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New Years was fun! But nothing stuck as well as I would've liked it to. Maybe next year! But now I have bigger ambitions! Hmm… what's big in America?
Oh yeah, everything! But especially the stores! I heard from Green Lady that American stores are really big! Especially one called "Wall Mart." Actually, I guess that makes sense. It'd have to be pretty big in order to sell walls! And being big is a very American thing! Everything over there is big! The country, the guns, even some of the states!
Hey, there should be a Wall Mart here! People need a place to buy walls in Gensokyo! They also need a really big store with a very large parking lot! I don't think people have cars here, but it'd make for good scenery! But I'd need to have Gap Hag help me with that!
I fly over to Gap Hag's house, ready to request her help. When I get there, I find her with Maid! I wondered where Maid went after that weird festival thing, she stopped showing up at the mansion. At least Flandre's still there, she's fun to hang out with!
"Hey, Yukari! Can you please help me build a Wall Mart in Gensokyo?" I ask, remembering that saying please helps, apparently. (Thanks Hate Mom!)
"Hmmmmmm… That could disrupt the balance of Gensokyo?" Ugh, always with the balance! But I know how to get her!
"But Wall Marts are so hip and cool with the kids!"
"I'm in! Sakuya, build it immediately!"
"Yay, thanks!" I knew that would work! (Thanks Bird Mom!)
I blink, and Maid has suddenly disappeared. I look around in confusion, before blinking again. Now I see her again! My eyes must've been playing tricks on me for a second there.
"It is done." Maid announces with absolutely no gusto. Very lame, 2/10.
"Great! Now, help her get it set up and running while I go back to sleep." Gap Hag instructs, looking over at Maid.
"Alright. Have a good sleep." Maid proceeds to peck the hag on the cheek, before-
"-WOAH!"
Suddenly, I'm standing in front of the Wall Mart that Maid built. It's even bigger than I imagined, and the parking lot is absolutely huge! So much empty space, I love it! The building's even called "Clownpiece's American Walmart."
… I don't think Maid knows how to spell.
"This is AWESOME! Thanks so much!" I jump around excitedly, thanks to how excited I am! (Is that recumbent? I know Bird Mom tries to avoid using similar words in her papers of lies!)
"Of course. That said, you are going to need some employees to help run the place. Is there anyone you had in mind?" Maid has a point! I figured she was just a puppet for Bat Lady or Gap Hag. But I hadn't thought of anyone! Huh… oh, I know!
"Flandre!" I suggest, mostly just wanting to see her again. She'd probably find this fun! At least I hope so.
"That sounds like a terr- nevermind. I'll go get her." Maid blips away before she can finish praising my idea. She comes back with Flandre in tow, who immediately hugs me. I hug back, of course, since I'm excited to see her too!
"Piece!"
"Flan!" At this moment, I notice Maid holding an umbrella over Flandre's head. I forgot she was a vampire, so we quickly head inside at Sakuya's suggestion to do so.
Looking around, I see rows and rows of various different things for sale. There's a lot! The area also feels oddly cold, and there's very slow, twangy American music playing! But there's one thing missing.
"Sakuya, where are the walls?"
"Holding up the building?"
"No, the walls for sale! Where are the walls to sell??"
"Oh. Walmart doesn't sell walls."
"HUH?!?! That's impossible! How can this be a Wall Mart if there aren't any Walls to Mart!!" I rant, very annoyed. My dreams of being a Wall Martyr are RUINED!!!
"Oh, they don't sell walls? Than explain this!" Flandre proceeds to show me a jacket, labeled "Walls."
"OOH! That's why it's a Wall Mart! It sells Walls, the brand of jackets! Not literal walls! I can still be a Wall Martyr!!"
"Yeah!" As me and Flandre celebrate, I see Maid smack herself in the face. Why would she do that, is she stupid?
"Okay, I don't think they make employee outfits for your size, so each of you get an employee badge." Maid hands us each a blank badge and a pen. I put "Clownpiec" on mine because I ran out of space, and Flandre puts "Flan" on hers.
"Alright, now what?" I ask, scratching my head.
"Well, I can handle most of the boring stuff. You two just need to help customers." Maid nods, and disappears once again. Flan and I nod at each other, and get ready to greet customers. The first one that comes through is Red Lady!
"Flan? Piece? What are you two doing?" Red Lady asks, which makes me think. What AM I doing?
"I dunno-"
"Selling things! Come, come buy something!" Flan interrupts, dragging Reimu off to a section dubbed "electronics." I'm so intrigued that even I come with to see what's up. Flan's obviously done this before!
"Here's a television! You can watch things on it! Only for five… billion yen!" Flan's really doing it! She's gonna get a sale!
"HUH?!?! That's WAY too expensive for me! No!"
Oh.
"Oh, what's this lovely price tag?" Red Lady asks, floating over to a nearby barrel full of yellow fruit. They all go for fifty yen each.
"Erm, those are…" I take a moment to read the name of this fruit. "Bananas. Why?"
"I'll take thirty!"
Me and Flan look over at each other in astonishment. We're about to make a sale! The three of us head over to the cashier, and start to scan in Red Lady's bananas using the stickers on each. It takes a bit of practice, but eventually, we got every banana scanned and sold. As such, we earned 1501 yen! (Red Lady gave us a 1 yen tip. I though she was gonna give us the tips of the bananas as a tax or tariff or whatever, but whatever!) (I'm being recumbent again, aren't I?)
"Good luck!" Reimu says, before leaving the store with her thirty bananas. We take a deep breath, before the next customer enters: Phone Addict!
"Hey! I'm looking for a grill for a party I'm cooking up! Get it, cooking up!!!" I stare at her blankly, because I don't get it. Than she pulls out a pistol, particularly a Beretta 92. Very reliable gun, I like this girl already! Although Flan doesn’t seem as happy. "Just show me to the grill."
"U-uh, okay!" Flan tries to stay eager, but seems a bit on edge now. I have no idea why. Eventually, we get to the grill. It's luscious, shiny, big, and has very clearly American branding!
"Wow, this is awesome, I'll buy it!"
Everyone else looks at me, confused.
"Erm, Piece, Sumi's the customer, not you." I gasp! But I want the grill! So I decide to politely explain my case.
"Well, Sumi can fuck right off, this is my all-American grill, and there's nothing nobody can do abou-"
BLAM!!!
---
"Shot dead by a teenager? That's a new one." Hell Mom says, doing more of her usual paperwork. I don't envy it, but I can relate now that I've had a real job!
"Yep. I wanted that grill…" I explain, crossing my arms.
"Sweetie, you need to be more careful. It's not good to tell people with guns to 'fuck off.' That said… Proud of you for swearing! Good job!" Hell Mom ruffles the front of my hair a bit, causing me to giggle slightly, even if it causes the picture of Red Lady that's on her desk to shift a bit. "Now get out there and kick some ass!"
I nod dutifully, before flying out of Hell and back up to the surface. Eventually, I land back in front of the Walmart as it's closing. I see Maid and Flan out front.
"Hello! Sorry I died on the clock! What happened while I was gone?"
"Well, I blew up that girl who shot you, and then she came back and I sold her the grill! She took it for ten million yen!" My heart is shattered at this moment. How could this have happened! I sink down to my knees and hold my head in despair.
"No!! I wanted that grill all to myself! I wanted to have it, and no one else! For 10 years, at least! I quit!"
"Okay!" Flan proceeds to clap her hands together, and everything around us explodes! Before I know it, we're all sitting across from Hell Mom, and Maid's changed the number on her "hours without incident" card from one to "I give up." I don't think that's a number, though?
Is she stupid?