- sukuna doing your grwm voiceover | f. reader, s/h prns., crack 'n fluff, estb. rl ؛ ଓ
the mic is a cheap little thing—one of those clip-ons with a long cord and a half-broken clip that you swore was “totally fine for tiktok.” it’s taped to the desk lamp now, swaying slightly as sukuna leans back in your pink gaming chair, arms crossed over his chest like it might keep the cringe away. the video is on mute.
thank god. he would’ve walked out if he had to listen to your chipper little intro and do this dumbass voice-over. but he stays—grumbling, snarling under his breath, but he stays.
“ugh. fine,” he mutters as he hits record, voice low and already irritated. “hi. ’m narratin' her dumbass makeup thing. let’s get this over with.”
the video starts with you holding up your moisturizer to the camera like it’s a sacred relic. sukuna squints at the label.
“this one’s got... snail slime or some shit. don’t ask me. she swears by it. uses exactly three pumps, like a goddamn ritual. see? one, two... three. mmhmm. told you.”
he clicks his tongue when the next product flashes onscreen. your sunscreen.
“this one’s white as hell when it goes on. looks like a clown for a sec. she always pats it in too fast—like she’s in a race. it dries down okay, i guess. not that i notice. or care.”
he very much notices. always does. he sits on the bed pretending to scroll while you do this routine every morning. he's watched it with the intensity of a warrior memorizing enemy patterns.
now comes the concealer. the applicator dabs under your eyes with practiced precision.
“yeah. this part. five dots under each eye. exactly five. you miss one, she wipes the whole thing off like the world’s ending. don’t know why she bothers—looks good without all this crap anyway.”
he pauses.
“…not that i say that out loud.”
the beauty blender makes its entrance and sukuna actually groans.
“this sponge. she squeezes it before every use like it’s stress relief. and then she taps. forever. for e-ver. just... tap tap tap like an annoying little woodpecker.”
he mimics the sound with his fingers on the desk—tap, tap, tap—lazily, almost fondly.
your bronzer palette appears, slightly cracked in the corner. he narrows his eyes.
“this thing’s been through hell. she won’t throw it away. i offered to buy her a new one and she called me ‘sweet’ like i wasn’t trying to end this makeup horror show. anyway, she goes light-handed here. no muddy cheeks. she’s precise. annoying, but precise.”
his gaze flicks to the lipstick you picked—a soft, bitten pink.
“her favorite,” he says a little too quickly, a little too softly. then he clears his throat like the sentiment offended him. “whatever. next.”
the video ends with you posing for the camera, smiling. sukuna stares for a second too long. you’d edited a heart transition, too—sparkly pink.
“gross,” he mutters.
he clicks the mic off and pushes back from the desk like it burned him. “we done? finally?”
you post it anyway. mostly because the internet doesn’t deserve to be spared this kind of comedy gold. and overnight, the comments blow up. thirsting. begging.
"i'd pay to listen to him read an audiobook." "who is he and where can i sign up for the cult??" "he sounds like he could ruin my life and i'd say thanks afterwards."
sukuna glares at the screen the next morning, cracking his knuckles like he’s ready to teleport into the comments section and throw hands.
“who the hell is sexyslut69 and why do they want me to whisper them affirmations?” he growls. “block ‘em. block all of ‘em.”
you laugh. he doesn’t. but when you offer to film another one, he grumbles a “tch” and sits back down in your chair.
“fine. but next time, you're using the expensive mic. and none of that heart bullshit at the end. i'm not doing that sparkly shit again.”
pause.
“…and do not let them think i’m for sale, you hear me? i’m yours. yours.”