Photo by Kirsten McTernan
With Situation Critical, we present artists with various life situations—some joyous, some terrible, some bizarre—to find out which songs, albums, or bands they would turn to under those specific circumstances. This time, we spoke with Gareth Campesinos!, frontman for excitable UK indie rockers Los Campesinos!, whose fifth album, No Blues, is out this week on Witchita. The band will play shows in the UK and U.S. this winter as well.
You’re about to be electrocuted after being wrongfully accused of killing former Oasis singer Liam Gallagher...
First off, I would probably take the rap for it, because when I die I will be remembered for nothing, so I might as well be the person who killed Liam Gallagher. And I would play “Country House” by Blur, just to get one last twist of the knife in. As I’m about to be electrocuted I imagine the announcer—maybe Suede's Brett Anderson—would say, “He was a great lover of music, so just before we kill him, here’s one last song.” And the whole assembled crowd would gasp in disgust at how I’m showing no remorse for a British musical icon, and I would smirk. It’s funny, because Blur were the thinking man’s choice between Blur and Oasis at the time, but then they ended up being bigger assholes than Oasis. It’s kind of a shame.
You're a professional wrestler walking out to the ring...
This is something I used to think about a lot. I was a big fan of wrestling so I knew that my entrance theme would be Elastica's “Connection”. I’d stroll out in cutoff jeans and a vest with some good-fitting boots and big socks—the cutoffs wouldn’t be jeans I’d cut off myself, but rather jeans that I bought as shorts, because you wouldn’t want any loose threads when you’re running around that ring. Kind of a pool-boy look. I would show off my incredible body as much as possible.
As far as my persona, I wouldn’t want to have the English gimmick, because they’d have me wearing a crown, and I don’t want to do that. I'd have a bad-boy vibe, a lovable rogue. The federation would intend for people to boo me, but the crowd wouldn't be able to bring themselves to do it.
After buying over $1,000 worth of lottery tickets you finally win $100 on one...
Even though I'm $900 down in total, that euphoria of seeing that win would still exist. Right Said Fred's most famous song would be “I’m Too Sexy”, but they also had this song called “Deeply Dippy”. The first half of it has these lightly-strummed chords—I imagine myself scratching away during this part, not really expecting to win. But then halfway through the horns blare and build up into this amazing song—that's when I'm dancing my way back to the store that I bought the ticket from, and everyone I pass is congratulating me and raising me up on their shoulders. It's genuinely one of my favorite songs. I don’t think I’ve ever won more than £10 on a scratch-off, but that's a fantastic £10 to have in your wallet.
It's four in the morning and you can't fall asleep...
Tim Hecker, particularly Harmony in Ultraviolet. When I was four, my younger sister was just born and my mother had this music that she would play through the night to make her think she was still in the womb. To me, Tim Hecker is a natural progression from that. It's something I can put on in the background and cocoon my way into when I'm trying to sleep.
You're lifting weights at the gym...
There was a month period about three years ago when I joined a gym. It was one of the most confused times of my life, because it didn’t really suit me and I mostly went because I really liked the protein juices they had. The one song I remember constantly being on the TVs in the gym was “Sexy Chick” by David Guetta and Akon. It basically just goes, [sings] “Damn, you’s a sexy chick/ A sexy chick.” That’s the mindset that I personally would need to be in in order to put myself through the torture of exercise. I would defy you to listen to it without seeing rippling muscles in your head.
Your girlfriend broke up with you via Twitter...
There are two ways to take this. There’s the proper sob story version, and one of the best breakup songs in the world is John Maus' “Just Wait Till Next Year”, with the lyrics, “I'll cut off all my fingers just to touch you, you stupid bitch, you mutilate my soul.” Such a brutal, amazing song.
For the slightly less visceral take, there’s this UK cult band that's been together for 25 years called Half Man Half Biscuit, who are dismissed by a lot of people as being a joke band because their lyrics are ridiculously entertaining. They’re a big favorite of mine and have encouraged me to write about what I’d like to write about regardless of how others might perceive it. The things they sing about are ludicrous. There’s a song by them called “RSVP” that tells the story of a guy who is a caterer and ends up catering the wedding of his ex-girlfriend. The end of the song goes: “If what's in the fondue's to die for, it's got nothing to do with the cheese/ And if what's in the punch bowl seems lethal, it's because it's two-thirds antifreeze.” As far as breakup songs, that calm, evil bitterness is the best way to go.
You're on your parents' computer and can only listen to stuff on YouTube...
To me, the last Destroyer record, Kaputt, is completely reminiscent of this Scottish band from the 90s called the Blue Nile, and there's this one performance they do of a song called "Tinseltown in the Rain" on "Jools Holland". It's all weird 80s funk guitars and synth strings and clinky clunky keyboards, and it's absolutely gorgeous.
You're DJing your friend's wedding...
I don't think I've been to a wedding—none of my friends have gotten married yet. I guess we're all of that generation where nobody really gets married until they have to. But if I were to play a song at one, it would be the Waterboys' "The Whole of the Moon". It's a proper fist-pumper and it's not going to isolate any relatives.
You're putting something on the stereo after getting home from a date...
I want to be positive and assume that that date has gone well. Electrik Red are a four-piece female R&B group who put out a record produced by The-Dream, who works the same magic that he’s worked for Rihanna and Beyoncé, but this never took off for some reason. It’s the right sort of record to play in that situation, because it's great pop music, so it’s highly likely that the person you’re back with will like the record and also not know what it is. And if you can show somebody something that they hadn’t known previously but still like, that’s a very attractive quality that makes you think, "Oh, I can enjoy new things with this person." So that is my very overly-thought-out response, which drifts slightly into the insane.
You're picking out songs for your own funeral...
One song I definitely want played is “Three Lions”, which was England's official European Championship song in 1996 and the World Cup song in 1998. It’s properly euphoric and arguably my favorite ever song. I'd also want “Here” by Pavement, because it’s a really beautiful song and obviously very appropriate with its “everything’s ending here” coda.
And I can’t do this interview and not talk about the Beautiful South, because they are like my Beatles. If it wasn’t for Morrissey, I think Beautiful South frontman Paul Heaton would have been Morrissey. I love the Smiths, don’t get me wrong, but I think he’s 10 times the lyricist that Morrissey is. But he’s never been attractive or played the game or been cool or dressed well or anything like that. The Beautiful South are what I’d bring my kids up on.
There’s a track off their first album called “Love Is”, and toward the end it deals with how, when you’re in a band, people think they care about you but in reality you’re just somebody who writes songs and they don’t really care about you as a person. So it goes, “Here’s the invitation to this caring nation/ Twenty-five years from now, will you come to my cremation?” It’s an appropriate sentiment. It’d be a nice send off if I was lowered into the grave or thrown into the sea.
