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{{
|Citation Bot|WP:CITATIONBOT|ClueBot NG|WP:CBNG
{{essay|WP:CB|WP:BALLS|WP:BOLLOCKS|WP:BULLSHIT}}▼
}}
▲{{humorous essay|WP:CB|WP:BALLS|WP:BOLLOCKS|WP:BULLSHIT|WP:COBBLERS}}
{{nutshell|Articles that are obviously false are ''complete bollocks'' and should be treated differently from similar articles.}}
[[File:Cerne Abbas Giant's phallus.jpg|right|thumb|250px|Just because the middle of the [[Cerne Abbas Giant]]
The [[Wikipedia:Policies and guidelines|policies]] of Wikipedia state that articles must be [[WP:V|verifiable]] and stated from a [[WP:NPOV|neutral point of view]]. This strongly implies that they must also be ''true''. Sometimes, articles arrive at [[Wikipedia:Articles for deletion|articles for deletion]] which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a [[British English|British]] term, '''complete [[bollocks]]'''.<ref>Roughly translates to "complete nonsense" in other dialects, but is stronger in tone.</ref>
==Identifying complete bollocks==
Some giveaway signs of ''complete bollocks'' are phrases such as '''emerging theory''' and '''widely disputed'''. Articles [[Puffery|puffing]] [[WP:WEB|non-notable websites]] are often ''complete bollocks'' or, in other terms, "bullshit", in that they make wholly spurious claims to notability (e.g. claiming to have originated some new process, neologism or phenomenon which is either not verifiably existent or, conversely, blindingly obvious).
A confirmatory sign of ''complete bollocks'' is a set of circular articles, or a [[WP:WG|self-contained nest of articles]], such as three articles that
Probably the most prolific source of ''complete bollocks'' is the bored student fraternity. As {{oldid|1=Wikipedia:Wikipedia is not for things made up one day|2=29612546|3=Uncle G put it}}, [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia is not for things made up in school one day|Wikipedia is not for things made up in school one day]]. Not all of this, however, is ''complete bollocks'': some of it will have to be subjected to a [[Wikipedia:Deletion process|deletion process]] before it is finally removed.
There is no shortage of [[WP:BAI|bad ideas for articles]], and some of them elevate themselves to the giddy heights of [[WP:Stupid|really stupid ideas for articles]].
==The art thereof==
Consider these deathless lines by [[Charles Battell Loomis]]:
{{Quote|<poem>
::::::'''A Classic Ode'''▼
Oh, limpid stream of [[Tyrus (Phoenicia)|Tyrus]], now I hear
:The pulsing wings of [[Armageddon]]'s host,
Clear as a [[colcothar]] and yet more clear—
:(Twin orbs, like those of which the [[Parsee]]s boast;)
Down in thy pebbled deeps in early spring
▲::::'''A Classic Ode'''
:The dimpled [[naiad]]s sport, as in the time
When [[Ocidelus]] with untiring wing
:Drave teams of prancing tigers, 'mid the chime
Of all the bells of [[Phicol]]. Scarcely one
:[[Peristome]] veils its beauties now, but then—
Like nascent diamonds, sparkling in the sun,
:Or [[sainfoin]], [[Circinate_vernation|circinate]], or moss in marshy fen.
Loud as the blasts of [[Tubal]], loud and strong,
:Sweet as the songs of [[Sappho]], aye more sweet;
Long as the spear of [[Wadi Mujib|Arnon]], twice as long,
:What time he hurled it at King Pharaoh's feet.
</poem>}}
As [[Douglas Hofstadter]] has pointed out, the [[archaism|archaizing]] language and the mix of [[classical antiquity|classical]] and [[Bible|Biblical]] allusions all lend authority to this poem.
:*''at its proposal and inception, which in [[Alfred E. Neuman|Neuman]]'s terminology is labelled the'' '''alpha phase''';<ref>''See'' [[Mad Magazine|The Journal of Consulting Stylistics]], vol. 37, p. 202 (Summer, 2006)</ref>
▲As [[Douglas Hofstadter]] has pointed out, the [[archaism|archaizing]] language and the mix of [[classical antiquity|classical]] and [[Bible|Biblical]] allusions all lend authority to this poem. A reader may read it, and re-read it: there ''must'' be some meaning there, it seems so serious in tone and intention. Further study will bring it to light. Good luck!
▲After you have figured out the poem, consider the following:
▲:''Problems in a business process may arise in three places:''
▲:*''at its proposal and inception, which in [[Alfred E. Neuman|Neuman]]'s terminology is labelled the'' '''alpha phase''';<ref>''See'' [[Mad Magazine|The Journal of Consulting Stylistics]], vol. 37, p. 202 (Summer, 2006)</ref>
▲:*''during the period of its operational implementation, the'' '''theta phase'''; and
:*''during its finalization, or the closing stages of the process: the'' '''omega phase'''.
:''Problems in a business process may moreover be classified into two separate categories'':
Line 40 ⟶ 54:
:*''the'' '''polygenetic''' ''problem, in which several different causes intervene, either simultaneously, concurrently, or serially.''<ref>''See'' [[The Eye of Argon|The Compendious and Voluminous Thesaurus of Lofty Abstractions and Metaphysical Terminology]], ''by Grignr.''</ref>
The reader is challenged by this section to identify what he has learned from the text that was not already known, or could not have been thought up by a mind gifted with sufficient leisure and vocabulary.
==The wisdom thereof==
* ''He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.''
::
* ''One thing you will note about shopping-center theory is that you could have thought of it yourself, and a course in it will go a long way toward dispelling the notion that business proceeds from mysteries too recondite for you and me.''
::
* ''Ow! My groin.''
::
==
{{Spoken Wikipedia|Completebollocks.ogg|date=2006-02-17}}
*[[Wikipedia:Vanispamcruftisement|Vanispamcruftisement]]
*[[Wikipedia:Patent nonsense|Patent nonsense]]
*[[Wikipedia:JIB|Jibber-
*[[WP:HOAX#Dealing with hoaxes|Dealing with hoaxes]]
*[[Handwavium#Similar_terms|Handwavium]]
==References==
{{reflist}}
{{Wikipedia essays}}
[[Category:Wikipedia essays about style]]
[[Category:Wikipedia essays
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