Chapter Text
The problem began, as most problems in Gotham do, with a kidnapping. Specifically, the kidnapping of one Timothy Drake-Wayne, heir to the Wayne fortune and perpetual magnet for trouble. Tim’s capture by a masked figure—who was promptly dealt with by Gotham’s own Red Robin—should have been a simple rescue. But in Gotham, nothing ever stays simple, least of all the life of a Wayne.
The media frenzy had barely died down when Red Robin, cornered by a particularly tenacious reporter on a rooftop, made the situation a whole lot more complicated.
The reporter, shoving a microphone way too close to his masked face: “Red Robin! Any comment on Tim Wayne’s recent kidnapping?”
Red Robin, without missing a beat, leaned slightly forward, his eyes hidden behind his cowl, and deadpanned, “Yeah, he’s an asshole cosplaying a feral raccoon and a whiny bitch.”
That clip, of course, went viral within hours. The combination of Red Robin’s unflinching nonchalance and the biting insult became internet gold. As memes began to flood Gotham’s digital streets, everyone had something to say about it. The public couldn’t decide if Red Robin was being brutally honest or just a little too harsh. Either way, it was good entertainment.
---
Later that day, in the Drake-Wayne penthouse, Tim was lounging on the couch in sweatpants and a hoodie, staring blankly at the screen as he scrolled through his phone. His peace was interrupted when the news came on, its ominous tone signaling that his life had officially become a public spectacle.
“Red Robin has made a bold statement regarding Tim Wayne’s recent ordeal—”
Tim, still half-conscious, barely registered the sentence before the familiar image of Red Robin on the screen filled the room. The masked vigilante’s voice echoed, “Yeah, he’s an asshole cosplaying a feral raccoon and a whiny bitch.”
Tim froze. His hand holding the coffee mug began to shake, and he nearly choked. He gaped at the TV, blinking rapidly, as though the absurdity of the situation might disappear if he stared at it long enough.
Then, slowly, he raised his middle finger and flipped off the television with a disgruntled sigh. “Well, fuck you too.”
The Batfamily, gathered around him like some dysfunctional support group, exchanged uneasy glances, each unsure whether this was a moment of genuine anger or just the latest strange chapter in Tim's colorful life.
“You do realize you’re the one who said that, right?” Dick pointed out, carefully as though handling a delicate subject.
“Details,” Tim grumbled, not bothering to look up.
“I mean,” Jason added with a smirk, “he’s not *wrong*.”
Tim threw a pillow at him. “I swear to god, you’re *all* insufferable.”
---
But this was only the beginning.
Things escalated further when Bernard, who was publicly dating Tim Drake-Wayne, was caught on camera kissing Red Robin on a rooftop in a grainy, low-quality photo. The scandalous images hit the front page of every gossip site in Gotham, sending the city into an absolute frenzy. The headline read: "Betrayal on the Rooftop! Tim Wayne's Boyfriend Kisses Gotham's Vigilante!"
It was only a matter of time before the next chapter arrived: Kon-El, the ever-present thorn in the side of Gotham’s chaos, was spotted late one night carrying a very disheveled Tim Wayne back to his penthouse. The scene looked suspiciously like the aftermath of a fight—complete with a near-dragged Tim—and as the photos went viral, so did rumors about the Kryptonian hero and Red Robin’s tangled web of relationships.
Gotham’s theories were, of course, wild. #GothamDrama trended worldwide. The consensus? Tim Drake-Wayne and Red Robin had somehow stolen each other’s boyfriends, leaving Gotham with an endless cycle of relationship drama to feast on.
---
In the Wayne Enterprises boardroom, Bruce Wayne was trying to focus on the latest quarterly report when Lucius Fox hesitantly interrupted.
“Sir, we have… a PR situation.”
Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, already knowing exactly what was coming. “Let me guess. Tim.”
Lucius nodded gravely. “And Red Robin. There’s a Twitter war. It’s… extensive.”
Bruce let out a long sigh, as though the weight of Gotham’s ridiculousness had finally caught up with him. “Of course there is.”
---
Then came the infamous Twitter war that nearly broke the internet.
@TimDrakeWayne: I’m going to sue Red Robin for defamation. Also, he’s a terrible kisser.
@RedRobinOfficial: Cry about it, rich boy. Maybe if you stopped whining, Bernard wouldn’t have dumped you.
@TimDrakeWayne: I didn’t get dumped. You literally kidnapped me.
@RedRobinOfficial: You’re welcome for saving your life, btw.
@TimDrakeWayne: YOU DROPPED ME IN A DUMPSTER.
@RedRobinOfficial: It was clean.
@TimDrakeWayne: Gotham doesn’t have clean dumpsters.
---
Meanwhile, the Batfamily was embroiled in chaos.
Dick: What the hell are you two doing??
Jason: LMAO this is the best thing that’s ever happened. Don’t stop.
Cass: *sends a meme of a dumpster fire*
Damian: This is disgraceful. You’re tarnishing the family name.
Jason: Disgraceful or hilarious? Be honest.
Barbara: I’m making popcorn.
---
And then, in an act of pure petty brilliance, Tim funded the construction of a fast-food restaurant called “Red Robin” in the heart of Gotham. Within hours, Red Robin was seen standing across the street from the new establishment, glaring at it as though it had personally offended him. His mixed expression of disdain and amusement became the perfect PR storm.
The viral caption? “RR vs. Tim Wayne: The Beef Continues.”
The comment section was a disaster:
@GothamGossiper: Red Robin looks *personally* offended by the restaurant. I’m crying.
@WayneWatcher: I am 100% convinced that they’re the same person.
@BernardFangirl: Okay but Bernard kissing both of them? Iconic.
---
Bernard, however, was largely unfazed by the chaos. When asked about the drama, he simply shrugged, leaning back with his usual nonchalance. “Tim and Red Robin have… a complicated relationship. It’s fine.”
Kon, who had witnessed it all from the sidelines, was less than impressed. “You two do realize you’re the same person, right?”
Tim shushed him. “Shhh, the public doesn’t need to know that.”
Kon pinched the bridge of his nose, deeply exasperated. “This is why I need a vacation.”
“You love us,” Tim teased.
Kon simply groaned in response.
---
Despite the media circus, Gotham City was hooked. Merchandising companies jumped on the bandwagon, and social media exploded with every new update. One bakery even created cookies shaped like Red Robin and Tim Wayne, decorated with broken hearts between them. They sold out in hours.
In the end, Tim got what he wanted. The perfect cover story. The chaos was all his doing, a carefully crafted storm to divert attention from the real issues at hand.
As he leaned back in his chair, scrolling through the endless barrage of memes and conspiracy theories, Tim grinned.
“Mission accomplished.”