diff --git a/cli/exp_scaletest.go b/cli/exp_scaletest.go
index 8c7a3ae427e01..5b8da2713fa40 100644
--- a/cli/exp_scaletest.go
+++ b/cli/exp_scaletest.go
@@ -1,3 +1,5 @@
+//go:build !slim
+
 package cli
 
 import (
diff --git a/cli/exp_scaletest_slim.go b/cli/exp_scaletest_slim.go
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000000..d9ccd325e5ccd
--- /dev/null
+++ b/cli/exp_scaletest_slim.go
@@ -0,0 +1,18 @@
+//go:build slim
+
+package cli
+
+import "github.com/coder/coder/v2/cli/clibase"
+
+func (r *RootCmd) scaletestCmd() *clibase.Cmd {
+	cmd := &clibase.Cmd{
+		Use:   "scaletest",
+		Short: "Run a scale test against the Coder API",
+		Handler: func(inv *clibase.Invocation) error {
+			SlimUnsupported(inv.Stderr, "exp scaletest")
+			return nil
+		},
+	}
+
+	return cmd
+}
diff --git a/scaletest/lib/coder_init.sh b/scaletest/lib/coder_init.sh
index c3b322e6c47a0..f8c905958ece4 100755
--- a/scaletest/lib/coder_init.sh
+++ b/scaletest/lib/coder_init.sh
@@ -20,7 +20,6 @@ ARCH="$(arch)"
 if [[ "$ARCH" == "x86_64" ]]; then
 	ARCH="amd64"
 fi
-PLATFORM="$(uname | tr '[:upper:]' '[:lower:]')"
 
 if [[ -f "${CONFIG_DIR}/coder.env" ]]; then
 	echo "Found existing coder.env in ${CONFIG_DIR}!"
@@ -29,8 +28,20 @@ if [[ -f "${CONFIG_DIR}/coder.env" ]]; then
 fi
 
 maybedryrun "$DRY_RUN" mkdir -p "${CONFIG_DIR}"
-echo "Fetching Coder CLI for first-time setup!"
-maybedryrun "$DRY_RUN" curl -fsSLk "${CODER_URL}/bin/coder-${PLATFORM}-${ARCH}" -o "${CONFIG_DIR}/coder"
+echo "Fetching Coder for first-time setup!"
+pod=$(kubectl get pods \
+	--namespace="${NAMESPACE}" \
+	--selector="app.kubernetes.io/name=coder,app.kubernetes.io/part-of=coder" \
+	--output="jsonpath='{.items[0].metadata.name}'")
+if [[ -z ${pod} ]]; then
+	log "Could not find coder pod!"
+	exit 1
+fi
+maybedryrun "$DRY_RUN" kubectl \
+	--namespace="${NAMESPACE}" \
+	cp \
+	--container=coder \
+	"${pod}:/opt/coder" "${CONFIG_DIR}/coder"
 maybedryrun "$DRY_RUN" chmod +x "${CONFIG_DIR}/coder"
 
 set +o pipefail
diff --git a/scaletest/templates/scaletest-runner/scripts/lib.sh b/scaletest/templates/scaletest-runner/scripts/lib.sh
index ec94e952fda3c..57c96e091c4e6 100644
--- a/scaletest/templates/scaletest-runner/scripts/lib.sh
+++ b/scaletest/templates/scaletest-runner/scripts/lib.sh
@@ -20,11 +20,17 @@ SCALETEST_PHASE_FILE="${SCALETEST_STATE_DIR}/phase"
 # shellcheck disable=SC2034
 SCALETEST_RESULTS_DIR="${SCALETEST_RUN_DIR}/results"
 SCALETEST_PPROF_DIR="${SCALETEST_RUN_DIR}/pprof"
+# https://github.com/kubernetes/kubernetes/issues/72501 :-(
+SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY="/tmp/coder-full-${SCALETEST_RUN_ID//:/-}"
 
 mkdir -p "${SCALETEST_STATE_DIR}" "${SCALETEST_RESULTS_DIR}" "${SCALETEST_PPROF_DIR}"
 
 coder() {
-	maybedryrun "${DRY_RUN}" command coder "${@}"
+	if [[ ! -x "${SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY}" ]]; then
+		log "Fetching full coder binary..."
+		fetch_coder_full
+	fi
+	maybedryrun "${DRY_RUN}" "${SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY}" "${@}"
 }
 
 show_json() {
@@ -240,3 +246,36 @@ set_appearance() {
 		--data "${newjson}" \
 		"${CODER_URL}/api/v2/appearance"
 }
+
+# fetch_coder_full fetches the full (non-slim) coder binary from one of the coder pods
+# running in the same namespace as the current pod.
+fetch_coder_full() {
+	if [[ -x "${SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY}" ]]; then
+		log "Full Coder binary already exists at ${SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY}"
+		return
+	fi
+	local pod
+	local namespace
+	namespace=$(</var/run/secrets/kubernetes.io/serviceaccount/namespace)
+	if [[ -z "${namespace}" ]]; then
+		log "Could not determine namespace!"
+		exit 1
+	fi
+	log "Namespace from serviceaccount token is ${namespace}"
+	pod=$(kubectl get pods \
+		--namespace "${namespace}" \
+		--selector "app.kubernetes.io/name=coder,app.kubernetes.io/part-of=coder" \
+		--output jsonpath='{.items[0].metadata.name}')
+	if [[ -z ${pod} ]]; then
+		log "Could not find coder pod!"
+		exit 1
+	fi
+	log "Fetching full Coder binary from ${pod}"
+	maybedryrun "${DRY_RUN}" kubectl \
+		--namespace "${namespace}" \
+		cp \
+		--container coder \
+		"${pod}:/opt/coder" "${SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY}"
+	maybedryrun "${DRY_RUN}" chmod +x "${SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY}"
+	log "Full Coder binary downloaded to ${SCALETEST_CODER_BINARY}"
+}