cake? Quite befitting of your name, Sugar,” Max said. He glared at her, and she glared back, all the while Sky looked at both of them, somewhat bewildered. She grabbed another stick of gum and chewed.
“Um… do you two know each other?”
“You ain’t changed since the day I left kindergarten,” Sugar said, not even bothering to look at Sky. “You bowl-cut wearin’, purple dye-havin’, evil schemin’ bastard!”
“Woah, woah, easy!”
Sky pocketed her gum and stepped between the two. To her surprise, someone else joined her in the de-escalation; a handsome boy in a blue sweater. He stood in front of Sugar, and now that she thought about it, he looked like one of those typical teen actors she saw on those high school drama shows—except he actually looked the age.
“Yeah, okay, that’s enough, guys. Too much bad language and we could get off the air,” He said. “And the last thing any of us want is to rot in obscurity. Am I right, folks?”
Sugar crossed her arms and huffed. “Fine. Guess I gotta keep it PG or whatever. Not like I’m not used to that, being on-stage and whatnot… but that’s not gonna stop me from gettin’ you off the show, you twerp!” She pointed at Max, who gasped once more.
“You dare call me that insufferable name?” He stepped ahead of Sky and the new guy, and the old rivals were face-to-face. “Mind you, Sugar, I have improved quite a bit since we have last met—and know this, once I unleash my plans upon you, you will feel the maximum consequences!”
Sky looked to the new guy. “Should we—”
“ —Nah, this is good television!” He whispered back, not wanting to overpower their acrid words. “Topher, by the way.” He extended a hand.
“Sky.” She shook it, and remembered to loosen her grip.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, Sky, I have a host to find.”
She looked at him, a little bewildered, as he strolled further into the plane’s interior to complete whatever plans he had cooking. For a second, she considered following him, but she shrugged and went back to her seat. After all, Sugar walked away from Max, so it seemed she didn’t have to think about that until the competition began.
In contrast, Topher approached the other half of the passenger cabin. He looked around and walked with a cool, calm demeanor, and he hid his anxiety quite well. The truth was, his heart pounded in his chest at the thought of meeting Chris, let alone being in a Total Drama season. He exhaled silently as he scanned the room for anyone he could possibly get some leads on.
First, he noticed a guy in a green robe, and when he saw the fake beard on his face, he immediately brushed him off. First boot material, he thought, as that guy wrote something down in a journal. Then, he saw a huge guy huddled in the corner, clad in a t-shirt and overalls—his muscles alone intimidated Topher, and so he didn’t want to deal with him, either. Across from him, however, there was an even taller lady dressed in jungle-exploring gear. He cleared his throat.
“Excuse me, have you seen Chris around? I kinda wanna talk to him.”
“Chris?” She asked, and her Australian accent was as obvious as her stature. “I reckon he’d be in the cockpit with Chef.” She pointed a thumb towards the front of the plane. “But now that you mention it, I got a sense that he’s not around.”
“You just might be right,” Said a scruffy, slightly smelly guy in a beanie. Topher gave him a funny look as he butted in. “I mean, based on his behavior on previous seasons— especially the last one—he’s always up to something. I mean, remember the time they irradiated those new guys?”
“And don’t forget that bloody awful gimmick where they all had ta’ sing on the spot.”
“Aw, I thought it was a wonderful choice!”
The new, high-pitched voice came from a girl dressed in pink. Unlike Sugar, however, she appeared straight out of a fairytale. Topher put a hand on his chin as he realized that she might not survive this endeavor, and as the four looked at her, she blushed a little. “Oh, how rude of me to interrupt—I’m Ella.” She did a little curtsy. “And you are?”
“Shawn,” The scruffy guy said.
“I’m Jasmine,” Said the Aussie girl.
“And I’m Topher,” He said with a smile. He tried to charm her with a particularly toothy grin, as he had done many times before with the girls in his school, but somehow, she remained rather civil.
“My, aren’t we a colorful bunch? Oh, and I’d like you to meet a new friend of mine—Beardo?” She turned to a nearby bench and spotted another greasy-looking guy with a massive afro. He removed his headphones and waved at the group, and it was clear that he was at a loss for words. Ella swiftly approached him and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Go on, now, show them what you showed me.”
He gulped, then nodded, and with a deep inhale, he put a hand over his mouth. “Hellooo, people of Pahkitew Island!”
The three gasped as he perfectly imitated Chris McLean’s voice. In fact, he did it so well that the other contestants turned their heads. “We’re sure to have a heck of a season, folks! Especially with all the new challenges I’ve cooked up, isn’t that right, Chef?”
“Dang right!” He imitated Chef’s voice, and that got a few woah’s from the cast. “I tell you what, those kids are gonna go through hell! If my name ain’t Chef Hatchet.”
“Bloody hell!” Jasmine smiled as they clapped. “That’s spot-on!”
“I agree—you nailed it, bud. Say, what other voices can you do?” Topher asked, his interest piqued.
Beardo scratched his stubble for a moment, then snapped a finger before he covered his mouth again. “I don’t know, you tell me.” Which made everyone else smile and clap, but Topher’s face sank as he heard his own voice imitated directly back to him. Before he could get a word in, however, two blonde girls dressed in opposite-color tracksuits rushed over to the talent-packed voice artist. Being that they were twins, their eyes shifted towards them.
“If you can do Heather’s voice, I’ll give you five bucks.” The twin with a mole said. Beardo smirked and nodded, then cleared his throat.
“Oh my gosh, Alejandro, you are going down!”
The cast erupted in laughter and applause, and the twins smiled the widest. That didn’t last long, however, as the twin in red turned to her sister. “Samey, gimme five bucks.”
“What?! Amy, you said you were gonna—”
“--I forgot my wallet, okay? I’ll pay you back, now give it.” Her aggressive tone made her sister gulp, and she forked over the money without a second thought.
“Why do I get the feeling you won’t pay her back?” Shawn asked as Beardo smiled at his pay. When he said that, however, Amy glared at him, and he gulped, too. “Never mind.”
Then, to break the entire thing up, a loud sound filled their ears—the crackling of the overhead speakers, followed by the voice of Chris’ right hand man. “Attention all contestants! We’ll be flyin’ over the drop zone in about three minutes, so y’all better find some parachutes! And hopefully, you’re smart enough to know the instructions. Good luck!”
“Drop zone?” Jasmine’s eyes widened.
“Wait! I gotta talk to Chris!” Topher darted towards the front of the plane while the group broke away, and each of them scavenged the plane for any signs of a parachute. The twins checked under the seats and the benches, Ella and Beardo ran up and down the cabin for any clues, Jasmine used her height to her advantage, checking the overhead stowaway bins, while Shawn tugged at a nearby locker that would not budge.
“Guys! Does anyone have a key?”
Then, suddenly, a girl who hadn’t introduced herself appeared next to him. He yelped a little at her presence, and the spectacled, serious-looking redhead scoffed.
“I have something even better,” She said as she pulled out a bobby pin from her pocket. When she unfolded it and stuck it in the lock, it only took her five seconds before a click was heard. Without another word, she opened it and found a small stash of parachutes. “Over here!”
“Crikey, where’d you learn to do that?” Jasmine asked.
“The internet,” The redhead replied. “The modern Library of Alexandria.”
Amy shoved her aside and grabbed a parachute. “Ugh, who cares about Alexandria’s library, let’s get out of here!”
The redhead sneered at her, but she had no time to bite back. She and the others who were nearby grabbed their own parachutes, though by the time Ella and Beardo reached the locker, there were none left. “Oh, dear. Uhm… surely there are more elsewhere!” The princess said.
“Bah!” The boy in green robes said. “No need for a parachute! I have some magical spells that’ll allow us to float like the clouds in the sky!”
Ella gasped with excitement as he pulled out his fancy journal, labelled his spellbook. Beardo, however, made a quick cuckoo-clock sound before he dashed away to the back half of the cabin. “Beardo!” Ella shouted, and the wizard-boy leaned back from her outburst. “Oh, sorry for my friend, he must be a teensy-bit antsy, that’s all!”
“Why, no worries, this is quite the dire situation, after all. Come! I shall show you my spells!”
“Uh, can I join, too?”
They looked up and saw the huge, muscular guy in overalls looking back down at them, and they were quite surprised to hear how timid he sounded. “I mean… if it’s okay.”
“Surely!” The boy in green said. “Now, I hate to proceed without proper introductions, but we must prepare for our landing, post-haste!”
With that, the three darted out of that side of the cabin and ran towards the back, where the rest of them awaited the drop orders. However, in the front of the plane, a door swung open—the bathroom door—and out stepped a short, scrawny young man in a blue-green sweater vest, his knees shakier than usual. “Of all the times to have a bowel movement…” He sprayed some hand sanitizer on his palms and rubbed them. He eyed the locker that was just opened, and his heart sank.
“Oh, God… the parachutes!”
“Woah! Hey, hey, easy there, dude.” Topher said. He had a parachute over his shoulder and another in his hands, and he tossed it to the new guy without hesitation. He barely caught it, as it almost fumbled out of his sweaty palms, but at least he felt a little safer. “Good thing Chef let me borrow these!”
“He–he did?” He smiled as he followed Topher to the back of the plane. “Well, thanks a lot, dude—I’m, uh, Dave, by the way.”
Topher looked him up and down for a second. He reminded him of the nerds he picked on, but he didn’t want to throw away his chances at stardom. “Name’s Topher. You ever skydived before, Dave?”
“N-no!”
“Well, you should’ve practiced! This is Total Drama, man! You gotta be prepped for this stuff, unless you wanna be first boot!” He laughed a little, and though Dave nervously chuckled, that little joke did not alleviate his tension one bit. As they found themselves huddled up with everyone else at the back, however, Dave realized that he wasn’t the only one feeling the pressure.
“Um, does anyone have any skydiving tips?” Sky asked. It turned out, at the rear of the plane, there were more parachutes; she, Max and Sugar had some on their backs.
“A better question would be, why aren’t you guys wearing your parachutes?” Shawn gestured to the odd trio of Ella, Leonard and Rodney. “Do you three have a death wish or something?”
“Oh, not at all,” Ella said as she slipped hers on. “We were merely listening to Leonard’s proposed flight spells!”
Shawn’s worried face sunk in disappointment. “Your what?”
“Indeed!” Leonard said as Rodney silently put on his parachute. “I have harnessed all kinds of magic, specifically for this arduous quest we all like to call, Reality TV.”
Max rolled his eyes, as did many of the other contestants. “You ought to be prepared for the arduous quest towards the dock of shame!”
“Or the mental hospital,” Scarlett added, and that got half of them to cackle.
“Good one,” Max said, nudging her a bit, and that got a grin on her face as he whispered further. “Something tells me he’ll be off this island anyways.”
The redhead smirked. “Duly noted.”
“Alright, people, we’re approaching the L.Z., comin’ in hot!” Chef said over the speakers, and a blaring alarm accompanied by flashing red lights shocked all of their senses. Slowly, but surely, the rear of the plane creaked open, and as the hydraulics did their work, the fresh air of the wild nearly sucked them out of the fuselage.
“Holy mother of God!” Dave shouted as he held onto the wall. “I’m not ready!”
“No turning back now, man!” Topher said as he took deep breaths. “We got a game to play!”
Without another word, Topher ran to the end and leapt off the plane, and he screamed his lungs out in excitement as he plunged towards the island. For a moment, the other contestants looked at each other with worried eyes, but one of them got over her fear quite fast—she was used to high jumps.
“Topher’s right—it’s now or never, people! To victoryyy!” Sky shouted as she leapt off the plane with the grace of a true gymnast; even in her initial descent, she did a curling front-flip before she began the plunge. It turned out that impressive display of acrobatics was just enough to rile up the cast of newcomers, especially the more outgoing of the bunch.
“Right!” Jasmine said as she stepped forward. “This bloody plane can kiss my arse!” With that, she took the dive, and following her, the twins in tracksuits rared to go next…
…well, at least, one of them did.
“W-wait, Amy, I’m—I’m not ready!”
“Dammit, Samey,” She said as she dragged her sister towards the exit. “First you take too long in the womb, then you take too long in the bathroom, and now you’re gonna take too long to start our careers?! No freaking way!”
With a strong pull, the two tumbled out of the plane, screaming all the way, and this caused a further domino effect; Shawn bit the bullet and leapt off, followed by Sugar and Max, as each of them wanted to go earlier than the other, and after that, Beardo hopped off whilst whistling the sound of a falling bomb.
Scarlett, however, had a hand on her chin. “If I leap off at an approximate 30-degree angle off the 45-degree surface, then that should allow me to—”
“ —FLY, YOU FOOLS!”
Her train of thought was interrupted by the oddball trio of Leonard, Ella and Rodney, who all jumped at the same time. She sighed and pinched her nosebridge. “Screw it.”
Those last two words, coincidentally, came across Dave’s mind, as he jumped off alongside her. He screamed and flailed and cried and hyperventilated all at once, which actually impressed Scarlett, as she had not seen anyone do that outside of a mental institution.
“Hey!” She shouted to him as she fell, and her body faced belly-down. “Flailing around like a helpless buffoon will accumulate significant aerodynamic turbulence that will hinder your landing, so I suggest you calm down!”
Dave looked up at her, and soon after, his body adjusted to the sensation of falling. “G-good idea,” He said, but as he looked down and saw the island’s pine trees, he winced and closed his eyes. “Oh, God, I hope I don’t die up here! I’m too young to die!”
Scarlett rolled her eyes and pulled the parachute’s ripcord, and in an instant, her fall slowed down. “Pull on it!” She shouted as Dave plummeted.
Without any other options, and seeing as he fell towards some of the other contestants anyways, he grabbed the red cord and pulled it…
…and out came some plastic bags.
“What?!” Dave shouted, and soon after, he went back to screaming. As he did so, he fell towards the falling oddballs, and the oddest among them held out that fancy journal with all his might. It turned out that Rodney already pulled his parachute, but since he was so heavy, he fell just as quick as the other two.
“Wingardo, levisium!” Leonard shouted, and nothing happened. He cleared his throat as Ella gave Rodney a nervous look. She was about to pull her rip-cord as he spoke again. “ Wingaaardo, levisium!”
Just as he made that second attempt, Dave, who flailed as he zipped by them, accidentally loosened the belt around Leonard’s green robe, and when it flew off his waist, it spread out and slowed his descent—as it turned out, he had a parachute of his own, and he didn’t even know it. Had he not worn that robe, perhaps he would have been the first boot—a medevac, perhaps, but it seemed the stars aligned.
“Oooh!” Ella giggled. “Good job, Leonard,” She said as she pulled her cord and linked up with him—but much to their surprise, a swarm of bats escaped from her backpack, and for a moment, the boys gasped. Before they could scream, however, Ella squealed with delight.
“Sky puppies!” She said, and right afterwards, she sang out a princessy-like tune to the creatures. “Oh, puppies of the skyyy, won’t you please, oh please, help us flyyy~”
To the other oddballs’ shock, the bats squealed and latched onto Ella’s body, and they flapped their wings with delight as she sang. It was almost like her voice actually empowered them to carry her weight.
“Thank you, thank you, puppies of the skyyy, for saving my skin and not passing me by…”
She paused and patted the bats. “...Thank you again, you saved a prima donna, and now we’re on the way to Totaaaal Dramaaa!”
With that, she linked up with Rodney, and when he linked with Leonard, their descent was quite peaceful—and the two oddballs gave her a bit of applause in response.
“My, you’re a natural-born beast-master!” Leonard said.
“Y-yeah… that was awesome.” Rodney said, his face turning red. He wanted to say more, but he felt something that almost paralyzed him, and he was not quite sure what it was. All he knew was that his eyes could not look away from their local princess. Until, of course, she looked back at him, and he looked away sheepishly.
“Thank you, thank you all~” Ella giggled, all the while the rest of the contestants suffered around them.
“AAAAAH! Curse you, Chris McLean!” Max shouted as some canned goods flew out of his parachute, and Sugar snorted as she glided away, laughing and pointing at the stout schemer.
“That’s what’cha git, you dummy!”
Right after that, however, two bodies fell on her parachute, and they were all entangled in a mess of string and cloth. “Ah! Dag-nabbit! Get offa’ my ‘chute!” She pulled and tugged as she fell, and when she got her bearings back, she ended up holding the culprits with each hand. It seemed, indeed, she was strong enough to carry a week’s worth of groceries in one trip, as the tracksuit twins provided little challenge. It also helped that their jackets were stretchy.
“Oh my gosh, thank you!” Samey said as her blue collar rubbed against her skin.
“Hey, wait a minute,” Amy said. “We fell first, so how’d we run into you? Is that, like, ‘cause of your weight or something?”
“Amy, no!” Samey pleaded, and Sugar growled. Her snarl turned to a smile, however, as she let the twins plummet towards the island. She snorted and laughed as they screamed and held each other close, and she was quite proud of herself for that, but when Samey pulled her rip-cord, and Amy hung onto her arm, the country-diva huffed. “Dangit.”
“W-why did you say that?” Samey asked as Amy held onto her like a koala. “We could’ve died!”
“First of all, Samey, it was a totally fair and valid question. It’s all about psychics.”
“Wh—you mean physics?”
Amy nudged her with an elbow, and Samey winced. “Just—shut up and get us to the island!” The meaner twin said, and she was as red as her tracksuit.
Speaking of red, that was the exact shade of Topher’s hand, as he tried his damndest to hold onto Sky, who, evidently, had a dud parachute. He winced and hyperventilated as he struggled to pull her up, and she too struggled to get up with just one hand. As it turned out, being the first to fall also meant being the first to land—a very obvious outcome, but it was an outcome that neither of them were really prepared for, especially in such a dire situation.
“SKY! GRAB MY SHOE!”
The gymnast did as she was told, and her hand first grabbed his shoe, and then his ankle. Topher screamed in pain as Sky held on for dear life. “Sorry!” She said, and she seemed to hold in something with her cheeks as she held on. Topher looked down and saw her face, and he screamed again.
“You are not gonna barf on my shoes! I just got this cleaned!” He tried to kick, but her gymnastic grip was too strong. Thankfully, whatever it was, she swallowed, and Topher let out a sigh of relief, which was also short-lived, because as it turned out, being the first to fall out of the plane meant they were the first to land.
It was a reality that struck them hard. Literally.
“Ow! Oof!” The two flopped onto the sandy beaches of Pahkitew Island, and before Chris could do anything, they were covered by Topher’s parachute.
“ Yikes. Not a good start,” The host said, a hand on his chin. “But welcome to the show!” He did his little arms-outstretched pose, and less than a second later, Topher sprung out of the parachute’s canvas, literally tearing a hole in it and doing the exact same pose.
“Chris McLean!” He walked over and shook his hand, unprompted, but accepted. “Oh, man, it is so awesome to finally meet you in person! I’m a huge fan, sir—and I got nothing but respect for your work.”
He sent him a genuine smile which showed off his pearly whites, and Chris felt like he looked into a mirror. Particularly, a mirror that showed what he wanted to be when he was Topher’s age. Normally, he would have envied such a young man, but the compliments discarded any envious notions, for now.
“Why, thank you, Topher, I appreciate the enthusiasm,” He said as Sky crawled out of the parachute, coughing up sand. “And there’s our next contestant, the olympic gymnast herself, Sky!”
She paused for a moment as she stood up. “Wait. Olympic?”
“Uh… yeah? That’s what the producers told me.” Chris shrugged.
Sky gasped. “Oh my gosh! I got into the olympic team and this is how I find out?! On live TV?” She looked into the camera with a nervous smile. “This is crazy.”
“ Speaking of crazy…”
“AAAHH!!!” Someone shouted, as Chris looked up at the sky. The two other contestants got a good look, and there they saw Max, who landed head-first into the shallow waters. The splash made them wince, but surprisingly, his stocky figure seemed to take no damage from the fall. Well, if there was any damage, it was surely hidden quite well, as Max stormed out of the lake with a scowl on his face.
“You’ve sabotaged the parachutes, you fiend!” He pointed at Chris, who smirked.
“So? What’re you gonna do about it, Max?” He asked.
“I…” Max tried to say something witty, but nothing came to mind. “...I will have to applaud you, actually. The simplest evils are most satisfying.”
“That they are!” Chris chuckled. Topher squinted at the short, purple haired guy and took note of his behavior—he did not want to compete for Chris’ attention, which was shorter than a kindergartener’s, but it seemed he already had a little competition. This was a problem.
It was a problem he would have to deal with later, however, as something scrawny struck Max from above. He was face-first in the sand, and Dave, who rested on his back, groaned in pain. “Finally, back on the ground…” He mumbled, but Max grabbed him without looking and tossed him aside. “Ah!”
“Ack!” Max spat out some sand. “I am not a landing pad, you fool!” He kicked some sand at Dave, who panicked and stumbled away. He was too busy wiping the sand off his body to reply. “Oh? What’s wrong?” Max cackled as he grabbed a handful of wet sand. “Have I found your nemesis?!”
Dave then looked up and saw him winding up a throw, and he yelped and ran towards Chris. Max, who cackled harder, let go of the wet sand and dusted his palms. “It seems I have.”
While all of this happened, Chris could not believe his eyes. Wasn’t Dave supposed to be the normal guy? It seemed his producers had tricks up their sleeves, too, but this was the nature of the show. Chris knew he had to make do with what he had, but the way Dave looked at him did not help the situation.
“Hey! Are you crazy?! You could’ve killed us!” He shouted, and Chris sneered back.
“I calculated the jump specifically so that you wouldn’t die, lawyer’s orders. Maybe you’ll get injuries at worst. Besides, you got bigger things to worry about, dude, like your teammates!” He pointed up at the sky, and there were the rest of the contestants.
First, there was the parachute-less Jasmine, who dove into the lake and swam to shore, followed by Shawn, who, despite having a parachute, ditched it and took a dive, as he was too far from the island. The tracksuit twins, too, floated down from the sky and landed in the shallow waters, and Sugar followed suit, her feet firmly planted in the sand. Well, maybe a little too firmly, as she struggled a bit to get out of the wet sand, to the point where she removed her sandals to escape the soaked ground.
“Wait, those are my teammates?” Dave asked.
“Well, some of ‘em,” Chris shrugged. “You’ll see.”
The short, vague answer made Dave sweat. As the oddballs floated together, and as Beardo’s glide came to a slow, calm halt, the cast was complete. Before they continued, however, Chris looked at Ella with a tinge of confusion. “Those bats were supposed to bite you guys! What gives?”
She laughed softly as the swarm of bats fluttered into the nearby woods. “I treated them with kindess, and they treated me in return.”
Chris groaned. He was immediately reminded of an annoying girl in green whom he never wished to see again. “Should’ve gone for the vampire bats, ” He lamented.
“ Vampire bats?” Rodney asked.
“ Anyway, now that we’re all settled in…” Chris gestured to some interns, who suddenly appeared with two flags; one green and one red, and both rolled up.
“...it’s time for the teams.”
The contestants had mixed reactions—some like Ella, Sugar and Topher were more than excited to begin, but Dave, Beardo and Sammy seemed quite reluctant to start. Regardless of how they felt, this was the first step to the million bucks, and there was no use delaying it.
“Everyone without a parachute, step to my left. Everyone who got one… well, fill in the blanks.”
They did as Chris told, however, there were already some problems.
“Amy. Go to the left side. You do know where that is, right?”
“But I totally had a parachute!” She retorted, as Samey grimaced. Every fiber of her being wanted to say otherwise, but something stopped her. Thankfully, Chris had no filter.
“ No, you hung onto your sister, who had one. Now get over there.”
Amy huffed, and tried her damndest not to say anything bad. “Yes, sir.”
Samey sighed. Thank God, she thought, as Chris’ attention was set on another contestant who stepped out of line.
“You too, magic guy. ” He pointed to the local wizard. “Go on and join her.”
“But—my magical robe acted as a magical parachute!”
“Doesn’t count, dude. Move it.” Whatever joy he felt with Topher and Max started to falter. He caught onto his harsh tone and cleared his throat as the interns walked over to each of the teams; Sky received her team’s red flag, while Topher held onto his team’s green flag.
“Now, since this season is all about living off the land, as you should be aware, Chef and I decided to get rid of the lame old team names, and with the help of a special advisor, we’ve come up with some killer tribe names for y’all. Topher!” Chris said, and the young man smiled in response. “Since you guys were lucky enough to fly down here, you guys are gonna be the—”
He paused as he grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket, and read the text out loud. “--The Pimihawin Onocipiyesiwewak! Which is Cree for the Flying Hawks!” Then, almost on-cue, Topher unfurled the flag, which had the face of the aforementioned aerial predator. Then, just as he saw the logo, Beardo covered his mouth and did a hawk call, which made their team appear cooler than usual. Chef smirked and nudged a pleased Chris, who whispered to him; “If he keeps this up, we can totally lay off post-production!”
“Cool!” Topher said.
“Now that’s a team name!” Sugar grinned, but her grin disappeared as she realized something. “But wait a minute, ain’t that the sound of a bald eagle?” She asked Beardo, who grumbled and shook his head.
“What?” She put her hands on her head. “I’d done been lied to my whole life!”
“What a tragedy,” Scarlett commented as she rolled her eyes. She, along with Chris, wanted to move on, and the host did just that.
“Now, Sky, unfortunately, you and your teammates just weren’t meant to fly. Which is exactly why your tribe will be called… The Pahkisinwak Maskwak, which means—”
“--The Falling Bears?” She finished his sentence, and Chris laughed a little as Beardo did a little bear growl. The flag itself depicted a screaming bear falling down, who was more scared than ferocious. As her teammates grumbled over the lesser name, the enemy team—mostly Sugar—laughed at them while Sky looked up at their host. “Wait, first of all, your pronounciation needs some practice, and second of all—how do you know Cree?”
“Oh, well… that special advisor I mentioned? Yeah. That was your grandma. Small world, huh?”
“Oh!”
Sky paused. She wanted to smile, and in the awkward silence, everyone wondered why she stopped talking. She squinted at Chris, and he squinted back.
“Would I be on the show if I wasn’t Cree?”
Chris narrowed his gaze. “No comment. Annnyway!” He disregarded the question in his signature style, that signature smile flashed on his face. If anything, that only ignited something in her chest, something fuelled by equal parts spite and resentment. As such, she put the Falling Bears’ flag over her shoulder and steeled herself for whatever the first challenge would be.
“As I said, this season isn’t like the last one—I mean, c’mon, how could it be, after, uh… the incident.” He chuckled nervously, and that got some suspicious looks from the cast, but he carried on. “All we got left are some cameras, the confessional, and most importantly…”
An intern tossed over something familiar; a steel briefcase. Chris caught it without a hitch, and he raised it to them. “...One million dollars!”
“Ooh, can we see it?” Ella asked.
“Yeah! Let’s see the money!” Sugar rubbed her palms, but Chris sighed in disappointment.
“It’s in the bank. Note to self, edit that out,” He whispered to himself as an intern brought the case away. “But enough of the chit-chat! For your first challenge, it’s pretty simple; you’re gonna need to make a shelter that can withstand the conditions of Pahkitew Island.”
Suddenly, thunder rumbled throughout the air, and it shook the ground a little. Everyone looked up and saw a thick blanket of clouds that covered the blue skies, and in the distance, the clouds grew darker and darker. “See what I mean? Luckily, you’re not just gonna work with the wild, here, we got a little something to help you build your new homes.”
Chris plucked a walkie-talkie from his pocket. “Host to Eagle, supply drop requested, over?”
Chef spoke after a bit of static. “Eagle to Host, supply drop inbound! Watch your head, now.”
Indeed, just as the static stopped, the very same cargo plane that brought the contestants dropped several crates throughout the shores of Pahkitew Island. Like a bombing run of sorts, Chef left a trail not of destruction, but construction materials, as Chris explained.
“You got all the stuff you need in there—saws, axes, bolts, hammers, nails, all kinds of things you’d find in a hardware store. Literally, it’s all we could find in the nearest town over.” He chuckled. “Though, that isn’t all we’ve got on the island—if you can keep your eyes open, folks, you just might find a few remnants of Wawanakwa scattered around.”
“Wait, remnants of Wawanakwa?” Shawn asked. “I thought you said all that’s left were the cameras and the confessional.”
“I lied.” Chris gave them that classic grin.
“Ha!” Topher said, somewhat forcefully. “Good one, Chris.”
“Thanks! Now, as much as I’d like to get this over with, we got a commercial break to do. So, for now, huddle up and make your plans, and soon, we’ll be kicking off our first challenge on…”
Topher gasped and whispered to the nearest teammate—Scarlett. “Oh my God, he’s gonna do the thing!”
“...Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!”
Topher let out what could only be described as a fanboy squeal. Scarlett looked at him with disdain, then looked straight into the camera. She said nothing and shook her head.