(And yes, I know that it's horribly ugly—I'm still working on it.)

This user is an academic.
This user has published peer-reviewed articles in academic journals.
This user is a linguist.
NameThis user's name is David Bowie.

No, really, that is my name.

This user is interested in linguistics.
[lɪŋ]This user's favourite subject is Linguistics.

Well, not just interested, actually—I am a variationist sociolinguist, and most of my degrees are in linguistics.

This user graduated from Prince George’s Community College.
AAThis user has an Associate of Arts degree in General Studies.
This user is a student or graduate of the University of Maryland.
BAThis user has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Linguistics.
This user attends or attended
the University of Pennsylvania
PhDThis user has a Doctor of Philosophy degree in Linguistics.

While attending grad school, I learned one of the great truths of life.

This user prefers his cheesesteaks with Whiz from Jim's on South Street, and knows that Pat's and Geno's are low-brow, trashy tourist traps.

Since I am a linguist by training and profession, people often ask me how many languages I know.

enThis user is a native speaker of the English language.
enm-2Muchel knoweth this segge of Englissh.
ang-2Þes brūcere cann forðian mid middelre mǣðe Englisces.
de-3Dieser Benutzer hat sehr gute Deutschkenntnisse.
pdc-1Daer Yuuser do schwetzt ebbes Pennsilfaanisch Deitsch.
hu-1Ez a szerkesztő alapszinten beszéli a magyar nyelvet.
la-2Hic usor media latinitate contribuere potest.
SoE-nThis person is a native speaker of Southern American English
(Southern bah the grace o' God)
pig-5Isthay userway ancay ontributecay Igpay Atinlay atway away ofessionalpray evellay.
sar-4This user is a near-native speaker of sarcasm.
...This user would like to be able to speak more languages.

People also sometimes ask me for my professional opinions on their grammatical usage.

theyThis user considers singular they standard English usage.
to¦goThis user chooses to sometimes use split infinitives.
…in.Ending a sentence with a preposition is something that this user is okay with.
whoThis user prefers using who for both the object and subject case. Who does it hurt to simplify things?
English Singulars: "The data is..." This user recognizes that "data", "media", and "agenda" have become incorporated into English as singular nouns.
which & that This user joins with Dickens, Melville, and other great writers[1] in rejecting the canard that which may not be used for restrictive relative clauses.
A, B, and
A and B
This user uses the serial comma unless its inclusion is confusing.
"…"?This user thinks "British punctuation is best for quotation marks". Do you?
byThe passive voice may be used by this user.
snkThis user says either sneaked or snuck.

As a linguist, I know several methods of representing speech phonetically. Some I use regularly (the IPA), while I’ve gained experience with others due to my work (the Deseret Alphabet).

ipa
ə
This user has a native-like understanding of the International Phonetic Alphabet.
DsrtThis user understands the Deseret alphabet, a phonetic alphabet for the English language.

I have a number of non-professional but serious interests, as well.

This user is interested in higher education.
This user is interested in politics.

In many ways, though, I am your run-of-the-mill nerd:

<html>This user can write HTML.
XMLThis user can write XML.
This user can write Cascading Style Sheets.
CGThis user's alignment is Chaotic Good: the "Rebel."
This user knows the Ultimate Answer.

Moving to a purely personal level, I enjoy many wastes of time.

BThis user is a fan of black or dark comedy.
IThis user is a fan of Improvisational comedy.
SThis user is a fan of surreal comedy.
This user's news source is The Onion.
This user knows Who's on First.
fan-3This user thinks that Bob Newhart is the greatest comedian of all time.
SelloutThis user watches the Super Bowl for the ads.
This user enjoys psychedelic rock.
This user enjoys Gospel Music.
Music of the common peopleThis user enjoys folk music.
This user appreciates progressive rock.
This user enjoys cooking.
This user is a bibliophile.

And so forth.

SI-0This user thinks the metric system is bureaucratic and inhuman.
=1This user knows that 0.999... is exactly 1, but acquired a migraine learning it.
This user loathes, but is forced to observe, daylight saving time.
song-3This user's favorite song is "Awaken" by Yes.
XThis user is a member of
Generation X.
LibraThis user is a Libran.
Flag of Maryland
This user lives in the state of Florida. However, this user is not a native.
This user is a blood donor.
VioletThis user loves the colour violet.

Oh—and it had to be:

This user is a fan of David Bowie.