Work Text:
A firm knock rouses him from slumber.
It’s not that N is a light sleeper, per se, that even just a sharp, solid knock is enough to pull him to the waking world. From what he’s always believed, he’s been a fair sleeper - not on the precipice of snapping awake at the softest whisper, but certainly not dead to the world either.
But, admittedly, N has been more on edge as of late and it would seem par for the course that it’s beginning to trickle into his sleeping habits. So deeply ingrained, conscious to subconscious to unconscious, following him each second he breathes.
Crossing the carpeted floor in just two long strides, he opens the door to an extremely put off V, decorated with her own dark eye bags and displeased grimace. He already knows why she’s here.
“She’s in her workshop. Again,” she says exasperated, confirming his suspicions. “And she’s playing that fucking stupid bullshit just to piss me off. Go tell her to go to sleep for all that is holy or I will be coming in there to drag her kicking and screaming my-fucking-self.”
N decides not to point out the irony of her interjecting holiness into her indirect threat because he knows what she’s really trying to say.
She’s really starting to worry me.
But if he calls attention to it, V will make it a whole thing, which is something neither of them want at that moment. So he stays silent, opting instead to give a slow nod and move forward to walk past her. Because he has his mission now and that mission is clear:
Help Uzi.
Before long, he’s standing in front of the closed door to her workshop, pausing to take in the muffled “annoying bullshit” (nightcore) through the thick metal door. Where there was once a small, rectangular window now was a metal plate, bolted to the old frame. Etched in the center were the word’s “UZI’S WORKSHOP” and, in smaller lettering underneath, “STAY TF OUT”. Surrounding the centered words were stickers - some faded and some half-torn, but most of them some sort of anime character or design. Only a few outliers broke up the consuming theme, with the odd tech-related one or something to do with space.
As he studies the door too closely for someone who’s seen it before, the song blasting from inside the room begins to peter out. In the transitioning silence, he hears the low grumbling from the techno-witch inside, inaudible but edged with frustration, before a new song queues and drowns her out.
Well….here goes nothing.
Gripping the handle firmly, he pushes in, relieved to find no resistance as he scootches the door open to reveal a scene that would, as kindly as he could, be referred to as “organized chaos”.
The usual suspects were there: dimmed computer-screens providing a haze of blue light, the only source of it in the small, cluttered space; gadgets and gizmos sprawled across a well-loved workbench, some in process of being disassembled (or maybe reassembled?) with bits and bobs scattered without discernable fashion; the bookshelf containing books and magazines in disarray, flopping over edges and books stacked on top of more books with non-descriptive containers placed precariously to keep them contained. Nothing out of place from the usual, and despite the overall haphazardness, Uzi had proven time and time again that each system was self-contained in a way that made sense to her. N had seen for himself the ease with which she moved about the space, navigating without hesitation or doubt when her mind singled in on a string of thoughts.
Which, of course, is best displayed by the wall opposite to the door. The main attraction and first thing to greet you when walking into the space, the entirety of the wall from one edge to another is plastered with papers - notebook papers, newspapers, scraps and napkins. Anything that Uzi could jot a thought or clue or lead onto was pinned to the wall, a cacophony of information that all centered on one thing:
Her mother.
Or rather, the disappearance of her mother and all that led to it.
N remembers his first time seeing the wall after he was summoned. He remembers slowly taking it all in - from the smallest of details to the sheer amount of information gathered - shuffling along the expanse of it like one does in an art gallery, shifting from one work to the next. He remembers the questions he’d asked and how quickly and unabashedly Uzi brought him up to speed on everything she had thus far. How much she’d managed to do all on her own.
He especially remembers the look of shock and the faintest hint of pride when he shared how impressive it all was. The way that her eyes shone in the low lighting and the undeniable satisfaction in her smirk as she took his compliment and ran with it, like she heard those types of things every day.
She had been so alive, so animated .
The door now lay wide open and she still has her back to him, not even acknowledging his entrance. Her gaze remains steadfastly forward, trained on something just above her eye level. Her sitting stool is forgotten off to the side as she’s opted to stand and lean heavily on the table littered with more papers, snack wrappers, and a tumbler that his sensitive sense of smell can detect is filled with blood.
The blue glow of the laptop directly in front of her outlines her silhouette and….
N takes a deep breath and clears his throat to announce his presence. A beat passes when he suddenly realizes that there’s absolutely no way she could’ve heard him over the teeth-chattering beats of the music booming out of her sound system tucked away in the corner immediately to his left, so he reaches over and turns it off without warning.
Uzi’s reaction is immediate as she straightens up, the silence ringing between them before she lets out a low growl.
“V, I told you that if you touch my stereo one more time - “ Her impending threat hangs on empty air once their eyes connect and she visibly relaxes at the sight of him. “Oh, it’s you. What’s up?”
N brings his hands in front of him to nervously fiddle with his fingers. Start off casual, then take it from there. “Whatcha up to, buddy?”
Uzi shrugs, almost nonchalantly, and jerks her head in the direction of the wall in front of her. “Got a new lead,” she offers up simply. Then she purses her lips together, eyes dipping lower before she turns to face the wall fully again with a thoughtful hum. “Well, not entirely new. It’s something I already had but…I don’t think I gave it the proper attention before. There’s…” She sighs, the end tapering off into an annoyed grunt. “I think I definitely missed something. Something important , something key and it’s probably been staring me in the face this entire time but…”
She stops suddenly, looking back over her shoulder again with a scrunched-up confused expression. “Wait, didn’t you say you were going to bed? What are you still doing up?”
I could ask you the very same thing . Oh gosh, V and Uzi have been rubbing on him, haven’t they? Well, at least that thought stayed inside.
Instead, he shrugs and enters the room fully, closing the distance between them cautiously. “Oh, you know. Couldn’t really sleep. So I figured I’d come and see what you were up to.” His eyes roam over the mass of papers, some of the major players covered in highlighter and connected to others via the pins and red string that Uzi had meticulously set up. “Maybe offer a second set of eyes?”
Uzi hummed in response, her own eyes skimming her board and drumming her fingers against the dark wood of the table. “Maybe. I dunno.” Then she shakes her head, almost violently, purple hair whipping erratically around her. “No. It’s fine. I’ve got this. I swear I’m this close,” she narrows her eyes and clenches her fist on the desk, leaning forward so her nose is inches from the wall.
Before he can offer a retort, she backs up and cranes her neck to look at him, and N can see plain as day the dark, painful bruises underlining her eyes. He wonders to himself just how much sleep she’s missed out on. He quietly berates himself for not doing anything to help her sooner.
“Seriously, I’m good. Thanks though. You can go back to bed.” She’s waving him off, attention already directed back to the wall. Her voice is firm and resolute, but N notices the minute trembling of her arms as she continues to brace herself against the table, the way her eyelids droop just a second longer after each blink.
“I’m not tired,” he gently insists. “And I feel more useful here than I do lying in bed.” When Uzi doesn’t immediately relent, he leans forward to try and catch her eye. “If not, I could at least keep you company?”
A quiet moment passes before she turns to look at him and when she finally does, he sees the guarded look in her eyes. Swirls of dark, stormy gray study him, flickering across the expanse of his face in a frantic search for…truth be told, N isn’t entirely sure. He holds his breath, trying to come across as unimposing as possible, but feels like he’s failed when her eyes narrow. He watches as Uzi straightens up to her full height, arms crossed defensively as she turns her gaze back to the wall of papers.
“Did V put you up to this?” she asks tersely.
N can only blink. “Huh?” He feels the sweat starting to form, a direct result of the panic-inducing guilt as he chooses his next words carefully. “What do you mean?”
Smooth, N. Smooth .
With a roll of her eyes and aggressive sigh that bleeds into a growl, one of her hands darts out and slams the laptop in front of her shut with a resounding thwack . Before N can even fully process what’s going on, Uzi is on the move, fisting her snack wrappers and tossing them in the garbage can underneath the table before spinning on her heel and walking back to the stereo system in the corner. A quick press of the button unleashes the assault of music that reverberates in the room and N is quick to cover his sensitive ears with his hands.
Then Uzi is stomping back over, bumping him out of the way with her entire frame as she begins reaching for the coil of red string sitting at the edge of the table and beginning to unravel thread. “I’m fine !” she shouts, voice nearly drowned out by the deafening synthesizers. “You can tell that stupid, self-important, nosey jerk to stop butting into my business when no one even invited her!”
She doesn’t even spare him another glance as she begins mumbling to herself, scowl marring her features as she burns holes into the wall, a steadfast determination that wasn’t there prior consuming her. N attempts to reach out, primed with questions on where this sudden switch came from, but she shrugs him off before he can even touch her shoulder.
He tries again. “Uzi…”
Uzi shakes her head, refusing to even glance his way. She gestures towards her ear then throws up her hands, the universal sign of “Can’t hear! Too loud!”
Feeling a burst of rare annoyance at what are now obvious deflection tactics, N marches over to the sound system and flips it back off, throwing the room back into silence and eliminating her excuse. “Uzi, what-”
The stereo glows purple before it kicks back to life and the music blasts out again. Across the room, Uzi has her three fingers posed in a familiar triangular formation, the symbol of her magic pulsing at her fingertips as the volume of the sound system cranks up to levels that were definitely not programmed in originally.
A sharp throbbing sensation against his temple manifests in a very rare display of agitation. He’s beginning to see how far this has been allowed to spiral out of control and for all of his gentleness in tip-toeing around the lingering issue, this proves that all of his previous attempts gained zero headway. Getting Uzi to listen normally didn’t require loud acts of aggression, but clearly this is a case of extreme stubbornness and his usual demeanor wouldn’t be getting either of them anywhere.
Before he can think better of it or consider the consequences, he places his palm face down on top of the stereo and with a crackle of yellow sparks that signalled his own more destructive magic, it short-circuits and dies out with a loud final screech of static.
Uzi whips around immediately and takes in the damage, her eyes blown wide in disbelief. “What the hell , dude?!” She rushes over to the stereo and swats his hand away, her own magic spreading out to properly diagnose the damage and a quiet groan leaving her when she discovers what he already knows - it’s busted beyond repair.
Her eyes raise up to his in a glare, hands gently cradling the spent technology. “You owe me a new sound system.”
A fair point, but he knows conceding will tip the balance in her favor, a practice he’s more than familiar with from prior dealings with J. Quietly, he adds a mental reminder to check online for a similar sound system to replace the one he undeniably fried. Even though it was with the best intentions in mind.
However, outwardly, he schools his expression into something that’s as stern as he feels he can manage. Judging by the way that Uzi pulls back when he doesn’t shrink away from her glare indicates he’s successful, so he pushes forward to capitalize on the opportunity.
“Uzi, we need to have a talk.”
“About you uncharacteristically destroying my things? Yeah, I agree with you there.” Giving up on the stereo system, Uzi pivots and heads over to her workbench where she’s left her cat-eared headphones charging. She unplugs them with one hand while simultaneously reaching for her phone and fiddling with the Bluetooth controls.
N shakes his head whilst trailing behind her, plucking her phone from her grasp and holding it out of her reach with graceful ease. “Uzi, you…” He pauses, only barely noticing the way she’s trying to literally climb him to reach her phone, unphased by her nails digging in or the colorful curses she’s hurling his way. “You’ve been more….stand-offish lately. Like, more than usual?” He purses his lips together in thought, realizing he came down here and got to this point without actually having a semblance of an idea of how to breach this discussion. So far, he’s been mostly winging it, for lack of a better term.
Uzi rolls her eyes and drops back down to her normal height, pausing her attempts to claw her way up his form to reclaim her phone. “Gee, I wonder why? Between V’s bitchiness and you taking and breaking my things, who would’ve seen that coming?” she snarks.
N narrows his eyes, reaching out to place a hand on Uzi’s shoulder but, once again, is brushed off, though rather violently this time. “Uzi, we’re worried about you.”
“Well don’t .” Uzi takes a step back, seemingly abandoning her quest for her phone and walks away instead, immediately busying herself back at the table in front of her Investigative Wall. Theory Wall? No, N, not the time for that. Focus .
“I’m fine,” Uzi calls over her shoulder, her tone harsh and leaving no room for argument. “I’m just fine and would appreciate if the two of you would stop treating me like some fragile little thing -”
“Uzi-”
“- when I have been just fine on my own without you two,” she continues louder over his interjection. “I was fine before, I’m fine now, and I’ll be just fucking fine when you aren’t here.”
A pregnant pause permeates the atmosphere, with N at a loss of what to say in response to what is so clearly Uzi’s old defense mechanisms resurfacing. He can’t say for certain he knows where it’s all coming from, but he thinks he’s putting some of the pieces together. That being said, he knows that he has to proceed carefully from here; if he pushes too hard, she’ll shut down entirely, but if he isn’t assertive enough, she’ll brush the whole thing off and repress it for much, much later.
N inhales deeply and holds it. Where should he even start?
One….two….three….four….five….
He exhales, slowly, now counting backwards from five.
“Uzi…” His sentence hangs in the air as he gauges her reaction. He sees the way her shoulders scrunch up to her ears, the muscles pulled taut as her whole body tenses. She doesn’t say anything immediately and, even once a few seconds have passed, still hasn’t spoken up to shut him down or kick him out. Maybe a good sign?
N presses onwards before he can second-guess himself or Uzi can do it for him. “You haven’t been sleeping,” he states simply, deciding that sticking to undeniable facts rather than prying into feelings could be a good strategy to lower her guard. “You’ve barely been eating - regular food or the blood bags,” he hastily adds when her head raises just a fraction, like she wants to interject. Immediately, her head drops back down, shoulders hunched higher. “And lately you’ve spent most of your time locked up in here.” He pauses, a thought occurring to him suddenly. “In fact, when was the last time you left this room? Besides to use the bathroom,” he adds quickly again, closing any possibility of technicalities being utilized to avoid the weight of the question.
It’s silent a moment as he watches her, barely moving except for her right hand that’s twitching on the counter. Then she lets loose a guttural groan, fingers falling into formation as her purple sigil glows at her fingertips. Across the room, one of her laptop screens glows with activity and she walks towards it, not even sparing him a glance.
“Why does it even matter?” she says, voice tight and clipped - another defense mechanism. But N can hear the hesitancy in her voice, quiet and almost meek despite the venom she tried so hard to inject it with.
Okay. Maybe he’s getting somewhere.
“Because we’re worried about you,” he repeats. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself, Uzi, and it shows .”
That triggers something, because in a split second she’s whipped around, eyes wide and frenzied as she shouts at him, “I’m the only one who has ever taken care of myself so you can shove it !” There’s a second where it looks like she wants to say more, but something within her hesitates and she’s suddenly pulling back again. She turns to face away from him, shaking her head as she roughly closes her laptop and yanks her black messenger bag towards her before shoving it in. Then she’s throwing it across her chest and walking towards him…no, she’s walking towards the door .
“I’m not dealing with this right now,” she declares as she makes her way to push past him. “I’m going out.”
Shifting just so, N places himself in the doorway, effectively blocking her exit. “Uzi, it’s the middle of the night!”
Uzi rolls her eyes and crosses her arms with a scoff. “So?” When he doesn’t budge, she drops her arms to her sides, hands curling into fists and does her best to glare up at him. It’s not intimidating in the slightest, if not for her short stature where she has to crane her neck completely back to look into his face, but by the painful blue-black bags decorating her eyes. The purple hue of her magic is greatly diminished, leaving her with barely lilac eyes, bordering on steel grey.
She’s exhausted.
N wants to reach out and crush her against him, arms wrapped tight around her shoulders. Instead, he crosses them across his chest, effectively minimizing the chances of him giving in and doing just that. As an added bonus, it makes him look stern as he fixes her with an unwavering stare, his golden eyes shining bright in comparison to her own dull shine.
He guesses she’s probably noticed the obvious power imbalance in this situation, because she shrinks back just slightly with a disgruntled pout. Her eyes flicker behind him, mapping out possible escape routes to jet past him to her freedom. N widens his stance but takes on a gentle tone with his next words.
“Okay, listen, we don’t have to talk about this now then,” he concedes, hoping it might get her to calm down and stop thinking about leaving. It’s not how he wanted this to go, but he realizes that Uzi’s well-being is top priority and that pushing the topic further might do irreparable damage - whether to herself or their bond. So he’s willing to compromise.
“But you can’t leave, okay? It’s not safe for you at this time of night to be out there by yourself. So let’s just go to bed - “
“Since when do you care about my safety?” she spits, cutting him off. Immediately, her eyes widen in shock at her own statement, mirroring his own expression. Confused, N drops his arms and reaches out, question at the tip of his tongue when Uzi hastily steps back and away from his reach. She tears her gaze away from him, finding her socked feet instead.
“Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m fine. I can take care of myself,” she grumbles, but there’s something unsteady to it now that is squeezing N’s heart in a chokehold. Her arms, previously rigid at her sides with balled fists, have been brought up to wrap around her chest, hands gripping her upper arms tightly. When N doesn’t speak up, as he’s currently trying to process her words and wracking his brain for something to say, Uzi sighs so heavily her entire body deflates. Her eyes remain locked with the floor.
“I won’t go far,” she tries to compromise. But it comes out squeaky, pleading almost. She clears her throat and tries again, still avoiding his gaze. “I’ll stay close and won’t be out long. I just…” her sentence tapers off and even after something close to a minute passes, she doesn’t pick it back up.
Everything up to this point hasn’t quite been how N pictured this conversation going, though admittedly he didn’t really approach it with any semblance of a plan either, so even that didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. But he can say that it looks like progress is being made, even if he’s not entirely sure how he got there or where to even carry it from here. Internally, he struggles on what to say, what to do next to keep her talking so they can maybe figure this out together , but he’s afraid of stepping too far and effectively blowing everything to bits.
Luckily for him, as his brain whirls with next moves and strategic approaches, his feet are moving forward subconsciously already, stopping just in front of Uzi. As his throat bobs with a flurry of comforting statements, prying questions, gentle suggestions, his hands are outstretching towards his charge, gently falling to her shoulders. His thumbs stroke the material of her shirt as she tentatively raises her head to look up at him and oh biscuits her eyes are shimmering with tears.
Uzi must’ve realized as well, because she’s hastily burying her face into her hands, ducking away from his gaze as she furiously rubs her eyes to wipe away the unshed tears. N doesn’t let go at any point as she does this, nor does he raise his voice to call attention to it. But he does notice that her movements, as aggressive as they are in concealing her moment of weakness, are, quite in fact, lopsided . N pays careful attention to the way that she scrubs at her left eye, but how her right eye is receiving much gentler treatment, almost….tender….
The second that N fits the pieces together, he feels a giant pit in his stomach open up, swallowing all his insides as he feels a coldness wash over him. Oh heck , how has he been so stupid not to realize? And all this time, too….
As if he can make up for all his negligence and mistakes in one sweeping motion, N moves his hands from Uzi’s shoulders to cup her face. She startles at the sudden movement, blinking rapidly which only succeeds in bringing more tears to her eyes that bead on her eyelashes. A tear manages to break free in her moment of confusion, rolling down her cheek at a lethargic pace. N easily swipes it away with his thumb, being extra careful since it’s from her right eye.
He wants to say something, anything that might make her feel better or safe or cared about, all things he knows she’s struggled with much of her life just given the sheer misery of all that’s happened to her. He wants to gather her up in his arms, to hold her tight and assure her with vows that she will never ever be in harm’s way again, not while he’s around. He wants to shield her, to protect her from anyone and everyone, using every ounce of his power and will to ensure that she would never be at risk again.
But that was just it, wasn’t it? Anything he says, anything he promises, would it even hold any weight? Would it even matter at this point? Would she even believe him?
Uzi must’ve noticed the array of emotions flickering across his face, if only because she doesn’t have the range to look anywhere else with him still cradling her face in his hands. With an uncharacteristic amount of meekness, she raises her hands to cup the backs of his, her small hands barely enough to cover half. Her eyes are still swimming and watery, but she fixes him with a solid enough gaze that leaves no room for argument.
“Don’t,” she whispers, her voice cracking. “I’m sorry, I….that wasn’t fair of me. I know….I know it wasn’t on purpose, I just….” Her eyes drift downwards and N notices her pupils contracting at the same time her touch starts to slide away. He starts to say something, to bring her out of what is obviously dangerous and painful territory, but she beats him to it.
“You weren’t there,” she murmurs. Just like that, it’s like something bursts open. She’s shrinking away again, her breath hitching and chest rising and falling more rapidly than before. “You weren’t there and-and I thought….” She’s cut off by her own breathing, picking up in pace as she wobbles unsteadily on her feet. “O-oh god, I actually could’ve died.” She takes another step back, eyes locked in place but her gaze far away, outside of this room and outside of this moment.
“She… Alice ….she said something about…my mom….” Uzi’s eyes glance over to her Theory Wall, following the newspapers, the documents, the photos, and each red line connecting them. “She hated her,” she whispers before looking down at her hands, palms turned upwards as she focuses on curling her fingers, one-by-one. “She hated my mom and-and she was so….”
Uzi trails off again as she’s pulled back into haunted memories, her hands trembling as she begins to fully hyperventilate. N watches the whole scene with an ache in his chest, wanting to do something, anything to take those memories and feelings away from her, to undo what was done. But even his power has limits and he can’t take back his own shortcomings, can’t go back to prevent any of it, so instead he just watches as his dear friend falls apart in front of him.
“I thought I was going to die,” she breathes out, followed by a humorless chuckle. “And all because I’m chasing some woman who fucking left me and apparently pissed off a ton of other people in the process!” Now she’s actually laughing, but from the way she’s continuing to breathe heavily and the cracked smile on her face, N knows she’s moments away from breaking down entirely.
But before he can make any moves to collect her and begin pulling her away from the oncoming meltdown, she grits her teeth and N can practically see something snap behind her eyes. In a flash, she’s climbed the table in front of the wall, sitting on her knees as her hands reach out and begin frantically pulling and tearing things off the wall.
N watches Uzi as she begins destroying all of her hard work, of what amounted to months of research and hard efforts to track down the woman that was the entire reason he was summoned here to begin with. Balls of papers and strips of now-torn newspapers fell to the desk and floor as Uzi rabidly flung it behind her, shoulders shaking with what is now unconstrained sobs and gasps of air.
When N finally gets his bearings and scoops her from the table from behind, arms wrapped around her midsection and constricting her arms to her sides so she couldn’t continue her flailing. She does begin kicking her legs erratically in an attempt to wriggle from his grasp, but it’s fruitless as he’s both stronger and taller than her. Eventually she’s tired herself out and hangs limply in his grasp, still choking on sobs.
Unsure of what to say, N just stands there, holding her, while surveying the destruction she’s wrought that lays around them. He knows nothing’s ruined and that it will just take time and elbow grease to get everything back to how it was before, but there’s still something in the aftermath that breaks his heart.
And then Uzi says something, but it’s so warped by her sobbing that N doesn’t actually pick up on it. He squeezes her tighter to his chest, feeling each hitch of her breath as she juts against him.
Briefly, he considers carrying her to her room, where she can cry in the safety and comfort of her own bed with himself doting on her until she falls asleep. Almost immediately after that line of thought comes another, reminding him that the route to Uzi’s room is in the close vicinity of V’s room. N knows that would just be putting Uzi in a far more uncomfortable situation, as the walls of the older house weren’t soundproof in any definition of the word. So he nixes that idea, deciding instead to carefully lower the two of them to the floor, his back sliding down the wall until they’re both sitting.
It’s awkward at best, uncomfortable at worst, the process of getting to the floor and adjusting their positions. In a few handfuls of seconds though, N has Uzi sitting with her back against his chest, his arms wrapped around her chest and legs encasing her form, bent at an angle to shield her.
Her whole body shakes against him as he drops his chin gently on top of her head, curling over her as if to hide her from the horrors she’s endured, the loneliness she’s suffered, and every single act of malice she’s fallen victim to. He wants to wrap her entirely, where not a single soul can reach her and hurt her or take her away from him. Them - him and V.
N nuzzles the mass of purple tangles with his cheek, her natural scent filling him and his mind flashes to how V had done the very same thing as they were bringing Uzi home. Something flickers in his brain, and he wonders if maybe he should approach her sometime and maybe discuss -
No. N mentally shakes his head. No, that’s definitely a horrible idea and would end with him either in physical pain or with V being generally more….. V for at least a week.
No, it would be better to keep it to himself, at least for now.
Because now, he really needs to focus on Uzi and making sure that she’s alright. And if she’s not ready for that, as close as they can get for tonight.
By now, Uzi’s full-body sobs have ebbed into something tamer in the form of drawn-out, watery exhales. Her body is still tense against him, trembling just slightly, so he doesn’t release his hold but he does pivot his legs so his knees are closer inwards, practically caging her small form against his chest.
Figuring that she’s calm enough to listen again, N speaks up softly, “Uzi….I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there for you and I’m sorry .” She shifts in his arms, not lifting her head but he can tell she’s listening by the way she’s quieted her crying. “I don’t even have a good excuse for why I wasn’t there with you.” That stupid photo . “If I had known….no, ugh, sorry. That shouldn’t…it doesn’t matter because I should’ve just stopped what I was doing and I should have been there .”
He’s rambling now, a realization that doesn’t do much to aid him in ceasing the word vomit. But it’s almost as though he’s come to his own separate realization, one similar to what Uzi had just moments ago.
She could’ve died . Against his will, an image of Uzi from that night flashes in his head - the blood staining her clothes, staining her skin, staining her hair; the raw patches of skin around her wrists, red and oozing and bleeding; her skin so pale and clammy, white and shiny and wrong . The cold arrow of fear that pierced his heart when V first appeared, cradling what he feared was the lifeless form of his charge, his friend, of someone who could’ve been so much more if he’d just gone with her -
N is brought back to the workshop, pulled from his dark spiral when he feels a sudden but dull knock against his chin. Blinking in confusion, he looks down to see lilac-tinted gray looking up at him, upside-down since the top of Uzi’s head and pressed directly into his sternum. Somewhere in the midst of what he’s suspecting was the beginning of an impending panic attack, she’s clasped her hands on top of his, squeezing gently when she catches his eye.
“Hey, dude,” she says, her voice cracked with spent emotion, hoarse but lighter now. “You can’t freak out when I’m freaking out. Someone’s gotta be DD.”
N chuckles, more out of relief to fall into something familiar after the self-inflicted terrors his own brain tried to subject him to rather than any actual humor behind it. “DD?”
“Yeah, y’know. If I’m having a panic attack and you’re having a panic attack, then who’s flying this thing?”
This time when N lets loose a chuckle, it’s more genuine. “V.”
“Ohhhh, so we’re all fucked.” Uzi drops her chin back down to settle more comfortably against him, somehow managing to tuck herself further into his form. So tiny . Adorably tiny. “Well….guess we’ll meet again in Hell.”
“You think you’re going to Hell?”
“I’d almost be offended if I didn’t.” She squirms briefly in his grasp and strokes the back of one of his hands with her thumb. “Why? Trying to get away from me?”
Her tone suggests that the question is posed in jest, but N is overcome with an odd sense of déjà vu, before he remembers earlier in the night before everything got….intense.
‘I was fine before, I’m fine now, and I’ll be just fucking fine when you aren’t here.’
“Nah,” he says simply. N thinks about elaborating, or maybe even giving her a brief speech about just how much he wishes he could stay by her side forever, how much more light and joy she has brought into his existence, how he’s reached a point that he can’t imagine a single day without her, without this .
Luckily, that answer is enough for her, demonstrated by how easily she sinks into his warmth. As her body goes limp, she lets out a soft, near inaudible sigh of contentment, which N decides then and there is his favorite sound.
“Good,” Uzi mumbles, tucking her cheek into his chest, her ear pressed against his heartbeat. N wonders if she can hear the way it flutters at her closeness. “‘Cause I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” A yawn tears through her small form, and N is somewhat surprised to catch a glimpse of what look like baby fangs when she tilts her head back.
Huh. Those were new, right?
“And you aren’t either,” she sighs. She sounds on the brink of sleep. Not surprising with how heavy those eyebags of hers are. “It’s in the contract.”
N nods and chuckles, adjusting himself just slightly to allow her to rest more comfortably and without strain. “It’s in the contract,” he agrees.
But Uzi doesn’t hear him because she’s already fallen asleep, nestled in his embrace.
N lowers his head so his lips are buried in her purple locks, pressing them firmly but chastely atop her crown.
“And even if there wasn’t a contract, I’d be right here. From now on, I promise,” he whispers, sealing his fate with Uzi blissfully none the wiser.
“You did not.”
“But I did.”
“You did fucking not.”
N straightens up from having been bent over plugging Uzi’s brand new sound system into the outlet. In the doorway of the workshop, V stands with crossed arms, cocked hip, and absolute disapproval in her eyes.
“I owe her, since I’m the one who broke the last one.”
V clicks her tongue, clearly not convinced. “You spoil her, you know that right?”
N beams at her, pausing in his fiddling with the dial controls. “Is that a bad thing?”
V stumbles on her next words, probably not expecting to be challenged in that way. Before she can collect herself and offer a barbed retort, a voice calls from behind her.
“Could you move your fathead out of the way so I can get in? Jesus, you act like you own shit around here-oooooooooh myyyyyyyyyyy goooooooooood !” Uzi’s head pops from behind V, comically shoved into the hole created by the doorframe and V’s waist. Her eyes, a very vibrant purple, are wide and shining with intrigue as she narrows in on the new sound system perched on a table by the far off wall.
N stands up straight and flings his arms out, showcasing Uzi’s new toy with matched excitement (and if his foot kicks up from the ground, it’s just more proof!). “Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaa!” he sing-songs. “I told you I’d replace it! I couldn’t find the exact model though so I went with something I thought was similar enough. Do you like it? Do you want something different? I kind of just guessed.”
Pushing past V, Uzi beelines straight for the sound system, eyes locked in on the controls and hands already moving to fiddle with them to test out the specs. “Are you kidding me? This totally rocks , dude!” Pausing just long enough, she turns her face to him to flash him a bright grin in appreciation.
N considers what else he can buy for her to get her to smile like that again.
V was right. He does spoil her.
Speaking of….
“Hey, twerp!” V calls from the doorway, a tick in her forehead from the earlier rough handling when Uzi barrelled her way into the room. “Congrats on the new shiny but I swear if you play that cursed screeching you call ‘music’ I will smash it all to bits and I won’t be getting you a new one.”
Uzi shrugs, clearly unfazed as she continues messing with the sound system, giving a soft “a-ha!” when she finds the button for the Bluetooth feature. “That’s fine. N will buy one for me.”
“Awfully presumptuous of you - “
“I would,” N quickly agrees, still reeling from her earlier smile.
“ Come on , bro! You always take her side!”
“Because you’re threatening to break my things like a psychopath!”
“Only because you play that shit so much it’s driving me to insanity!”
As the two continue to bicker, with Uzi suddenly abandoning the sound system to put her full focus and energy into riling up V, N watches the scene unfold with a warm fondness in his heart. He thinks of how many more days like this they’ll get, but decides that he would be grateful for any amount they’re allowed. And, maybe if they’re all lucky, that amount will be infinite.
Or at least, just about as close as they can get. For now.