Work Text:
“After eight years…”
“Why?
“I imagined my whole future with you!”
“No… This just can’t be true… WHY?”
“You can’t do that…”
Jay could and he did. He broke up with his girlfriend – his fiancé – after eight years. The person, he always thought, he would be getting old with, living with her and loving her till he dies. But the last part was exactly why he left her. There was no love anymore. He liked her, was thankful for everything she did for him and got used to her everyday presence, but there was just something missing. And Jay isn’t stupid. He knows, that the butterfly inducing love stage fades after some time, but he also knows, that there should be an urge to come home to the person, a deep sense of wanting to be near to that person and overall something he just can’t really describe. But he knows all of this, because it was once there, but it isn’t anymore and he can’t really explain why.
Maybe it’s because he changed. There was and is going a lot of stuff going on in Jays life. Somehow he found himself questioning, who he really was and one day he (re-)discovered a hobby and got him in contact with a circle of old and new people. Playing the guitar again ignited something in Jay, he didn’t think it was possible. There was suddenly a spark of feeling a bit more alive, reconnected with himself. At first it scared him to death, but after some time it just felt good. Spending time with people who understand him, share the same interests and he could talk to about whatever topic; it was something he couldn’t really do with his fiancé, as much as he wished and tried. Also the intimacy and passion they once shared were now just fleeting kisses and sex, that felt more like a duty than anything else.
Jay hated that he hurt her like this, because for her the break-up came a bit out of the blue or at least she didn’t want to see the signs beforehand and it was never Jays intention to hurt her. However, he also knew, there was never a future for them and being with her didn’t make him happy anymore – as cruel as it may sound.
“Do you regret it?” A voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he pulls himself up from his lying position on the couch. The curious and worried eyes of his best friend Heeseung greet him and Jay shakes his head.
“No”, Jay denies. “No, I don’t.”
“Good”, Heeseung replies, while sitting down at Jays feet, “because you shouldn’t.”
A deep crease builds between Jays eyebrows. “That doesn’t mean, that I don’t think about it anymore. It’s been eight years, Heeseung… And I really hurt her, which makes me feel terrible.”
“And I understand that”, Heeseung says in total honesty. “You do, however, also deserve to be happy and that relationship didn’t make you that anymore. You know it, I know it, everyone who really knows you, knows it.”
Jay agrees with a slight nod of his head and an almost inaudible hum. Of course, Heeseung is right, but he still feels bad. That’s also why he’s living on the couch of his best friend, while she still lives in their apartment, which technically belongs to Jay, but they both put much thought and love into it and honestly Jay would give it to her in an instant. He may be totally stupid for that, but it would ease the guilt inside of him. Guilt, he also shouldn’t have, he’s aware of that, but he just can’t help it.
“You can stay as long as you want”, Heeseung says, like sensing Jays dilemma. “The guest room is always free for you and Riki and I are visiting his parents in Japan in two weeks anyway. So the house is all yours.”
“Thank you, hyung”, Jay replies, because that’s all he can say. He’s immensely grateful for his best friend, who knows him since kindergarten and probably better than he himself.
Heeseung raises his eyebrow and a grin spreads on his lips. “Hyung? Since when? I can’t remember the last time you called me that, you little brat.”
“Since I wanted to sincerely thank you, you motherfucker”, Jay says with a chuckle and throws a pillow in Heeseungs face.
Heeseung gasps in shock and surprise and is about to hit Jay back with the pillow that just got thrown at him, when a deep voice interrupts them.
“Are you two serious?”
“Hey Riki!”
“Baby, hi…”
The first greeting came from Jay, the second – a bit embarrassed one – from Heeseung. He also jumps up from his spot on the couch and into Rikis outstretched arms to hug his boyfriend. Jay looks at them, how Heeseung asks Riki about his day at work and Riki cards his fingers through Heeseungs hair, looking down at him with a fond smile and thinks that this is how it should be. That’s also how it was, but along the way it somehow got lost between him and his girlfriend. It makes him sad to a point where tears welling up in his eyes, but not because his heart aches for her in particular, but more for the feeling itself. He pities that it got to this point after all these years.
Jay knows they are now busy in their own little world and don’t really recognize when he leaves the room, so that’s exactly what he does. One big advantage of living in Heeseungs house is his basement. Well not the basement per se, more what he did with it. Heeseung never lost his passion for music, in contrast to Jay, and therefore built his own little practice room with soundproof walls and equipment where once were just boxes with trash and spiderwebs in every corner. What he left was the shitty couch, because of ‘memory’-reasons. Jay, however, thinks he was just too lazy to buy a new one.
Jay can’t really remember when the first time was, he picked up the guitar again in this exact same basement after about ten years or so without playing any. It was just their usual hangout, when they finally found time for it with handling the adult life and Heeseung showed him this. What he remembers is the feeling of the smooth wood and hard strings under his fingertips and how a rush of endorphins flooded his system, when the first tones resounded in the room.
After that, he was addicted again. He bought a guitar, joined the jam sessions Heeseung held with his friends on the weekends and in general explored his love for music again. Old bands, new bands, different genres – there was barely any minute of the day where he didn’t listen to music. Even at work he had his air pods in. It helped with dealing excel sheets and revising business deals. If you’d asked his high school-self, he’d scream in horror at this picture; always dreamed of working in the fashion industry. But then reality hit and somehow he found himself studying a business major and working in the company of his father. Jay won’t complain, because it’s well paid for the work he does, but is it what he really wants to do? Hell no.
However he could afford a car and an apartment with that, which his girlfriend loved and that was enough for him to just continue with his mostly boring job. He never really questioned it, but somehow he also forget how to live and that makes him scoff a little. Shouldn’t the person you love and loves you recognize this? But maybe he just expects too much…
With those thoughts in mind, it’s like an automatism when he finds himself sitting on one of the chairs, guitar in hand and playing the first chords of ‘Don’t look back in Anger’. He probably never outgrew his Oasis-phase from college, but also lost it in the daily life between suits and collared shirts instead of washed-out band t-shirts.
After a while he starts humming and sometimes even singing a few lyrics to the songs he jumps through it. It doesn’t really matter which one it is, it’s just what comes to his mind and to what he knows the chords to, which to be fair isn’t that much, so he somehow lands by a song, he normally hates playing. Not because he doesn’t like it, but it has this reputation of being the ‘boy with the guitar’-song. It angers him even more, because it’s from Oasis again.
“’Wonderwall’? Seriously?”
Jay snaps out of his trance-like state and looks up from his guitar. He expected Heeseung, but also already knows that the voice doesn’t belong to him nor to Riki. He heard it before. Not even often, but it’s not totally foreign. And then the face matches to the voice and Jay looks at a man with a dimpled smile and blond wavy hair falling into his angelic looking face. Beautiful, supplies Jays mind and he’s kind of ashamed for thinking like that.
“Uh yeah… it’s uhm, y’know a classic, I guess?”, he stutters out, scratching the back of his head with one hand.
The boy – he just can’t remember his name – begins to laugh, showing pearly white small teeth and somehow Jay feels trapped in his whole presence. He asks himself how he never noticed him before, but now he’s standing there in his dark blue hoodie and baggy jeans and Jay couldn’t look away even if he wanted to.
The laugh of the boy turns into a hum and he nods. “Sure, a classic.” It sounds sarcastic, but Jay couldn’t care less.
“You’re Jay, right?”, he asks, tilting his head, hands in the back pockets of his jeans.
Jay feels kind of bad for still not knowing the name of the beautiful person in front of him, so he hesitantly nods. “Y-yeah.”
“You don’t know who I am, right?”, the boy asks. Straightforward, blunt, but no blame in his voice.
Jays mouth opens and closes without saying anything and he can feel how the tips of his ears are getting hot.
Then the boy chuckles, takes a few steps towards Jay and stretches out his hand. “Don’t worry. I’m Jungwon.”
Jungwon. Jungwon. Jungwon.
The name bounces through his head and manifests itself and Jay has an inkling that it’s the only thing he could think of the next time.
“You okay?”, Jungwon asks, tilts his head again and his boba eyes sparkle and oh god, this doesn’t help Jays ability to speak. Not at all.
“U-uh”, he finally stutters out, after clearing his throat and he takes Jungwons hand. They are soft. And kind of small, the fingertips are tinted in a cute shade of pink. It looks petite and some synapses disconnect in Jays brain because of that thought. “Uhm yeah, I’m okay. I’m Jay, but uh you already know that”, he continues, but stops himself immediately after that, groaning silently in embarrassment and closes his eyes for a moment. “Nice to meet you, Jungwon. Very pretty…”
Jungwon raises his eyebrows and smirks. “Pretty?”
“Oh uhm, pretty name!”, Jay quickly adds, feeling how now his whole face is covered in a red hue.
Jungwon ignores it and the hand that still held onto Jays moves down to the guitar, glides along the shining wood. “You play really good.”
“And you lie really good”, Jay counters, laughing lightly.
“I mean it”, Jungwon says earnestly, “I may not have the most knowledge, because the only instrument I’m at least a bit capable of playing is the triangle, but for me it sounds amazing.”
Something tells Jay that discussing with Jungwon regarding this topic (or maybe just in general) is useless, but he also doesn’t want to sound like he’s fishing for compliments, so he just smiles. “Thank you, Jungwon.”
“So you live at Heeseungs?”, Jungwon wants to know.
“For now, yes”, Jay answers, “it’s a bit… complicated.”
A slight crease builds between his eyebrows, like he knows something and therefore expected another answer, but Jay decides not to dwell on it.
“Complicated is never good, huh?”
Jay chuckles. “Well, it could be better, but it was my choice and I don’t regret it.”
Jungwons face lights up and a shy smile spreads on his lips. “That’s good to hear. I live next door by the way, so if Heeseung-hyung and Riki ever get on your nerves with their lovey dovey crap, you can come over.”
It’s like a light bulb goes on above Jays head. That’s where he knew the voice from. He faintly remembers a barbecue in Heeseungs garden one summer night, which he still attended with his girlfriend. He was assigned to the grill, because quote “we trust you the most with this task”. It was already a bit late, when he heard someone say: “Ah I wished someone made curry...”
It was so random, but the voice was so melodical, that Jay didn’t really care. It just made him smile. But when he turned around, nobody was there and he honestly thought, he hallucinated.
It was Jungwon, no doubt.
“I make you the best curry, you ever had…”, Jay mumbles, a fond smile on his lips, while looking at a confused Jungwon.
“What did you say?”
“Thank you for the offer, Jungwon.”
***
It’s like Jay predicted, Jungwon plagued his mind and if he didn’t feel guilty enough, now the guilt eats him alive. He just broke up with his girlfriend and now all he thinks about is a pretty guy he recently met (and he may or not may have a crush on). Also Jungwon seems to be almost everywhere now.
When he leaves the house for work, Jungwon waves him goodbye, before he also gets in his car. On the following weekend he comes to their jam session, silently listening, while Jay tries to get his chords right. On Tuesday Jay sees him coming out of a convenience store across from his company, munching on a cream filled bread. Turns out, they work not far away from each other.
“Oh yeah, the sports center is just down the street”, Jungwon explains, after Jay told him, that he saw him the other day.
It’s Thursday and Jungwon just parked his car in his garage a few seconds after Jay got out of his own, when the question found his way out of his mouth. Sue him, but the curiosity just got the better of him.
“Sports center?”, Jay inquires, making his way to the fence that parts the two houses, so that he doesn’t have to scream the whole time.
“Uh yeah, I work as a taekwondo teacher. Mostly for kids, but I also do some adult classes”, Jungwon replies, shouldering his bag.
To say Jay is shocked about this information would be an understatement. Jungwon. Pretty, fragile looking Jungwon is a taekwondo teacher. Jay knows his confusion is written all over his face and therefore he’s not really surprised about Jungwons laughter.
“Should I feel offended or…?”, Jungwon asks, a smirk plastering his face.
This snaps Jay out of his shocked state. “God no! It’s just… uhm surprising, I guess?”
“So you think I look like I’m not capable of it?”, Jungwon challenges, stepping closer and the only barrier between them is the wooden fence that reaches to their waists.
“What? Uh- no, like not at all!”, Jay splutters and shakes furiously his head.
Jungwon stares dead serious at Jay for a few seconds, before he bursts out into laughter again. “You should see yourself, it’s hilarious. Don’t be so nervous, Jay. I know I don’t look like it.”
It’s fascinating how Jungwon always lets Jay look like a total loser. That Jay doesn’t care about that fact, makes it however even worse. He stands there, briefcase in hand and just can’t say anything. Only when Jungwon is almost in his house, he’s able to speak again.
“Call me hyung next time”, he yells, because Jungwon refused to use any title for him until now. It should make him at least a little bit mad, but of course it doesn’t.
Jay knows from Riki, that Jungwon is two years younger than him. Riki mentions Jungwon often. So much, that even Heeseung got a little jealous. But it’s not because Riki has a crush on him or anything like that. No, it’s because Riki thinks, Jay has a massive one on him and Riki is a little shit and loves to tease the people around him.
“You really get along with Jungwon pretty well, huh?”, is the first thing Heeseung says from his spot on the couch, as soon as Jay enters the living room. His voice is teasing, but Jay doesn’t miss the earnest curiosity in it. He probably saw their interaction from the window that shows a direct view to the driveway.
Jay flops down next to him and loosens his tie. “That would be a bit too far, I think. We just see each other very often now.”
Heeseung hums. “And every time he lets you look like a fool”, he states.
“Thanks for the reminder”, Jay mumbles.
Heeseung chuckles and then it gets quiet for a few moments, before he gently nudges Jay with his elbow.
“You don’t have to feel guilty, if you know… find him interesting”, he says and gestures a bit uncoordinated with his hands in the air.
There are a lot of different things going on in Jays head hearing Heeseungs words. Mostly how interesting it is that he figured him out so easily, because he still feels immensely guilty, when he looks at Jungwon and a tingly sensation spread inside his body and all he can think of is, how beautiful Jungwon is. He shouldn’t be able to move on that fast. It wouldn’t be fair. Jay is very aware, that he loved his girlfriend not romantically anymore – that’s the reason he broke up in the first place –, but he somehow thinks there should be an appropriate amount of time passing by before he maybe finds someone new to have those feelings for. It’s too soon for Jungwon and everything that comes with him. Put aside that probably his attraction is just one-sided.
Jay feels kind of attacked, even if it’s unfair, and shoots back. “You are telling me about guilt in a relationship? Really?”
Heeseungs jaw clenches and it’s no surprise to Jay that he doesn’t say anything. He just can remember their talks all too well. How Heeseung came to Jay crying, when he broke up with Riki, because “it’s better for him”. Wouldn’t it be for Riki, who saw the whole thing totally different, they now wouldn’t be there together.
“Yeah and now I’m smarter, so listen to me, you idiot”, Heeseung finally says. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything, but be open for it. There’s no ‘right time’, Jay. And it’s also not like you’ve fallen out of love with her just yesterday. It was long ago and you know that.”
Jay knows, Heeseung is right, but it’s always easier said than done. Maybe he can accept those feelings towards Jungwon – whatever they might be. It doesn't, however, mean that he has to act on it. And that’s probably the only thing he can agree with himself right now.
So he nods and Heeseung pats his thigh and that’s the sign that everything is said.
“We’re leaving tomorrow morning. Are you okay being alone?”, Heeseung asks, concern written in his bambi-like eyes.
Jay laughs. “Of course, I am. Don’t worry.”
“The boy next door surely gives you great company”, Heeseung teases with a grin and Jay stares dumbfounded at him.
“Lee Heeseung!”, Jay screams, because Heeseung already jumped up from the couch and ran straight down the basement, when he saw Jays raised fist. “That is the reason I don’t call you hyung!”
***
Jay doesn’t know, if Heeseung or Riki said anything (he really hopes not), but Jungwon stands one day after they left, on his doorstep, smiling and bouncing on his heels.
“Hi”, he greets, after Jay just stares at him for God knows how long. To be fair, he looks amazing in his bootcut jeans, a white t-shirt loosely tucked in. Jay almost feels underdressed in his grey sweatpants and black tank top. He just got comfy, not really expecting someone anymore.
“H-hey, uhm…”, Jay finally greets back, not really knowing what to say.
“I heard Heeseung and Riki are gone and I wanted to ask, if you maybe want to hang out a bit? Watch a movie or something?”, Jungwon asks and Jay imagines his voice shakes a bit.
“Uh yeah, sure”, Jay answers, after processing the words that came out of Jungwons mouth.
Jungwon shyly bites on his lips, before he grins. “Then can I come in?”
Jay hastily steps aside and opens the door more. “Oh my god, yes, of course, I’m sorry!”
Jungwon laughs, while he puts off his shoes and places them neatly on the shoe rack. Then he stands in the hallway, again waiting for Jay, whose brain still needs to catch up to him. Again Jungwon lets him look like a total loser, it’s terribly embarrassing.
“Oh- uhm, do you maybe want to eat something? We can order pizza?”, Jay suggests, while he finally sets himself in motion to get into the living room, Jungwon trailing behind.
“Sure”, Jungwon agrees, “I’m not picky.”
“Okay, uh sit down, I’ll just order something real quick”, Jay says, already at his phone, calling the restaurant and misses the way, Jungwon stares at his bare arms, especially at his biceps. It’s not that Jay is bulky, but he goes to the gym twice a week after work and it shows a bit.
“They said it takes about twenty minutes”, Jay announces and sits down beside Jungwon, a respectable space between them.
Jungwon chuckles. “Make it at least a half an hour. The food is good, but punctuality not so.”
Jay never mentioned the name of the restaurant, but he also doesn’t have to. It’s a very small town.
“Oh, I didn’t know that… I-I’m sorry”, he apologizes and Jungwon laughs.
“Why are you sorry? It’s not a big deal waiting a bit longer, if you don’t mind my company?”
“No!”, Jay quickly declines, “not at all. I don’t get why you are here though…” The last part is more mumbled and Jay hopes Jungwon didn’t hear it, but of course he did.
“I like you, that’s why”, Jungwon simply replies. His voice doesn’t give much away, how it’s meant. Maybe he’s a bit nervous in the way he fiddles with the fingers in his lap and avoids eye contact, but Jay can’t be sure.
“We barely know each other?”, is therefore, the for Jay, safest question.
“Then we should change that”, Jungwon counters with a cheeky grin. “And I don’t have to know your whole CV to know if I like you or not. Or do you demand that for everyone you make friends with?”
Jay lets out a breathless laugh. Mostly because of how carefree Jungwon always speaks and also now just said what he thought, but also to cover up that it kind of hurt that Jungwon clearly just likes him in a friendly way. It’s okay, it’s good – that’s what Jay tells himself, because he still feels the guilt gnawing on him every time he just even thinks about a possible new relationship.
“No, no I don’t”, Jay finally clarifies. “We also just can talk to get to know each other. No need for a CV.”
Jungwon still smiles, amusement written all over his face and his dimples are showing. It’s hard for Jay to calm down his racing heart and to just picture him like a friend, but he’s willing to do it. So he smiles back, rests his elbow on the backrest of the couch and leans his head into the palm of his hand, facing Jungwon.
“Alright Jungwon, so why do you live in this house all alone in a small town, forty-five minutes away from your work?”
Jay was always curious about that. Heeseung lives here, because it’s the house of his grandfather, who died five years ago and he renovated it after that. Too many memories were bound to that house; he couldn’t sell it. Heeseung could easily work from home and Riki didn’t mind driving every day to the city (that kid however would do everything for his boyfriend).
A melancholic, almost sad look overshadows Jungwons beforehand happy features and his smile falters. “I only live here for about three years. I bought it for me and my grandma. She always wanted to live in a quieter place, having a little garden for her vegetables. And so when I had enough money, I didn’t hesitate. And she loved it here.”
There’s a pause and Jay doesn’t really know what to say, because he’s sure this story doesn’t have a happy end. However, Jungwon then takes a shaky breath and continues.
“It was on a late summer evening. I came home to a freshly cooked curry with carrots from her garden, when she suddenly fell to the ground. It came out of nowhere and she didn’t react. I called an ambulance, but when they arrived, it was already too late. A stroke.”
Jungwons hands shake and Jay doesn’t really think when he reaches out and takes them in his own. There’s a surprised look in those now tear filled boba eyes, but Jungwon doesn’t move away, instead just welcomes the comforting touch and his head falls onto Jays shoulder.
“I’m so so sorry, Jungwon-ah”, Jay whispers, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb on the back of Jungwons hand.
Jungwon shakes his head, but doesn’t say anything. It feels kind of intimate being like this and Jay didn’t expect Jungwon to be so open and vulnerable with him. It doesn’t bother Jay, quite the contrary, but he also doesn’t really know how to handle the situation. He doesn’t really know how to care for Jungwon, because he wants to hug him, but he also thinks that would overstep.
The doorbell however saves him out of his misery and they part, Jungwon quickly wiping the corner of his eyes and Jay awkwardly clearing his throat.
“I- uhm I’m back in a moment”, he says before he stands up and goes to the door.
Jay wasn’t aware of how distracted he seems, but the delivery boy, who smells a bit like weed raises questioning his eyebrows. “You good, bro?”
“Yes, I am good, bro”, Jay retorts, handing him the money including a bit less tip than planned and takes in change the big pizza carton. “Thank you.”
With that he goes back to Jungwon, who looks more composed than before, even already smiling again. Jay likes to think it’s an earnest smile, even if it doesn’t make his dark eyes sparkle like it usually does. He still smiles back, puts the pizza on the table before them and plops down next to Jungwon. This time a bit closer. On purpose.
They decide on an action movie both already saw but found interesting enough to watch again. They’re about twenty minutes into the movie, the pizza is almost finished, when Jungwon suddenly begins to speak.
“Riki told me, why you live with them right now.”
His gaze is still focused on the tv, but it’s clear that he doesn’t pay attention to the movie anymore. Jay isn’t mad at Riki for telling Jungwon about his breakup, but he’s surprised that Jungwon brought it up out of nowhere and so he’s a bit taken aback.
“Oh okay…”
“He didn’t tell me any details, just that you… y’know…”, Jungwon explains, again fiddling with his fingers.
“That I broke up with my girlfriend of eight years?”, Jay finishes Jungwons sentence and chuckles to lighten up the mood.
Jungwon nods. “Yeah”, he murmurs, before his eyes widen. “Wait- eight years?”
Jay hums. “Yep.”
It seems like Jungwon contemplates his next words and if he should even say them, in the way he bites nervously on his bottom lip, but eventually he speaks up.
“Can I ask why?”
“Why what?” Jay isn’t stupid and knows exactly what Jungwons question meant, but he plays for time. Probably because he still feels like the reason for the breakup isn’t enough. At least for an outsider’s perspective. There was no cheating nor was she ever mean to him.
“Why did you break up?”, Jungwon specifies and Jay is again a bit baffled by how blunt he could be.
“Well uhm… It’s a bit complicated I’d say?”, Jay begins, unsure of how he should formulate it.
“You don’t have to tell me”, Jungwon interrupts, looking assuring at him.
“No”, Jay quickly says, “it’s okay. I- uhm… I just didn’t love her anymore. At least not in the way, that it should be in a romantic relationship. It just didn’t feel right anymore? Does that make sense?”
Jay looks expectantly at Jungwon, hoping he doesn’t get judged too hard.
A smile. It’s a small smile that’s tugging on Jungwons mouth and in his eyes is a look of acceptance and maybe a fragment of pity.
“Oh hyung, of course it does. You are really brave for that. Most people just ignore that, thinking that’s normal in long term relationships.” Jungwons tone is soft and calm and now he’s the one who gently places his hand on top of Jays who doesn’t register how they began to slightly tremble.
“Thank you”, is all Jay can say, because he didn’t really expect that reaction. Also that Jungwon called him hyung for the first time did something to him he doesn’t want to admit.
Jungwon doesn’t say anything after that and so their focus is back on the movie again, except that Jays mind isn’t. All he can think of is the warmth of Jungwons hand, that still lays on top of his own and how it makes him feel. Fuzzy, excited, comfortable. He also thinks of their conversations and how it felt so easy opening up to him and Jay wonders if Jungwon feels the same.
“I really like talking to you”, Jungwon suddenly says, not looking away from the tv, but a warm smile’s playing on his lips.
Jay is a bit speechless, because it somehow feels like Jungwon could read his mind and that maybe freaks him out a little. But it also makes his heart beat a tad faster and after a few seconds he stutters a “yes” out.
“Yes?”, Jungwon inquires, turning his head to now look at him, smirking and raising his eyebrows.
“I- I mean, yeah I like talking to you too”, Jay clarifies, carding his fingers through his hair.
“Good. Then we should meet up more often”, Jungwon suggests, squeezing Jays hand and Jay almost flinches, because he gets reminded that yes, Jungwon still holds his hand.
Jay hums absentmindedly. “We should, yeah.” He looks at their hands and it’s hard to fight the urge to intertwine their fingers. Jungwons milky skin looks so good compared to his honey toned and his dainty fingers are just so pretty.
But then Jungwon moves his hand away and Jay almost whines.
“The movie is over, I should go home”, he announces and Jay finally looks at the tv and then back at Jungwon.
“Uhm okay, yeah sure”, he reluctantly agrees and stands up. “Thank you for coming over.”
“Thank you for letting me stay.”
“Anytime”, Jay says and means it. He loves Jungwons company, it made him happy in a way he wasn’t for a long time.
They’re in the hallway now, Jungwon already has his shoes on, when Jay gets pulled into a hug. It’s so sudden that he’s too slow to hug back and his arms just hang from his sides.
“Alright, see ya”, Jungwon whispers into Jays ear and before Jay can reply anything he’s out the door.
Jay has no idea how long he still stands there looking like an idiot and trying to comprehend what just happened.
***
Jungwon took the offer quite serious. It’s been a week since he first came over and every day Jungwon stood before Jays door. Sometimes with take-out that they would eat for dinner, sometimes Jay would cook for them, but they always ended up on the couch pretending to watch a movie, but in the end talked for hours about everything and nothing. Jungwon could ask the most random questions and Jay somehow always had an answer to it. Their talks never got that deep again, but they also didn’t need to. It was subtle, but over this week they created something – a bond, which makes Jay feel seen. He feels comfortable being himself in Jungwons presence. And yes, he also still feels the little butterflies in the pit of his stomach, when he looks a tad too long at the dimpled smile, but Jay is willing to ignore that, as long as he just can be around Jungwon.
It's Saturday and even if Heeseung and Riki are still in Japan, Sunghoon – a friend of Heeseung and now also Jay – invited himself over for a little jam session. Jay’s not entirely against it, because he kind of misses playing the guitar already, but there’s also Jungwon, who’s by now part of his daily routine. However, they never really made it a fixed date or something, so maybe Jungwon wouldn’t even show up. The thought makes Jay a bit disappointed and sad, but it’s not that unlikely.
It's more likely than Jay expected, when the bell rings and Jungwons boba eyes stare at him.
“Jungwon… Hi”, Jay greets, rapidly blinking. He’s trying to explain that he already has plans, but somehow he’s at loss for words, when he looks down and sees milky skin and exposed collarbones. The zipper of Jungwons skyblue hoodie isn’t fully closed and either there’s a very low-cut top underneath or nothing. Jays brain is short-circuiting.
“Hey”, Jungwon just replies, totally unaware of Jays internal freak out-session and pushes himself past Jay. He got used to just go inside over this week and doesn’t bother with waiting for an invitation. “So order pizza again or…?”
Jungwon can’t finish his sentence, because the bell rings again, even if the door still stands wide open. Jay looks at a grinning Sunghoon and is about to roll his eyes at him, when he spots the person behind him. A man about Jays age with fluffy brown hair looking like the personification of a puppy with his doe eyes and pouty lips.
Said man gets practically shoved in Jays face by Sunghoon and Jay has to hold him onto his shoulders, so he doesn’t fall.
“Jay, this is Jake”, Sunghoon introduces the until then unknown person.
Jake scratches a bit awkwardly the back of his head with one hand and stretches the other out for Jay, who slowly takes it.
“Hi Jake!”
Jake is about to reply, when another voice chimes in. “I didn’t know that you get guests today. I’m sorry, I just-“
“Jungwon, hey!”, Sunghoon interrupts, still widely grinning. “What are you doing here? You can join us! We’re just hanging out, playing guitar or something.”
‘Or something’ was a new information for Jay, because that was the whole purpose of Sunghoons visit, but Jay doesn’t mention it. Instead he nods with a warm smile at Jungwon, who looked questioning at him.
“Okay, yeah sure”, Jungwon therefore agrees, even though Jay thinks he sounds disappointed. But that’s probably also just his imagination.
After a few seconds standing in uncomfortable silence in the hallway, Jay finally gets himself together and makes his way down the basement to their practice room or whatever you want to call it; he hopes the others just follow.
“Uhm, Jake, if you want something to drink, just take yourself something out of the fridge right there”, Jay says, offers him a half-smile and sits down on the chair next to his guitar.
“Thank you”, Jake replies, a bit shy, but still smiling. “Can I get you something too?”
“Yeah su-“
“A coke zero. But the one, that’s the closest to the back of the fridge, because it’s the coldest”, Jungwon answers or more interrupts. “Or at least that’s what he thinks.” He smirks proudly, while flopping down on the couch and Jay stares with an open mouth at him.
“O-okay”, Jake mutters and takes the cans out of the fridge.
Sunghoon just raises his eyebrows, but leaves it uncommented and takes the other guitar. It’s technically Heeseungs, because Sunghoon’s too stingy to buy his own.
And it’s like always that they can’t decide on a song, but somehow still find a way to eventually harmonize and create something that doesn’t sound that bad. Jay sees Jungwon in the corner of his eyes and how his mouth is turned into a warm smile and Jay thinks in his dark boba eyes is a look of adoration, but maybe that’s just his wishful thinking. It still makes his insides feel fuzzy and he can’t help the rush of excitement that flows through his veins. He bathes so much in the attention of Jungwon, it’s really pathetic.
“Okay enough for now”, Sunghoon announces, playing his last chord and snaps Jay with that out of his dream-like state.
Jay rolls with his eyes, but puts his guitar aside and is about to take the seat beside Jungwon when Sunghoon takes him by the shoulders and places him next to Jake on the small two-seater. They’re squished together and Jay wants to ask, what the hell his intention was behind that move, but he’s already talking to Jungwon.
Jay feels Jakes hands on his chest, probably not really on purpose, which reminds him of the situation they’re in and he’s already half-way standing up, when Jake grabs his wrist.
“You can uhm stay, if you want? I-I mean the others are busy talking to each other, so…?”
Jake seems nice and he’s honestly really adorable, Jay has to admit that and he’s not against a new friend, so he carefully sits down again – this time trying to bring a bit space between them – and nods. “Sure. So Jake, what brings you actually here today?”
“Oh well, Sunghoon dragged me with him”, Jake replies, shrugging and the giggle he lets out, tells Jay that’s not the whole truth, but he doesn’t want to pry.
“And did you like it so far?”, is instead his further question.
Jake nods eagerly. “You’re so talented! It was amazing!”
He really sounds honest and Jay would be lying if he said it wouldn’t flatter him, but it doesn’t feel the same as when Jungwon complimented him. He still thanks Jake, who smiles widely and they fall into simple small talk afterwards.
After some time, Jakes stomach growls, which makes him blush furiously, but Jay just chuckles.
“Anyone up for pizza?”, he asks and looks in that moment also at Jungwon, whose eyebrows are drawn together, like he’s more than displeased about something.
They all still agree and so Jay goes upstairs to order and wait for the arrival. He didn’t expect for Jungwon to follow him, which causes him to squeal in a not so manly manner, when he turns around after calling the restaurant and said man stands right before him.
“Jungwon! Oh my god…”
“Sorry”, Jungwon mumbles and stares at the floor.
“Is everything okay?”, Jay asks a bit concerned, because he has a feeling, that something is wrong.
“I guess, yeah”, Jungwon answers, still not looking at Jay. “You sure have fun with Jake, huh?” His tone is snippy and it leaves a bit the impression as if he’s hurt.
“I mean, he’s nice?”, Jay carefully replies, because that’s simply the truth.
“Nice”, Jungwon repeats and laughs lightly. “And what am I?”
Jay isn’t sure, if he heard correctly, because it was more a whisper than anything else, so he takes a step closer. “What was that?”
Now Jungwon looks up and in his eyes plays a battle of deciding what to do and say and it’s kind of cute to see, how Jungwons cheek puff up and are tinted in a pink shade, but Jay also feels the frustration radiating off of him and he just wants to take it away from him.
“I want to know, what am I. Am I also nice? Like him?”, Jungwon finally speaks up, this time more than clearly, almost too loud, like the words just exploded out of his mouth.
And now, Jay doesn’t want to delude himself, but it sounds so much, like Jungwon is jealous and Jay can’t find a good reason why he should be.
“Of course you’re nice”, Jay hastily replies, when Jungwon is about to look away again, “but why do you ask anyway? Are you maybe… jealous?”
Jay honestly doesn’t have much to lose. He makes a fool out of himself in front of Jungwon all the time, so if he laughs about him now, it doesn’t make much of a difference. Jungwon, however, doesn’t laugh. Instead, his face gets even redder and he nervously bites on his bottom lip.
“Maybe”, he mutters.
Jay shakes his head. “But why? I mean, he maybe become another friend, so-“
“A friend? Nothing more?”, Jungwon requires needily.
“Uh yeah, I’m not interested in him like that”, Jay replies and gets more confused with every passing second.
An almost satisfied smile spreads on Jungwons lips, which doesn’t make any sense to Jay, but he won’t complain, because a smile from Jungwon is a win for him. So he just smiles back and decides to not question further.
Then also the door bell rings and Jungwon already opens the door like it’s his house. Jay just follows him, pays and helps him carry the boxes.
Jay also doesn’t really care, that Jungwon drags him onto the couch, sitting closely next to him, while he happily munched on his pizza slice. He also ignored the more than questioning gaze from Sunghoon and just smiled a bit apologetic at Jake.
***
Jay honestly thought, that after that Jungwon wouldn’t visit anymore. Or at least not that unannounced. Well, Jungwon is unpredictable, as Jay had to detect.
It was right the next day, where he stood again before Jays door, bouncing cutely on his heels, asking for dinner and their movie together.
And so their routine stayed for another week. Eating dinner together, watching TV or a movie and talking about their day and what bothered them. One evening, Jungwon decided to lay his head into Jays lap and while Jungwon still continued his story about a kid in one of his classes, Jays heart and dick had their problems with it. In the end Jay had absolutely no idea what Jungwon told him, but at least he didn’t poke Jungwons head with his hard-on.
On Saturday Jay has a surprise for Jungwon. They – again – never agreed on anything, but he just knows he’ll come and even almost perfect in time.
The bell rings, Jay opens the door to a grinning Jungwon.
“Come in, Won-ah”, Jay greets, using the nickname he discovered throughout the week and finds absolutely adorable.
Jungwon nods and already during putting his shoes off, he sniffs the air and his boba eyes sparkle in curiosity.
“Did you cook?”, he wants to know, slowly making his way into the kitchen.
Now it’s Jays turn to grin. “I did. Aaaand I hope you’ll like it.”
“Well, it smells absolutely delicious. What is it?”
“Curry.”
Jungwons smile falters and his expression is almost unreadable. Something akin to unimaginable sadness overtakes his features and Jay has no idea what to do; never really imagined a simple meal could do something like this to a person.
“I- I uhm… You remember the barbecue last summer? I heard you saying you wanted some curry and I thought maybe it would be a nice surprise?”, Jay rambles, because Jungwon still didn’t say anything and it kind of freaks him out.
“You heard that?”, Jungwon now asks, completely baffled and Jay nods.
“Oh my…”
“I’m sorry, if I misinterpreted this and you actually hate it. I- I…”
“No”, Jungwon quickly interrupts him. “That’s not it, absolutely not. I’m just overwhelmed, I guess? It’s stupid, I know. It’s just a fucking dish… but y’know when I told you about my grandma and the day she died… It was the last time I ate that. I’m really shitty at cooking and the one from the store is terrible and I had nobody else doing that for me, so seeing you remembering this stupid little thing and even making it, made me a bit emotional, I think… Sorry…”
Jay is so focused on Jungwons little speech that he didn’t notice his tears, that ran down his cheeks. But when he does, he’s quick to wipe them away with his thumbs and embrace Jungwon in a hug. A well needed hug, as it seems, because Jungwon holds onto Jays shirt like his life depends on it.
“Thank you, hyung”, he murmurs into Jays chest and Jay softly pats the back of Jungwons head.
“For you always, Jungwon-ah.”
They part and Jay brings again his hand to Jungwons face, to softly caress his cheekbone with his thumb. It’s an intimate gesture, he knows that, but he doesn’t really care in that moment and Jungwon also doesn’t seem to mind it either.
“Let’s eat, hm?”, he suggests, tone soft and a small smile on his lips and Jungwon hums in agreement.
Jungwon takes a seat on the dining table, while Jay prepares two bowls, his heart racing in anticipation to Jungwons reaction.
He can’t bring himself to eat, while he watches closely how Jungwon takes his first bite, chews slowly and then his eyes go wide.
“This is…”, he begins and Jays mind supplies him with different words. Bad. Terrible. Disgusting. “Absolutely delicious. You’re aware, that you have to cook that for me now like at least once a week, right?”
Jay laughs. Mostly out of relief, but also because Jungwons words imply that what they have now will just continue for an unlimited time and it makes his heart full and happy, it’s unimaginable.
“I’m glad you like it”, is everything he says and eventually also begins to eat. For Jays taste, it’s okay, but nothing special, so it makes him even happier, that Jungwon likes it that much.
“Can you maybe play the guitar for me?”, Jungwon, almost shyly, asks, when they finished and Jay looks surprised at him.
“Uh- I mean sure, but can I ask why?”
Jungwon shrugs, but his cheeks are tinted in a light pink. “I just like hearing you play.”
“Okay, yeah sure.”
Jay considers picking up his guitar to play in the living room, because it would feel cozier, but then it maybe also become weird, so he just makes his way to the basement, Jungwon following.
“Any song in mind?”, he asks, while sitting down and strumming his guitar a bit.
“Do you know ‘Seattle’ by Sam Kim?”
Jay actually does. It’s a song choice, Jay didn’t expect and it’s probably just a big coincidence and Jungwon just likes the song, but he can’t help himself and thinks, if there’s still a meaning behind it. The lyrics and the fact, that Jay told him once, that he lived as a kid a long time in Seattle – it just makes his mind a mess and his heart beat a tad faster.
“I do. I have to look up the chords, but it shouldn’t be a problem. Just give me a minute”, Jay finally replies, smiling reassuring at Jungwon, who stands before him and fiddles with the ends of his pullover.
Well, it is a bit harder, than he thought and it probably doesn’t come out as good as he’d like, but he still tries. He’d do anything for the man, who smiles so adoring at him, that it warms his whole body.
He’s about half-way into the song, when a hum joins the tunes of his guitar and then the lyrics fill the room. Jungwon sings. It surely isn’t perfect, but for Jay it is. He sounds like an angel sent from heaven and he almost forgets playing.
Oh please, my heart is all for you
Just please take care of me, I’m all for you
Take, take, take me all for you
Take, take, take me home to you…
Jungwon stops and Jay too. They look at each other and it’s silent. Jungwon takes a step closer and Jay puts his guitar aside and stands up. There’s still a gap between them, but not for long, because Jungwon suddenly also crosses the short distance, throws himself in Jays arms and cups his face with his hands.
“Please don’t hate me.”
A murmur of words is all Jay gets, before Jungwon crashes his lips onto Jays. It’s uncoordinated and Jays eyes widen in surprise, before they slowly flutter close, when the warmth of Jungwons lips finally settles in. Jungwon kisses him. There is a big, fat why in the back of his mind, but he ignores it for now. Instead he gently grabs Jungwons neck, tilts his head so that their lips align perfectly and he pulls him even closer with a soft touch on his lower back. Jungwon feels like he belongs into his arms and the way their lips move in synch just proves it even more. A soft moan escapes Jungwons throat, his hands fall onto Jays shoulder, fisting the fabric of his t-shirt and he turns them around. Jay is confused for a second, but then he gets pushed back, until his knees hit the back of the couch and their kiss breaks. Jungwon shoves him into it, but is quick to follow and straddle him.
And Jay really thinks he sees an angel now. How could he not, when Jungwon sits on his lap, his blonde hair falls into his face and the dim light illuminates his slim figure? Jay wants to put his hands on Jungwons tiny waist so badly, it’s pathetic. His fingers twitch and he even knows, he’s allowed to, because they already kissed – soft and tender – and Jungwons gaze screams like an invitation – his boba eyes are glossed over in a haze of lust and desire – but something’s still holding him back. He doesn’t want to mess this up. For Jay this is not just a one time-thing. He had plans – for Jungwon and him. He wanted to take him on real dates, buy him flowers and everything he ever wanted and not just a quick fuck in this messy room in the basement of Heeseungs house. And don’t get him wrong, Jay is hard just from looking at Jungwon and wants him in every available position, even on that old, dirty couch. But simply under other conditions.
“You think too much, Jay”, Jungwon murmurs, the smile even evident in his voice and he gently glides his fingers through Jays hair.
“Do I?”, Jay asks, leaning into the touch, while his own hands still don’t move.
Jungwon hums and his other hand rests on Jays chest, right above his rapid heartbeat. “Come on, hyung. Touch me. The fancy restaurant can wait for later.”
Jay is speechless for a moment, because it’s like Jungwon can read his mind. It shouldn’t surprise him though. There was always some kind of connection and Jungwon was so tuned in to Jays emotions, it almost scared him.
And then he looks at Jungwons face again, his blinding smile, dimples showing and rosy lips just begging to be kissed again. There’s really no good reason, not to do it, so he dives right in, swallows the surprised gasp with his own mouth and finally gets his hands onto the man, he has so many feelings for, it’s hard to put it into words. One rests on the small waist, he obsesses over, since he saw it for the first time in those god damn high waist jeans, the other has a tight hold on his neck, pulling him even closer. Jungwon easily melts into the kiss, presses himself against Jay and buries his hands into the dark hair. A soft moan resounds in the room, when Jay bites into Jungwons bottom lip, his tongue instantly soothing the slight pain and then gliding into Jungwons mouth. Jungwon tastes like the cherry coke, that he drank before and Jay would laugh, because Jungwon just started drinking that, since Jay mentioned he likes cherries, but he’s distracted by the slow grind of Jungwons hips, that drive him slowly insane. The hold on Jungwons waist tightens and a groan escapes his lips, which breaks their kiss, leaving them both heavily breathing.
“Jay-hyung…”, Jungwon almost whines and paws at Jays dark blue shirt.
“Y-yeah, I know”, Jay whispers, his lips ghosting along Jungwons collarbone, while his hands slowly travel under his beige pullover. He pulls up the fabric and exposes milky skin, on which goosebumps erupt with every single touch he leaves behind.
Jungwon throws his head back, his mouth opens in a silent moan and Jay just thinks he looks ethereal on top of him, with his messed up blonde hair and pink cheeks.
“Jungwon-ah”, he says, his voice husky and full of desire, “you’re so beautiful.” He wants to see him naked and worship every part of his body so bad, it drives him crazy.
Jay knows, it makes him shy, but Jungwon still searches for eye contact and smirks. Seductive and almost predatory. “I bet, I’m even more beautiful, bent over with your dick in me. What do you think?”
“What do I think of it?”, Jay replies in a low voice and he rolls his hips upwards, let Jungwon feel how hard he is. “I think, that you drive me fucking insane.”
And it’s true. Because when Jungwon lets out a shaky breath at Jays words, Jay doesn’t bother anymore and strips Jungwon out of his pullover. It’s fascinating how Jungwon can look so strong with his broad shoulders and still like a fragile doll with his tiny waist and soft stomach.
“Pretty”, Jay murmurs into Jungwons skin, while he places butterfly kisses on his throat. “Beautiful”, when his tongue glides along the thin skin. “Mine”, when he bites into it, leaves an imprint of his teeth and reddish mark.
Jay didn’t think much about his words and he panics a bit, when it finally settles in, what he said, but Jungwon just moans and desperately buries his fingers in Jays hair.
“Jay, please”, he begs and searches shamelessly for any kind of friction.
Jay, however, is still busy marking up his throat and collarbone, and even if he wants nothing more than to fuck the man on top of him, he also loves to tease.
“Please what, baby?”
A frustrated noise leaves Jungwons lips. “Hyung… don’t tease, touch me…”
Jay smirks and roams his hands around Jungwons upper body, his thumbs grazing his nipples. “But I do touch you, Jungwon-ah.”
“N-not just there”, Jungwon whines and it’s one of the prettiest sounds Jay ever heard.
“Then show me where.”
Jay isn’t sure, if he went to far with that, because Jungwon suddenly goes quiet, biting on his bottom lip and his face doesn’t give much away. Jay is about to take back his words, but then one of his hands gets grabbed by Jungwons and shoved down his pants.
“There”, he breathes out, looking expectantly at Jay.
Jay isn’t shocked, but surely surprised by Jungwons bold action, but even more by what he finds inside Jungwons pants. Instead a hard dick, he caresses a dripping wet pussy.
“If you find it disgusting, it’s okay, I-“, Jungwon mumbles, but gets silenced with a deep, passionate kiss.
“Shut up, baby. You’re perfect”, Jay says, before he unites their lips in a messy kiss again.
And then he maneuvers Jungwon on his back, takes off his own shirt, before he opens the buttons of Jungwons jeans and after a reassuring nod from Jungwon, strips him out of it. He looks like a masterpiece – naked with just a light blue panty on, his blonde hair looking like a halo around his head. An angel.
What Jay wants to do to him, isn’t anything but holy and so he also gets rid of the last piece of fabric.
“Pretty. So, so pretty”, Jay murmurs, kneeling between Jungwons legs and grabbing his thighs. “Let me have a taste, hm?”
Jungwon just weakly nods and he’s already shaking in anticipation.
It’s everything Jay needs and he hastily kisses his way from Jungwons knees, down his thighs to his shaved pussy. Soft moans spill out of Jungwons lips, which turn into a scream, when Jay finally licks through his folds, pressing a light kiss to his clit. Jungwon unconsciously spreads his legs wider and Jay would find it amusing, if the sight wasn’t so god damn hot, that he had to palm his bulge over his jeans to take off the edge.
“God, you look so good, baby”, Jay groans and Jungwon just sighs needily.
As much as Jay likes to tease, he loves to give pleasure. And so he doesn’t wait any longer and give Jungwon what he needs. His tongue so deep inside his pussy, that his nose grazes along his clit. It drives Jungwon crazy, broken sobs and moans are the only sounds that Jungwon is able to produce and he trashes in Jays hold. So much that he has to push him down by his hips.
Jay knows that Jungwon is close in the way his thighs begin to shake and so he switches to suck on his clit, softly biting into it and Jungwon throws his head back.
“H-hyung… gonna cum”, he mumbles in between his moans. “Let me cum, please…”
Jay chuckles against Jungwons almost overstimulated pussy. “Go on, baby, you can do it.” And then he pushes two fingers into the dripping wet heat and presses his thumb onto his clit and Jungwon cums. Hard. His eyes roll to the back of his head and he moves his hips to ride out his high on Jays fingers, until it’s too much and he grabs Jays wrist.
Jungwon whimpers, when Jay pulls out his fingers and honestly he thinks that was it for tonight. That he has to excuse himself for a moment into the bathroom, as soon as Jungwon comes down. By now he also should know, how unpredictable Jungwon is. He shouldn’t be surprised, when dainty fingers pull on his belt and open the buttons of his jeans nor when Jungwon straddles his lap again.
“You still want to fuck me, right?”
Those words also probably shouldn’t surprise him, but they definitely do. And if he thought, Jungwon looked beautiful before, now it’s a whole another dimension. He’s flushed everywhere, the wetness between his legs glistens in the dim light of the room and the expression in his eyes is full of lust.
“Fuck… Of course I do, but are you sure?”, Jay eventually replies, his hands resting on Jungwons waist again.
“More than that”, Jungwon reassures, smiling almost innocently. “C’mon let me ride you. Please?”
And how could Jay say no to that? Maybe it looks a bit impatient and even pathetic, but he doesn’t bother with taking off his pants and just takes out his cock, stroking it slowly. Jungwon follows Jays movements with a hungry look and Jay smirks.
“You can taste it later”, he promises and Jungwons head snaps back up. His face gets even redder, but his eyes sparkle in excitement. “Now raise your hips for me.”
Jay is more than pleased about how pliant Jungwon is, when he does as he gets told and he decides to test something.
“Good boy, Jungwon-ah.”
Jungwons breath hitches, but then a moan leaves his lips and he almost drops his hips, if it weren’t for Jays hold.
“You like that?”, Jay asks, even if he already knows the answer. “You like being my good boy?”
“Y-yes…”
“You are so perfect, Jungwon, you have no idea”, Jay muses, kissing his chest and Jungwon just whines impatiently. “You take my cock so well, right baby?”
Jungwon hums, takes Jays cock in his hand and sinks down on it. Slowly, but steady and Jay thinks he bursts any second. It’s tight and wet and hot.
“F-fuck baby, stop. We didn’t use a condom”, he hisses out, but Jungwon doesn’t care.
“Doesn’t need, ‘m clean”, he just replies and with that takes the rest of Jays length.
Jay knows, it’s more than careless, but his cock took over the thinking and well, now he doesn’t care either. He just enjoys how good Jungwons pussy looks stretched around his cock and that it feels absolutely amazing, when Jungwon begins to move his hips.
“s’ big, so good”, he mumbles breathlessly, holding onto Jays shoulders.
Jay can’t help, but thrust into the tight heat and get even deeper, which elicits a strangled moan out of Jungwon. He falls into Jays chest and lets himself get fucked like a doll, too overwhelmed by the sudden sparks of pleasure running through his body.
All Jay registers are the punched out “ah ah ah’s” and the way Jungwon spasms around his cock when he cums again. He forces Jungwon to look at him and sees a dazed look in his eyes and drool dripping down his chin – it’s pornographic. And that’s all it takes for Jay to reach his own high with a low groan. He buries himself deep into Jungwons pussy and paints his insides white.
Jungwon slumps back onto him and Jay holds him close, caresses his back and his hair, kisses softly his cheek and waits for him to come down.
“You good, baby?”, he eventually whispers and Jungwon nods, mumbles a quiet “tired” after.
“Let’s take a shower and then we can cuddle?”
Jungwon makes a sound of agreement and Jay has to carry him, but that’s okay.
***
“You know that I like you right?”, Jungwon says, while he lays on Jays chest.
They showered or more Jay took care of them both and now they’re lying in Jays bed, cuddling in silence or at least until Jungwon said those words.
“And before you misunderstand: in more than a friendly way. I’m in love with you. Like probably since the first time I saw you playing the guitar.”
“Oh.” It’s the dumbest thing Jay could’ve possibly said, but his mouth was quicker than his brain.
“Oh?”
“No, I mean, I just don’t get it… You said we’re just friends?”, Jay clarifies, his eyebrows drawn together.
Jungwon sighs. “First off: I never said that explicitly and I just formulated it like that, because I thought I never had a chance with you because of this whole ‘ex-girlfriend’-thing…”
“Oh.” Yeah, Jay isn’t the most eloquent.
Now Jungwon pushes himself back up to glare at Jay. “Are you kidding me right now?”
“I’m sorry!”, Jay quickly apologizes. “It’s just a lot, you know? I really like you too, maybe also since back then. And I am also in love with you, just to be clear.”
It wasn’t really Jays intention to say that. Probably because he wasn’t really aware of it himself until now. But it feels right. To say it and to feel it. The overwhelming guilt isn’t there anymore. Jungwon buried it. He’s ready for whatever comes with the man beside him. The man that smiles so brightly at him and looks at him, like he sees right through him. In the best way possible.
Jungwon feels like home.