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The Batcave, usually a sanctuary of grim seriousness, was alive with chaos. Bruce Wayne sat at his desk, hunched over Gotham’s crime reports, but his focus had completely shattered the moment Tim, Bernard, and Kon-El walked in, arms draped around each other, faces glowing with mischievous energy. There was no hiding it now: they were about to shake the foundations of the Batfamily with what they were about to announce.
“Guess what, guys?” Tim’s voice rang through the cave, teasing and full of that devilish pride.
“Oh no,” Dick muttered, peeking over his phone. “What now?”
“Let me guess,” Jason groaned, tossing his dart with exaggerated carelessness, “another one of your ‘family bonding’ plans?”
“Nope,” Tim said with a smirk, winking at Bernard and Kon-El. “This time, it’s bigger than that.”
“Bigger?” Jason deadpanned. “You can’t just say that and leave us hanging. What could possibly be bigger than the ‘Bernard and Tim Are Official’ announcement?”
“Hold on to your capes, everybody,” Bernard quipped, giving Jason an exaggerated side-eye, “Because this time, we’re all in it together. Tim, me, and Kon—yes, Superboy—are officially a thing. A three-way thing.”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Kon-El said with a grin so wide it could rival Gotham's skyline. “We’re in a relationship. All three of us. No more secrets.”
The Batfamily blinked in unison, stunned into silence, as the trio casually leaned into each other like they were in a sitcom.
“Wait… what?” Dick’s voice cracked a little as he processed. “You’re all dating?”
“Yep.” Tim didn’t hesitate, a smug smirk playing on his lips as he draped his arm over Bernard’s shoulder, pulling him closer in that way that made it obvious how comfortable they were with each other. “It’s official. You’ve got yourselves a brand-new dynamic.”
“And don’t worry, we’re very serious about it,” Bernard added, his tone teasing as he winked at Kon-El. “In fact, Kon’s the one who convinced me it was time to go all in.”
“Excuse me,” Kon-El chimed in, flashing a wink at Bruce. “But if anyone’s been making the moves here, it’s Tim.” He grinned, placing a hand on Tim’s shoulder, brushing against him a little too intimately, just to keep the tension going.
Tim couldn’t resist. He leaned into Kon with a grin, his voice light but pointed. “Don’t act like you haven’t been all over me, Kon. You’re lucky you haven’t made us late for everything because of how often you have to steal a kiss.”
Kon laughed, loud and unabashed. “Steal? Nah, Tim, it’s all mine.” He then reached over to flick Bernard’s ear playfully. “Bernard knows this. But don’t get jealous, B. I’ll make sure to leave some room for you later.”
“Oh, I’m not jealous,” Bernard said with a grin, wrapping an arm around Tim’s waist, drawing him closer. “Not when I get all the attention I want.” He leaned in and kissed Tim’s cheek, right in front of everyone, the action both sweet and entirely shameless.
Dick gasped in mock horror. “Oh, this is too much even for me,” he said, raising his hands. “Do I need to leave the room, or are you guys gonna fully take over the Batcave?”
Jason just sighed dramatically, rubbing his temples. “Great. Just great. The one thing I didn’t think I’d have to deal with today. Now you three are going to be making out all over the Batcave?”
“Isn’t that exactly what we’re going to do?” Tim teased, pulling Bernard closer and kissing him on the lips, right there in front of the entire Batfamily. Bernard responded with the same level of intensity, deepening the kiss, clearly loving the public show of affection.
Kon-El, clearly not willing to be left out, slid his hand to the back of Tim’s neck, pulling him toward him in a mock-serious manner. “If they’re going to do it, then I’ve got to get in on it too.” He leaned in, placing a quick kiss on Tim’s lips, much to Tim’s amusement. “Gotta make sure everyone gets a taste, right?”
Bruce, who had been pretending to be absorbed in his work, finally broke the silence, his voice cutting through the absurdity like a knife. “I swear to God, Tim,” he muttered under his breath, his eyes twitching slightly as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve raised you to be better than this.”
“Oh, Bruce,” Tim said with an exaggerated sigh, pulling away from both Bernard and Kon. “You’ve raised me to be responsible, sure. But what’s the point if you don’t get to enjoy life a little, huh?”
“Yeah, Bruce,” Kon chimed in, stepping up to Tim’s side. “Sometimes life’s a little more fun when you’re... in the moment.”
Bernard couldn’t help himself and leaned in to kiss Kon’s cheek, a playful glint in his eye. “What Kon’s trying to say is, we’ve got the fun part down.”
Bruce’s shoulders tensed, and he finally shot them a glare, though there was a hint of something more… tired behind his usually stern expression. “I’m going to pretend none of this is happening. I’m going to focus on work. You are all adults. This... isn’t my responsibility anymore.”
“Oh, it’s totally your responsibility,” Bernard said, grinning as he playfully draped his arm over Tim’s neck. “You’re the patriarch of the Batfamily. It’s your job to make sure we don’t turn Gotham into a circus.”
Kon chuckled. “Good luck with that, Bruce. I’m pretty sure we’re all a circus at this point.”
“Yeah,” Tim said, leaning back into Kon and Bernard, smirking as he looked at Bruce. “But don’t worry, we’ll keep it fun. No need to break a sweat.”
Jason sighed dramatically. “Well, as long as none of you mess with my bike or my Batmobile, I’ll consider this... fine.”
Dick let out a loud laugh, clearly enjoying this entire spectacle. “So, are we all cool with this? Or are we going to go full ‘Bat-family meeting’ and pretend we’re not all about to die from secondhand embarrassment?”
“You know what?” Tim said, looking around the Batfamily with a mock-serious expression. “Maybe we should take this to the Batmobile. Private. You know, for super serious conversations like this.”
“Oh, hell no,” Bruce said, glaring at them for a moment longer. “I don’t need any more PDA from you three. I’ll go check on Gotham.”
“Duly noted,” Tim said with a wink, looking at Kon-El and Bernard. “Let’s give him some space.” Then, in a much quieter voice, he leaned in closer to them both. “And maybe later... we can give him a real show.”
Kon-El’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Now you’re talking.”
Bernard grinned, his fingers brushing against Tim’s arm. “Let’s make sure we drive him wild.”
The Batfamily, once an intimidating and serious unit, was now a whirlwind of teasing and unrestrained flirting. But amidst the chaos, one thing was clear—no one was ever going to forget the day the Batcave was taken over by love, laughter, and a very chaotic trio.