critically homeless - 11.5 year anniversary edition

tw: extreme poverty, trauma

please consider [housing options] for I (me)

this here's the fundraiser

link to my patreon, asking for less than what an 'employee' makes per month

go buy my software, zipstyke, a hyperthogonal space viewer

click here to walk passed briskly and ignore everything i have to say

First and Foremost,

Let me explain you why I became homeless originally in 2013. Like most people, until it happened to me, I thought that the main cause for homelessness was that you screwed up your life with very bad decisions, over a long period of time, and got hooked on very bad drugs and are generally a worthless person with very bad mental health issues who you need to walk passed VERY fast to avoid so you don't catch the smelly badsmell. But in my case, I was a second-year college student, and I needed to upgrade my pc from my old high-school tower pc which I was lugging around and was out-dated, slow, no-good, to a modest spec but updated laptop. Got it? Elements: 2nd year college student. Laptop upgrade. So one month I was faced with a choice, I had to decide between paying rent, or upgrading my laptop. I went with the laptop, and I have NEVER been able to recover from that decision because there is no safety net.

look, I don't want the begathon to be a drag. The pity-party is over, this is simply real shit in my life I have to deal with. I don't want to come across as "somebody on the bus" asking for money. Who has some obvious hangup they're oblivious to and they need professional help whatever. I've already dealt with the personal issues that have been plagueing me. In that regards I am very far advanced than most of my contemporaries. Because I've done extensive shadow work, spiritual discipline. I know that my communication style comes across as alienating because I complain a lot about my own situation and tell harsh truthes without holding back. I'm sorry, I know it is not super effective but it is MY communication style.

I have worked on those things. I'm passed it. I am above-normal. I am super-normal and regulated. The REASON this is coming out WHEN it is, is because I felt the need to do TONS of personal internal work BEFORE presenting my problems to the wider internet. The ONLY issue plaguing me currently is LACK OF ACCESS TO SECURE AND STABLE HOUSING FOR A PERIOD OF TIME LONG ENOUGH TO WORK ON THE THINGS I NEED TO GET DONE FOR MYSELF.

I know how funny it is to be a 16 year old troller edgelord and laugh at people online in their 30's who talk about their problems with their MOTHER and don't live up to the social expectations that you've been programmed with & drilled in since before you could form sentences (I was the same way at that age, but as it turns out, those freaks I voyered actually became my role models), and that's why the site is 18+! You've never worked, so you don't know the reality (work doesn't pay) please exit the site now. If you're not going to support, then you're already not going to support.

also somewhat urgent is that i chipped my tooth on a rock in my rice a few years ago and if i don't get it fixed soon i'm going to be in screaming pain so enjoy this quiet calm chill begathon while it lasts if i don't get support soon its gonna be krunk tooth hurt! up in here.

give a hoot OvO

pick up the phone and dial. sign on the dotted line. consider making a pledge today to support our programming.

fine print upfront

There's an element to this which isn't going to win me any brownie points with potential donors, but needs to be stated nonetheless, I'm being upfront about this stuff instead of trying to hide it. I was heavily influenced by two factors which made my homelessness voluntary in some sense. I was influenced by the fact that Noam Chomsky performed a 10-year rent strike in his early adulthood, combined with the daoist aphorism that, when the superior man hears of The Way, he diligintly puts it into practice. So hearing that Chomsky did a 10-year rent strike, I saw that as The Way, and set about putting it into practice without a second thought. I still have my last rent check from 2013 (I'll sell it to you for 11 million usd). I have not paid rent since then, except recently when I realized that to move fwd I need an art studio & paid way-too-much for a frozen shithole with no water or power in the middle of the projects (emergency shelter 2 below -- the city kicked me out so it counts as class warfare). I put my time in doing what I felt was the right thing for the win. This determination didn't make the experience any less traumatic and horrible.

Another complicating factor is this bs that happened to me early on that I have to explain. Y'see, my dad died at age 62, just before he could collect social security. He paid into social security his entire life and loved to lick those boots. He never got to collect though. And when I fell on hard times there was this ambiguous period, i was like 22. When I went to collect on his behalf, they went, "oh, you could've collected when you were 21 no problem. now that you're 22 though, you have to prove that you're disabled." Ofc I said, "disabled? I drink the water straight from the tap ofc i'm disabled.". But anyway I spent the next eternity trying to catch brain injuries so I can "prove" i "am disabled" to get access to tardbux. All the while jumping through a flaming hoop to try to qualify for regular (not enough for anything) crazybux welfare. What an awesome country we live in. (also in case anyone doubts my actual sanity, i've written this article) Most of my homelessness was just me sitting and waiting to hear back from them about my case. I did convince them, after many years. They said "yes you are disabled, you have such and such mental illness" and still denied me. They thought I was filing for myself, which I wasn't, I was trying to collect my dad's social security pension, and thus they denied me (denied life due to clerical error). So I'd like $1,200 for every month I was homeless to make up for this stupid technicality, please. 1,200 * 12 months * 10 years = 144,000 not even a lot of money. ⚖️

classes

here is how my patreon is/was/will be structured: the tiers are cost-prohibitive for people in my same class. you should not be donating to me if you work in retail and thus are anywhere near experiencing loss of housing or comfort. i am making a statement here. if your name isn't jeff or bill or warren or elong, then we are ALL in the same general CLASS. Though there are subdivisions of the class, and I obviously fall within the Precariat class, there are classic class antagonisms which persist and go back a century or more, we have to see passed them. You think, you've been told and shown, that since you're a millionare, you have to emulate the billionares and punch down and step on anyone below you. You have to squash the poors, or else you won't get the big raise! Such class antagonisms need not continue into the 21st century. I'll work with you if you work with me.

the best way to send me crüpto is probably for YOU to create a new wallet and send me the credentials ie the seed phrase. only accept nano, banano, and other non-planet-cookers. I don't really mind if there's not a lot of money in MY PERSONAL "Bank" "account", Neoliberalism has it so every INDIVIDUAL MUST have it ALL themSELVES. I don't agree. My rolȇ is that of a minstrel. I will inform you, just look out for me. I need a pocket healer, as it were. Let me live at your parent's shorehouse or something, and don't complain.

even if you are a 100-millionare, we are in the same class... deal with it.

The issue is that I cannot raise the necessary amount on my own, each month, every month, with no help, starting from nothing. I need a leg up. I need a new family, cause mine are a bunch of fuckheads, ninnies, les incompetant. The total amount of wealth available to my entire class is a very small fraction of a percent of the total wealth that is being concentrated at the very top. So. "Sorry" that I figured that no matter how much I "work" it does not make more wealth available to me, or anyone around me. Since - all the wealth is concentrated at the very top. This is your problem too, even if you 'make' 100 million dollars per annum!

every day i do not get support, everything gets worse. things are extremely, extremely, extremely, bad for me right now. every day things get worse and worse and worse and worse and worse every day exponentially worse-off. yesterday? worse than the day before. today? now worse since I didn't get any help. waking nightmare. no housing. fix. jira fix request. need get housing. supply homeless person with housing ++

update(next day): i accidentaly woke up today and opened my eyes, saw the inside of my fucking car again, its a new day so therefore things are worse and i've gotten no support i'm still homeless and living a waking nightmare provide me with housing immediately.

update (next day): whoops, my phone broke, taking over 2 months for repair so far, can't access any of my bank or 'work' stuff without a mobile, tried to move into the park but someone mistook my home for trash and threw it away :)

TimeLine - SATURN TRANSIT 2027

Hey, this may seem whacky at first, please hear me out. It's Saturn out right now. The same way how you can tell when "the sun is out" by clearly looking outside and seeing the sun's rays illuminating the earth, right now, if you have the eyes to see it, Saturn's influence is affecting us all. People are going to deride astrology without applying their minds to it for 1 second, I don't give a fraction of a fuck. There is energy, whether you believe in it or not. You sound like someone in an electric chair being shocked to death saying, "I DON'T BELIEVE IN ELECTRICITY!!!". There's a Saturn transit going on, its been going on since at least 2016, it will end in 2026-2027 (then there will be a big war). The saturn transit is good for securing the deed to land. I want to secure the deed to my land before 2026. I have 3 years to realize this goal. That's all I'm saying. For further explaination see: [here]. In fact I gave Saturn [his own page].

asset justice ⚖️

so far, counting since 2018 alone, I've had a whopping ~18-20,000 dollars worth of assets stolen, misplaced, mishandled, misappropriated by others in acts of class warfare. that number isn't coming from nowhere, i kept reciepts. suing for the return of my assets isn't an option because I am too POOR to ACCESS the courts! i have never held more than $7,000 worth of cash dollars worth of money-dollars bank account, in my life. and i have never made more than $5,000 in a year. i prefer to collect assets. people don't give two shits about my valuable assets, they treat them like trash since I "am" homeless.

Class Warfare Recovery Fund: $[6,800] RAISED OUT OF $[20,000]

housing justice

tw: domestic abuse, drug abuse

My Home

My paternal uncle, Jim, is sitting in My House right now. My family home... exists. It is valued at $250,000. My family home was supposed to be for my family. The original will stated that the home was going to myself and my cousin. When my grandma was sick and dying, out of it, (I was aged 12-14), Jim swooped in and had her sign the property over to him. Since then, Jim mismanaged the property in a way which caused the death of 3 of his brothers, my dad included. Jim made it difficult for my parapalegic uncle in a wheelchair (Monk) to access the home which he already lived in fine for over 40 years by removing the elevator they had installed there in like the 70's? He also mistreated monk which caused an early death. Then he wouldn't allow my dad to move in when I left for college, my dad had to rent a too-expensive apartment on the same street, income was the same as rent, causing him to die early, instead of simply moving into his own family home and living for cheap or free. Jim wouldn't even fork over money for a burial, tombstone, anything. Then, lastly my uncle Vegeta was forced to rent nearby, spending his entire SSI check. When Vegeta was forced into an RV, Jim wouldn't let him stay on the property. He died, right down the street in the RV due to carbon inhilation, when he could have just as easily moved into the family home. Vegeta's son Trunks (my cousin who "LOST" (gave to the police, bootlicker cuck) $5,000 WORTH OF RARE JAPANESE BOOKS THAT I COLLECTED AND HELD ON TO OVER YEARS WHILE HOMELESS, AS WELL AS MY PARENT'S WEDDING RINGS!!!!!!!!) got into a terrible motorcycle accident and lost his leg. Instead of being able to use the family home to recooperate, he was forced to work and rent in the next town over.

In addition to being a murdering sociopath with the emotional intelligence of a 3 year old in a 72-year old's body, Jim is a crackhead, meth addict, lover of the "speedball". My family home was already paid off for almost half a century, but Jim re-financed the home in order to buy massive amounts of crack, sit in my home going on crack binges for decades while I was forced to wander around LA homeless. Jim is also a pedophile. He invites other pedophiles over, who will bring over a child-sized bicycle, and they will hover over it together making disgusting comments (unfortunately witnessed this).

I would love to punch Jim (within the confines of a simulated 3D virtual environment based on valve's Source Engine, we're talkin' gary's mod here people not IRL) repeatedly until death he leaves my house. Krishna is heralded as a legendary hero because he punched his evil uncle who mismanaged his kingdom and sent him flying. But if I do that I'm in the wrong, because he has the piece of paper that says its his property. Fuck everything. I've also been reluctant to bring this to the internet because while I could potentially recieve some assistance, I could more likely get relentlessly trolled by kiwis since they themselves are on the side of pedo nazis. I was there for the merge tho so please chill out and go try to understand monarch conditioning before fucking with me too heavily.

I've mostly given up trying to get the house back, there is no reasoning with a sociopath schemer. The situation is fucked. I've thought about it, there's not much I can do. I tried confronting him and speaking with him mano y mano about the harm he's caused, which only made him squeal and cry "NO!!" like a baby. I tried living in the shed, I tried living in/behind the garage, I tried living in the woods nearby, I tried bringing bamboo sticks from 2 miles away on my bike and building a treehouse in the backyard so he can't get me. I've tried everything in my capacity. I've been the only person in my family with any balls to stand up to Jim, but since I'm going at it alone I have no power. I was going to go somewhere and build power during 2016-2021 and then use power over Jim, but I got distracted by mohini-murti.

There have been some positives out of all this though, which are undenyable. Firstly, I now know first-hand what its like to have your land stolen from you. Second, my moral character has been strengthened as though a diamond with all the pressure, and my nerves made of steel as I patiently await justice to be served. I learned incredible things about self-reliance, self-discipline, survival, which I would not have otherwise if I'd just been able to waltz back home and hook back up to the society that ostracized me or whatever.

My Mom & Saturn Return

email dated March 9, 2022, from mom:

"Hey,

I wanted to let you know how excited I am to have you with me. I think we’re going to make a great place together. Please remember that I might not have been a great mother, but I’m always your biggest fan. I think you’re great. I can’t wait to see all the things you’re wonderful brain can come up with. All any mother wants for their children is to be happy. I will do anything I can to support you in your endeavors.

You can believe anything you want, it’s a free country and a free home to do whatever you want. I really want you to feel HOME. I’m also willing to talk anytime about anything.

Love ya"

Wow, that sounds promising, this was her response to my email from Mar 7 2022. Which, if you look closely, she didn't even bother to read before replying. We'd been discussing the purchase of property going back a couple years at this point. The plan was in motion since 2020. Can you guess where this is going?

We went up there in early April. Together, looked at many houses that we took months to research online. Together, we picked a beautiful, lovely home tucked away in the hills of Central NY, with 8 acres of land, a place to grow crops, a place to raise animals, more space to build, an insulated home, an insulated workshop, some off-grid power, hunting grounds, a trout fishing stream, bordered by a state-protected forest. Perfect Home. She said, "does this look good? it's going to be your forever-home." and we signed the papers together. Bought the home in front of my face, with the guarantee that my decade of homelessness is now coming to a close, and she can right the wrongs of running away when I was born. But then...

[brief aside for context:] You see, when my parents got married, and had me, they lived in a home. But after having me, my mom decided, that she didn't want me. Or the home that my dad provided for her. She ran away, and my dad was forced to sell the home and rent the apartment and raise me on his own. (Divorce Jonze) She is the ENTIRE reason, the ROOT CAUSE that I do not have a HOME to go to since age 8, her abandonment CAUSED us to lose the ORIGINAL HOME and her irresponsibility doomed us all to a life of poverty. I was homeless in 3rd grade. I was homeless in 7th grade. Because she's a psycho bitch who wants to 'have fun' and neglect & abuse her children.

Now. AFTER my forever-home was already PURCHASED right before my eyes... My mom begins to realize that I "was homeless". Let's proceed carefully, step-by-step here.

We're still at the AirBNB. We're out-of-state, somewhere I've never been. She begins to lump this expectation on me, that I turn on some gig-worker app and 'make money' (such apps are known to be 'chickenized' ie it is impossible to aquire any wealth, instead you are paying for the 'right' to have a boss). I tell her, like I explained previously very clearly in the email that she didn't read, that for me, I will begin my CAREER, in my chosen field, as soon as the decades-long stint of homelessness actually comes to an end and I'm able to sit at the computer for a little while undisturbed, then I can make tons of money.

pause here, relevant statistics:

Oh this is the funny/ridiculous part. It would be funny if it did not cost me 90 grand, almost 100 thousand dollar error on my part incoming, lol whoops! Okay we're at the airBNB, and one night I wash the dishes. Mom comes over, swoops in, irate. She's upset, furious even. That night, and half the next day it takes her to calm down a little, she left me a voicemail. Because when I washed the dishes, I kept the water running. In the airBNB. This upset her so greatly, because, get this, in the house we are supposed to move to, that house (not there yet), has a septic tank. And when you wash dishes at that house, um you can't leave water running cause the septic will get clogged. Keep in mind, we're not at that house. We're somewhere else, in a city ~25 miles away with like city plumbing or whatever. But the fact that I'd wash dishes that way, here is of course indicative of how I would wash dishes if I ever lived somewhere with a septic tank system... yerp. This is utterly ridiculous in every aspect, because, for fuck's sake, I was a monk, I have, to my name, exactly one cup and one bowl and 2 pans I do all my cooking in. I still have the same set of chopsticks I've had since I was 12. I only ever have to clean one bowl, I'm not ever going to have to do a ton of washing dishes, because I literally only own one bowl. I tell her "um maybe pick your battles". This affront to her status, combined with the fact I won't find lowpaying "work" immediately in some place I've never been is just too much for her to handle, how could I be so rude and inconsiderate for someone doing so much for me?! (my siblings also know this, when dealing with mom's promises you have to take the approach of "i'll believe it when i see it" because she lies and cries to everyone to manipulate them. you can't believe someone who lies to themselves(and its really obvious to other people when someone's doing that)).

A switch goes off in her head (its a repeat pattern on loop forever, as soon as things go good, or she recieves any unconditional love, or is forced to do ANY AMOUNT of any surface-level introspection WHATSOEVER, she has the compulsive need to fuck it up severely and run away and go on a self-indulgent binge) She proceeds to freak the fuck out, go batshit crazy, degrade me and verbally assault me. She keeps saying, "Homelessness is a Choice!". Stuck on that Reganite phrase. Also repeatedly asserting that I "am homeless". The absurd truman-show level of irony is astounding. Homelessness about to end, I simply move in to the house like we agreed upon, then I would no longer be homeless. Having a home would do more to fix the fact that I "am homeless" than any other solution.

So at this point she is stuck, like a broken record, saying that I have to "work". Instead of recieving this house to work from, she is now expecting me to "work" and that will be "good for me". She didn't even work to purchase this house. She [jazz]ed off a rich man🎷💦, and when she did her batshit bi-polar routine on him, he paid her to leave! That's where this wealth was generated, not from > muh work.

Her idea is that if you're homeless, you need to "work" in order to "pay rent" she cannot concieve anything other than this. My uncle Vegeta had the same opinion. Their nervous systems are fixed at age 16 which happened in the 1970s where wages have been stuck at ever since. Everything costs 3X as much as then, and wages haven't increased. So in their minds, if you simply "work" you can afford a place to live because that's how it was for them growing up. They cannot adapt to the change, they are blind and cannot even percieve it, they just chug along and "hope" for a different outcome and especially blame any individual for being affected by systematic problems. Bootstraps.

(In counterdistinction, I beleive that a homeless person should be provided with a home, then they will no longer be homeless and can actually work better).

Now, if you've never looked into this, here's how Generational Wealth is supposed to work: if there's a $90,000 house added to the family's wealth, then I don't have to work again to produce the same thing by and for myself without it already being present, just to make the same amount, to "prove" that I "can work" and am not "a lazy shit" to the work and toil gods who love to see people who "are hard workers" toil endlessly. If I have a $90k valued house added to the wealth that is available to me, then I'm able to produce more wealth than having no access to any wealth at all as a starting point.

She doesn't care about economic facts though, and she blocked me and I haven't heard from her or anyone else in a year and I have no recompense.

Now, as bad as this all is, she can't actually be blamed. Yeah. One of my big realizations in life is that my mom is just a dumb animal. Sorry, know how that sounds, but its true. You wouldn't blame a dog for eating its pups accidentally or something, because it doesn't have any sort of higher awareness, zero capacity for moral decision making, the neural hardware simply is not present. She is the last of 7 kids and is a victim of the American Foster Care system, she was never raised by anyone, and is running off of coping mechanisms that were learned and reinforced over a lifetime. So, second-generation foster care victims are a thing, I'm one. It sucks. Whatever, on The Day of Judgement everything will be layed out very clearly, moving on.

So my friends, here we are. You know the score. My family sucks, I went to them for help, and I gave them every possible opportunity to be a part of my family and help me. They failed. So they are not my family anymore. I'm coming to you, the internet, who raised me, in order to be my family and provide for me. This is my new chosen family, the O'Hara clan. We're going to create generational wealth for us and the values that we share.

updated May 09 2023

brief lookthrough Jan 13 2025

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