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"You don't look so good, Waya."
"World of Warcraft. I'm telling you, Shindou, it's like the l33test thing since DotA. I've been playing it for days, and OMG it's so hax. Like, unbelievably hax. I am AFK right now and my hands are shaking, it's freaking me out."
"Okay I am totally confused, but I think you're saying you're addicted to a video game and that would explain why you lost to a 1-dan today."
"His white pieces looked too much like low-level sheep, I couldn't take them seriously."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
"I think you have a problem, Waya."
"I even have a destined rival! His name is røgu3_plãÿåå!747. He's PK'ed me at least four times already, the bastard."
"røgu3_plãÿåå!747? How do you even pronounce that?"
"IDK."
-oOo-
"SHINDOU!"
"Hi, Morishita-sensei."
"Where the hell is Waya? I need to kill him."
"Again? Why?"
"He didn't show up for our study session this week, and when I tried to call him he just texted me some gibberish!"
"Oh, I get it. Lemme see the text, I can probably translate for you."
"What do you mean, translate? He's not learning another language, is he?"
"He kind of is. Hm, hum, hrrmmmm, actually I can't read this at all. It looks like he just mashed some buttons instead of l33t-speaking at you."
"What in heaven's name does that mean?"
"It means he thinks you're too old to understand the Internet."
"I'm going to murder him for real this time."
"I think you might need to get in line, Sensei. Behind røgu3_plãÿåå!747."
"...Is this Internet language thing contagious, Shindou?"
"I'm afraid it might be."
-oOo-
"Shindou, have you noticed that your friend Waya has turned into an incoherent mess? More than usual, I mean."
"Yes, Touya, I totally have. It's driving me nuts."
"Hm. Well, just thought you might want to know."
"Thanks for the support, Touya."
-oOo-
"Yo Shindou, Shindou! Stop spacing out, you have to listen to my epiphany."
"Ugh, I wanna concentrate on my food, Waya, can't this wait?"
"No no no, you have to hear this, it's uber important. I just realized…Go is totally like WoW."
"You mean WoW is like go, right?"
"Just think about it: you know how go represents the vast accumulation of knowledge across thousands of years of human history? The intricate dance of relationships and patterns and, like, complicated math heuristics that our hyper-specialized brains can just intuitively grasp as if we were born under the auspices of the God of Go? WoW is like that too, but even more."
"Uh huh."
"It's like, WoW is more than a game. It's like this super-community that's spread all across the world, with like-minded minds sharing in, uh, things we all like, like going on raids together and getting stronger and stronger and like, you know, figuring out new strategies and enjoying new stories and building upon what others have discovered in the past, stuff like that. I'm not explaining it too well but it's super deep shit, you can totally feel the shared love, the zeitgeist through the computer screen—"
"Yeah sure, can you pass the chili oil? These gyoza are kinda bland."
"Super deep shit, Shindou, are you listening?"
-oOo-
"Isumi-san, we have to do something. Waya is getting really annoying."
"You mean his habit of playing an aggressive small keima as an approach during joban when clearly a large keima would be the more advantageous long-term strategy?"
"Well, yeah, though in a way you gotta admire his guts that early in the game even if it's slightly nuts to do that in a real match—but that's not what I'm talking about and you know it, damn it!"
"Oh? Whatever do you mean?"
"You sure became a troll after coming back from China, didn't you?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Gah…whatever, Isumi-troll. Anywho, I'm gonna say this straight up: Waya is a WoW crack-fiend who dreams of massacring electric sheep. We gotta hold an intervention soon or his mom is gonna be a WoW widow. Then we'll be reading a newspaper article about her finding Waya dead in his computer chair because he was AFK (Asleep Facing Keyboard?) for too long or something like that or whatever."
"Do you even know what any of that means, Shindou?"
"Not really, do you?"
"No."
"I guess that means we're both go nerds and not computer geeks."
"Well that goes without saying."
"Yeah. Soooooo since neither of us knows anything about computers, how the hell do we deal with Waya's computer addiction? Come on, Isumi-san, you're my only hope."
"I could ask Yang Hai—"
"NO, thank you, no need to have the original Chinese troll butting into this."
"We could just leave things be and trust that Waya is a responsible almost-adult who can manage his own life?"
"That's obviously not true."
"Yeah, I kind of have to agree with you there."
"Hm…well, if we can't go the digital route, how about we use a nice, simple, analogue solution?"
-oOo-
"Come on, guys. Give it back. You don't need to do this. I can quit anytime!"
"Yeah, sure, Waya, whatevs, thanks for the free mouse."
"It's not your mouse!"
"Isumi-san, you take the keyboard, I don't have space for that much junk."
"Urm, but—"
"Junk?! You n00bs don't even have computers and you're stealing my periphs? D'you even know how much that keyboard cost? It's a frickin' Razer mechanical keyboard with custom cherry red MX switches!"
"Oh, is that why it's glowing? Popped your cherry or something?"
"Give it back!"
"Isumi-san, let's trade, I can sell that sucker off for some good dough."
"To tell you the truth, I still don't know about this…"
"Oh, cold feet? I guess I'll take both then. And this power cord. Oops, was it supposed to make that sound?"
"SHINDOU!"
-oOo-
"Hikaru. I got a call from Waya-kun's mother today. Something about you wrecking her son's computer. Is there something you want to tell me?"
"I swear I was doing a good thing, mom, really! Isumi-san was there too, you can ask him."
"Was he also vandalizing the computer, or was he trying to stop you?"
"Well, he was supposed to be helping me out, but then he chickened out last-minute so it was all up to me to save Waya's career and health and social life from his terrible gaming addiction."
"To Netgo?"
"To World of Warcraft."
"Oh. Oh! Even I know about that one. Well, in that case, I suppose you're excused. I'll call her back and let her know."
-oOo-
"Hiya, Waya! How's tricks?"
"I can't believe you had the balls to pick up the phone, Shindou. You lousy sonofabitch."
"Don't talk about my mother that way."
"I'ma talk about your mom if I wanna, damnit! She called my mom, and now I don't have eardrums anymore!"
"Is that why you're shouting so loud into the phone?"
"And then she took away my CPU tower!"
"Good, that one was too heavy for me to carry while I was running away from you. Do you think I can come by and pick it up later from your mom? I can sell it off too, if it still works."
"You are seriously getting murder-rekt the next time I see you."
"Do it over the goban and we'll call it even."
"What do you mean 'even'? You stole my crap and sicced your mom on my mom and now I'm a computer-less Luddite like you!"
"You're welcome. I'm sure that being a Luddite, whatever that means, is what makes me better at go than you, so you'll thank me for all this in a few months when your dan level finally goes up. You've been stuck at 4-dan for a while now."
"GTFO, Shindou."
"Whatever you just said right back atcha, Waya."
-oOo-
"I hate to say this, Shindou, but you were right. It's nice to have 'normal' Waya back. I can (mostly) understand what he's saying again. It's usually 'buy me sushi,' or 'I still want to kill Shindou," but it beats the alternative. And his go seems to be better too. Less Netgo-ish."
"Yeah, I know, of course I'm right, blah blah blah. But Isumi-san, do you have any idea how to sell off a gamer keyboard and mouse for a good price? The computer stores keep trying to gouge me."
"Best to sell online, I would think."
"Argh, too much trouble."
"Want me to call Yang Hai?"
"We went over this and the answer is still no."
"You could just give the equipment away?"
"And lose out on the moolah?"
"...Do what you want, Shindou. I have to mentally prepare myself for my game now. I need to be calm for this one."
"Huh? It's just a lower-dan oteai game though."
"I'm playing Mashiba."
"Ah. Oh! That gives me an idea."
-oOo-
"Shindou. Why the hell are you giving me a glowing keyboard and mouse?"
"Mashiba. Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?"
-End-