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You Know What That Means!

@dazzlingflash / dazzlingflash.tumblr.com

No Tags, No Queue, No God. Icon by Karpetshark and banner by Prophecybroadcast

with credit to zenos though i think he’d be an extremely funny person to push in front of a car I think a ford escape would crumple against his special boy bone structure and he’d be like Pathetic and cast his contraticjdibfjsjfbeity spell and blow up the entire freeway and walk away and people would be like are you just going to hit and run you asshole and he’d be like Come at me then if you believe yourself to be above a beast and learn that the sole law that governs us is the unbridled hunger to survive Driving us to dance the keening fiddle of your life’s edge Until your flesh’s purpose sings with The privilege of man’s wont to enjoy violence for its sake and everyone would be like just give us your insurance and he’d walk away again

the suffering never ends

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sinksanksockie

This is the real process

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thewritingbeast

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BLESS EVERYONE IN THIS POST.

Oh my God!

It’s amazing, some links aren’t working for me but those who are, are spectacular.

Reblogging because NAMING IS HARD

I SHOT THE HEAD OFF THE CPR MANNEQUIN WHAT THE HELL

IM GONNA PISS MYSELF JFC

ok so the last time i got cpr certified was when i was a tiny lil thing in high school to be a lifeguard for the kiddie swim lessons we taught. so its been a minute, yeah?

i am required to be cpr certified in my position at my job, smth that has not been brought up at ALL in the last 3 years ive been here, so i went to retake the course and all that. I went with a coworker, we partnered up and named our dummy Charles because we're cool like that. ended up having to use the table instead of the floor because of my bad knee and recently healed ankle, so we're above everyone else. We get charles ready, and i end up going first as the first responder, so i'm going over the process in my brain. 30 compressions at 100-120BPM, two respirations, AED, etc. etc. I was also remembering how hard it was to do proper compressions in my tiny little body at 14, so I knew it took more force than i thought to get the compressions deep enough, so i prepared to have to use my body weight and fucking send it. But! it turns out, since im not 4'11" anymore it was in fact Not Very Difficult to get past 2 inches, so it was fine and the instructor actually told me to ease up. I did awesome, compressions were deep and at proper rate, gold star for me.

however, my brain did not connect the dots that if the compressions would take less force, so would the respirations. Me at 14 had to use my full lung capacity to get the chest to rise at all, so I, with my full adult lung capacity and 10+ years of competitive swim, vocal training with breath support, and occasional dabble into brass instruments as I make my way around an orchestra, decide that I need to still full blast for the thing to work. i have to save charles, after all, so fucking send it ig. two very fast, very HARD breaths.

charles's chest plate lifts off and resettles incorrectly, i am none the wiser because i am (wrongly) focusing on the fucking little LEDs on the dummy being green instead of actually registering the movement of the chest like youre supposed to. My coworker, however, has noticed that charles might be A Little Fucked Right Now, and tries to get my attention, but i am FOCUSED because you gotta do the full two minutes and all that. so i switch back to the compression.

the chest plate, no longer in proper position to hold the head in place, clicks weirdly, and next thing i know the charles's head fucking LAUNCHES off into the fucking wall, nearly missing another person's head. his chest flipped up off his body and his head is gone and trailing that little plastic bag that the air you breathe into, completely deflated.

i fucking OVERINFLATED the bag to the point where when i did a compression it fucking POPPED and sent the head flying. the class had to stop for a full fucking 15 minutes to get itself together while i melted into my chair in embarassment i wanted to DIE

the instructor was fucking dying she was all like, 'ok you remember when i was giving the list of instances when you can stop cpr? you can stop now because he's dead' AND EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING AT ME AND MY COWORKER WAS FUCKING HEAVING AND WHEEZING HARD ENOUGH TO FALL OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND IM SO FUCKING MORTIFIED

I DECAPITATED CHARLES IN A CLASS ON HOW TO SAVE SOMEONES LIFE SOMEONE FUCKING KILL ME

This is the best argument I’ve ever seen for CPR certification expiring. Charles laid down his inanimate life for a good cause.

Hat tip @mugwomps , RIP 🪦 Charles and uhhh… good job OP? I mean, in the “getting a gold star in lung capacity” sense and “willing heart” sense, not so much the “desired outcome for patient” one

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Reblogged

Calling the young students “the true enemy of gun rights,” the National Rifle Association reportedly issued an “F” rating Monday to dead schoolchildren. 

“This is our lowest rating, and it’s exactly what this radical group of anti-gun extremists deserves,” said NRA CEO Doug Hamlin, who lambasted the deceased American shooting victims as “selfish, divisive, and tyrannical.” “From preschool to high school, dead schoolchildren are an assault on freedom. No one in the nation has ever done more to hurt the reputation of the Second Amendment. It’s going to take billions in fundraising to undo the political damage they’ve done.” 

The World Of Becca Blake

oops shared without amendment: don’t use milk to rinse eyes just plain water

Rebecca Blake could also put temporary tattoos on any part of her skin that IS exposed. That way, if ever the police tried to identify her through photographs or footage, she would be able to point to the tattoo in the image and say "well that can't possibly be me; that person has angel wings tattooed on the back of their neck, but MY neck is un-tattooed."

As Elon Musk cements his place in history as a fascist tech overlord and the rest of the world looks at us in horror, I really do want to reiterate what I feel will be lost to the history books

Nearly everyone in america has thought and continues to think that Elon is very cringe.

Despite not being a USA citizen, everyon has... no, MUST remember that the billionare Elon Musk has such a tiny, pathetic and childish ego, that he had the need to lie about being a hardcore epic gamer in Path of Exile 2, only to be caught red-handed as the hilarious sham that he is, and ban everyone who exposed him.

the doge meme is from 2013. its easy for dates in history books to get kinda blurry and to just print something like "the department of government efficiency was named after a popular meme at the time", but i think its important to record that musk named the agency that is illegally seizing our government after a joke so outdated that the dog in the picture has since died of old age

he is regularly denounced by his adult and teenage children, who either block him online or are blocked by him. speaking of which, he posted weirdly sexual content while roleplaying as his own infant son.

accounts praising him are regularly discovered to be his sockpuppets. he blocks or threatens legal actions against those who expose his fake accounts. despite this, it happens every couple months.

he either paid his ex-wife to lie that he was good at videogames, or used her account himself to do so. she immediately followed up the lie with a separate tweet that just said 'sigh.'

he is a deeply pathetic man.

The fact that you can’t raise taxes on billionaires even slightly without them pouring money into fascist political movements is, of itself, evidence that billionaires as a class shouldn’t be allowed to exist in the first place.

I’d just like to point out that every single thing that has happened in the 6 years since I created this post has only reinscribed its absolute moral correctness in my mind.

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