Some Holier-Than-Thou Fuck: “Dont shoplift, it inconveniences minimum wage workers and could get them fired :((((”
Me, a grocery store employee that literally watched a guy stuff 10 steaks into a stolen reusable bag at the checkout counter and watched him leave without paying, and without anybody being fired or getting into trouble at all: “You sure?”
No place I’ve worked at has EVER given a shit. Sure they saber rattle, but none care THAT much. Case and point I was working at a huge grocery store chain in high school and, on Wednesdays like clockwork, the access vans from the old folks homes would pull up. And I tell you right now, those old timers were fuckin PROS.
My personal favorite was this old dude who was shoplifting a melon. He noticed me as he put his contraband cantaloupe in his bag. And he smiles sheepishly and puts his fingers to his lips as if to say “shh, you didn’t see anything”. I give him this huge wink and a thumbs up, and his face blooms into a huge grin. Next day, the dude comes up to the sushi counter and real sly slips me a Tupperware of cantaloupe, and goes, “you and me are thick as thieves” and disappears. I never saw pappy again, but you bet your ass I had that melon for lunch and I was grateful for it!!!
I was an ACCOMPLICE and I didn’t get in trouble. No one even noticed, including the loss prevention guard who spent his shifts slavishly hitting on me and every other “girl” in prepared foods and produce (I put girl in quotes bcus I am not one). Stores will warn of huge punishments to convince you to snitch on people shoplifting but the fact of the matter is that most stores have exactly 0 way of tracking how much shit gets lost or damaged without you acting as their eyes and ears.
Don’t be a class traitor! And remember!
IF NOBODY TALKS, EVERYONE WALKS
I hope gramps is still shoplifting melons to this day
one thing i have learned this year reading a lot of old-timey diaries is that they straight up did not know anything about medicine. i mean less than nothing. sylvia plath writes in her journal that she’s got a bad cold but fortunately the doctor has prescribed her some cocaine drops so she should be okay. louisa may alcott is like well i am in horrible pain for no apparent reason (after being treated with mercury for the fever she developed working as a nurse in a civil war hospital) but fortunately i am able to sleep pretty well at night thanks to this opium i’ve been prescribed. franz kafka is totally fine all spring and summer just writing about going out for coffee and seeing plays with his friends and then november hits and he’s like “i am in agony life is meaningless i am a worm upon the earth” and it truly is like franz buy a sun lamp king
Oh Greatest of Kings, indulge me in this friendly Christmas game. Let whichever of your knights, his boldest of blood and wildest of hearts, step forth, take up arms and try with honor to land a blow against me. Whomsoever nicks me, shall lay claim to this my arm, its glory and riches shall be thine. But, thy champ must bind himself to this: Should he land a blow, then one year and yuletide hence he must seek me out yonder to the Green Chapel six nights to the north. He shall find me there and bend a knee and let me strike him in return. Be it a scratch on the check or a cut in the throat, I will return what was given to me and then in trust and friendship we shall part. Who then, who is willing to engage with me?
Downton Abbey is wild because the stakes are always either SUPER low or crazy high. It’s like, one episode is, “Who will win the gardening contest at the fair? Is the countess cheating?” And another episode is, “The eldest daughter’s fiancé died in the Titanic, then she hooked up with a Turkish diplomat, her first ever sexual experience, and he DIED IN HER BED DURING THE CONJUGAL ACT, and now she has to move his corpse back to his bed without being of suspected of murder, BECAUSE IT COULD START A WAR, and also if people find out she’s ‘damaged goods’ and she can’t find an advantageous match, her family will LOSE THEIR ANCESTRAL HOME!” Then the show’s like, “A maid wants to become a secretary! Will she beat the odds?”
I need you guys to understand that all of these are real things that have happened on downton abbey and all of them were in the first season. This show is genuinely the wildest shit
Do you ever get a wave of nostalgia for a hyperfixation that’s never coming back with the same sort of melancholy with which you mourn a lost childhood friend
Like “you consumed my every waking moment for six entire months, and now I haven’t thought about you in years…I miss that passion”
I feel people don’t understand how complex ADHD is is because they can’t grasp the concept of your brain literally denying you shit.
Like, your brain kinda IS you, it shouldn’t be able to do that shit??? But then ADHD’s like “pls father can i watch any of the 200 anime ive saved” and your brain says “p e r i sh” or “hey can i fucking move from this position” and your brain says “haha no<33”.
Someday soon you’ll be all cozied up in your favorite sweatshirt, a warm beverage cupped in your hands, your favorite fall scented candle flickering nearby, watching the colorful leaves dance in the breeze on a crisp autumn day, and everything will feel okay.
My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. It will keep my loved ones safe. No fear, no hurt and no worries.
