Sweetheart

“	Kacey: Chris, how many times have you been in quote-unquote "love"? Chris: I do not know, I do not- I have not kept count.	”
from Kacey Call 9

A flock of potential sweethearts.

A Sweetheart (sometimes heartsweet) is Chris's flavor-of-the-month.

Definition

Chris's goal is to build a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, lose his dreaded virginity (which he ultimately accomplished without a sweetheart), and spawn his God-chosen daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler (named after "the illustrious metal" and a name similar to his own). Unfortunately for him, the plan hasn't progressed beyond a handful of troll-engineered dates, a trip to a hooker (two in fact), and having sex with his mother. Thus the sweetheart label finds itself frivolously applied, indicating a status that lies somewhere between "e-girlfriend" and "stalking victim." Contrast this with Chris's Gal-Pals; that is, all of those girls who are still potential sweethearts because they are known to Chris and don't appear to hate him.

Chris's ideal vision for a sweetheart is more or less one that allowed him to continue living as a "self-employed" stay-at-home husband/father/son, since he didn't make a significant effort to support a prospective family at any point during his Love Quest aside from briefly applying for a minimum-wage job for Kacey. Based on his frustration at the idea of doing any work whatsoever, it's likely that he wanted someone to effectively mother him rather than an equal partner, who he could also have sex with and impregnate with a kid or two. Chris also seemed to be under the impression that they'd live with his parents and their hoard, who he'd presumably leave his sweetheart-to-be to raise his kids with.

Qualifications

NOTE: Be aware that the qualifications listed may not reflect Chris's current tastes.

See Also: Sonichu's News Dash and Attraction Sign

It's the one on the left.

In the early years of his Love Quest, Chris spelled out his qualifications on his Attraction Sign, in a personal ad that ran for several issues in the News Dash, and on various other items including a cover for his Nintendo DS. Subsequent experiences would show that many of these TRUE and HONEST criteria could be bent a little, as expedient.

18-Years Old Boyfriend-Free Blonde or Brunette White Pretty Average or Slender Body Type 5' or Taller No Smoking or Drinking Lives in Charlottesville or Ruckersville Area Has Own Car Average to High Income Happy, Positive, Caring

In other exchanges, Chris established a few more rules:

No Children from Previous Relationships No Autism (High-Functioning or Otherwise)

Present situation

This is what Chris's break-ups are like.

In July 2015, the CWCki originally concluded that no person - male, female or other - would likely find him attractive, but there was still a small window of opportunity for Chris to improve his chances of enticing a sweetheart, with a major lifestyle overhaul and some serious self-betterment.

Unfortunately, that window of opportunity has closed: in addition to all the reasons listed above, Chris has given up on reality with the Dimensional Merge. What little remained of his chances of attracting a sweetheart disappeared in 2018, when Chris ended his Love Quest by marrying some of his imaginary OCs, and then declined an offer of a date with a female fan cosplaying as him because of his imaginary marriage.

Even more unfortunately, that window of opportunity had not closed as we once thought it did. in late July 2021, the incest call was leaked, and the grim truth of Chris's love-life came to the surface. Called "the 9/11 of the internet" by many, it turned out that Chris had been in a sexual relationship with his mother since at least June of that year. This event adds one last reason for why the chances of Chris getting a sweetheart enormously low: nobody wants to date a literal motherfucker. While there's now another potential contender for this role, it seems less and less likely that she will actually take up the mantle.

Related Terms

Chris has also used other affectionate terms for gal-pals and potential sweethearts.

Darling

Main article: Darling

Sweetbolt

What's wrong? More than you can possibly imagine.

Sweetbolt is a term of endearment coined by Chris and primarily used by his electric hedgehog characters. He considers it a clever play on the more familiar "sweetheart." The spelling of the word is somewhat fluid – Chris variously spells it "SweetBolt," "Sweet bolt," or "Sweet-bolt."

"Sweetbolt" sounds awfully strange even in the context of Chris's comics, as when Rosechu refers to Sonichu as her sweetbolt. However, it sounds an order of magnitude more bizarre when Chris uses it to describe himself:

“	I understand, and I will NEVER put it against you. Yes, as your SweetBolt. :)	”
Chris, to PandaHalo, concerning her rape at the hands of Clyde Cash

Wallflower

Chris often used the term "wallflower" to refer to any gal-pal that kept a certain amount of distance from him, but he still had feelings towards. The most notable example was The Wallflower, whose codename was ironically based on this phrase.

Zapbud

“	Oh, Rosechu, you are as beautiful as a rose, though a Zapbud is the flower that heals your woes.	”

A Zapbud

The zapbud, first introduced in the Wall of Originals, was a part of Chris's half-assed attempt to create lore in his Sonichu comics, being a flower which he had created solely for this reason. In keeping with the comic's notorious lack of subtlety (if the name of the thing didn't give it away already), the flower itself is a generic sunflower design that has four magenta petals with yellow lightning bolts on it, and a blue center with a single yellow lighting bolt. Adding to this, Chris wanted to avoid making it ambiguous that they were supposedly Rosechu's most favorite things, and the chosen design for it, being the same color scheme as Rosechu, made this loud and clear (even ignoring the fact that Chris plastered Rosechu's name on it in one instance). Despite how special they supposedly are in the world of the comics, being Rosechu's favorite flower, and Chris even going out of his way to create a Magic Model mold of one in his Lego recreation of CWCville, they are so generic that the most that Chris could say about them is that they also just smell "nice". Chris's constant use of Zapbuds (despite how utterly generic they were) became a sort of in-joke amongst Christorians and observers, to the point where an OC, Cindy Zapbud, was created and named after it.

Nonetheless, the term "zapbud" was also used in the comics as a term of endearment, which is most noted when Sonichu referred to Rosechu as his "blossiming zapbud" in Sonichu 8.

See also

• List of Love Quest candidates
• Boyfriend-free girl
• Gal pal
• Gal-Pals and Past Sweethearts (CWCipedia page)
• Infinitely-High Boyfriend Factor
• Love Quest
• Noviophobia
• Sweetheart from the Ground-Up