To a new beginning

I'm sorry that nobody asked if you're okay. I wanted to call her badly because at least I knew that she was not alright. But I decided not to and controlled myself. I'm sorry that everybody seen it as I did nothing wrong and gave me attention that was not deserved. Sure I was in pain, shit I was devastated. She is the only person I have ever cried that much since we broke up. Cried myself to sleep and I don't want anyone but her. My eyes and attention are on her...period! She is my first true love and that will never change. I am going to fight off my demons and hope she will like the better version of me. I adore her puns and smile hard inside when you look at me. I miss her dearly and want to work on myself. I honestly do, you breaking up with me has opened my eyes. I see that I am controlling like when I'm crying and saying I can't live without you. Fuck all that and I'm making a change. I will stop being controlling by crying and saying things like I can't live without you. Now that I think about it in a different light, why did I ever mention about kids? Honestly I don't want them either. I really don't want any either and I'm totally up for adoption. If or it does not come up and if the discussion ever came up then I would consider it. I was so hung up on the wrong ideas and I sincerely apologize and now that will change too. No future? I am going to college now and looking for jobs/and or careers within the county or state, I have long term goals and I know she wouldn't want to marry someone like that with no goals or future and neither would I, so I have set short term and long term goals for myself. That will change. Also to listen to you more and agree to things and we can decide together not me forcing things onto you. That is fucked up and selfish of me. That is not the way of a Gentleman so I want to change that too. I promise when you piss me off that I will never and stop hitting things or go out and beat people up. I'm sorry if that also gave you insecurities but honestly I'm tired of all that. It does not do anything good. It only brings me unnecessary pain that I don't need. I don't want it to be this way anymore. I'm sick and tired of it. I don't want to be controlling anymore. I want to be able to either you do it or we can decide together as like what couples should do. I don't want it to be me forcing decisions onto her anymore. As for everybody, I will start on Facebook by letting everyone know the truth I have finally learned and I will use it to create the Tad2.0. Secondly, if I may, I would like to announce to everyone at the camping trip that you're not to blame. That you only left because I had bad qualities. Is that alright with I will work hard every day to better myself and to eradicate these bad qualities. Especially the punching things. I want to make a change because I want another chance with her and even when my heart is broken and in pain, it made me also a lot of things. Being single made reflect on what I did wrong with this new knowledge from her. I promise you Tad2.0 will be better. I will kill the evil me and bring back the knight in shinning armor that you fell in love with long ago. I sang Heaven to her by Bryan Adams and ask her out any woman would dream of. I want her so bad and so I will earn her back. I want to come back and use the time of being single to work on myself. If I may request that she will wait for me like how I will wait for her until I return anew and ready to talk.... of a another chance. I'll still be loyal asf and say I'm taken but it's complicated right now. Most of all I am also motivated to become not toxic anymore. I want to live a happy life with her and I will do any self sacrifice to achieve my goal as well. I'm not all talk, she'll see Tad2.0. I'm immensely appreciative of her telling me this. Now I know how to build Tad2.0. I promise to come back new and I will reach out to her. I don't want to hold your wings down anymore when I understand that she always wanted to fly and I should build a machine to fly with her and a promise in God's name not to hold down your wings anymore. I now see you really wanted to just fly. When the time comes you decide to fly back to me. I won't be that same man that you left long ago. I won't force anything but give you time like you said and eventually you'll come around to talk about love and Tad2.0 will be there to greet you. With words of hello Stef, I prayed that you've been well all this time?