Pete’s FOBR & FBR Journals
–Friday, July 25, 2003–
Snitches And Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers
ordered a bunch of new merch today. its gonna be bad ass. sitting around writing made me come to many realizations: life with busey is one of the funniest shows around. the new american nightmare is gonna smoke whatever music you write. every girl i have ever dated but one has cheated on me. my dad and me had dinner tonight and talked about my band. my family is the greatest. i’ll talk to you guys soon,
love peter
posted by: tbok at 11:56 pm
–Wednesday, July 30, 2003–
You Should Try Saying No Once In Awhile
the show tonight with Gob was amazing. its crazy how much kids know the words. i am doing what i love. thank you. i am truly completely happy with that part of my life and completely unhappy with the rest of my life.
Dear, don’t bother try to make it cute or charming cause you’re not. It’s last call- finish your drink so you don’t feel a thing. “don’t worry, I’m in a better place” or whatever I have to say so you’ll let me in. I got one foot in the door and the other in your bed. “with friends like you who needs friends”. Your sheets have the scent of how convenient it is to have me three thousand miles away.
posted by: tbok at 12:01 am
–Thursday, July 31, 2003–
I’m Wreckless. This Love Is Mayhem.
woo. last night in toledo was pretty amazing. its such a shock that kids actually believe in the words we wrote and sing them back. it means so much. Stuhby came out and sang Saturday with us. do you want to take me to Bend It Like Beckham? it’s easy all you have to do is ask. i promise i’ll go. good times had some kids come up and talk to me about soccer at the past couple of shows. pretty much soccer is one of the best things in the world. tommorrow i’m gonna get to see some friends bands, pretty excited about that. to get to just sit in the crowd and relax. for what it’s worth it makes me happy to know you are out there breathing and laughing even if i am not on your mind.
posted by: tbok at 3:07 pm
–Monday, August 04, 2003–
I Only Write To Get Inside Your Head
hey. sorry this one is so late. the last couple days have been pretty crazy. it started out hot and late on saturday. my sister woke me up when were supposed to be leaving. so i pull up late as usual. we make it down in time to eat some icees and check out some bros in white hats. pretty hilarious. there was an RV behind the stage that was airconditioned for the dudes in my band that are so white they are almost see through. i however do alright in the sun so i went out and braved the outside hang out. when we hit the stage the problems started right in the beginning. my bass was tuned like permanently to drop W. the kids rocked though and we got it on anyway. the barrier between us and the crowd was something insane like 6ft. so everyone jumped the barrier during “chicago is so two years ago”- it made that sing along go how it’s supposed to. it was perfect, exactly how i imagined it should go. the Q101 security freaked out and started trying to drag kids out and threaten us. so we asked kids to just go back down and told them we would come to them. the rest went without a hitch and was completely off the chain. ha. i met a ton of news kids and someones super hot mom hit on me. all in all it was a great time. didn’t get to check the spin doctors but i bet they smelled/sounded like a bunch of dirty hippies.
i will write a bit about the other show later.
status report: new songs are coming along great, you will be excited. we may be heading over to the U.K. alot sooner than we expected and we will have some exciting stuff to announce soon about October. what i’ve been rocking too lately: new saves the day, new dashboard confessional, Mos Eisley, 50cent, and Madball.
oh yeah, most importantly i have finished the new Harry Potter book. such a sad ending. come up and we’ll chat about it.
true love never dies. peter wentz
posted by: tbok at 4:16 pm
–Tuesday, August 05, 2003–
Your Skin Speaks To Me And Admits Where You’ve Been (Even When Your Mouth Does Its Best To Refuse)
wake up. put the dogs out. commandeer an entire box of count chocula. send away for the free franken berry shirt. write about all the fakes that drop my name and lie to my face and love to talk about me behind my back. email. nap. get ready to go out to eat with my mom. where is my tour tonight?
posted by: tbok at 11:49 am
–Wednesday, August 06, 2003–
Keep Quiet, Nothing Comes As Easy As You.
wrote a new song today. it feels good to be at it again.
i’m leaving on a jet plane.
posted by: tbok at 5:38 pm
–Thursday, August 07, 2003–
Everyone Is A Taker Or A Giver But Noone Likes To Think Of Themself As The First.
hey. we’re back out. we’re in love. i wish i was in love. peterpeterpumpkineater
posted by: tbok at 10:05 pm
–Sunday, August 10, 2003–
You’re Sleeping With Your Light On Like You Want To Be Found Out
got back from three days. it was great being out again. i ripped my pants, boxers and ass on andy’s drumset. it hurts. i am icing it as i surf the net. we are gonna work on some more new songs tommorrow i will let you know how it goes. we leave for the radiotakeover tour on tuesday, so we are just getting geared up for that. we should know within the next two weeks what M2 and Fuse think of our video and shiat. my recommendation for the week is that you go and buy the new giveuptheghost single. i don’t know why i even bother try to write after reading what wes has to say. ill leave you with that:
“our love is all that we’ll ever have
boys and girls, guys and dolls
you were finding faith in bathroom stalls
and broken beds
spring fractured spines
fall for the right kids
at all the wrong times
and in a world of sluts
we keep the wet dream alive
yeah, our drought is drying out
you go nowhere in a nowhere town
and no one’s listening
to the sound of breaking down
and breaking out is just wishful thinking
we’re taking walks around the hearts
and homes we’ll never own
desperate and true, thinking of you
borrowed and blue, sinking with you”
posted by: tbok at 10:05 am
–Wednesday, August 13, 2003–
The Smell Of Rain On Hot Cement
we’re in iowa. tonight was a blast. we rocked our first night with spitalfield, with help from our good friends in the lifestyle.
oh yeah. www.straylightrun.com it will help you medicate yourself. its john nolan from TBS’s new band. you will love me for hooking up the love. pete
posted by: tbok at 1:10 am
–Thursday, November 13, 2003–
You Feel First Kiss Good
So. Portland. Thanks for the underground tunnels and sweet words. Couple of kids said they read this thing. Who wants to read about a kid who just complains and plays video games? You ever look in the mirror and say god I am so fucked up and that’s okay. Thanks for taking the time to read this though I fear it maybe a waste of your eyesight. I’m doing guest reccomendations with roze harding over at absolutepunk.net this sunday, so go check it out. Then next week it’ll be patrick. Then joe. You get the idea. Also I’m playing bass with less than jake during their encore. Maybe you’ll see it. Who would have thought me in a ska band.
Portland has this system of underground tunnels called the shanghai tunnels. They go down from the river and port up to the basements of taverns and the local hoods used to sneak up them and kidnap people from bars, drug them and sell them to ships as sailors. They would wake up out at sea forced to work. How insane. Little bit of history. There is a good book on it by chuck palahuick. Read it. Hang out with us after shows.
‘You’d think by now I would have died. I’m sorry girls I tried.’
Peter
posted by: tbok at 4:04 am
–Friday, November 14, 2003–
‘I Used To Compare Myself But I Don’t Care Anymore’
downstairs at the warfield in SF. getting fed on tours is crazy, today we got fed twice. it means i can spend my per diems on things to fill the home i don’t have. a modest mouse song is reminding me of you. ive got the ipod on shuffle but i can’t mess with that kind of luck so i keep skipping to it. i think my band hates it. my mom reads this thing. its pretty rad cause i know someone back home cares and i was kind of always the “mom look at this” kinnd of kid. at the same time i figure i might have to censor it a bit, haha. california is gonna be rad, theres something about driving to the coast. i can see patrick and andy talking from here, i can’t hear it. its so weird that i am paid to hang out with my friends. for the record it makes me smile when you copy the things i say, its almost cute.
the show was rad- mostly because a few kids were really esxcited to hang out and talk. it made us feel at home. sweet girls and boys. got to play with less than jake, pretty amazing.
kiss me. breathe life into my old failures. i want to feel them at the speed of light.
i got paris hilton’s number. what do you got?
peter pumkin eater
posted by: tbok at 6:58 pm
–Monday, November 17, 2003–
When I Was Young, Your Word Was The Word That Always Won.
so i am writing this entry and i am not really sure what to say or whats going through my head. things only go wrong when you are a half a world away. you have to read this whole thing for it to make sense, don’t start and then not finish. yesterday when we were driving to las vegas i had this bad dream that my mom had chemo and died from it. i was than woken up by a phone call from my sister who told me to call home because my grandpa had just died. we were expecting it, so this didn’t completely shock me.i just feel totally fucked when i think about how sad it is for someone to die completely alone, with noone there. it makes me feel really guilty for some reason- that i am out here and living. and everytime i try to talk to anyone about anything the words get choked in my throat. don’t mistake this as me asking to have you say “pete you can talk to me”. i know i can, but i can’t. because something is messed up inside of me. i feel stupid because this is just some dumb tour journal and i am just airing the dirty laundry and catching the unaccounted for ghosts. i don’t need a shoulder, i just need to figure myself out. and the only thing that gets me through anything is my three friends in this band and 30 minutes a night we play. it makes me think about how rad my own dad is and how much trouble i give him all the time. nomatter what he is a safety net. whenever i bend he doesn’t let me break and it scares me that there will be a day when might not be around. i am sitting in l.a. at one of the greatest hotels around about to play the house of blues and then go hang out with blink (it doesnt feel real and doesn’t feel deserved). i’ll write more later tonight. my sidekick broke so i don’t know when i’ll get on the net again.
tonight is all about we miss you…
i miss you.
p
posted by: tbok at 5:22 pm
–Wednesday, November 19, 2003–
'We Write Music Not Soap Operas.’
so l.a. was amazing, the kids in anaheim were amazing. anyway, p.s. i got paris hiltons number from some dumb A&R guy at a show of ours and never called it- she doesn’t know i exist, i don’t care. so dear drama on our webboard, if you don’t like what i have to say than you can check out this other thing…. called 'the door’. leave, don’t read this. stop focusing on our jeans and haircuts, stop believing gossip on the internet. we write music, not soap operas. my head has gotten so big i can barely hold it up to type this. its such a joke. if you only knew how insecure i felt, so sick in my own skin- if only you knew how nervous you all make me.
thankyouforbeingsupportiveofus.
i may take a break from writing in here for a bit, maybe not. i am pretty obsessed with words. we’ll see. i don’t want this to feel like i am just going through the motions.
thanks, i can RU(i)N my life myself.
peterrabbit.
you are like fucking cancer.
posted by: tbok at 9:48 pm
–Friday, November 21, 2003–
How Does My Name Taste On Your Lips?
yeah so i have given alot of thought on the drive. the shows have been fun. we are getting to hang out with alot of old friends. i have always thought that what i say in here is overdramatic. that is a fault of my own. but i want to give you an honest portrayal of what our/my life is like on tour and going through this process. its not all shitty. its not all fun. it is different from how my life was before. everyone in this band can write on here- i guess some of them are smarter and have better stuff to do- which i should go do now. it’s hard to not let people get you down when you put yourself out there. i have to work on that. go listen to kent “isola” if our new record doesnt sound something like that i will be disappointed.
peter
posted by: tbok at 1:25 am
–Monday, November 24, 2003–
Who Could Ever Love A Kid With Eyes This Blotchy And Red
joy division
the hills have eyes
vinnie and roger ltj
midwest hearts
breakfast all day
old pictures
van conversation/van sing along
when you smell like baby sweat in your sleep
headphones as medicine
complaining online, new bruises (to the face and the ego)
867-5309 (yeah they’re on this tour)
love, love will tear us apart
give up the ghost
photo shoots for dirty looking tired kids
you won’t understand so don’t try to.
these are the lives the world would lead but they are too against injury.
peter pumpkin eater
posted by: tbok at 1:20 pm
–Tuesday, November 25, 2003–
Over The Years I’ve Kept More Grudges Than I Have Kept Promises And Friends…
i am sorry i have been so out of touch lately. this tour has proved to me that being in this band is the
best thing that will ever happen to me.
for the record i know you are going through a hard time-
it’s good to know you are doing okay and that someone is there for you.
cause i can’t be anymore.
peter
posted by: tbok at 5:23 pm
–Friday, November 28, 2003–
The Breaking Of The Fellowship
detroit - philadelphia - d.c. three amazing shows in a row. detroit felt good, like at home. philadelphia was one of the biggest rooms we played on this tour. that being said we still felt really connected and the disco dance after party was rad. d.c. we had never played before so we were pretty nervous about it. in the end there was no need for it cause everybody had a good time. it just felt pretty right lately. after the d.c. show everything felt weird when the band all went our seperate ways for thanksgiving. it felt off. it’s like i spend all my time with these guys and it felt strange to be not doing it. it sounds dumb but if this ended i don’t know what i would do. everything was so different before and i feel like they are the only people who understand me.
this thing saved my life. blah blah. who cares.
happy thanksgiving.
peter
posted by: tbok at 10:29 am
–Saturday, November 29, 2003–
The Act Is Getting Old (So Are You).
its funny with all the things you had to say.
the truth never found its way in.
see you around.
posted by: tbok at 1:01 am
–Sunday, November 30, 2003–
I Got You In My Headphones.
Reading: touching from a distance. I.C. I know how it feels to be off. Watching: glengary glen ross.
You feel like an old lead.
Drove all night from home to pittsburgh. Thank you for making it worth it. We got the best reaction we
have ever gotten there. Saw a ton of old friends and kids from other towns. Left late today for new york city. I am in love with this band. I spent most of my free time answering email though I fear I will never catch up. Why do I always pick the worst times to fall apart?
I’ve got the remix of sincerity playing in my head. We’re all falling apart again. I must confess how much I believe in love. You’re who I’m dreaming of.
P
posted by: tbok at 1:43 pm
–Wednesday, December 03, 2003—
New york city playlist: lifetime (channel and the band), patrick and andy talking about jockitch, feeling miserable on long distance phonecalls, modest mouse, new order vs. Joy division, pantera, seeing ja rule and elvis costello in the period of an hour, the blob, thing, howling (bad horror movies that make your life feel so much more realistic), amazing shows, kids, and food…
you make me want to put the pen down:
“I wish I were a warhol silk screen
Hanging on the wall
Or little joe or maybe lou
I’d love to be them all
All new york city’s broken hearts
And secrets would be mine
I’d put you on a movie reel
And that would be just fine”
Peterabbit
posted by: tbok at 12:46 am
–Friday, December 05, 2003–
In A World Full Of Sluts, I Keep The Wet Dream Alive.
so medicate yourself on Kent’s Isola if you get a chance. sometimes you look at yourself honestly and understand you might not be the greatest person there is out there, but we can(t) get better. i hope our new record is like a flashlight on these faults and flaws so they can come into focus. maybe they can be fixed, maybe we don’t want them to be. if you went down as smooth as the music, none of this would even matter.
i
drew
a
heart
around
the
name
of
your
city
peterrrrrrr
posted by: tbok at 11:28 pm
–Friday, January 09, 2004–
Young Hearts Be Free Tonight
the only thing that makes this worth it is doing things for my friends and family. Everytime they get to meet someone that they idolize or I can buy them or hook them up with something they wanted. Everytime they can brag to their friends about it or hook their band up or name drop them to whoever… It brings a smile to my face. I only do this for you.
the new academy songs are amazing. it’s snowing out but it looks fake just like in the movies (it’s got me looking for the cameras).
I got a kiss on the corner of my mouth for you wendybird.
love peterpan
posted by: tbok at 9:49 pm
–Monday, January 12, 2004–
And Now I’m Feeling Quite Ghoulish
So the show in chicago. Thanks for making me feel okay (see also: thanks for the tshirt and baby panda). The show was amazing. I know everyone might not have been into all the bands that played but I appreciate that everyone was cool and gave them a chance. I wrecked my back yesterday so sorry if it seemed like I was off. Thank you for making me feel okay (see also: vicoden and muscle relaxer). It was good to see old friends, I have missed you. Some kid emailed me to tell how lame we were for saying “I say whatever cause it makes me feel cool”. Take a class on sarcasm. If you know me you know how uncool I am. I stutter, wear bad clothes, make bad jokes, make conversation uncomfortable, the list goes on. Thank you for making me feel okay (see also: nightmare of you).
Go listen to: www.nightmareofyou.com
It will make all this feel worthwhile.
I only hang upsidedown because I wish I was a bat. I only think about you all the time cause you’re my fix.
Peter lewis kingston wentz
posted by: tbok at 11:23 pm
–Wednesday, January 14, 2004–
We’re Chemists And We’ve Found The Perfect Formula To Make Your Heart Swell And Burst
went to bed at 4 am. woke up at 530. on the road by 6. met up with hey chris at 630. loaded into q101 at 7. the show was fun. i got free donuts and to pet a monkey and an alligator. now i am gonna sleep and then drive to new york.
i dont get to get online as much anymore so sorry i am slow about answering emails, but thanks for caring enough to write one. go and listen to music and think about someone who makes you feel dizzy.
peter
oh yeah if you wanna hear what i thought about music this year go here: www.trustkill.com/home - top ten list
posted by: tbok at 10:33 am
–Sunday, January 18, 2004–
my head was spinning. the car was spinning.
i could only think of you.
we are sneaking into detroit tommorrow morning early and filming our video…
peter rabbit
posted by: tbok at 7:59 pm
–Tuesday, January 20, 2004–
The Tides Out, The Ships Have Run Aground. We’re Drowning The Traitors In Shallow Water.
for your eyes only: snowflakes, breath in the air, stalker, the woods in michigan, gorgeous girl - where is your boy tonight coming to a screen near you very soon.
if our hearts are handgrenades
than
every
word
you
say
pulls the pin.
posted by: tbok at 9:35 pm
–Friday, January 23, 2004–
I Only Write This For The Loveless.
hand over my heart, gun to my head i swear to fucking god i’m through with you and this town (i’m the worst liar). ill be at your stairs late at night to kiss you on the mouth and keep all those secrets from coming out. i want to watch you undress through key holes. i want to stop myself from only thinking of you. get me to a hospital. get me to a church. i want to be bandaged and blessed. i want to see the country from a hearse.
fuck it if you ever read this thing, this isn’t about you.
none of this is for you.
oh yeah just for an update besides all the complaing: we are in the studio and it is going really well. we have fallen in love with the new songs. p to the e to the ter
posted by: tbok at 11:23 pm
–Saturday, January 24, 2004–
Youarethesongstuckinmyhead.
yesterday i had it bad for you. today we are recording new songs and i am in love with them instead.
oh yeah, you wanna know something about FOB, sex, or the world: ask hey chris
posted by: tbok at 10:46 pm
–Wednesday, January 28, 2004–
Autographs And Apologies.
we leave on tour today. i don’t want to talk about that too much. i just wanted to say to all my friends both really old and ones that i have just met, that i am sorry that i have been such a shitty friend lately. my time is totally consumed and i have not been returning calls or emails or whatever. this is my apology. so thank you for being there, i know i don’t deserve it often- when this is all over i hope we still know eachother.
peterabbit
posted by: tbok at 11:09 am
–Saturday, January 31, 2004–
You Got Me And It’s Not Just The Sun And Palm Trees
First show back. Lots of driving. No snow. The show was amazing. Thanks to all the kids for making us feel at home and a lot better after the wreck. peterpan
“They say if you love something than you should set it free. And I love myself so I’m getting rid of me…”
posted by: tbok at 1:02 am
–Monday, February 02, 2004–
It’s Tough Times For Dreamers
lasvegas played our luck. (in)famous. (mis)fortune. got to hang with atticus boys. played a fun show. lots of singing and dancing. saw a rough cut of our video- looks pretty rad. i watched amelie in the van- why did i never give this movie a chance before? it makes me feel better to be alive. sometimes i miss you so much it hurts to breathe.
peter
posted by: tbok at 1:28 am
–Tuesday, February 03, 2004–
If I Give You The Chance You’ll Play Dumb, If You Give Me The Microphone Ill Play Tragic
Sometimes it feels like noone can wrap their head around my mind. And don’t try. I got love for you and ALLEVE (everything is a treasure, everything is a headache). Slow down. Stop and smell the roses on the way to hell. I’m sorry but I won’t be calling you anymore.
Arizona- full report tommorrow. Sorry to anyone who got hurt at the show tonight. Sorry we had to stop in the middle of a song. Other than that you couldn’t have been sweeter.
she said “besides you’re my favorite lost cause”
P
posted by: tbok at 12:29 am
–Tuesday, February 03, 2004–
We Want Failure, In No Un Certain Terms.
Sometimes I figure I could spend the rest of my life with someone, then I remember I am just some kid.
Peterpumpkineater
posted by: tbok at 2:55 am
2/10/2004 - 2:07 AM EST
sometimes I wish it never even began.
My name is pete. I play in fall out boy. I am writing this from milemarker 99 on the I-5. I am not sure what I am supposed to write in here (but even writers block couldn’t touch me). This is the place where I will whine and complain. Polish my ego. State my opinions as fact. Do grudge maintinence. Tell you about how I wish you knew what it was like to fall asleep next to your big eyes. This is where I will take my bad day out on you. and let you swing with my moods. Let out a couple secrets and then try to take them back. I am sorry my sarcasm doesn’t translate that well on the computer screen (you can download a new program to help you if you are having problems and have windows 98 or better called: I don’t care).
Also, maybe ill let you know some stuff about fall out boy and what we’ve ben up to.
Ill leave you with what I’ve been listening to lately:
The academy “the author”
Unbroken “lifeloveregret”
The cure “b-sides”
June “demo”
The terror “demo”
Nightmare of you “demo”
Some girls “all my friends are going death”
Sometimes it feels like I’d die with out all the attention.
Pickupthephone. Tellmehowitgoes. Fallasleep. Dontdreamofthis. Crashyourcar.
Tellthedoctorstomailmetheblood.
See you soon. Peter
- petey
2/11/2004 - 7:44 PM EST
A day in the life: andy calls wakes us up in the hotel. Stumble out the door and into the van for more sleep. Phone will not stop ringing for interviews and I miss you mores. Drive until the hunger outweighs the disgust of the food that will fill it. Tell jokes and fight in between sleep and watching dvds. Get to the club, (avoid) load stuff on stage. Make phonecalls home and try to not show my mom how much I am missing her. Play, each show has been amazing and different. Call up hey chris and tell him he is a dick for sitting at home instead of hanging out with me. Write. Stuff you’ll probably never get to see. Work on the new songs with patrick. Eat. Go to hotel. Shower if I am feeling too much like a vagrant. Play atari.
Fall asleep. Repeat.
- petey
2/16/2004 - 2:54 AM EST
Sometimes if you think hard enough don’t you think you could will somebody into emailing you.
Ill be waiting
We wrote some new songs. One is gonna be called: ima get all tore up tonight.
Think about it. Lets fall in love.
- petey
2/19/2004 - 3:02 AM EST
Its so much better and worse than you’d ever think. Write one to make my heart and lungs slow down. Wrote the best one ever least night, I hope you get to read it one day. Saw the triplets of bellivelle- they have captured a feeling. Then I went out and spent 130 dollars on a transformer (I am going to hell). The new somegilrs record is the only noise that drowns out my headaches. There are cobwebs on the zippers of all my jeans (why don’t you give a fuck). Wring me out of this drought. Tour is amazing. It is uneventful but heartfelt. It is surreal to watch the kids surge and yell back words, but it is has made me fall in love with them. I am sorry this reads so jumbled. But that is how it goes inside my head. Hope to see your brilliant smile soon. This is how it feels to be homeless. I am a gypsy only without the gold and curses.
“Tell the world to leave me the fuck alone. Ie, world please find me a home.”
- petey
3/2/2004 - 6:23 PM EST
“And the oldest movie I ever saw was the one we wrote together…” So I know I wrote about it already. But the dvd is turning out brilliantly. I guess there was a reason to film all of that footage early on (we can laugh now). It makes me so happy to see these kids in my band and how I don’t think I could share a stage with anyone else (we’ll make you fall in love too). The artwork looks insane too, it is comprised of valentines form the 1930s its so sad yet romantic (aren’t we all). Anyway. Getting ready for europe. Want me to sneak you in my bag?
- petey
3/13/2004 - 6:55 AM EST
lovers.
england is amazing. its so strange to hear our words coming out of mouths across an ocean. we have been able to hang out with some bands over here that we have not crossed paths with in the states and have talked about doing tours with them, the fight and senses fail (i can drop hearts as easy as you drop names). we’ve been writing a bunch of new stuff since we have been over here, i hope you get to hear it soon. the chocolate here is sex everything else is not quite as sex. we are sharing a bus with the god awfuls- they are loud and funny. new morrissey record is gonna be hot.
you are the quarry.
Me being sleepy in England 
right off the bus looking for cherry cokes and the internet, lazy bones. 
i can’t wait to kiss you on the mouth.
- petey
3/17/2004 - 8:55 AM EST
here is the soundtrack to us falling in love:
the academy- ep- dont sleep they are gonna be huge
joy division- she’s lost control
electronic- the old one
kent- velvet
bane- “can we start again?”
the weakerthans
carcass- only post heartwork
june- sick and underrated chicago band
i know you might roll your eyes at this but i’m so glad that you exist.
dear america, see you in a couple of days.
- petey
–Monday, March 22, 2004–
Young Hearts Be Free Tonight, Time Is On Your Side back from europe. we took it over. we leave for atlanta tonight. more about that later. they sold our cd at the heathrow london airport. i am so into rod stewart right now except for real. the best love songs- some guys have all the luck.
p
posted by: tbok at 8:42 am
–Monday, March 22, 2004–
Love Is Blind But Not Deaf
Its funny howmuch you run your mouth when I am out of town. Your stories have gotten so much better than you ever were. I’m sick of the phonecalls asking me about the shit you say. You are a flash in the coffin. The hits feel like the joke, watching your teeth fall out is the punchline. Those that live in glasshearts shouldn’t throw stones (and I bet you never thought I knew). I’m not your friend anymore.
If you think this is about you. It is.
posted by: tbok at 11:11 pm
3/23/2004 - 12:20 PM EST
Let me start this by saying people who need prefaces are those unsure, halfway there- arguments can’t stand on there own (neither can we). In writing rules exist but are never followed. That is my preface. What you are going to read won’t make sense but this preemptive paragraph makes that okay (because I know it). I’m not the kind of kid who believes in god or luck. But I somehow always find myself dropping prayers on takeoffs on airplanes and dodging cracks in the sidewalk. I’m not the kind of kid who believes in much of anything anymore. Just in feeding this paper and phonereciever lies (its always hungry for more). Yes, this is my subtle way of saying I’m sorry or I don’t care anymore. To me love can be figured out like card counting, you always take cards on 11s (the house always wins). I wouldn’t have anything to write if I wasn’t dealt such bad hands. This keyboard covers the stuttering well. Break a name, drop a heart. Its all the same.
Don’t believe a word. Iin my moind me and you are so far away all the time.
Don’t get me wrong.
I am honestly having the time of my life.
I just want to sink to the bottom with you.
- petey
–Wednesday, March 24, 2004–
Whenever I Think Of Your Arms
i forget what street to turn on.
posted by: tbok at 6:10 pm
–Saturday, March 27, 2004–
“This Is Love, This Is Murderous”
Florida has been amazing. Its great to be back. Its like summer here all year. Our label took us out to universal studios. Brilliant. The faces here feel like home. We got to hang out with our good friends in bleeding through and see them play. They smoke. More later.
Ps the only two movies worth a shit right now are amelie and dawn of the dead. Its tough times for dreamers.
Peter cottontail
Iwanttosinktothebottomwithyou.
posted by: tbok at 11:52 am
3/31/2004 - 4:03 PM EST
You can live with me in this house I built with writers blocks. I finished writing the clandestine story. I think its okay, now my friend tim beidron has to finish drawing it. Florida was amazing. Saw lots of old faces. Do you ever think sometimes you can’t wait to be years away from now and content and succesful and done with all the turbulence?
I do.
Goodbless repeat play on my stereo.
- petey
–Thursday, April 01, 2004–
Hey Heartbreaker, You’ll Never Work In This Town Again
I think someone is impersonating me online. Could be a joke. But if you talk to someone online and they say they are me, they aren’t. I don’t talk to anyone online. Texas is fun. We got some sick clandestine hoodies. They’ve got bats on the hoods and all. Sidenote: I love nickplan. Sorry my words don’t have the same weight they usually have right now. Usually they feel stuck in my throat, today it feels okay inside my skin. Oh yeah chicagoland. We want to roadtest some of our new songs so we will be playing around unannounced on shows at really small venues in the next few months. If you snooze you lose. You never know what show we may play.
posted by: tbok at 5:30 pm
–Sunday, April 04, 2004–
We Love Life
Texas was sex. Dallas being the most amazing. Its hot down here. We played with a band called DV8, this really young band (13-15). They were rad. The bassists bass was bigger than him. Me some rad kids in arkansas, they were starry-eyed and made me tongue-tied. I’ve been writing a lot lately. All my old charms and curses are back in full swing. I can’t wait to get home. Well take these hearts and rename them dangerous and invincible. Well make them too hard to break.
Peterpan
posted by: tbok at 11:06 pm
–Wednesday, April 07, 2004–
A Man-Made Monster With Every Human Emotion (Clandestine Explained 1)
So a lot of people have been asking us about these hoodies and shirt with bats on them. It is not a clothing company. It is not a new band. When I was younger I had this same nightmare over and over again- so my friend tim biedron and I made a story of it (www.timbiedron.com to check out his art). The story is finished and we are waiting on some of the illustration. You may love it or hate it but its something that was stuck inside my head for a long time. We will be selling shirts and skatedecks online soon (www.clandestineindustries.com) and the story will be available this summer. Take the time to check it out if you get a chance.
Love peter
posted by: tbok at 4:03 pm
–Sunday, April 11, 2004–
I Want To Sleep On Portraits Painted As Perfect As You
Thanks for fun on tour. For the record for those in freeport- we had a little bit of fun with you. I will not ever drink. Its not my thing. So if you think there was more than water in that beer bottle, I have a bridge you might wanna buy too.
posted by: tbok at 9:09 pm
–Wednesday, April 14, 2004–
In Case You’re Keeping Score
Being in a band is the ultimate friendship ruiner. Went to two shows tonight. In addition to all the smoke got to hang with: akas, beautiful mistake, dld, apo, senses fail and rufio. Being in a band is the best friendship maker. I am getting this awesome bass custom made, black with a red pick guard, no knobs, wired “on”. I think it got me weird, so I dyed my hair red and black. Its sex or maybe not. I have 80 pages of lyrics to wade through. New songs soon. New love soon. Style update: I’m only gonna wear little polo tees with the collars up from now on. The clandestine webstore is almost up. I want to get “mom” tattoo for mothers day.
Peter
posted by: tbok at 1:50 am
4/14/2004 - 4:22 PM EST
i just wanted to welcome the academy to the family. it’s cool cause i’ve seen these guys go from the beginning and now we’re here….
- petey
–Thursday, April 15, 2004–
Who Dares Wins.
i have been having such a rad time at home. but i must admit i haven’t gotten used to sleeping with out hearing my friends breathing in hotel rooms. my bed doesn’t feel the same. we leave again today. i am excited to see old friends. i am excited to see some bands too. the full clandestine website is going to launch on april 22 at www.clandestineindustries.com - we’ll have some gear at the next couple of shows. i was gonna post some pictures of my experiments with shaving and hair dye here. but i don’t know how so go on over to: www.fueledbyramen.com/journal to see em.
love peterlewiskingstonwentz
i’ve found that liars always sing the loudest. heart in mouth, ego on sleeve. you’ve always got the right girl and the right line. i swear to god, take this mic and cross my heart and hope you die. i’m singing this one just flat of the key of love. liars always sing the loudest. the act is getting old but i’m sure all the fools will follow like vermin down the hole.
posted by: tbok at 1:38 am
4/15/2004 - 4:15 AM EST
hey jerks. i got bored and dyed my hair red and black- oooh scary. when i am home i only wear sweatpants and don’t shave. here’s a look into the life of a loser:
now that we have that out of the way. the full clandestine site should launch on april 22. we’ll be selling
some gear at skateandsurf and at a couple of these shows on the way out. tour never ends. for real go and listen to my friend ben’s band, it’s called Not Enough Gold. they smoke. our tour this summer is gonna be called “believers never die” get into it. sorry for all
4/26/2004 - 5:26 PM EST
so much has been going on. my head has been moving too fast, i can’t catch up. clandestineindustries.com is up. i’ve got a picture from skate and surf in new jersey. we will have more soon, excuse the quality. you can see how insane this room was. 
- petey
the pictures, this ain’t my space biatch, send me some.
1 2 3 L U V!
- petey
–Thursday, May 06, 2004–
Found myself at the armor/midtown show, if you weren’t there you missed out. Found myself out in front of your house listening to the biggest record of this summer in my headphones. God I wish I was inside laughiing with you.
Its funny how some bands never let you down, it’s funny how some girls always do.
posted by: tbok at 12:12 am
5/7/2004 - 1:17 PM EST
ahhh. i am sleepy. just got up. gonna go to the throwdown show tonight. just ordered a bunch of merch for our headline tour. it looks pretty rad. tommorrow is the photoshoot for the ap cover. i’m nervous. i realize i only really post in here when i have pictures to post. i’ll try to be better. sorry the pictures are always so big. i don’t know how to do it right (more than juts pictures trust me). email me if you can help: clanindustries@aol.com
got a new tattoo of the Clandestine Bartskull on my stomach- sorry i had to take down the pictures they were taking up too much room. as soon as i figure it out i will get some back up.
“say yes say yes say yes say yes”
- petey
5/17/2004 - 3:59 PM EST
ahhh. back from the blink tour. had a blast. thanks for the zillions of emails about the pictures. you guys are amazing. i think i’ve got it figured out and will do my best to get up a pic of hey chris eating a banana creampie out of drews ass. ill write more later.
- petey
–Friday, May 07, 2004–
We’re Spinning Out But All I Can Think Of Is You…
We wrote a song yesterday about our van accident and all. Tonight at the throwdown show it was cool to see all of the kids wearing fob gear. Its good to know you got good taste in music. Ill write more later.
Get down with the sickness.
posted by: tbok at 11:12 pm
–Friday, May 14, 2004–
Were Gonna Die Like This You Know, Miserable And Oh, I Really Gotta Hand It To You… I Really Gotta Hand It To You
So the last three days have been pretty crazy. No sleep ever. All of our reallly good friends are with us. Thank you for coming out early and hanging out with us. These shows are insane. Seeing blink up there is really crazy. They have been super nice to us. We didn’t know what to expect. Though we go into some trouble for the craziness that happened during our set in columbus. It didn’t seem all that crazy to me but ah I guess that is how someplace so corporate works. I am excited for the next couple of shows. Got to hear some of the new tbs. It is amazing. See you soon.
I guess you are wondering if I write about you in here or why or whatever questions you ask to make yourself look cute (andyouare). You don’t know how much I’d love to name names. Sometimes it gets me through the day just knowing you are gonna read this. Please dont/just give up on me. My insides have just become a joke and I’m just dying for you to laugh. Hotel life is kind of getting to me right now and all those days I spent complaining about lying/dying in your blankets, I want to take them all back. I never meant any of it.
Okay I only meant it half the time.
Peter
posted by: tbok at 10:39 pm
–Tuesday, May 18, 2004–
I Know You Didn’t Mean It
and as fast as it all started it all stopped [understand this is all over]. we’re standing here talking and every blade of grass comes into focus. but not slowly more like a dam giving way all at once. betrayal isn’t the right word, its just the first one that comes to mind. you never really know the weight of your words until you hit someone with them. sometimes a drive home becomes the longest drive. none of us could talk. nothing anyone could say could fix this [whyisthishittingmesofuckinghard]. i just want you to know, i’d fix this in a heartbeat. say the word.
posted by: tbok at 5:32 pm
–Saturday, May 22, 2004–
Itstoughtimesfordreamers
And as soon as the words pass your lips and fingers you knew they were all wrong to say and even wronger to think its all okay. You take a breath and try to be okay being stuck with yourself. you can’t stay out of my dreams. Sometimes, its a whole lot better I am never around. Or sometimes its better that i don’t ever say what I mean. It tenses up my shoulders when I think about you breathing and smiling. Tour is fun with my friends. It keeps me from thinking about things that I never should have thought of in the first place. I know that doesn’t make much sense. I feel like love actually.
posted by: tbok at 9:34 pm
5/23/2004 - 10:55 AM EST
Status report: played at some schools definitely a very different experience. Got to meet a lot of new kids. Highlight: kindergardeners ask way better questions than any interview. Instore: just wanted to give kids around us a free show. I think it worked out okay. HFS: 11 hour drive ends up taking 16 or 17 hours. No sleep. Definitely over 90 degrees. The set was a blast. Lots more kids sang with us than we expected. Namedrop: got to hang with tbs, new found, stars hide fire, and hazen st. - the bands were amazing. I think jayz definitely had everyone beat though. He is the biggest thing on the fucking planet. Slept at the hotel. Back home to work on some demos. Total fan moment: Saw robert smith in the elevator.
I could definitely die happy today. I am only writing this so you can read that you are my favorite person on the planet.
- petey
–Monday, May 24, 2004–
I’d Say I Was Sorry If You’d Be Willing To Believe One More Lie
Hfs was amazing. Good hangouts. My cellphone wouldn’t work in the crowd so the love was off for the day. I’m sorry darlings. Stood next to robert smith - it felt good to remember how it is to be a shakey suttering fan. I’m saying all the wrong things at all the wrong times. I thought it would make me feel better but it makes me feel so much sicker in my stomach. I had to cut my hair it was hot and stupid looking. It will be back by tour - it grows fast and I will do something new with it.
You damaged me way back when it mattered when I was just a blueprint (for disaster) and now I’ve been built with structural damage.
posted by: tbok at 10:43 am
–Wednesday, May 26, 2004–
Its a comfort always looking up and seeing the same three numbers in metal above the door. The wind is blowing off the lake just for me. These are my streets they just borrow them during the day. I thought today about what an odd pairing me and my bestfriend are. He is this little guy in glasses. We can finish eachothers sentences but spend most of our time arguing instead. But we have plots and plans the world hasn’t figured on. We have demoed 7 new songs. The best stuff we have ever written. Sorry this is so jumbled and chaotic. Someone asked if these stories are real. I don’t write fiction. Its just not worth it.
Youreyesgiveyouawayworsethanyourmoutheverwill
P
posted by: tbok at 12:15 am
–Sunday, May 30, 2004–
Thingsgetsomuchworsewhenyourenotaround
thank you for the scrapbooks/harry potter stuff and for showing up so we didn’t feel so weird on the airwaves. stopped by the audition/astallaslions show tonight for some old friends. audition sounded good. our scene is doing great and i hope to hook some more bands up- we finished 7 demos- some stuff that won’t suprise you and some stuff that definitely will. theres a song where me and patrick trade off lines- the lyrics are probably some of the ones that hit closest to home that i’ve ever written- definitley some cards i have never played. i just bought the flight of the navigator on dvd it comes out on june 1. i need to make more time for friends and less for feeling pressured. you asked what i listen to: the academy, june, give up the ghost, with honor, the cure, HIM, nightmare of you, sex positions, gym class heroes, more i guess i can’t think now.
tell me you like boys like me better in the dark lying on top of you.
peterpanrabbitpiperpumkineater
tell this kid what a cool motherfucker he is
posted by: tbok at 12:20 am
–Monday, May 31, 2004–
The World Is Going To Hell Tonight But That’s Okay Cause This Ticket Is Good For Two.
Feeling alright. Long weekend. My life is a weekend. Getting things ready to leave for tour. Making promises and “ill miss you"s. Going to barbicue with old friends tonight. Then I’m gonna go do some vocals on the new rise against record. The record sounds amazing and congratutlations on the new baby tim. Don’t be suprised if you see us playing a chicago show together in the future.
P
posted by: tbok at 4:10 pm
–Wednesday, June 02, 2004–
Journal Drama Is So Two Years Ago
hey old faces and pretty eyes come out and see us when we hit your city. its been awhile. painted some sick bats and hearts on my bass cabs. let me know what you think.
thosewholiveinglassheartsshouldn'tthrowstones.
posted by: tbok at 12:26 am
6/2/2004 - 3:22 AM EST
getting ready for tour. threw down some some vocals on the new rise against record. it sounds pretty good. talked about doing a rise against, spitalfield, fob chicago show. it would be like old times.
the truth is i am going to miss you so much more than i could ever let on.
- petey
–Thursday, June 03, 2004–
I’m All Fingers Crossed And Eyelash Wishes
It feels good to be playing again. New set. New songs. New hearts. I’ll get into it more later. A lot of people have been asking what I want for my birthday. Don’t even worry about presents its all good. Thanks for just acknowledging it and giving me a good year that’s enough. But whoever brought up halloween on june 5. Amazing.
Anyway. Thanks for everything. I don’t say it enough.
I want to take you out on the road.
Peterabbit
posted by: tbok at 10:29 am
–Thursday, June 03, 2004–
If I Go Home Alone Tonight I Think I Might Die.
The story is coming along. Saw more sketches. We have a deadline set. Its gonna be better than I thought. Well have one clandestine design out on tour but were only gonna sell a couple of designs. Tonight after the show my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to become a constant tone. I was heaving into the bushes but it was one of like 10 occassions in my life that I felt truly alive.
Peter
posted by: tbok at 11:33 pm
–Saturday, June 05, 2004–
I’ve O.D.’D On Lonliness 24 Times
cleveland. what a weird show. got some sweet cakes- this one was possibly the coolest i have ever seen. nick took pics of it. me and some of the guys from don’t look down and anberlin are doing a metalcore band on this tour called Death Support. i am singing and it’s alot heavier than any of our bands. when you wake up alone on your birthday don’t you just think maybe thats going to happen forever? thats okay i am pretty stoked on all my friends right now. i’m tired. thats all. peter
posted by: tbok at 9:40 am
–Sunday, June 06, 2004–
Second Star To The Right And Straight On Till Morning.
there is nothing to say besides thank you.
the new taking back sunday will be the soundtrack to your summer. trust me.
peter
posted by: tbok at 11:22 am
–Tuesday, June 08, 2004–
I Only Use This Stage To Wage Personal Vendettas And Make You Dance Like I Am Shooting At Your Feet…
The last few shows have made me feel so right about all of the decisions we have made in the past year. I need a new hat- don’t buy me one but tell me some recommendations. Brokehalo7 email is all but destroyed. Gotta find a better way at keeping in touch. Got some new shoes. They have flowers on the, gay or partyanimal? Watched the flight of the navigator and the new harry potter. Some stories are just too great to keep to yourself. We are setting a deadliine for printing “the boy with the thorn in his side”.
Sorry if I have been out of it, I am feeling kind of low lately.
Everybody loves an underdog.
So don’t be suprised when we don’t go down.
P
posted by: tbok at 1:10 am
–Wednesday, June 09, 2004–
I Have So Much To Say That I Never Will
What do you do “when you wake up everything will be better”. Except its not. And there’s no worse feeling than when you wake up and feel okay for a minute. And then that sick feeling washes over you and you remember its not okay. And were blowing this up too big and maybe not big enough at the same time. I hope this (we are) is all forgotten soon.
posted by: tbok at 10:06 pm
–Friday, June 11, 2004–
When The Moonlight Hits Your Bright Eyes
And you can’t sleep cause no bed smells like her or feel okay because you never really get clean no matter how many showers you take. Its all just night air and broken white lines racing by. You couldn’t figure me out if you tried. You never even came close (and you were the closest). We build our own prisons and throw the keys to hearts that never knew they had them anyway. I’m ready to stop. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. How long will my excuses keep you at bay? Baby, I’m sorry attentions just been my thing all along. That’s all I ever wanted right? The pot calling the kettle… And so on. Call me up. Pull the blanket from over my head and say its okay that words only feel safe out on the computer screen and not whispered into your ear late at night- or just leave me alone. I gotta say I’m tempted to break your heart just cause I could do it best.
Peterabbit
posted by: tbok at 12:22 pm
–Saturday, June 12, 2004–
You Own This Sick Feeling In My Stomach
You’re not bad news. Your not even news anymore.
posted by: tbok at 9:29 am
6/17/2004 - 4:30 AM EST
I’m living proof that there such thing as too much of a good thing. The kiss (off) of fame. You can’t measure me cause I’m only lying (yeah I left out that part) “I’ve given up on all that stuff” to get youu back in bed. Oh yeah and how about how you steal all these words from my teeth and fingers and call them yours (yeah you left out that part) and then have the heart to accuse me. That thing aint beating in your chest, its counting down. The spotlights your only home but don’t get too comfortable. Its almost too perfect. Too voyeuristic as I watch you go down. Too good to be true.
Cover of ap: www.livejournal.com/~askheychris
- petey
6/27/2004 - 12:53 PM EST
im in japan. its real late at night. why would anyone in japan like my band? clandestine- the story is almost done, the release the bats dvd is gonna drop this fally. funny stuff. someone please send me a torch and some faith, cause i just cant see.
- petey
6/29/2004 - 5:28 AM EST
sorry that picture was huge. try this one instead. i am gonna be dying my hair black when i get back to the states caused i am sick of making pillows red. its been a really great time over here… dont mistake my arrogance for shyness or the other way around. i cant wait to get back out and touring again in the states. thats what feels like home to me- i know i can be hard to understand and deal with at times, so thanks for putting up with me.
please dont hate me 
did you expect us to just roll over and die. your mouth is writing checks your heart cant cash. i miss you guys so much
- petey
–Monday, July 05, 2004–
Its Such A Joke How Every Song I Ever Write Is we’re getting close. i think we might do one more video for TTTYG. the song is gonna be one thats gonna suprise you, because its our favorite one off the record. if it happens, the band is gonna write the video and act in it- cross your fingers and we’ll see what goes down.
has anybody noticed how cliche, selfserving and overdamatic this journal has become? me too.
peter wentz- president of the FOB drama club
love never wanted me but i took it anyway. and there aint a pill that can keep you from my mind- there aint a siren that can keep me from your window. didn’t you hear the word on the streets? i’m getting by on obsession, baby.
p.s. my hair is now black, im here for your heart.
posted by: tbok at 1:02 am
–Wednesday, July 07, 2004–
And I Dont Care If Im Just Like The Boys I Trash In All These Songs… heard a bunch of the new academy record- you are gonna be suprised. dont sleep. this thing is good and not just in a “my friends are in this band” kind of good, i’d like it even if i didn’t know those geeks. they are like my little brothers. sorry i cut out of the show fast tonight. im not feeling so great about some friends lately. i don’t get “it” but i get it.
if you have any crazy home footage (like the time you and your brother glued yourselves together or whatever) send it to us. we are gonna include a section for it on the release the bats dvd- send it and a release (a piece of paper saying you release the footage and your image to be used by clandestine industries) to: Release the bats DVD at 900 forest. wilmette, il 60091- we need it this month. expect it to drop this fall around the TBS tour.
peter
we joked about the kids who used to be just like us- sick inside of their own skin.
i dropped an “i love you” thankgod it got caught in the wind.
you shouldnt have come back here alone. i’m a shark, baby. and theres blood in the water.
posted by: tbok at 12:14 am
–Thursday, July 08, 2004–
Clip My Wings, I Don’t Deserve The Sky
I must confess how much I love touring here and seeing old friends. Please come say hi.
I also must confess my serious ashlee simpson crush.
Peterabbit
posted by: tbok at 11:41 am
–Monday, July 12, 2004–
I Would Forgive You But You Could Never Forgive Yourself sooo. this half of tour has been hot. hot and fun. there has been lots of drama in my life. i apologize for being out of it. so st. louis- i got hot. i got delirious. i made some weird decisions. i smashed a bass. said weird stuff. left the stage. threw up. asked bill from the academy to get me some FOB booty shorts and tell the crowd i quit fall out boy. then i yelled into a megaphone. got into skimpy shorts and ran around on stage playing.
Oh yeah all these ideas seemed really funny at the time, now not so funny.
i apologize for anyone who had to see my legs in shorts.
that was the hottest i have ever been in my entire life.
peter
texas is the reason.
posted by: tbok at 2:39 am
–Wednesday, July 14, 2004–
Which One Is It Gonna Be The Smile Or The Voice Cause You Can’t Have Both
For some reason texas air feels right on my lungs. I can’t wait to hit the coast. The stars out here are playing jokes on me. These shows have felt pretty good too. Me and patrick wrote a new one today, it gonna make you dance.
posted by: tbok at 2:00 am
7/15/2004 - 8:42 PM EST
its been awhile. i apologize. i can’t say i haven’t missed you. i need to write more. i think i start to lose it otherwise.
sometimes it all just feels so fucking on. if you don’t get that, i’m sorry i cant explain it.
seeing this country in the summer in a van leaves me breathless. get off the computer and go out and fall in love with someone or something.
you gotta know you have my heart.
- petey
–Thursday, July 15, 2004–
Its Like Chris Said
New mexico was great for never having been there before. People were so welcoming. I got electrocuted. That was not so great. I’ve got to stop reading the internet, it bums me out a lot. Okay I’m through with (me) all the complaining. I feel like I am holding my breath all the time. A nervous stuttering wreck, and then you don’t like me anyway. I’ve got it figured out, none of it matters. Either: you love to hate me or you hate to love me. But for the record you are my favorites anyway.
Love peter Oh yeah. Hey j.m. Remember that boy I was always nervous about you hanging out with, the one I hated? When did I become him? I dunno, but I did. I’m sorry. For the record I hope you’re doing alright.
posted by: tbok at 11:46 pm
7/16/2004 - 4:12 AM EST
There’s a part of me that thinks that things might turn out alright. But there’s another part that hopes you didn’t leave your hotel key between pages of the bible iin the drawer.
- petey
–Friday, July 16, 2004–
Nobody Puts Pete The Baby In The Corner
Sometimes I just write when I am in a bad mood. And often what comes out is trite and depressing. I am sorry. As I sit here with my posture clearly indicating hours on a glowing screen filled with meaningless words, my middle finger calloused and crooked from writing for hours a day in a notebook that seems filled as soon as a new one it bought. With this keyboard I take AIM on nothing and don’t really care. My wrists feel like they’d slit themselves if I let them, they want out (so do I). Then I remind myself I am out with my bestfriends and having the time of my life. My hotel room was next to a palm tree,
I slept well and dream free.
That was me beng a baby. It happens. You have all always been so nice so don’t even sweat it. Just deal with me getting “emo” sometimes.
P
posted by: tbok at 10:37 am
–Sunday, July 18, 2004–
“This Place Is A Prison And These People Aren’t Your Friends”
I heard somebody once say “if you love something set it free”
But we’re doomed to crash with these clipped wings
posted by: tbok at 5:18 am 7/18/2004 - 6:33 PM EST
A lot of people have been asking for this. Here’s a bit from our new song- we don’t take hits, we write them….
Find myself on the street out in front of your house so you can kiss safe thoughts good bye. I’m coming up to break your heart. You’re sleeping with the light on like you’re dying to be found out.
I need to take a break from the internet for awhile. I think you’re getting to me love.
- petey
–Sunday, July 25, 2004–
“I Aint Dropping No Sympathy… On You Cause Youre Living Lives Way Too Complete For Me…”
its only always been about dropping tears and names. its just a song. so forget all the questions. the stories getting old - but we’ll always be the homewreckers with the hearts of gold.
dont believe in someone who never believed in anything.
posted by: tbok at 3:13 am
–Sunday, July 25, 2004–
No Time For Love, Dr. Jones, We Got Trouble
I’m gonna miss california. This trip to the west coast was what I needed.
Peter
posted by: tbok at 12:48 pm
–Tuesday, July 27, 2004–
Status Report
Lots going on. We’re gonna miss the west coast…. Also. Were gonna have some new merch for warped tour: a shirt that has 8 of our early shirts on it for the collectors, a fob drama club shirt, scene point pins and more. So come by and check it out. Secondly, we aren’t/didn’t play warped in your town because they didn’t ask us to not because we didn’t want to so don’t believe the hype.
Also, our friends in gym class heroes will be playing the bnd tour with us on august 1 in davenport, iowa and then I am setting up a show again for them in chicago on august 3, so come check them out. They are the next big thing, better than atmosphere.
Lastly, I guess some people have told the guys in new found glory we were shittalking them in our dvd. That is the farthest thing from the truth. I knew chad when he was in shai hulud and have always looked up to nfg. That is a band that did it right and I have more respect for than any other band in our genre. We goofed around on a video three years ago to try and trick some girl. That’s it. No drama. So if you are going to warped before we get on it, stop by nfg and tell them fall out boy loves them for us.
There’s no other band out there that did it like them.
Didn’t we tell you the fob drama club was in full effect.
Pete
posted by: tbok at 2:09 pm
–Friday, July 30, 2004–
Gbet Down With A Sickness
i am sick. colorado was insane. sorry the show sold out so quickly, we had no idea. somebody bring me some fireworks to the iowa shows so i can shoot them at people and feel better. this is a part of this other book i have been working on: www.fueledbyramen.com/journal its a bit different than the boy with the thorn in his side.
you have no idea.
peter
posted by: tbok at 4:13 pm
7/30/2004 - 7:26 PM EST
after awhile when you bounce back and forth between different hearts nothing gets old. you never really have to mean anything to anyone. i have intimacy problems with the world. her eyes are blackened around the edges so much that she looks like a racoon. they look like permenant black eyes- the consumate victim. everybody loves the victim. he can’t put his finger on what it reminds him of but the closest he can come are old zombie movies. she’s made-up to look half dead- which still beats most of them who are just half-alive anyway. her hair looked like rows of shark teeth dyed over dye jobs like she was running away from her natural color. noone wants to be what they are. she looks independent in a very vulnerable way. the safest kind of dangerous. we drove around the city so she could alternate between cigarettes and coffee. we talk about the kids we hate just so we have something to agree about. they used to be just like us. we’re sitting on the edge of her bed. every single inch on your body is filled with millions of nerves. somewhere inside your brain neurons have fired to synapses and put them on alert. when your hands brush hers it feels electric. every movement has a meaning, either yes or no. its getting later and later. the conversation and the possibilities are running out. last call. this is a war. everytime she moves her hand to her hair she is sending you signals. stay or leave. why can’t you figure them out. don’t strike first. wait until you are tired enough to make a move. lean in to kiss her bringing an awkward break in conversation. as you pull back she keeps talking about writers and bands she thinks will make her look cooler. but your fooled if only because you are worried she has found you out. push your tongue into her mouth too keep the right words from spilling out. her sheets smell like stale cigarettes smoked by boys who were me on nights before. she has a body that is built for sex. the kind a kid like me wouldn’t know what to do with if we had half the chance. imagine the chemistry of swallowed DNA. she has a scar that runs down her back right along the spine, like somebody tried to steal it. i joked her like this: “someone must have ignored the blue prints, look at all the structural damage”. but i stuttered and trailed off. the smoke curled off of her lips. for a second i was dying to be it. dying to be as clever and kissable as her. there she was sitting in front of me, knee pulled up to to her chin. smoking a cigarrette thinking of something or someone else. and thats how she will be stuck in my mind forever. two explorers in the dark, mapless and hopeless. alone together. its funny how easy it is to sleep with someone, but how hard it is to sleep next to someone. it’s too intimate. it makes my heartbeat race and pound inside my head. it is deafening. i slide my arm from behind her head and slip out the door. the pavement on the sidewalk is watching me go over every moment in my head. it’s watching me remember you. mistake by mistake. frame by frame. we’re not just taking trips down memory lane, we are broken down on it.
- petey
–Monday, August 09, 2004–
Dear Queen Of Hearts Killer
we finished shooting the video- i dont want to give it away but it is our darkest video yet, see: basement face punches and playing cards. youll be able to see it soon. we have more suprises in store. cruise over to the alternative press site and tell em thanks for putting us on the cover or that you hate them and us and the world. oh yeah, another installment up over at the fueledbyramen journal- im not gonna put up too much more because i dont want to give it all away- peterpan
ps- as much as you wish you were me, i wish i was you so much more
posted by: tbok at 12:06 am
8/9/2004 - 2:55 AM EST
for all the trophy boys and sleep over princes - for all the bruised thighs and smokedout eyes:
i am a zombie who doesn’t want to live, a corpse bored with my own funeral. we live like gypsies only with less gold and maybe more curses. people say you can’t run away from your problems (we are the problem). well thats just shit. cause i’ve spent 20 years on the run and i can’t remember most of the problems that started this (maybe thats been the problem all along). it’s funny. you become a different person when you don’t have a home. you take for granted sleeping in the same bed, looking at the same clocks, waking up with a rug underneath your feet. the world looks different from the back of a van- and rest stops and hardwood floors. we are ghosts with addresses in ghost towns. no matter how much you clean yourself, your clothes and your pillow it never really gets clean, neither does your memory. it never lets go of that smokey, cold/wet feeling. if there was a word for what i am looking for right now it would definitely sound like her name. at some point you wanted her innocence for your own. to breathe in every single breath that she breathed out, to taste her spit- to feel how she feels to fall asleep next to you and to be let down for the first time.
when i leave could you please say your sheets would never be the same and that maybe you even missed my smell just a little bit?
- petey
–Wednesday, August 11, 2004–
Sugar We’re Going Down Swingin
we are having a blast on warped tour so far. it is hot. french canada is awesome cause there are all kinds of weird candy bars and sodas and girls are pretty. come out and tell hey chris he is a hottie with a body at our merch tent. for realz.
call me up and tell me you are doing okay.
that would make my day.
me plus you 4 eva.
peterpan
posted by: tbok at 10:12 pm
9/2/2004 - 8:06 PM EST
noone ever fell in love with anyone because of empty pockets or red splotched eyes. drove around for hours tonight just to keep myself from feeling anchored. weighed down. to keep my mind off thinking about what kids like me deserve. desperation isnt a strong enough word (but it will have to do). my wrists are only black and blue cause i don’t got the balls. nothing gets you ready to have every single word dissected and put under a microscope. i got ringing in my ears but none on my fingers. i got sunsets in the veins on my wrists. we’re not just falling in love anymore, we’re demanding it. im the latest bloomer (dried out my wet dreams and saved them for a rainy day). i can still see you standing on my front porch- slowed my own thoughts down to a single blade of grass. you couldnt catch my eye cause i was too busy rolling them. the buttons on one side of your coat that wouldnt snap on the other side. they were just for fashion not for function you told me. you were pretty for a boy. it made me laugh when i thought of it, im sorry i wasnt laughing at what you were saying. it makes me laugh still- when im driving around for hours at night. id love to swerve off and blame it on the fog, but ive been talking on these roads too much lately. theyd spill all my secrets. this city won’t let me go. im sure theyd lock me up somewhere if anyone saw me at 23 sneaking into cemetaries. taking pills to make me feel okay sleeping in the grass just above you. the sirens find me at the first light. my lips cracked and dried from the tears, i’ll probably die a cliche. flash the lights to kissing boys. provocative. i promise you i wont ever have another afternoon like when we used to sneak out of school and drive the lakeshore. noone will ever sound as cool as you. we built cool. we made up style. we set the standard and theyre all just trying to live up to it. if theres nobody who thinks like us anymore. untouchable is unlovable. you always have me humming in my head just out of key. i bought an alarm clock just so i could hit the snooze button. whats the point in getting out of bed anymore if you only get out to say you did. if you could love the biggest fraud or the best liar- then im your prince. i was made just for fashion not for function.
- petey
–Monday, September 13, 2004–
Get It While Its Hawt fall/winter preview [clandestine industries link]
posted by: tbok at 11:50 am
–Monday, September 13, 2004–
So I Must Confess
i want you to know what you are getting yourself into-
the book is done, it is being printed- i don’t think its gonna be for everyone. if you like nightmare before christmas, r. dahl books, harry potter with my twist then its up your alley- it does not read like fall out boy books or my journal entries. it is different. based on a nightmare with breathtaking drawings.
release the bats dvd- just got the trailer, we’re gonna throw it up soon- again don’t expect FOB- kind of an inside look at our friends- imagine the things that weren’t allowed on the FOB dvd and youve got it- fireworks, jumping, minibikes, underoath, don’t look down, peeing, armor for sleep, gym class heroes, FOB in japan, wolfman antics, hey chris getting paintballed-
ive been writing some other stuff- it is more like the FOB journals, i dont know what im gonna do with it yet. i have about 90 pages, i may make a zine or i dunno- if you like the journals this will be more up your alley….
FOB is going into preproduction for our new record next week- if you like fob then this is what you should get excited for (duh)-
just don’t want anybody disappointed.
peter
posted by: tbok at 7:51 pm
–Thursday, September 23, 2004–
I Dont Want To Dream Anymore If Its Not Me And You
its been awhile. ive just been staying up late watching movies: mean girls, starwars, and shaolin soccer. summer ended. it makes me sad. lets keep it going [allnight]. nick designed a new site for the gym class heroes. go scope it and tell nick he is good at design and kissing. the new gymclass song is so amazing. we have been demoing with our producer Neal Averon. i know we won’t let you down. i hope this record changes how you/we see things. seeing “love doesnt bore me. it disappoints me” coming out of jude laws mouth may be one of the best ever. so true. we are up for a woodie award. patrick gets funny looking morning wood so go vote for that badboy on the front page. tell hey chris to stop being a bastard and hang out with me. then go watch all indiana jones movies in a row. it will make you feel okay. me and patrick wrote some songs they make my moods a bit more even. its so predictable to write these words and feel this down, im sorry if it bores you. writing has been coming so easily lately, maybe ill post some of it. cause i got the drama queens in my court, in my sheets and our old conversations in my head. send me your love letters and ill check the grammar and send them back. its better than unopened. wrapped a ribbon around my wrist so id have something to open at christmas. im mostly joking but some days i’d love to be just like everyone else. i cant write myself out of this one. come by at 2 tonight when everyone else is asleep. im taking all bets against me.
peter
go listen to converge “you fail me” on play - repeat
posted by: tbok at 12:32 am
–Tuesday, September 28, 2004–
Theres A Black Cloud Over Our Heads To Keep Us From Winning.
day one tbs tour. matchbook romance picks us up. our trailer breaks down on the south side of chicago. spend the night at tony from mest’s house. ditch the trailer and continue to iowa without much equipment or much merch. if you see us in the next couple of days throw some pennies into wells and make some eyelash wishes for us so we can get some better luck. too bad this tour is gonna be so amazing no matter what happens, luck couldnt touch us.
hope you guys like the video and stuff- vote over at oven fresh and mtvu- honestly you are the best.
idontknowwhativegottenmyselfintobutiloveit.
peterpan
posted by: tbok at 11:47 am
–Saturday, October 02, 2004–
I Wrote The Word “Regret” On My Hand To Remember To Call You
Its a fixedcat fight. And I’m going down fast, but I’m winking. Faking it. Tbs tour in chicago. You remeber 3 years ago when us and tbs first played chicago. Yeah to like 20 kids. So thank you for tonight. We are having so much fun. We have so many new songs.
Do you ever see someone just sitting alone and feel so bad. Just low. Like you just know they aren’t connected to anyone? Maybe that’s just me. I want this record to make those people feel okay, cause we all get there sometimes… Go read hey chris’s zine. Its pretty good.
Don’t roll your eyes at me I only want to write a song to suit your every mood.
P
posted by: tbok at 11:07 pm
–Monday, October 04, 2004–
Its Not Gossip If Its The Truth
Day off in omaha. Got some new tricks for you. Including: a green slytherin tie, members only jacket, and napoleon dynamite on dvd (youknowyouwantityouknowyouwantit). My hair is new black on blonde I don’t know what to think of it just yet. Me and dirty have been making funny videos that I hope you get to see soon. I don’t know why I read the internet- aaron from matchbook told me about our kickball game being written about on absolutepunk (jason tate is my homeboy- however it wasn’t teammatchbook that won it- it was team dirty consisting of: dirty, me, andy hurley, judas mbr, fred tbs, and mark tbs- we smoked the competition… So let the internet know. If you wanna play some kickball come find us. We leave for l.a. To record our record in november- I’m excited. We have these shows coming up on the east coast in december please get your tickets early, they will sell out.
I’ve got sunsets in my veins like you don’t even know.
P
posted by: tbok at 11:01 pm
–Thursday, October 07, 2004–
This Is A Love Song In My Own Fucked Up Way
somewhere along the line i stopped believing in this. i stopped trying to match our breathing when we fell asleep. i hear about the way you brag about how all the songs are about you. only someone like you could ever be proud of that.
posted by: tbok at 12:24 am
–Thursday, October 07, 2004–
Lets Walk This Romance Until Its Bitter End
flew into seattle at 6:45 am today. eyes stuck shut with sleep in them. our entire band and crew was pulled aside and searched. we can’t tune guitars, theres no way we could bomb anything. i hate flying. i find myself assessing my life every time we hit a bump- if someone’s keeping score then i am fucked. got to play with a ton of great bands today. hung with my chemical romance a bunch- me and mikey, their bassist, have a gang called “the sweet little dudes”. we’re gonna make a secret handshake. trust me, you’re jealous. don’t be suprised if you see us on tour together in the future. the lost prophets had a party tonight, where they shot their new video. i did lots of monster faces for the camera, maybe you will see it. got another excerpt from my other book (not the boy with the thorn in his side) over at: www.fueledbyramen.com/journal -
sorry for all the complaining. it just comes so easy to me.
p
posted by: tbok at 11:02 pm
–Wednesday, October 06, 2004–
I’m A Headache Kid With Targets For Eyes
Denver. singing one mile up. Had the best time till joe hit me in the head with his guitar. Yes again. It knocked me out. I apologize. We finished the set and we hope everyone still had a good time. I can’t sleep. I need your heart beat. I’ve been working on my other book, I can’t wait to see the west coast again. Then for florida we got great halloween costumes for you.
You could have taken the place of oxygen for me.
Peterpumpkin eater
posted by: tbok at 12:05 am
10/8/2004 - 1:49 AM EST
“atlanta to san jose”
The first thing I ever knew about her was a lie. Her lips curl when she’s talking about the “Q”. her middle name is “Q” she says.
but it’s not. She’s regular. She’s normal just like me. But Her lips still curl when she is hoping she isn’t caught.
Except she always is.
She reminds me of the anecdote about the lab rat who chose the intense pleasure button over the food button. He probably starved to death.
But I’m sure he’s reliving the glory days up in rat heaven.
I call her up to tell her to build me a model scale version of San Francisco because I have a great idea for a disaster.
She must be on the internet because the phone just keeps ringing. Right now I want to shoot every single fucking employee at Earthlink.
What do overweight Ethiopians, free money, the tooth fairy- and Q as a middle name have in common?
Liar.
I hate how I can’t stop thinking about the liar.
Freud says love is the sublimation of sexual impulses.
I say we are all lab rats. And consider this a failed experiment.
He says we sublimate our sexual desires to make them palatable to society.
This is what love is.
I say this must be a clinical trial.
And I am the control.
She is the “Stockholm Effect”- you know back in the seventies when victims fell in love with their kidnappers.
Yeah. She’s mostly like that.
She is the middle parts of Great Expectations. You know right before things go really wrong for Pip (and This wouldn’t be my story if I weren’t Pip).
God, I love victim culture.
I love Jeffrey Dahmer being a victim of society.
I love Patty Hearst. I love the “Stockholm Effect”.
The great victims of our culture. Aren’t we all?
Sexuality was first examined scientifically in the 19th century. Before that religion fielded all questions.
That didn’t work so well.
Love was not examined scientifically until the late 20th century.
Erich Fromm suggested that infatuation was a plan by Mother Nature to promote the survival of the species. See with out infatuation cave men would never have overcome the fear of interacting and eventually having sex with other clans. Thus ensuring the survival of the species.
This is what is commonly considered a breakthrough. Freud is spinning in his grave.
Our extinction is a Hallmark card away.
He later suggests that in order to love someone else one must love themselves. A classic “needs before other needs” argument.
Unfortunately, no one really loves themselves. And if they do, they need to get to know themselves better. Unfortunately, no one is really happy. So, let’s be unhappy together.
I call her up to tell her to build a mini version of San Jose for me to devastate.
Her roommate tells me she is on the phone long-distance with her aunt.
I want to kill every member of her extended family.
Phenylethylamine (PEA), the chemical responsible for the swooning and feelings of adoration, is structurally similar to cocaine. Most people choose cocaine over love when given the chance.
I wouldn’t say that’s a bad choice.
The endorphins released during infatuation are similar to heroin; only they don’t make you skinny and pale. Oxytocin, “the cuddling hormone” most often found in new mothers and newlyweds, are like ecstasy- every touch feels a bit tinglier.
Love exists in a bottle. In a syringe. I want mine diluted with water.
Most people would choose gambling over love when given the chance. We are the rat.
Most people choose pornography over love when given the chance. We are the cave-man.
Hallmark cards and boxes of Fanny-May chocolates will save humanity.
It’s all in the marketing. Kellogg and the original Graham Cracker originally marketed their products as a way to stifle teenage masturbation
I call her up to go over the blue prints for a miniature Atlanta because I crave catastrophe.
Her answering machine picks up. Right now I hate her voice.
It reminds me of how much I think about her.
She is the fraud. The faker. I can’t stop thinking about her.
I miss her lips curling with those lies.
I miss her body- See, she has a body that will go to the pornstar retirement home in her golden years- or prostitute heaven.
to my favorite liar: you were always/never just a line in a song.
- petey
–Saturday, October 09, 2004–
Release The Brats
Canada was amazing. Vancouver. Kissing weather but no kissing was done. If you’re coming out to any shows anytime soon I am in need of this one kind of shampoo its called purple shampoo or its in a purple bottle- it washes the color out of blonde hair- anyway the black is sneaking into the blonde and I need some. You can get it at beauty supply places. Ill hook you up with some merch or clan gear… Here’s the hitch I only need one bottle…
I’ve been calling you late at night in my mind. My bed misses me and you.
Petey
President of the brats.
Sweet lil dudes gang
posted by: tbok at 7:55 pm
–Sunday, October 10, 2004–
Status Report: I Am Missing You To Death
so the update. i got the shampoo so ignore the earlier post, though thank you for even caring at all. im in portland.
i used to have headaches.
then i met you. now im onto
something new.
posted by: tbok at 4:41 pm
–Monday, October 11, 2004–
143
I could tell she was searching for something. Something punishing. Something unforgivable.
“I hope your plane crashes.”
Somewhere deep down so did i.
she always had this look of awe on her face when i looked at her (i should have told her, i don’t do “awe” but i will settle for “sympathy”). we all settle- sometimes you want chocolate and all they have is vanilla- sometimes you want romance, and instead you got me. im the sick feeling in your stomach the next morning when you remember the night before. i am the trash on the floor after the last dance.
i can only sleep on tylenol pms lately and they cant touch these headaches.
i swear to god i would give this all up if you asked.
the way i’d pretend that i could see you and not have my hands all over you if you would pretend i didn’t know everything.
the way i wrote every song about you, because of you, for you. but you were still always the first person i played them for.
how i cant pull the trigger.
im all the parts of a bullet but the powder.
if you were smart you’d skip this part.
you’d just stop reading.
i know this jumps around everywhere and doesn’t make much sense. i didn’t write this one. my moods did.
somewhere along the way. you decided i was settling.
but i never gave up on anything as pretty as you.
everytime the plane bumps, i think of you.
we cant stand being this close to eachother, even inside of IM windows.
and you said “im turning my phone off, ive had enough of this conversation for the night”.
and i think maybe that theres still a chance.
its like roulette- if the phones on then you still love me, theres still a chance. if it’s off- then i was wrong.
its like roulette, and im putting all my chips on black.
(your phone is off).
i never stood a chance. the house always wins.
imagine me at my worst- and i am just past that.
the sign on the road says “welcome to rock bottom”.
i own all the real estate.
this is us both signing off.
posted by: tbok at 11:39 pm
–Friday, October 15, 2004–
Songs Don’t Settle Scores So How About Me And All My Friends Vs. You And All Of Yours
If you’ve seen me around lately, I’m not sad or in a bad mood. I’m sick. It gets me really quiet and weird. I apologize. The west coast is so much fun. My mom is the cutest. She thinks someone broke into our house to steal new fall out boy demos, hehe, pretty good. Just on this side of crazy. I love my mom. This journal entry is all over the place. So I posted some pics of the new hair- you gotta look around and you’ll find them… Its not too hard. Got some good news for you soon.
P
posted by: tbok at 2:08 am
–Tuesday, October 19, 2004–
Jason Tate Doesn’t Ever Call Me Back
Vegas. The luck only goes one way. Piece of advice. Don’t bet all your merch money on red. Don’t dream of anyone except me. Were half way there. We’ve got even newer songs, some new merch, and some new ways of throwing it all away.
Jared tell jason to call me.
Peter
posted by: tbok at 6:13 pm
–Thursday, October 21, 2004–
If Its Any Consolation
Every song on our next record will be about killing the head cheerleader.
posted by: tbok at 7:30 pm
–Sunday, October 24, 2004–
Cowboys And Girls.
There’s something intensely foreign but endearing about texas. Put the love on hold. We move slow.
Were sitting out dances on the wall of club after the show. You said “I’m faded, but you should think this over cause it could take all night”. But I’m pretty sure you were just faded. My bunk feels like a coffin tonight. The airs humid here, hard to breathe- it makes every pull worth it. You’re lighting cigarettes off of eachother. You say it calms your nerves, but it doesn’t show.
Texas is the reason: apple soda, frozen poptarts, holister kids: ashley, jamie, renee, my dad, long letters vs. Short emails, laguna beach, zombie make up, dirty, cranberry and vodka minus the vodka.
Oh yeah, I guess some people brought me cigarettes to the show. I don’t smoke. That’s joe who posted that. Also, don’t feel like you have to bring anything.
Take this as it is. Spit: this is the curtain call on desperation. So come out and take a bow. Depression is so 90s. Hit it or quit it. There’s a world out there and I’m almost ready to feel alive in it. This is me telling you no one will ever feel like that again.
Lateralligator.
Peterpan
posted by: tbok at 12:40 am
–Tuesday, October 26, 2004–
“Everywhere I Go I Keep Her Picture In My Wallet”
Sometimes you take chances. You take and and take. And then you take when you should have folded. Read this as: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. And know its true. No love is unconditional.
See you soon.
….fellas like me only spit lines like we’ve got somthing to prove. And all the boys want to dance with girls like you…..
posted by: tbok at 11:52 pm
–Wednesday, October 27, 2004–
Where America Goes To Die
Florida: we’re gonna have a new limited shirt just for you, beginning at the st. Pete show.
Also, if anyone wants to carve pumpkins. Come to the show early and ask for me or our tour manager dan. Here’s the catch. You have to supply the pumpkins, the knives and the spoons.
Peter
posted by: tbok at 1:46 pm
10/28/2004 - 3:58 AM EST
You know the funny thing is I already know how its gonna turn out.
Get the book: www.clandestineindustries.com
- petey
–Saturday, October 30, 2004–
My Wrists Are Black And Blue Cause I Don’t Have The Balls
Fuck. I wish I could scream this into the screen. I don’t feel too eloquent right now.
Icalled you to save me. Voicemails don’t mean shit these days.
Its not worth the wishes on clocks and eyelashes anymore.
posted by: tbok at 1:30 am
–Tuesday, November 02, 2004–
Complaining Couldnt Touch This Kid.
i would feel bad ever telling anyone what to do. i have thought for months what i would say or how i should act- ive thought and thought. i don’t like kerry or bush (i like kerry alot more than bush though). i am going to vote for john kerry. i won’t beg you or tell you to do anything. but if you are of voting age and are in a swing state. please think hard and make the choice that fits you best.
peter
posted by: tbok at 10:14 am
–Wednesday, November 03, 2004–
Your Princess Is In Another Castle
happyhalloween
posted by: tbok at 3:49 pm
–Thursday, November 04, 2004–
Brothers And Sisters.
the smell of fall. leaves. the weakerthans show- “the sidewalks watching me think about you”. both ewok movies back to back. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. the things they write about me versus how it really goes. the book being in my hands- how we all feel in our skin. sometimes when you’re caught you just gotta throw your hands up and confess. the way you smile when you say his name like you never do with me. new songs.
peterpumpkineater
posted by: tbok at 1:42 pm
–Thursday, November 11, 2004–
Drop It Like Its Hot
The day spent dreading flying. I am scared to fly for some reason. Make it to las vegas. Our flight to l.a. Was cancelled. Drove from vegas to l.a. Began working on the songs. Me and patrick are sharing an apartment here, so are joe and andy. Its like old times. The weather is amazing. There are so many good shows here. Went to over it. Gonna try and see morrissey in a couple of days. Hung out with my friend kate from the fight. She’s rad. We went up on muholand drive and saw the entire city. It made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. She says the word “vitamins” funny cause she’s british. She also say the word “safe” a lot and calls sneakers trainers. Their record comes out next week. I command you to buy it. I miss home but this record is going to be worth it. I promise. Its going to make you think about things in a new way.
Sorry for the boring journal entry. I realize I didn’t get the closure I wanted from take this to your grave. This record will have the most brutally honest words I have ever written.
That’s all. Lets get hitched and grow old.
Peterpan
posted by: tbok at 1:15 am
–Sunday, November 14, 2004–
I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Fucking Mouth
We’ve got about 23 songs right now. Were gonna cut it down and figure them out. Its strange staying in one place for so long. If you’re watching tv tommorrow- we snuck some tickets for the american music awards- I’m sure well be like a million rows back but well try to start a fight or spill a drink on someone famous on camera so you can get a laugh. I’m sure they’ll never let us stop by again…
Peterpumpkineater
posted by: tbok at 2:23 am
–Monday, November 15, 2004–
Finally An Entry That Doesnt Involve Joe’s General Tso’s Chicken
the AMAs were less than interesting as i am sure anyone who watched knows. ana nicole smith was fucking faded as hell. it was like watching a blondehaired trainwreck. walked onto the red carpet by accident but we are so unfamous that we didn’t even get in trouble. got to eat good food and people watch at stupid parties. hung out with my buddy chad and some kids. watched kanye west with like thirty other people- kanye west is amazing. im getting pretty sleepy. maybe ill think of something better in the morning.
im
just
out
of
chances
p
posted by: tbok at 4:14 am
–Monday, November 15, 2004–
We Only Do It For The Attention.
I’m just a broken emo record.
Time to retreat to other areas.
You know where to find. Or maybe you don’t.
me and patrick are gonna go cry and hold hands.
Wink. Smile.
Peter
posted by: tbok at 2:34 pm
–Wednesday, November 24, 2004–
Its Too Bad You Only Look So Goddamned Beautiful When You’re Crying Your Eyes Out
i am going to do a better update soon. but just to say- the recording is coming along. andy is almost done with drums. his hair is so flowing. like a pony. nyc was amazing as usual. we have some suprises coming up. (if you don’t like suprises than you also probably don’t like saturdays, palm trees, puppies, ice cream, first kisses, etc). fuse was fun. thanks for coming out and hanging out, i felt pretty dorky and was a glad there were some people there. im sorry i had to leave right from there to my plane, so i am sorry i couldn’t stick around and hang out. we’ll be there all day on dec. 26th to make up for it. also, it was definitely weird being anywhere with out the rest of the band so don’t expect too much of that. we are attatched at the hip.
you can get “the boy with the thorn in his side” at select hottopic’s starting this week. if yours doesn’t have it, ask them to order it for you.
more later. peter
oh yeah to the girl who gave me the signed morrissey picture and jetted before i could thank, THANK YOU.
posted by: tbok at 3:53 pm
11/26/2004 - 2:06 AM EST
their eyes are like pills. its funny. the blue ones take to you down. the brown ones pick you up. it
doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. there are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in life. they are there to mark the chapters. highlights so you pay attention to the changes. dogeared pages. the way she looked at me the first time- all the blood ran out of me. with the biggest eyes. that trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived. so i blinked. i faked like i couldnt tell. i was always so goddamned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. and i cant count the times i crushed them. and you realize that they will never look up at you the same.
i cant blame you for giving up on me.
join the club.
i have a lifetime membership.
- petey
–Thursday, December 02, 2004–
I Cant Sleep Easy Knowing Theres Someone Out There Thinking Or Not Thinking About Me plane.pillstosleep.dream.drinkstowakeup.amilyingtomyself.isitgettingsomuchbetterorsomuchworse.imsofullofmyselfithinkimightspilloverbutatthesametimeicantstandwalkingpastmirrors.
come here and see how it really goes:
http://www.mtvu.com/contests/fall_out_boy/
p
posted by: tbok at 12:36 am
–Sunday, December 05, 2004–
You Are A Stone Fox.
for serious. its been since like always.
its like something bigger than cool the way i can think for hours about the space between your ankle and your knee. how its just carbon molocules but how come they come together just like that.
its so simple. it slows me down. when my eyes roll underneath the lids it feels like they are running you over carbon paper so they won’t forget. at the same time it just gets me going. like the way my heart beats so hard that i’m pretty sure it makes you laugh that you can get me that on edge.
it even hits me in the back of my legs.
and keeps me up at night.
ive been recording bass tracks, the record is starting to really come together- some song names: “the hand of god (worldcup 1986), i’ve got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your fucking mouth” and some others- the guys from finch stopped by- we never met them but they seemed pretty rad. i would recommend checking out there new record.
if you’re in california, i will be at the chain reaction on december 7 watching gym class heroes tear it up. come by and hang out with me.
i really like these guys fall asleep to the song: somewhatlikeawayout.
it will make you feel better.
i couldn’t be more content. we’ll be hanging around southern california- maybe we could even meet up and exchange compliments and high-fives!
peter
oh yeah alot of you have been asking about “the boy”– and i guess that was just kind of an introduction to these nightmares i used to have in my head. i have about 70 more pages written that fill in the gaps and all, i’m not sure if it will ever be released maybe in another book or just on the internet- only if i can have the same art drawn for it. either way that was only the beginning of the story.
posted by: tbok at 1:31 am
–Thursday, December 09, 2004–
You Know The Type, Loud As A Motorbike.
good spirits everywhere. i woke up smiling this morning. andy flew home and is doing whatever people do in wisconsin. joe order dominos hot wings multiple times a day and wears a green john deer hat- i think his new best friend is knights of the old republic. patrick downloads music that makes me laugh, me and him are the ultimate odd couple- (see also: me waking him up at 3 in the morning to ask him not to think of white elephants). korean tom cruise gets paid to sit on the internet and croquet tech me and hot wing tech joe. i am currently the worlds worst roomate, worlds best croquet player, and dying for the lemony snickett movie to come out. and your best kept secret.
if you like contests or Sno-quet: whoomp there it is [link to http://www.fueledbyramen.com/clan.php]
r.i.p. dimebag
posted by: tbok at 12:20 pm
12/10/2004 - 6:22 AM EST
los angeles is funny but not like laughing, more like lonely.
we crashed some hilarious spin magazine party with the all american rejects.
it was full of bad hair cuts and worse tattoos. it made me glad to be from a small town but at the same time intrigued enough to watch it all go down.
me and lindsay lohan are sick of the gossip and scandals.
- petey
12/12/2004 - 5:14 AM EST
urgent update: life aquatic is the best movie of the year.
watch it. change the way you think.
- petey
12/14/2004 - 10:13 PM EST
my parents just left. its weird. i was homesick and then home came to me. but now i think i’m gonna feel worse with them being gone. i feel like i’d be so lost without them. it kind of makes my lungs feel too small when i think about life without them. i’ve been thinking alot about life lately and just all of the mistakes i’ve collected over the years. just how i’m so sick of falling back on them. i dropped my flaws in the mail with no return address. go easy. i’m gonna try and do it right this time. i think i like this music for real: www.christopherstrange.com -
okay so ive read some pretty hilarious things on the internet about us- actually made me fall out of my seat laughing. so i want to play a game with you. if you read this and have ever wondered anything about fall out boy or any of us, post it on our messageboard under a post called: twenty questions. and i will get them answered for you. no mean or stupid ones are getting answered (ie, why is pete so gay or how come patricks voice is so good), anything else is game. when it hits twenty good ones i will answer them in here.
- petey
–Tuesday, December 28, 2004–
A.W.S.E.M.E.-O
Drove on christmas day. The shows have been lovely so far. I got my hair dyed my hair its red and black. You maybe hate it. But I’m weird so it doesn’t matter. I love playing shows again. This means so much to us.
I won’t bore you with anymore… But if you come early to the shows please dress warmly and bring blankets and mittens. I don’t want anyone getting sick or feeling miserable.
P
posted by: tbok at 8:57 am
–Friday, December 31, 2004–
Happy New Year.
dear everyone: thanks for an amazing 5 days. the party that ended it was too sickfor words. flava flav showed up and sang “911 is a joke”. i’d spill it all. but thats just not my style.
xxoo. find some lips for midnight and get some.
or not.
peter
posted by: tbok at 4:07 pm
12/31/2004 - 5:28 PM EST
so to whoever egged our van last week. my dog marley ate all the eggs on the front lawn and got salmonella poisoning.
congratulations.
you fucking rule.
if my dog dies i’m going to punch you in the face.
- petey
½/2005 - 4:09 PM EST
the dog update. so alot of people seemed concerned about marley and that made me feel better. he puked every five minutes for a day or so and then went to the emergency vet. there they injected him with saline solution that made his back feel all bumpy when you petted him. now he’s doing better. thank god i don’t have to punch anyone cause i’m pretty little and don’t like to get punched back. marley is doing pretty good now too. he’s not bumpy anymore so he’s back to his handsome self. all the chick dogs think he’s super hot, trust me. my other dog pandora tries to hump him all the time. it’s pretty gross you know. but you can’t fault them for being in love. like that one disney movie lady and the tramp.
i got a new years wish about you.
- petey
1/6/2005 - 4:40 AM EST
chicago to los angeles survival guide: uncrustables, XOskeletons, capri suns, seinfeld seasons 1 and 2, the weakerthans, etc.
how about how the transformers was supposed to take place in 2005.
now it’s here. where are all the fucking autobots.
love peter
- petey
–Monday, January 10, 2005–
Its Funny The Way People Only Say Stuff Like “You Could Never Be Replaced” Right Before They Replace You
the sky is out again. i let myself get drawn into airing the dirty laundry in this funny place we call the internet again. and as much as i say “never again”- i am sure it will happen. once again proof that i am just as flawed, if not more, than anyone else. that being said. i feel happy right now- okay, like sunny and 75 degrees. thanks for that. we’ve got all kinds of plans that no one knows about. go listen to the new academy is song over at www.purevolume.com/theacademyis
what it looks like from the valley: Its been pouring rain here for four days straight- this isn’t a metaphor for a thing, It’s just how it goes. Even the sewers are sick of it- they’re spitting water back out. the city’s in a suspicious green light not quite haunted but definitely considering it. The boarded up windows aren’t for keeping anything out, they’re for keeping secrets like treasures inside. The basement window is cracked like a spiders web only without the queen in the middle. I pull it up and slip inside. Breathe in a hundred years of disappointment in the form of dust and water stained paper. These places are never quite like in dreams or movies but they are gold none the less. What the fuck could a kid like me ever know about LOnelyS ANGELES. I just want you to know the only reason I ever had double standards is because I cant stand the thought of just one of anything, it just feels so lonely. Pull the chain on a light that doesn’t work- pretty much that sums it up. Climb creaking stairs to rooms that used to be alive. The sunlight cuts in green-white between boards on the windows. We’re not getting out of this one. Its times like this that feel safe to be all alone. Because its my choice. I am the boarded up windows. I am the old man asleep on the porch across the street, dreaming in black and white. take a screwdriver out to fix all the bad habits that I had foolishly broken in anger- There is a chest in the corner. I crack it open and it breathes deep like it has come back to life. i read “There are two sides to digging up the past- pros: you remember things you had forgotten about, cons: you remember things you had forgotten about”. Sit here on the floor barely breathing in all the dust hanging in the air like gray and brown stars. Think about the way none of these stories are finished ever because that’s how I am. I cant close the door on a thing. I just sit back in the cut and wait to be called out. never putting down the last period. Never signing off. you feel like a new sweater on the first day of school- perfect but nervous-and tonight is just off of rocket sHIPS.
posted by: tbok at 10:31 pm
1/11/2005 - 1:32 AM EST
so we heard that the fob xmas cards from the tour are being sold on ebay. we think that is bullshit. they were always meant to be free for our fans and friends. we have some left so if you send a self addressed stamped envelope to korean tom cruise he will send you one. head over to his livejournal for that. www.livejournal.com/~asiandan
do not pay for them online!
p.s. today i told patrick he needed to turn down the patitude.
- petey
–Wednesday, January 12, 2005–
Ive Got My Stitches Stitched, Ive Got My Fixes Fixed
so an actual update. so pretty much our dates consist of: i dream. i wake up at around 10 and watch lifetime movies for an hour. then i yell into patrick’s room cause i am pretty much his mom out here. we then get into the car, not talking because we’re both kind of grumpy in the morning. luckily the oldies station is badass out here and we become best buds again when we sing along to UB40’s “i can’t help falling in love…” and tony bennet’s “it’s not unusual” or whatever it’s called. the car pretty much becomes this sweet vegas lounge. when we get to the studio, i go right to computer and pretend to work on lyrics but pretty much just play this game called runescape where i get to kill goblins and barbarian women. patrick goes and works on guitar. we eat deltaco which is like taco bell only better (if thats even possible). we then go and work on vocals whcih mostly just consists of me and patrick making fun of eachother and doing imitations of eachotherback and forth. we have some cool guests on the record, some suprises. one is flying in from chicago tommorrow, we are pretty excited. we finished a song today called “my name is david ruffin and these are the temptations”- you either get it or you don’t. the record is gonna be called: from under the cork tree. again, it refers to something we think is pretty amazing. i need to get back to eating burritos and killing goblins.
peter
posted by: tbok at 3:10 pm
–Friday, January 14, 2005–
I Cant Stop/Stand Myself
new photos and love [clandestine industries link]
posted by: tbok at 6:06 pm
–Sunday, January 16, 2005–
In A World Of Sluts I Keep The Wet Dream Alive
sorry the lj is over for now. i read everything you liked/disliked about yourselves so i feel like it went out really well. thank you for sharing that with me. though towards the end there was too much fighting and ridiculous stuff being said- including calling my friends sluts and all. i can’[t control anonymous posters except by deleting the entire thing- and you’ve heard it before you can say whatever you want about me but as soon as it involves my friends, i wont deal with it. it’s just not what i want to read- instead i am going to read: the stranger by Camus- i’d recommend it to you. on our messageboard recommend one to me and then go outside and play in the sun or the snow depending on where you live.
cause you aint got nobody and i aint got nobody either- so lets be alone together.
posted by: tbok at 1:18 pm
–Monday, January 24, 2005–
Isn’t It Messed Up, How I’m Just Dying To Be Him
sometimes i look back at the things i write and just want to throw it away. its like when it gets kind of bad the words just fall off my tongue and fingertips. but when it’s at it’s worst- its just contrite and cliche. not that any of this matters. but when posts are disappearing it’s just me realizing i am being overdramatic. we’re looking in mirrors and laughing cause we’re in on it (princes of the scene, makeout queens).
you’re making it okay: uncrustables (strawberry only), tiny hoodies from the little boys section of thrift stores, new bright eyes, this movie windy city heat- i swear to god it is the funniest movie i have ever seen, elliot smith “from a basement…”, chocolate cake milkshakes, full moons, 80 degree weather in january, catcher in the rye (almost as cliche as me, but its the best there is, its safe), stealing clothes from photoshoots instead of doing laundry (never should have let us try on the clothes hahaha), the san diego zoo, bob for buying me an electic scooter-FBR tour is gonna be radical, new panic at the disco song, patrick laughing at me trying to squeeze into hilarious jeans- i promise you it’s gonna happen, champaign for my real friends- real pain for my sham friends.
i think you’re gonna like the new record, it’s like a day away from being finished- at least the recording part….
as for the internet drama. its over. we’re all friends- and fob fans are way cooler than any other bands. you are the only thing that makes it worthwhile.
“it feels like the first day of my life, glad i didn’t die before i met you”.
peterabbit
posted by: tbok at 11:34 pm
–Thursday, January 27, 2005–
Holy Fuck.
please be my date to this [link to corpse bride trailer]
Oh yeah and “the boy with thorn in his side” is now available in all hottopics. Thanks to you guys for bugging em to get it in… Now pick up a copy there!
Peterpan
posted by: tbok at 1:47 am
1/29/2005 - 4:37 AM EST
we have finished recording our new record and have a couple of weeks of mixing before we head home to chicago. just to let you know this was one of the hardest and most important things i have done in my life. i spent hours and hours trying to think what words would mean the most, what we had to say.
i am listening to the rough versions of the songs.
i hope that when it’s finally said and done it means as much to you as it does to me.
p
- petey
2/1/2005 - 7:33 PM EST
im guessing you are regretting this monster you created. he gave me a prescription and said “these will take take care of your shyness”. noone really gets that part though. and who ever wanted you to come out of your shell anyhow. maybe im just pretty sure that i am a total bore. and there’s nothing tragic at all, this is (i’m) completely ordinary. and that’s whats so tragic. it’s so fucking mundane. so while we’re all wasting our eyesight on these screens late into the night dying to find some connection to someone- our backs breaking from being hunched over the keyboard- im sending mail addressed to myself just so i get some. im looking in the mirror and dissecting myself, just a smile connected to a pulse, barely connected at that. this wont make any sense when i read it in the morning. i dont want to sleep alone anymore.
- petey
–Friday, February 04, 2005–
Honeynutcheerios
I am gonna do a real update later. Me and patrick are sitting the cafe they shot swingers in. I keep calling patrick “baby”. Joe and andy are asleep back in the midwest. I saw the initial art for the record cover today, I don’t think you will expect it. I like it a lot though. look around the internet for a new song in the next month or so, it will be very very hidden.
Our friends in new found glory are in europe right now so we had to send chad an mp3 to scream on and send back, bi-continental like jayz “the blueberry still connects”… Look out for that on the record. Chad that is, not jay z.
Oh yeah is it me or do I have a total crush on “kate was like” from the messageboard. Brighteyes, weakerthans, super cute and an attitude… Swoon. Girls don’t come much hotter.
Too bad I’m gay.
oh yeah and i’m trapped in l.a. and homesick. so i want to exchange intergeek valentines with you. if you send me a sweet valentine message, ill send you one back: valentinepete@hotmail.com-
be mine
Peeeeeeeter
ps im playing ghosts and gobins on oldschool nintendo and i think im gonna make a bottle of milk that tastes like after honey nut cheerios were in it- how good would it be if they sold that shit. im not making sense,
posted by: tbok at 12:55 am
–Tuesday, February 08, 2005–
Iamthedream - Youarethedreamer
new clandestine stuff for the spring, pick it up over at www.clandestineindustries.com in the next couple of months.
posted by: tbok at 10:28 pm
–Monday, February 14, 2005–
Turn Up The Geek Factor
im sorry i have gotten sick. my valentines will be finished as soon as possible.
stay lovely.
peter
posted by: tbok at 9:16 pm
3/2/2005 - 6:38 PM EST
alive and (un)well. just being melodramatic when it’s completely unnecessary. got blue pill eyes behind black eyelids. my mind is running but more like in place, kind of how life is. you wouldn’t understand what i mean. you and they have been here before but it isn’t the same for me. and trying to explain anything is just leaving me with a dry mouth and sore shoulders and you shaking your head (not in disagreement but more like disbelief). “mellow out”- but thats been the problem all along, at least it’s eben one of them. i feel like a nocturnal animal in the zoo at 12 noon. me turning away from you so you don’t see my eyes when im walking out the door when im waving my hand back and forth and saying “i’m doing so-so” cause thats what i think someone “regular” would say. you saying “shake it off get back in the game kid. we’re gonna be okay”- but trailing off in a whisper cause i know you dont even believe yourself. the volume goes with the truth. naivetey feels very strange on me but is as warm as the shyness that comes with it. you’d never guess that. new york transit love affair. the veins going underneath the streets that feel so foreign yet endearing. it’s not charm, i just don’t get it. trust me (but not really). couch living (dead) has me hanging onto phone lines. darling, i’m not making sense and my throat is sore- maybe at least you know i mean it. dreading when your voicemail as it clicks on. and on and on and on. its me logging off.
see you on tour soon. new clandestine merch over at your local hottopic.
- petey
3/13/2005 - 6:13 PM EST
love is just going on because. we’re trying to get real. my bunk feels like a coffin but my corpse deserves a parade around the country. wearing makeup cause she said i was pretty in it but i know im just d(sh)ying. here’s to spring cleaning (up all the messes we made over winter). ive got new habits and loves including: words all over again, bloody lips, and fuck offs. “9 weeks can’t change you”. but you don’t even get it. words just love me more. no worries though. you: “damn kid you just look so sad”. me: “….”. but im changing. get (re)born. i dont want this anymore.
drive me dead.
get busy living or get busy dying.
- petey
3/22/2005 - 4:49 AM EST
love doesnt mean a thing if its not leaving us light headed- all my headaches are in my chest for you now.
- petey
4/13/2005 - 4:52 PM EST
hey girls. special post for you. i am looking for a womens blazer that would fit a dude about my size- black or striped or whatever. ill trade you something cool. collar shirts too. im down for whatever. bring it to the show, ill trade you up. love peter
btw- xs in dudes, probably m or l in girls…. aaaaaaannnnd dont feel like you gotta bring anything but your smile- woo.
- petey
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
naked peek a boo what.
brendanP!ATD: Dude my mouth and mostly my tongue is all leathery from eating too many gobstoppers.
BrendanP!ATD: its so shitty
PeteFOB: hahaha
PeteFOB: thats the price of sweetness
oh yeah. just to ruin your crush on me i went and dyed my hair black and purple. hehe. oh and yes i do have a sister.
i want a girl that doesnt have time to think things through
posted by: peterrrrrrrpan
Thursday, April 21, 2005
“namedrop it like it’s hot”
sorry cincinatti, we had an early buscall and patricks sick and im sick in the head. i let a ghost catch me.
sometimes its (not) okay to lose your mind.
peter
posted by: peterrrrrrrpan
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Here we are under the radar across the border. I’m sorry I seem to have lost my mind.
Me: how bad did I look on tv?
You: you looked okay
You: would it be gay of my to tell you that the purple brought out you eyes?
Me: hahahaha
Safe.
Patricks birthday is tommorrow. I am in love with him so give him presents.
Still l i/o ving
Xxoo
posted by: pete
5/3/2005 - 3:45 AM EST
i love the way you type…
ps. didn’t you think it would be about time where it got to the point where people hated us just for the sake of it? i have so much to say about it but i am keeping it in. it’s just not worth addressing every internet claim or review. no offense to your standards but i don’t think you got the point of what we were doing. THE LYRICS and SONGS are a commentary on YOU. you are what is ruining music and what we love… we aren’t writing summer songs and we aren’t writing progressive music- we’re calling you out- so when we’re reading your IMs, we’re laughing cause you didn’t even get it. everything you read about us isn’t true. i’m not saying everyone should love our record or us, that would be ridiculous. music is a very subjective thing. i understand that but your condescending bullshit and unnecessary harshness doesn’t go unnoticed. we remember you and the way you can’t ever say anything to our faces. what are you in it for? the music or the misery? thanks to the people who have stuck by us through thick and thin… you are our heart.
what would they say if they could see us now?
keep l i/o ving
- petey
Wednesday, May 4, 2005
thank you nyc for coming out to our first record release. we have our second in chicago. we are so excited. we have many things we are planning to make your pretty head spin.
what about jay-z and beyonce rocking out to fob? totally one of the few times i have ever felt super starstruck at one of our shows. crazy shit like that only happens in new york…
i lost my cellphone yesterday- send the waaaaahmbulance as soon as possible.
xxoo
posted by: peterpanda
05/11/2005
Thank You
On behalf of Fall Out Boy, I wanted to thank all our fans out there for showing their support with the new record. We debuted in the Top 10 on the Billboard charts, and it’s more than any of us could ever imagine when we started this band. We owe all our success to you, and can’t wait to see everyone on the road again.
-Pete
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
i recieved this email a couple of days ago and have been being asked everyday since:
“There are flyers all over…and posted on MySpace sites…promoting a benefit show at Bethel Church in Palatine, hosted by Stereo Therapy Records. ( www.stereotherapyrecords.com)
Listed as playing…
American Homecoming
Breaking Back
Dear Me, Dear You
Just Left
Marty McFly
Second Star
Lost On 53
&
Mystery Guest
Then at the bottom are pictures of all the bands…including Fall Out Boy.
Then a kid in one of those bands asked me if you could sell out the place.
It holds 400.
Then another kid in one of the bands playing is telling people that you guys confirmed several days ago.
So are you playing it?
If not, they have definitely been using your image to promote the show on flyers and on their website, hinting that you will be playing.
April 25, 2005
"Hey stellas and stellers, I hope your week has been treating you well. I miss you all. The May 28th show at the Bethel Lutheran Church in Palatine has been confirmed. Go to the events for more information. We will have a special guest closing the show, and trust me, you will not want to miss it.”“
we are NOT playing this show, we will be out of town. we will not begin playing secret shows until after the fall next year and they will all be benefit shows…. we are all for supporting the local scene but at the same time do not want you to be suprised when we do not show up. please support local bands because they deserve it.
05/17/2005
We’re sorry, Syracuse.
We apologize for cancelling the show in syracuse. We were really excited to play with boys night out and thorn for every heart. We hate cancelling shows and promise you that we will make it up to you. –
peteywentz
5/26/2005 - 1:58 PM EST
Its not me, its you
The (after)life® of the party
Blow out the candles
And try to forget another year of favors (and how long its gonna take to repay them)
And sleeping in between cities
Im up to the hips with dreams
We’re green and gold racing towards 6 am
Who was me last night?
“slow down pretty boy”
but youre just not keeping up
and I never told you the way I love how you sleep in your make up
its not romance but itll have to do
would it be forward of me to say im the best youll (n)ever have
and dollface dreams are just something that get in the way of giving in
broken down not broken out
im only good for a couple of hours on your couch,
hand down the front of your pants or maybe for a story or two
im a stitch away from making it
and a scar away from falling apart
full moon pills got me out on the streets at night
watch me transform in the moonlight
I watch you work the room
Knowing that its their smiles and clinking drinks at cocktail hour
But its always me at this time of night
Hips pressed close to mine – true blue
The way they talk about you aint even close
Envelopes postmarked to nowhere
Vacant baby
Im checking out
failure never looked so pretty
Line em up, flashes across the room in red
Kiss me electric
Leave my best days in memories
And my bestlines closed tight in books
Keep the lights off so I cant see your tears
She said “we should move somewhere deep in the middle of july”
And I replied “dream me up something better than me and you”
- petey
06/09/2005
THE TRL TAKEOVER CONTINUES
thanks so much for voting us onto the countdown on TRL today!!! its insane to think about the bands we are up against and how their fans rank in the millions but that we simply have more dedicated and amazing fans!!!! it sent chills down my spine that you guys brought us there. and for everything we’ve ever put into this band, you paid us back with this. please keep voting on friday, we want to show them we can stay! the phones mean so much more than the web but do whatever you can when it comes to voting.
truefucking love.
Peter
6/14/2005 - 2:50 PM EST
her dad was a cook.
more like a chemist.
now he’s doing time for burning down a shack out in the woods.
she gets her affection through two inch bulletproof glass two weekends a month, when her mother will drive her out there.
her hair is nosebleed red kinda funny in the way she always has the sniffles too, but you wouldn’t laugh out loud, just in your head.
but me i’m brave, but in the boy next door kind of way. gone wrong ofcourse.
she says her family used to ski in vail.
i’m thinking this is a thinly veiled code for something about drugs but i’m not sure.
someone should wipe that smile off of her face.
someone should tell her that she’s a terminal case and ruin her day.
not me, you know i’m kinda too into her.
it’s the kind of conversation i’d engage behind cigarette smoke late at night with someone else.
she’s like exposed brick. its not really as classy as people in manhattan apartments will tell you.
she always talks my ear off.
telling me amazing stories from the middle of nowhere.
i can hear the crickets chirping.
and the tumbleweeds blowing.
like how the 92 flood of mississippi was so bad that the water went into graveyards and she saw coffins floating down the street on the news.
peaceful resting place.
when we walk into a casino in vegas she tells me how they pump oxygen through the vents to keep people from feeling tired. how they make them like a maze around the casino floor so you can’t find exits. how they keep the drinks coming for free. how everything is inclusive, you can get whatever you need, so you won’t leave. she tells you to notice how there isn’t anywhere to sit down except in front of a slot machine. she tells you it’s just to get you to keep gambling.
as if it’t a conspiracy.
just so you know she also calls tornados: twisters. and she’s been in too many to count.
today she said the sky looked too nice, "it just isn’t right”.
we have patchwork afternoons like this.
just sewn together but not really matching.
we would if we could though. just coming apart at the seams and thats what’s so attractive about eachother.
we could beat this rap. we could change your mind about us. we could live through this.
we just don’t want to.
fuck your futures.
- petey
6/20/2005 - 6:55 PM EST
haiku for you…
moonlit blues dimming
veins full of point fives and ones
turning my head off
just watch my mind run
over by the ambulance
side effect lover
- petey
Thursday, June 23, 2005
From the bottom of our blackened hearts. Thank you for making us number one on trl. Its hotter than hell in dallas right now and we want to go to a waterpark. Koreantom cruise isn’t helping it go down though.
We always knew how you felt. Now the world knows.
Honestly. Beaming from cheek to cheek.
posted by: peter
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Sometimes when you’re feeling this blue the right smile can save you.
posted by: peter
7/4/2005 - 7:37 PM EST
your number one with a bullet:
i love the way you have with me.
i love william beckett. like a boy loves a boy.
i love this one girl. she makes me swoon.
i love your tired eyes trying to keep up with us on stage.
i love the way youre gonna make me an honest man.
and im kinda easy on the eyes sometimes, right?
i love being up at 9 am.
i love the night.
i love living forever.
i love summer.
i am loving this.
and you and everything.
you cant miss me, baby boy, we’re doing big things.
thanks for always being the bestfriends and fans we could ever have.
- petey
7/12/2005 - 4:29 AM EST
i’m in canada. it can’t take me. i am stealing all of it’s candy and pretty colored money. hidden behind eyes painted up to block out the sun. no more talking about hair color and eye color - the who’s who of future failures. throw it away. close your eyes and put the speaker next to your pillow. dream away. dream yourself to life. stop wasting your eyes trying to figure out who is the heart - the smile - the voice - the words. you can’t pull them apart. its just a mess. how you understand us is so one dimensional. but changes are coming. you won’t wrap your head around us so easily. “you’re nobody until somebody loves you” at least that’s half true. let’s not make it through the night. come on. you look so wrong but you feel so right. “he tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter he tastes like you only sweeter…” and so on until the end. sometimes i’m just a goddamned lunatic. but i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how you get off on these words.
baby, ive got it bad for you.
peter
ps i love seeing all the s.o. kids and overcast kids… it makes my heart race
pps just call me up and tell me everything is going to be okay. it came out of nowhere and i just want everyone to know our thoughts are with them.
www.clandestineindustries.com - get your body covered in our ideas… fall line s(w)oon
www.jeanae.com - get your hur cut
www.infectkids.com - get your website designed
- petey
7/19/2005 - 6:14 PM EST
first to all the kids at kimmel! thank you so much. i know alot of kids travelled far away and got there really early. it suprised me how many people i recognized. you didn’t go unnnoticed! alot of people emailed about smashing the bass and what kind of mood i was in. i wish they had shown the whole show. that show made me light up. i felt alive. i don’t know why i break stuff, its cause im little and strange. i throw mic stands and spit water and lick joes guitar. and being able jump on stuff and touch your sweaty little arms, honestly it gives me chills as dumb as it sounds. its all how the chords and words feel when they come out.
“you want a war, you’ve got a war but what are you fighting for?”
hey. here i am 35,000 feet off of the ground writing to you. i will upload this when i land i guess. i’m not even too sure what i am writing for. not breaking new ground or breaking down. just maybe i need to take a break from getting on here so much cause i tend to run my mouth/heart without thinking too much about it. sometimes i need (alright alright) slow down. anyway. all of the growth and changes get to me too. i guess everyone says you get what you wished for. but this was never a genie in a lamp for me. it’s always just been me and my bestfriends. and sometimes it feels weird inside like being pulled apart. and maybe people like my smile and patricks voice and joe’s spins and how nice andy is or they hate how short i am and i can’t think of any of the stuff anyone hates about the other boys but i’ve heard it- and it just feels weird, cause we never did this thing so it would become what it has. we always just wanted to sit in between the speakers in your bedroom and spin you to sleep. and these kids are my bestfriends. we talk about sometimes just disappearing off of the face of the planet and just doing something else. and everyone kind of laughs but just for a minute it sounds like the best idea. we are so happy and in love with everyone who has stuck it out with us. and i’m SOrry if i seem distant at times, my head is just filled with ideas, good and bad- its funny when you keep letting the same person get to you over and over and over and over- i’ll try and be better. after having my livejournal hacked, i kind of decided maybe i need to take a break from just sitting on the internet and trying to decipher every little thing out there and at the same time drop coded messages everywhere. anyway, more than anything. i just wanted to thank you for helping me bloom and become a better person, or at least want to become a person that you could actually look up to. its time to be the dreamer instead of the dream///
talk to you soon.
i am going to go read the entire new harry potter book right this second.
peter
wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. bestfriends, exfriends- better off as lovers not the other way around. racing through the city in the back of yellow checkered cars. the takeoffs are the worst but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. and im sorry the way my moods flicker on and off like old light on your porch, but i know you wouldn’t have it any other way. sneaking in your window instead of out. the way you hold a cigarette cause you don’t know what to do with your hands when we are sitting this close. the way the waists of pants feel better at the ankles. the way you always were my best excuse for calling in sick on everyone else. i miss you.
- petey
Friday, August 5, 2005
Hey. Updater.
1. Florida in august is a sweatlodge. Take my word for it you don’t want to know.
2. The kids here are amazing.
3. I lied. I’m sorry, please forgive me. We are selling the clandestine bartskull necklace at the clan booth on warped.
4. If you get a sec light up the trl lines for us with a couple of votes. You mean the world, either way.
posted by: peeeetah
Friday, August 12, 2005
I am the koolaid jammer. Romances last terrorist, locked away in the back watching emilio estevez and friends dance on the screen from deep in the back. Heyhey updater: the panic! At the disco record is still better than whatever you are listening to right now. Lets get married and move inside one of their songs. October fall is recording out in l.a. Right now. Get ready for big things babies. Me and patrick have been working on new songs already. Swoon. We’ve got an annoucement coming up really soon about a performance. We also did a pretty big interview that will be out in september… It covers a lot we haven’t ever talked about: getting bigger, me missing europe, etc… We’ve got some new merch coming soon and some special nintendo fusion show offers….
“Swear to shake it up if you swear to listen…”
Yeah I wrote a lyric for that song, guess which one… Ill be honest ryan writes circles around me….
posted by: peterpan
8/18/2005 - 6:22 PM EST
dear warped tour,
even though you made us hot and dirty, we had the best summer of our lives and wanted to thank you.
thank you to every single one of you guys that came out, sang the words, crowd surfed, watched or came up to our signing and told us we suck (hehe).
the love is back on.
bigplans.
“we only do it for the scars and stories” still holds true. you don’t even know, and im not telling.
- petey
8/26/2005 - 5:43 PM EST
ah. from the retirement home.
have i told you guys lately that you are the best?
our video retired on TRL today ONLY because of you.
thank you.
that is all.
- petey
Monday, August 29, 2005
Live from the defjam party.
I am in disbelief.
Everytime I question what I am doing, you prove me wrong.
We won the m2 vma. In my opinion the most important award of the night.
We weren’t sure.
I never should have doubted you.
You have NEVER let me down.
You make me proud to be in this band.
We aren’t the biggest. But you make us feel like we are.
We are in love.
More later.
Peter
posted by: peteeeeee
8/30/2005 - 3:49 AM EST
the roc is still alive when fall out boy hits the mic.
can we say that we love you anymore.
you rbought it.
did you hear the collective gasp when they said fall out boy.
shock.
we were standing up to clap for our friends in My Chem, who we were sure had one.
we then realized we didn’t know where to walk to or what to do.
we definitely noticed Usher give us the “WTF?” look when we went by him and hugged my chem.
we didn’t write anything down, so we were very nervous when we got to the mic.
we dressed up like harry potter when we played so we would feel the magic.
we drove to the red carpet in a saturn and fell out cause we are broke.
we realize that beyonce quoted us. we wanted to return the favor “say my name, say my name- you’re acting kinda shady aint callin me baby…”
jayz is the coolest. but luda is kinda close to as cool. and we have a super crush on christina milian. we are happy to be part of the defjamfam.
we realize that you made the world shake just for a second.
we want to pay you back with more than just a discount in our webstore. let me think of how.
one night can change it all. and you did that for me. so thank you.
- petey
Friday, September 2, 2005
bed at 4am- day one of the video shoot. woke 5:30 am for a 6pm lobby call. car to just outside of nyc. how come starbucks in manhattan aren’t open this early. its just tragic. get to video shoot. start with some scenes revenge of the nerds style. you won’t see some of this coming and those that did hopefully you will fall in love all over again. reminds me of all the movies we grew up on. met the cast. don’t want to spill to many secrets. my mind is swirling. but in the best way possible. got to see all of the overcast kids, s.o. kids and fans- you guys did an amazing job in the video and i just feel great that we don’t have to hire “extras”. more from tommorrow.
i’m dying to not give up on this.
posted by: peeeetuuur
Sunday, September 4, 2005
on the getaway car, the rush of blood to the head: it’s strange to find myself again back at the feelings of the blue cover after going through the red and the gold. its kind of always like that. i am sorry if i am not making any sense. but everybody likes to take chances and make bets. i always put my money on the longshots. and no matter where my head was in the world i always dreamed of waking up next to the biggest brown eyes i have ever seen/'meandyouunderneaththehoneymoon’.
“go back to what it meant back then”: and you imagine yourself moving deep into the summer and disappearing, and for me it was always with you. and then things got crazy. you stopped calling me back. i stopped trying to call but not in my head. and then you got malicious but i’m guessing only because you learned from the best- take back your taste and all.
i never thought it would be just me again. but that’s okay. we’re gonna hole up and wait it out. i feel like i can see for the first time, like i was born just in the last minute. wake me up. baby boy, you’re gonna be okay. hearts between our knees sticking to the summer sheets. are you catching my drift….
its gonna be alright.
your love would be hell but its just not hot enough baby.
posted by: peterpan
9/6/2005 - 12:57 PM EST
citing 'irreconcilable differences with myself’.
selling 50,000 records a week and i can’t look in the mirror.
i am disappointed in myself.
i am disappointed in this.
and it should have been kept safe.
the reason we never told anyone is because we knew the world would ruin it. and at the end of the day it did.
the whispers never stopped.
i lied. so you lied.
and it made you crazy. and i’m sorry.
people pulled us apart. lured us. and you were my home.
it didn’t matter what was said when our heads were on the sides of the pillows.
last night i dreamt it turned out differently.
i would stop this in a second and move to middle of nowhere with you and disappear.
it so hard to find someone who likes me for me and not because i am pete from fall out boy.
and i found them. and then watched it fade.
dear world, fuck you.
- petey
9/7/2005 - 4:26 AM EST
first. most of our fans are amazing. thank you for being you- you made last year amazing. i want to make this year amazing for you. the new songs are insane.
second. please leave my friends alone. don’t attack them.
third. there is nothing like experiencing failure at the speed of light.
'i am badnews, but i still love you…’
- petey
Friday, September 9, 2005
it’s all a balance.
+ late registration
+ new october fall song “you can dream upsidedown”
- time is not on your side
+ thundercat cat’s lair fortress
- the laser on the cat’s lair no longer lights up (but i still do)
- the workers strike at the rumor mill is over, they’re back on the job
+ dreams
- the second after the dream where you think it is all still real
+ buddy and gerard for being the best
+ seeing fob kids at the brothers grimm
- the brothers grimm
+ the red light special
+ falling asleep phone on the chin
- i love my friends but i don’t really like some of them
ill keep adding more as i think of them.
kanye wentz
check the behind the scene photos for updated pictures from the dance, dance video shoot.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
gotta get up at 9 am. gotta turn it around. been writing alot of words lately. the new songs are gonna blow your mind. we have a couple of things coming as our way of saying thanks for voting at the VMAs and all. also, thanks to everyone who came out for the dance, dance video. trying to get a good spring tour together for you too! something different maybe. keep your ears to the ground but keep your eyes on their hearts. new pictures up all the time from the video shoot….
i’m gonna make you shake so hard you might not make it through the night.
young
posted by: “they call me alot of names, a few to my face…”
9/16/2005 - 5:30 PM EST
from a closed closet at bamboozle fest in nj… its all coded. i don’t have any reason to post. everything is feeling alright and better since having the headshrinkers and labcoats around. you know what actually has me feeling amazing this week? “almost here”. this band has grown up in front of my eyes. i haven’t listened to the record in a month or so because i drove it into the ground. but its making me feel amazing right this second. but you know why mostly? because this isn’t shit compared to what they have coming.
william beckett plus peter wentz.
- petey
9/23/2005 - 12:59 AM EST
bloom. come to life. at best you got a couple of short ones. “heaven help us if this is our prime”. see it all play out. observe. approach and act casual. raise the anchors. your ears and your brain have had this amazing marriage. but now they are in their golden years and the new panic at the disco record is the sexy next door neighbor. midlife crisis. take her out for a spin. don’t you dare fall in love. i hope none of THE OTHER las vegas BANDs get jealous that there is another gem out in the middle of the desert. ive got saturday nights on loan from sunday but i got some pretty bad credit. lets ride it out. friday night seven days a week. just until we forget. bloom. come to life. picked from the stem. FUCKing wasting my time on FLOWERS.
if you live in chicago i hope to see you at the panic at the disco show this saturday. they play at 4:30. ill pick you up at 4 so we can get a soda on the way.
- petey
Friday, September 23, 2005
ruckus juice.
happy birthday geek.
your plans are kinda funny.
but mostly miscalculated.
put your seat upright.
this shit is gonna take off.
when you say that you stop caring about things everybody freaks out.
but the scary thing is, you stopped caring about things awhile before you even said anything.
panic at the disco in chicago on saturday.
come high five me.
the nft is gonna be so much fun, i can’t wait to see all of your pretty little faces.
posted by: peterpan
10/5/2005 - 11:30 PM EST
there is no beef. just seitan. just getting rattled over nothing. get down with the sickness.
just too much make up and no hearts just egos on the sleeves over here in fall out boy land.
the new panic record hypes itself, so i will shut my damn mouth.
“a kid who tells on another kid is a dead kid”.
- petey
10/7/2005 - 3:19 PM EST
wow. now way too many updates. i wanted to apologize to everyone at the 9:30 club show in d.c. originally we were supposed to play a show called “shantytown” but the county it was supposed to take place in said that it couldn’t happen at the last minute- due to noise regulations or something- we were not given that information. so instead, immediatly following the 9:30 club show we rushed over to a studio and played a small show we had promised we would do. we are sorry to skip out on anyone waiting outside.
some things that dont get enough attention or thanks, so google them:
plain white t’s
lifetime (the band we would not exist without)
jason tate
equal studio
the stereo
armor for sleep
rob dobi
fueled by ramen
skyriter
rob hitt
keep on loving/hating.
fob
- petey
10/11/2005 - 3:06 AM EST
just cause you can.
take your shyness pills.
put it all on the line.
every single time.
just when you thought i couldn’t get anymore flamboyant.
i got a new vest and some shoes with teddy bears on them.
yikes.
new october fall songs are gonna suprise you.
wait for it. wait for it.
- petey
10/18/2005 - 4:54 PM EST
if you can help:
*******MISSING WOMAN, OLAMIDE ADEYOOYE, FROM NORMAL, ILLINOIS********
“On October 13th at around 9 P.M., Olamide Elizabeth Adeyooye (Oh-LAH-Mee-Day Ah-Day-YO-yay) went missing from her apartment on Market Street in Normal, Illinois (Illinois State University) She is nicknamed "Ola” or “Ollie.”
She was last seen at Family Video around the same time, however, managed to reach her apartment and put one of the videos in. When her apartment was broken into on Saturday by her friends, we found her cell phone on her couch and her TV was on. Her car and keys and purse are missing, and her door was locked.
If you would like to see a picture of what she looks like, you can go to www.myspace.com/olamide1
She is 21 years old, 110 pounds, and about 5'3”. She is of Nigerian descent and has shoulder length, natural black hair and dark eyes.
If you would like to read the whole account of the story, you can visit blog.myspace.com/petrey. If you have any information regarding her disappearance, you can call Ashley Petrey at 630-674-7949 or the Normal, Illinois Police Department at 309-454-9535. If you have any ideas or suggestions on how to help us find our beloved Olamide, please contact me, Ashley Petrey, and I can send you a flyer or help you get started.
Please don’t disregard this, this has shaken up a whole university, not to mention the entire town of Bloomington-Normal.
Help us get our Ollie Pollie home safely. “
- petey
10/24/2005 - 5:40 PM EST
its funny the way you grovel when there are no microphones or camera flashes in sight. - take a stand. it makes me laugh. dot coms refresh for the drama.
- petey
Tuesday, November 1, 2005
halloween in orange county was amazing. we had some tricks up our sleeve, so did you. thank you for making it into a fun night for us. if you’re serious too much it means you believe your own hype. if you joke too much it means you don’t take anything seriously. if you’re too quiet it means that you are arrogant. if you talk too much it means you crave attention. if you aren’t smiling it means you’re not happy.
sarcasm doesn’t read well over the internet. but trust me, if you don’t get it. then we’re/they’re probably making fun of you.
new things are coming to light. i am happy. if you are coming to the sacremento show you may have heard that motion city has had to cancel. but we have found a band to take their place for that show. come early because they play first- one of our favorite new bands.
dont give up on us just yet. its about to get good. i swear.
young hearts be free tonight.
posted by: peter
11/18/2005 - 4:58 PM EST
The real me is the giant squid. It’s the planet just past Pluto. Its time travel. Its all these theoretical ideas that cant be proven. How I feel is “what killed the dinosaurs” and “how the pyramids were built”. Just guesses that maybe hit their marks and maybe are miles off. Im a Saturday soul on a Monday night. Everything I know about girls I learned from watching my sister talk on the phone, fuck Im sorry, blame her if I got it all wrong. Everything I know about sex I learned from watching dirty movies, fuck im sorry, blame traci lords cause I know I got it all wrong. The saddest songs sing themselves.makeup caked on my face, not for the show but because im tired of being me. It aint a pretty face, its just the hull of the ship. And were burning up in the atmosphere. We crashed hard at the learning curve. The poets come to life in hotel rooms and bathroom stalls.
Look in the mirror and repeat: “hes losing his touch”- “why is this so cryptic” “we don’t want to be the next fall out boy”- and pretend your alive, handsome. its all the difference between: feeling exposed and feeling overexposed. read between the lines- Treat yourself like a video cassette rewind endlessly to catch only the best parts, skip over the rest and eject. You aint anything new, youre just the latest in a long line of people who have been you and will be you. and you aren’t even the best at it. but you might have the biggest mouth. massage this ego, cause its feeling kind of sore. But youre a sprinter and this one is a long distance race. They say you cant run the whole way but fuck what they say. Fuck you for giving up. Take this to press. You’ve only got four stories to tell and theyre getting old. Dig up some new dirt. Ill air some more dirty laundry. Cause that’s all this is. a laundry room without any washing machines (nobodys coming clean). Just because we’re not responding doesn’t mean what you say is true- or that it doesn’t hurt. The fair-weather friends are keeping score in journals and in whispered voices. That’s okay. Im never gonna pretend to be more than I am- just a kid trying to figure myself out, and how dare I? The glue isn’t even dry on my pity party invitations and im already bored with feeling sorry for myself. Pause. Keep clawing my way out of this, mr. Mess I have become. Its okay in the end for everybody no matter how this turns out. the simplest words seem to be the truest. Humming them out of key and in a voice so hoarse it hurts. Single light in the bunk glowing late night messages. My mom said Ive got to start smiling in mirrors or else im gonna always feel weird about the person looking back. Put the buzzing phone to my headached head. “I’ll be home soon”…you know its a lie but it makes us both feel ok. I know this probably doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but it just feels better to get it out to you.
Scientists in japan just photographed the first live giant squid on record. Ive never seen anything so terrifying or beautiful. Goodnight, pretty.
- petey
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
I realize I have been a bit out of touch lately. I’m sorry. I’ve kinda been letting things get to me way too much. A black cloud I’ve always been counting on to be there. I’m sorry I’ve seemed kind of distant at signing and stuff. I’m sorry. I feel way better. I promise you good things in jersey. The providence show was amazing. I got an owl perched on some books tattoed on me. Just cause I’m a book nerd. He’s looks smart and dapper. I love bill haverchuck and you. You know the guy who plays the gym teacher in the dance, dance video? Well he’s our manager and we convinced him to get his old band the step kings back together to play new jersey. Its gonna be a riot.
I’m thankful that you all put up with me.
posted by: pete
11/30/2005 - 7:10 PM EST
you are my lobster.
- petey
Sunday, December 4, 2005
big in ho five:
this won’t make any sense. you can’t catch your breath trying to keep up with the run on sentences. and sometimes you just think you’d die to find a period or a capital.
airport right to rehearsal. when we do tv performances they always ask us to practice “moves” so that we can get them caught on film right by the producers. but this always feels too awkward and during rehearsal me and joe usually do this weird riverdance ho-down dance back and forth at eachother and laugh. lets be honest, we know we’re never gonna look that great on film but at least its gonna be funny or suprising.
then we’re told to get ready to walk the red carpet. me and trohmania decide to have a competition of who can wear a worse outfit. i think mine won. hopefully you’ll get to see the pictures. on the carpet people usually don’t know what they’re getting into when they interview us. mostly its just swears and laughing. andy hurley calling def lepard “death leopard!” to the extra correspondent. no way that is ever getting used but it kept us laughing.
the only carpet moment of note is when we are walking by ant (the guy from celebrity fit club and can they sing?) whose interviewing peeps for vh1- and they ask if he wants to interview fall out boy. he says “i don’t know a thing about that band” right in front of us. immediatly we realize how hilarious it will be to do the interview. in which he says “you got your name from the simpsons right” and we’re like “yeah but not ashlee or jessica, it was from o.j.” and then joe does a “juice” chant. he then a sked us if we got nervous before we played and i told him “my last girlfriend dumped me because i had performance anxiety”. it was a this point the person behind the camera did the cut sign in front of their neck and we got pulled off. i doubt it will air but if it does we are going to look so amazingly clueless and retardedly awesome.
highlights:
-meeting greenday- the nicest guys ever. this band continually humbles us.
-kathy griffith telling our drum tech cowboy eric “those guys in fall out boy are short. i mean really short”.
-the producers telling us not to break anything or smash stuff around when we are playing, which only ensures that we will throw stuff and jump off stuff. duh. no matter what its still just hardcore kids no matter how you doll it up.
-not eating all day just so we can eat for free in the green room. so while every other geek is trying to get an autograph from the dude from the bachelor season 4 we eat everything and leave,
-writing “i heart jerseys best dancers” on my shirt. cause lifetime deserves the recognition more than fob any day of the week.
-seeing super oldschool fob fans in the crowd.
-not understanding half of the stuff that happened that night. every four seconds we were like “wait, what?”
-meeting Dog the bounty hunter. and being like like “we are super big fans, we’re in this band fall out boy” and him being like “i know, brah”. he called us brah. amazing.
thats it. you can watch the rest tonight.
im out here in l.a. working on rainy day kids, i think im gonna try and catch a panic show or two- i think you should also.
ecks ohhhhh
posted by: peetur
12/7/2005 - 9:21 PM EST
hey jellybean. you’re only playing to the crowd now. ive been coast to coast now. on both sides of salty deeps. and i know just what to do with someone like you. my eyes all washed out. morning gray. sunshined california a.m.’s commanding me awake. shrugged off my worries. they don’t look so great on camera. take a note- where are the minutes of our last meeting? this is an unofficial surrender. but you can’t see my white flag through all the cameras flashing. or the way im only looking at the kiss in the corner of her mouth. you know cause wendy looks like a homewrecker from tinks perspective. none of this is making sense cause ive been keeping my i.q. in the medicine chest.
no matter what the light is like there are just some kids who always have that gleam in their eye. cause they’re always holding back.
- petey
Thursday, December 8, 2005
i’ve been in the hills of southern california for a week. it’s kind of insane. it’s like fake cold here. it’s kind of wack. only peeps from the midwest know what i’m talking about.
after reading countless diatribes on the internet about how much fall out boy doesn’t deserve what is going on and about how terrible we sound on television. amongst all of the love it’s just so easy to focus only on the negative, so i decided it was time to focus my attention on some other bands and ideas.
first i went back to reading catcher in the rye simply because lurking the internet isn’t the greatest always. it’s the most cliche like me. i guess that’s why i relate. but he’s no genius or savior. he’s just a messed up kid who will probably turn out okay.
i went to see nightmare of you. it’s definitely great to see them getting some attention.
and finally and most importantly. i went and saw panic! at the disco. honestly i haven’t felt this safe and okay when i hear a bands songs in a long time. and if anyone ever felt this way about fall out boy than i can i say i finally relate to your feelings. just sweating it out at the chain reaction hoping that the songs would go on forever and the show wouldn’t end. i am so proud of those kids. it just puts a smile across my face from ear to ear. big news soon.
i just read something someone wrote. i am not sure who. but just remember: its about the relationship the songs have with your ears. not the relationship that what comes out of other peoples mouths have with them.
chain.arlingtonkoc.greendoor.downtown.continental.jerryspizza.bto.mojoes. it’ll always be the same kids. and we’ll always be out of tune with ourselves. and it might not sound great. but it’s what shines out from behind our eyes and throats.
posted by: peter
Monday, December 12, 2005
have you been naughty or nice? this year we got you some sweet merch instead of coal. don’t thank us. thank santa. and fueled by ramen. they have all our merch on sale until midnight. and they’re giving away prizes each day to someone who places an order that day. all the info on the sale is below.
when its snowing we think about sugar plums and your little smiles. see you soon.
-pete
The 12 Days of X-Mas Sale is going on now in The Fueled By Ramen Webstore. All merch is 10% - 40% off for a limited time. And everyone who orders something is entered to win an iPod Nano and all the Fueled By Ramen CDs that are still in print.
posted by: peterpanda
12/17/2005 - 4:01 PM EST
sometimes you have to be a whiney baby and talk shit on other bands and jump on stuff and break stuff and watch the notebook and wear girls jeans and tiny t-shirts.
and sometimes you have to know when to laugh at yourself:
watch this
hahahaha. grand.
- petey
12/24/2005 - 8:27 PM EST
blue Christmas
so i was sitting around this christmas. just kinda getting bummed out looking at the lights outside of shiny houses in my neighborhood and decided that it was time fall out boy gave somethng back. we decided to pick a cause that we feel is often overlooked- education of poor people in africa (specifically ethiopia). we feel like education is one of the most important building blocks in change- so after doing some research we found and organization that we felt really was doing it right: a-cet.org - this isn’t some glossy amazing press piece it is doing something quietly to make a change- and we loved that. so we decided to put a couple of old and rare FOB and clandestine items up on ebay. here’s the deal- if you dont see the link off of a fall out boy site than don’t trust that it is us doing it- part two- keep bidding the more we can help the better. and three we will keep adding more items up here for a bit so keep checking back. they are all legitimate and endorsed by FOB and all items will come signed. happy bidding:
a clandestine shirt sample that was never made
breakdance not hearts shirt worn on big in 05 awards
giant moonman pez dispenser given to nominees at the VMAs
complete set of take this to your grave trading cards. including rare card
new:
original bleach “i am the dream” shirt clandestine
original secret order shirt
alternative press poster signed by entire band
spend your xmas cash…
oh and just to make it fun. fob will match whatever the grand total is.
- petey
Monday, January 2, 2006
It was strange being outside of chicago on new years. If anyone remembers our apartment shows.
But the confetti was pretty and I think a girl from miss seventeen tried to kiss me on the mouth but kind of missed. Oh yeah and apparantly andrew john hurley is a dreamboat. Check the scoreboard. Tommorrow letterman and then I’m gonna buy some more heinous gear. Do you love it when I wear clashing colors as much as I do?
And why didn’t anyone tell me how amazing the movie the squid and the whale is? I told you about panic…
Over and way the fuck out.
xoxo
posted by: peterpanda
¼/2006 - 4:38 PM EST
my top ten (er top seven) of 2005 - no records included.
1. bonnie dillard - she is always around to tell me how wack i am - she uses the the word “totes” and “just sayin” way too much - and actually types them! she named her dog roxie wentz and she has given me exactly two compliments in my entire life - one of which was on an outfit that she picked out for me. but she pretty much is the glue for clandestine and sometimes pete wentz. editor of filthy magazine.
2. nick scimeca - this kid makes the craziest faces i have ever seen in my entire life. the first time i met him we got in a snowball fight. pretty much we are in this gang together forever. he does infect, foe, and some clandestine stuff. pretty much whenever i am bummed i can call him up on the phone and hell tell me some hilarious story.
3. demar hamilton - i have pulled this kids underwear off every time he is around me and totally wasted. its awesome. he also has a dog living in his basement that looks like a 100 yearold teddy ruxpin. oh yeah, his band is rad.
4. leslie simon - me and her talk about our crushes all the time. we have a mutual love for the music of ashlee simpson and kelly clarkson. when i tell her insane stories i dont even have to say “off the record” she pretty much knows. she thinks of bright eyes and fob in the same way which blows my little mind. she is editting rainy day kids. oh yeah and writing a book about boys in tight jeans that wear eyeliner as far as i can tell but its pretty hush hush.
5. jonathon cecil miller/dirty - pretty much this kid is made of snakes, snails and puppy dog tails. i have nothing else to say but he is the new pauly shore - even if he always punches me for saying that. pretty much he looks like a cheeseburger with toothpicks for legs but i wouldnt trade him for the world. pretty much he is the best kid ever.
6. jim sevcik (or however you spell it) - this is the guy who goes and digs the little youth medium shirts out of tiny boxes in the 100 plus degrees on warped tour or freezing temp on NFT - and then takes the money out of your paws. he is definitely most underrated.
7. andrew simon/buck - when on the westcoast these guys function as my mother. they take us out to dinner, help me find a house or apartment, look up movie times, get screenings, help me find tours, starbucks, have the cutest baby on the planet, oh yeah and they even book shows every once in awhile.
oh well i ran out of steam. ill finish later. pretty much people that i hang out with every single day are not included on this - you know who you are.
- petey
Friday, January 6, 2006
I have to say it makes me feel safe and some kind of comfort to look at the clock in the corner of the screen and know that you are awake too.
posted by: peterpumpkineater
1/13/2006 - 4:16 AM EST
first jt. now mr. frey. i fear that we are next.
it may just be the hour of the night or the song stuck in my head or some strange mix of it all.
i can’t shake it.
the chemists called it crossed signals.
the poets called it magical.
nowyousayimabird.
- petey
1/17/2006 - 1:36 AM EST
these pictures make me think of me and you before i got so crazy.
the hippo lost its momma in the tsunami. now the he hangs out with this super old turtle and follows it around. from what i’ve read they have developed their own form of communication.
this is insane.
these parts of life are amazing.
i will try and not forget them next time.
- petey
1/18/2006 - 2:52 AM EST
the band is in chicago preparing their new homes to be moved into. mine is still in my parents cause i am a loser like that: see also why i am hanging in nyc by myself. but ive got some schemes that i am working on.
in other news, its kind of sad to watch a friend become everything that they hate.
how i have been (barely) living: the hippo and the turtle, hanging out with minkus from boy meets world in north carolina, going to the mtv studios in nyc to see baby bros all growed up on trl, eating every single thing in this hotel minibar, writing, you. writing you.
- petey
Thursday, January 26, 2006
live via manchester holiday inn express:
first and foremost. these shows have been amazing. i think it is quite possibly because we don’t get over here often or maybe because we are playing smaller clubs… but i am thinking we need to make a stop over here more often.
i wanted to congratulate p!atd the disco on making it to number 10 on the TRL countdown. and i just wanted to put this out there: there is no way it was paid to happen. of all the bands on “new bands week” panic was the only that didn’t put up big pushes to have the video voted on. if anything this band wants to do things their own way. hence picking the song they did for the single- that was the bands choice and in my opinion they have songs on the record that could easily be bigger. it was also the bands choice to create a darker video…. as a label i can tell you that we definitely don’t have the money to spend on a “big budget” video right now- not to mention having any left over for anything else- you’d laugh if you saw the budgets we filmed the new panic and gch videos on. but i couldn’t say enough about how nice these kids are- they don’t even get how big their band is and thats a good thing… i personally would rather see great bands on the forefront of music… and yes there are lots of other bands that deserve to make it there as well- so maybe on our messageboard tell me about some great (unsigned) bands that we should check out.
other than that we’ve just been writing new songs and working on the new video. pretty soon its going to become time focus all attention on a new fall out boy record again.
got some big news for you coming up very soon…
peter lewis kingston wentz
ps 'hater dudes marry hater bitches and have hater kids’
posted by: peterpan
Wednesday, February 1, 2006
paris in a flash. breath in the air. love is the kind of magic you save for when you are cornered. its your backup. sing a scandal. papparazi on songs. tu es belle.
posted by: peter
Monday, February 6, 2006
Amsterdam to los angeles.
I am in love with being home.
If you come out to the house of blues in la tommorrow we are playing a super smal show with: jacks mannequin and shiny toy guns. Its already sold out but were gonna give out 5 free tickets. Don’t get your hopes too high.
You aren’t my goodluck charm anymore.
posted by: peter
2/7/2006 - 8:03 AM EST
momma and poppa are cute. they were all at the hob la show. my dad says “will you please introduce your mother to jay-z”. jigga and my mommy totally chatted.
wow.
oh and the show was amazing.
- petey
2/16/2006 - 1:03 AM EST
things that both currently annoy and amuse me:
ariplanes
“hottie mchottie” and other hilarious lines that should not be said haha unfortunately i dont get to choose the lines.
east coast weather.
west coast girls.
yawning.
being awake all night.
i am tired.
- petey
2/19/2006 - 4:02 AM EST
i feel like howl from howls moving castle embodies every single feeling that goes through my head. that is all. i am in the lobby of a hotel in new york city waiting for something that isn’t ever going to happen.
i am calculating all of the legs and drunken stutters. i am precise. i am a machine. i am a hot mess.
- petey
Sunday, February 19, 2006
i heard fall out boy on the radio for pretty much one of the first times ever last night. it made me once again realize that 99 percent of the reason anyone will ever like this band is because patrick has the best voice on the planet. that kid is the golden ticket.
i want a girl that wont laugh at anyone elses jokes.
i want a girl i can love in hour increments.
i want all of my ex loves to love me forever.
the new video will suprise you.
pictures soon at:
www.clandestine.buzznet.com
www.friendsorenemies.com
posted by: peter
2/28/2006 - 8:33 PM EST
“Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
3:50 pm
an open letter to pete wentz.
it takes a lot to make me mad.
it takes even more to infuriate me.
so, after all this time i finally learned the truth. that it was you telling my ex girlfriend lies and secrets. despite even giving you the pass card after i caught you trying to talk dirty to her online, this is how you repay me? no wonder why you couldnt look me in the eye on the bus last summer and no wonder why you avoided me every chance you got.
you hug me and tell me you love me then you tell lies to my girlfriend behind my back to lure her away from me? you tell her i cheat on her and then you tell me to come stay on the bus?
you are a spineless fucking sham.
i regret every second i spent defending you and your selfish ways.
dont forget, i know you. not that shitty glammed up poser image you present to the masses to consume. the dude i knew never would have worn a fucking dinosaur shirt or sold out one of his friends. the dude i knew had heart and fucking loyalty. well lil buddy, you are fucking done.
you want to sell me out to the most important person in my life and then have the audacity to make ME think I did something wrong to not deserve your friendship? you fucking arrogant bastard.
since we’re discussing sellouts lets discuss how when kids give you presents you laugh at them and throw it straight in the trash. oh yeah, ive seen it many times. lets talk about how you talk shit about the fat girls that are your fans and mock their letters. you are fucking undeserving of every ounce of attention you’ve ever gotten. from every one of your calculated business moves to your "spontaneous” jumps in the crowd parts to your well rehearsed cliche lines you’ve been spouting for 400 shows in a row. you’re boring, contrived and old. “oooh, no one loves me, its sooo hard being on magazine covers and tv shows. someone save me from me.” what are you, fucking 12? go light your little candles ask yourself why no one will ever truly love you. its amazing no one has caught on to your little fucking show. you’re nothing more than a shitty opportunist business man with even shittier fashion sense.
so pack up and move to whatever million dollar house you’ve picked out in california paid for by your lies and hypocrisy and deceit and selfishness and over medicate yourself like youve been doing for years…because guess what? no one wants you here anymore. you are not welcome.
oh yeah, hows that straight edge tattoo doing? as well as the tattoo for your “crew” who now refer to you as a fraud and a con? stay gold dude, stay gold.
remember this each night of the tour when you play the lie, “hey chris, you were our only friend.” downplay it all you want by saying the song is about “friends”, but guess whos fucking name you’re saying each and every night? mine. thats right. what a bunch of fucking phonies. sing the songs you dont even believe in anymore. fucking liar.
you know the friends i have and you know how we feel about loyalty.
you know who im talking about and you know they’re not happy either.
so dont get caught slipping and you better make damn sure you watch whos on your guest list because a plus one might come backstage to punch your fucking teeth out and tear the windpipe from your throat.
you fucking sell out.
oh, and next time you decide to write another song about me, do it right you fucking coward.
**********REPOST EVERYWHERE YOU CAN****************
Current Music: the promise - crush all fakes.“
oh what a monster we’ve created.
when i am called by my manager to read a post that is burning through the internet it makes me wonder. ive never responded to rumours or shittalking online, no matter who it came from- at the same time there is nothing that makes my blood boil more than reading this- being who i am, my first instinct is to blow it off- but then i consider how anytime anything is written on the internet people believe its true- no matter what, no matter the biases or subjectivity of the sources. my first instinct is to lash out- to say everything i think about you and every situation- to defend myself and attack you. as unbelievable as it is- i am an extremely insecure person- everytime i read something about myself negative or positive i react in probably the exact same way anyone would.
-
but like i said- i am going to continue to do this my own way, what i consider to be the higher road. i understand when we get angry we often lash out- ive done it myself on many occassions. if you want to talk to me about any of this call me on my cell phone and we can do it one on one-
i will not be responding to anything else-
however, the attacks about our fans and the people that listen to this music and read these words is completely offbase- the fans of this band are my entire life- ive lost my girlfriend, my friends, much of my "normal” life- just to keep this relationship going- this isn’t to say that i dont make mistakes, take misteps. just because youve seen me on tv or at a show doesn’t make me anything less or more than human. you dont ever see the other side of the way we agonize over every decision we make or try our best to please everyone- because we’ve given up in bands before and we know how it feels and we dont want that to happen. everyone in the band is upset about this- remember everyone that makes up fall out boy- they all wanted me to voice that we appreciate our fans and friends that weve met more than anything- and that we realize because of where we are all the arrows are pointed at us- but we will try our best. and we do try our best. we also, have far more faith in the intelligence and dedication of the people that believe in us to think that they will be swayed easily. if you want to hear other stories of how we actually talk about our fans or think of them please ask other bands, they will testify to how we really act. we just want you to know that in four years when noone cares, we still hope you are there. im not going to freak out or whatever, but please an attack on our fans or our relationship with them as a p.r. move is uncalled for.
this doesn’t need to be reposted anywhere- i am sure that fob fans know where to find it.
chris if you want to talk the phone line is there.
i wrote this pretty fast so i apologize for the typos and run-ons.
until then, thank you to everyone who reserves judgment and has my back until the end of time.
- petey
Friday, March 17, 2006
so the tour has kicked off. it’s been pretty intense. the kids in new england have been amazing so far. we are playing for about an hour and a half every night- including one of our oldest songs ever and a new song that we’ve never played before live.
oh and some of you were wondering- the quote at the end of my last journal was from a movie called “the united states of leland.”
i found this song that is so rad- total “listen late at night with one light on barely, drinking sleeptime tea” song. i don’t know who it’s by. i will find out though.
keep voting for 16 candles over on trl so we can brag to our labelmate n-yo that we’ve got cooler fans.
really exciting news about decaydance right around the corner.
glad to see old familiar faces in the front row- i was worried.
xo
EDIT: okay- the song is called “fall away” and it’s by lauren hoffman- i have no idea anything about her but it’s perfect to listen to when you are falling asleep alone- “I heard the warning of the sun, Remember all the days I strayed, I found you, The moon fell down and made no sound… Where’s my mind I lost it too, And you put my love away”.
also- bob from the hush wanted me to let you know they are playing a super small show at chain reaction on april second in anaheim- you know all the creeps and jerks in the bands on this tour will be there.
posted by: peter, patrick, andy and joe
4/6/2006 - 11:22 PM EST
hindsight is always 20/20 - in retrospect:
stitch was one of my favorite cartoon characters ever.
the teeth, the extra arms, the meanness.
and always with the best intentions.
thats all.
- petey
5/10/2006 - 7:03 PM EST
the keyboard is unforgiving. it doesn’t have much give. it hates the life inside your fingertips, it is jealous. if youre not careful youre gonna write yourself into a corner… her mom had a heart that served as a trophy case for award winning methheads. i couldnt blame her for how she turned out but id love to shoot the scientist that figured out the connection between geneology and behavioral patterns. her trustfund is nothing more than a series of amateur nights in florida strip clubs and an alcohol tolerance like you wouldnt believe. shes a prizefighter past her prime who just wont get out of the ring because its the only thing shes ever known. youre the young buck in fuck me red gloves laced tight, grinning just before the bell in the first round. because you know how the odds stack up. because you know that its just a matter of being faster and hitting harder. you are a wordsmith- imagine the bedside manner of this spin doctor. “sometimes if things are going right you just need to lower your standards”. its last call for a shot of conscience…
you remind me of the way things went before all of this. www.myspace.com/thehushsound - wine red demo.
- xo
5/14/2006 - 6:26 PM EST
“charlie there is no future in anything. i hope you agree. that is why i like it at war. every day and every night there is a strong possibility that you will get killed and not have to write. i have to write to be happy whether i get paid for it or not. but it is a hell of a disease to be born with. i like to do it. which is even worse. that makes it from a disease into a vice. then i want to do it better than anybody has ever done it which makes it into an obsession. an obsession is terrible. hope you haven’t gotten any. thats the only one i have left”. ernest hemingway in a letter to charles scribner.
nothing steals the magic from writing the way writing about it does.
but i can’t help but have it spin through my head as i read “the old man and the sea” over and over again.
following two plane crashes in africa.
the old man is just an old man.
the fish are just fish.
and the sharks are just sharks.
even in this context i dream of it no less.
this maybe the closest to love that i ever get.
i hate grammar. i hate spell check.
they are tools and trades we focus on when the right words escape us.
while we can use them in a world that we write, where we make our own rules.
they can rob a piece of its life.
for me words are more of a compulsion.
it is involuntary.
it falls in the catagory of breathing and the beating of the heart.
sometimes i want to throw my hands up.
to wave the white flag.
to apologize for everything i havent done yet.
but usually i want to forget the pictures and the rumors.
to become a recollection, a shared memory. visually: a faint, sentimental face that blurs into the
background of everything.
to watch all of the magazines turn to static.
and only be thought of by the clicking of these keys.
its a shot in the dark.
but every boy has got to dream, right?
on my best day, when all the planets have aligned, i still couldnt come close to touching you.
- xo
5/16/2006 - 2:36 PM EST
take your taste back, peel back your skin. you should try saying no once in awhile.
name names. i wish there were words stronger than fuck you. but face down on a wet carpet, salty eyes i cant think of them. “i really enjoyed kissing you tonight. i wish there hadn’t been any interruptions” versus “things happen”. the texts flash and youre fucking caught. im addicted to the truth, didn’t anyone tell you baby.
this is me broken down.
your fist and my face- because i found you out.
i dont think ive ever met anyone so terrible.
eyes only.
only you understand this.
idontcareanymore.
- xo
5/22/2006 - 11:15 PM EST
calm down, charlie brown.
on my way back to pretending to be normal.
real post soon.
so i guess the link i posted isn’t working for some people:
there are a couple of new pictures making fun of, oh that one incident out there.
you should be able to see them in this issue of ap.
gotta laugh at myself, especially at the hushsounds expense.
- xo
8/14/2006 - 12:17 PM EST
dear world,
please make me not alone.
- xo
8/16/2006 - 8:35 PM EST
tokyo, japan 2
i am put at ease somewhat by the inevitablity of strange and dark days. not light but the opposite, it is inevitable. this hotel room overlooks a city that i do not understand when usually i am overlooking cities that do not understand me. i dont have any “start over” left inside of me. i wish anyone would understand. all roads lead to longing. the neon signs never turn off here. there are oceans inside of me.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
tokyo, japan
its strange the things that inform your writing versus the things that do not. its almost as though your words are shaped more by the things you do not say than the things that you do. there are many thoughts that i am scared to write down for many reasons. “the cancer of time is eating us away. our heroes have killed themselves, or are killing themselves. the hero then, is not time, but timelessness….” henry miller. hung up on three times on a bad connection across the pacific ocean. i rock myself back and forth, this is not happening. people walk by. only eyes and smiles. “yeah im doing good”. liar. bullet train from osaka to tokyo. probably should have been the time of my life. i have dreamt of space shuttles and bullet trains since i was a little boy. but it is not. it is a terrible fate to be given up on and only more terrible to give up on someone. the world is going by too fast out the window. it is impossible to even discern if there is a world out there because it is so dark and so fast. but i can only assume that the world did not disappear on me, though i couldnt blame it if it had. i talk to our translator on the ride. i tell her of my life back home, only i am not too sure what my life back home is anymore. i think she takes pity on me and tells me of her great loves and growing up in japan. but i cant think of anything else. my head fades into the violet seat. i push my head to dream of other times but i cant fall asleep. it is pitch black outside but dawn in my insides. when we arrive in tokyo i eat some green tea ice cream, it has a calming affect on me if only for minutes. i then walk around the city until 3am in hopes of getting lost or mugged. no such luck. woke up again today. i believe i must have a disorder of some kind- or else why would i care about things so but act so carelessly. nevermind anything.
Friday, August 11, 2006
osaka, japan
I am awake before the sun is. the sky looks bruised at this hour. at five am I leave the hotel and strike out, not like in baseball but more in the sense of adventure. spent hours trying to call across this ocean before getting through. though i never seem to say what i mean. i wish for once i would. Floor 20 in this hotel is up in the fog of Osaka. It takes me twenty to thirty minutes just to figure out how to get outside. To get to the shop level there is a “park” to walk through- only the sign on the gate says “garden hours 10am to 6pm”- funny it’s the only thing in English I have seen all day. I decide to hop it thinking of the possibility of being thrown in jail or ticketed for something so minor here. But as I do only the sprinklers click on,. The air smells different here, not cleaner or scented, just different. Think of how I would love to spend the day just writing. I want to catalog everything. I want to explore every inch. I want to write myself a letter from the future when all is well and just give myself some kind of comfort. I go on a walk with henry miller in hand. He feels light in my fingers but heavy in my head if that makes any sense at all. my eyes are bleary.not sure if that’s due to the lack of sleep or the way I feel like a baby born into a brand new world. It is humid out, my thoughts stick together. As I walk down the streets there are no faces that look the same as mine. though the sight of me doesn’t seem to shock anyone- as though their eyes have become calloused by countless tourists and hours of music television. I skip the traditional places and end up at an American resturaunt. I am a creature of comfort if nothing else. Though this seems as though it could be the new paris- trade the cafes for noodle shops. The language barrier here is unimaginable, I cant even kind of mispronounce a word. It took me an hour to get coffee. dear expatriates, Lets be strangers. Lets give up what we know- not to have it taken away but in the sense lets abandon it. there are ashtrays everywhere here but no one is ever smoking. Crossing the international date line can drive you to madness. And there is only one refuge from it- countless others have suggested it. a place called arcadia. Deep inside mountains, hidden in our minds. We can meet. We can write. We can love. I sit at the gates and wait for you. it is lush and green and empty. It is yawning wide, its great teeth ready to swallow us inside- but not like a mouth closer to a fortune cookie and we are the fortun(at)e inside. Before the hour is up I will make my way back to my hotel room and out of arcadia. And just sit in the morning buzz of the city, glassy eyed. I only want comfort where there is none. i have never been so wrong about anyone ever. For the record, I am as sorry as I have ever been.
there are words that can be strung together and repeated in my ear in a particular order that will unlock the codes of my heart. i sit and wait on them.
- xo
8/19/2006 - 8:23 AM EST
comfort can come from the strangest places. while you are dying waiting on a phonecall.
i had one of the best conversations ive had in my entire life tonight.
the moon was a sliver and over l.a. it looked fake.
everything is really all about the follow through, from swinging in baseball to bestfriends.
- xo
9/18/2006 - 2:13 AM EST
as this album unfolds i have begun to realize that it is a nocturnal record. so much different than the way the others gave a windows down summer sun/nostalgia vibe- i guess maybe thats only my own head but this one feels moonlit. the way things are different as they pass in the dark. the way we can be ourselves after dark. love, the stagecoach always turns back into a pumpkin. sometimes love is about getting even. but sometimes it is about how you are the sun and nothing can shine quite as bright as you. nothing is the same at 6 am. somehow the things we say mean more in corners of dancefloors and we focus on love below the waist and outside of the head. “dont you want to get better”- i just dont want you to worry. “dont you want to get better” - tonight i do. the way they say “youre committing slow suicide” when someone lights up or cuts loose. but arent we all. everything we do just shortens our life, every breath is one less. but its what makes everything so treasured. in my head. it aint a funeral babe, i just want the headline to die. recovery is the new drug. in your average week my head lays on so many different pillows. this windowshopped life has me dreaming of a reset button. daylight is your enemy. im in love with lovers who dont love me except under the pale light of the moon. im sleeping in my driveway tonight dreaming of sleeping in snow or gravel or whatever is next to you…. thank god, disappointment has a short shelf life. i want to buy (uni)som(e) sleep but over the counter doesnt cut it whether it be hearts or capsules. i love you in a holding back your hair kind of way. wreck it all, one heart at a time. sleepovers are as good at they were 10 years ago. my dog is proof of puppy love. hollywood is a good story. but best friends are better.
sing into a polygraph. its not all its cracked up to be. talking isnt good for anything ever. lets practice our moves until the sun comes up.
- xo
9/28/2006 - 7:02 AM EST
clan fall line will be available for order tommorrow. to explain some things- the low end/t-shirt stuff will be available under “fancy kids” - gutter luxury, prints and other things. most of the other items will be extremely limited and detailed (down to zippers and stitching)- all high end items will be cut and made to our own patterns, no longer using american apparel- we understand some of it will probably be your thing and some wont. thats okay. this is the inside of our brains, nothing more. in a mediocre world sometimes its ok to feel brilliant. we want to be whats wrapped around you when that light bulb goes off above your head. yawn, i should go to sleep soon. just making sure some last minute stuff is working…
- xo
10/2/2006 - 5:33 AM EST
the strange familiarity.
what would a fisherman do without fish?
what would the depressed do without depression?
the movie “closer” is far more true to how things are then anything i have ever written.
i was designed to break your heart. my only real crime is my obsession with documenting it.
and maybe the way i still love you after the flash on the camera cools off.
“lying is the currency of the world”
- xo