Jesse is addicted to Walt’s cruelty because Walt is the only one who treats him the way he thinks he deserves to be treated. I truly think at his core, beneath the mouthy pseudo-bad boy facade, Jesse thinks so lowly of himself he can’t really fathom anyone worth anything wanting to keep him around. and sure, his parents dance around it. can’t ever quite bring themselves to say “we don’t love you” or “your existence is a stain on our lives” so they’re achingly polite, curt, almost even professional about their disappointment and disdain for him. But Jesse isn’t stupid! he knows it’s always there, shape shifting just beneath the surface and poisoning all their interactions.
So it’s really no surprise that after being raised by parents who are too buttoned up to tell Jesse how much they actually can’t stand him for his shortcomings, I think spending time with Mr. White becomes almost….cathartic. maybe even therapeutic in some fucked up, twisted way. Because Walt was his teacher, I think Jesse is mentally able to put him in a similar bracket as his parents. Not far off in age, good community standing, stuffy middle class dad vibes all the way.
But then as it turns out, Mr. White is NOT that much like his parents after all. He’s far more cunning, intelligent, and capable. Even though Jesse loves belittling Walt by calling him a nerd and a square, his respect for Walt remains palpable throughout everything.And that’s where things get interesting for Jesse. He knows he shouldn’t like it when Mr. White shouts a string of insults at him. calls him an insignificant, burnt out loser. a stupid little junkie. But for some reason…Jesse finds himself always going back for more of it. To Jesse it’s almost like Mr. White is the only person who has ever been honest with him about what he is. Jesse’s like finally! someone is saying what everyone else is his life is always thinking. And I think it feels like a release for Jesse in a lot of ways hearing those nasty things about himself. To hear someone in that position of perceived power and authority finally calling it like it is, remaining unaffected by Jesse’s outbursts about it. Someone looking at Jesse and telling him all the things he’s secretly felt about himself for years before staring into his eyes and saying “but I still choose you anyway”. That’s what Jesse gets with Walt.
And it’s actually so sad because Jesse has never had a good support system, never had anyone building him up, teaching him to value himself. So the self loathing voices that have lived deep inside of his head for as long as he can remember eventually just sound less like his parents’ and more like Walt. and unfortunately, Jesse genuinely believes all the terrible things they say. Which only works to reinforce his desire to chase even a single crumb of affection from Walt, just so he can feel like he’s done something right for once. GOD. I am literally climbing the walls about this right now lmao
omg i just remembered u used to not be able to see peoples tags in your notification tab like does anyone else remember just going through peoples reblogs of your post one by one to see if anyone said anything nice/funny lmfaooo
Breaking Bad had its problems but it is the only piece of media I’ve ever come across that acknowledges the inherently predatory nature of toxic masculinity in relation to boyhood… how it demands the sacrifice of future generations to the alter of ego, how it’s complete eschewal of the more “feminine” virtues, such as kindness and mercy, invariably results in the perversion of innocence, in the martyrdom of young boys. Brock, Tomás, Drew Sharp, the little red haired boy in Peekaboo… but especially Tomás, not only murdered over what was essentially a glorified pissing contest, but forced to murder in kind prior to being disposed of. And especially Jesse. Because there were so few women players in the drug trade, and because traditional masculinity, despite its pretenses of bravery, requires an exhibitionist show of force over those not in a position to retaliate, he is made to be The Bitch of the drug trade, a surrogate woman to be fought over, doted on, degraded, protected, and eventually discarded, specifically because he is younger and smaller than his colleagues. It’s an insidious and considerably less fantastical inversion of the myth of predatory effeminate queerness, where instead it is traditional, toxic masculinity that pollutes the innocence of boyhood to achieve a psychological high, and it’s the reason why Jesse is so steadfastly dedicated to shielding boy children specifically from the aftershocks of drug trade politics. But his attempts to mitigate the damage done to other boys in the name of traditional masculinity are beyond futile, at least as long as he himself is still subscribed to that mindset.
ok if u want like endless refreshing beverages that are basically free like, just buying a bit of mint and putting it in ice water is truly a game changer. started doing this yesterday and i feel noticeably more hydrated altho its kinda chicken/egg because im probably drinking more water because it tastes better. anyhow, i feel like this is a good thing to give guests if you are entertaining guests too.
also this isn’t my house its an air bnb so don’t judge the decor i would def put floral wallpaper up if i had weird protruding things on my walls like this and i certainly wouldnt waste time and money framing a picture
fished through my tumblr over dinner tonight to find this post bc i quote it all the time and i wanted to show my pal who’s a twin. his face fell. “that’s us”
his eyes were bloodshot and his mouth agape. i think he’s just in awe at how funny it is and i go “lol who’s sniff and who’s whimper” and he goes. “no. THAT’S US.”
called his brother to get here asap with the hard drives of the day they were born, spent the next hour doing a deep dive to find the source of this image and analyzing the video. the only differences are the sheet and crib they’re in but we think they may have been moved to a secondary location between the video and this image because their features are identical and the hats are the EXACT same down to how they’re resting on their heads, and they were not provided by the hospital.
i quote sniff and whimper every day. i show everybody i know this gif i think it is that funny. my friend and i were laying on the ground like two hours before dinner going “i’m sniff..” “i’m whimper!” in little voices.
i fucking know sniff and whimper. i’ve known sniff and whimper all along.
