Buccaneers and Buckaroos

Kermit, what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Jack Black, or destroying the Muppets? Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie!

The Muppets (2011) dir. James Bobin

the other day I imagined a character who’s a eunuch and has to deal with everyone assuming that this makes him inherently good at scheming and/or guarding concubines

King: “—and so, you see, it’s looking more and more like war is going to be inevitable. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to trust. And so I must turn to you, my most trusted advisor, to give me guidance.”

Eunuch: “Jeez. I dunno. That sounds scary.”

King: “Have you no advice for me at all? The fate of my kingdom lies in your hands!”

Eunuch: “Man, I was an English major. I don’t know what you expect of me.”

King: “But you… but your… you know…”

Eunuch: “The castration didn’t come with a poli sci degree, believe it or not.”

wait help the reverse is even funnier

King: “And as a wedding gift, in appreciation for your years of loyal service, I will bestow you a title and modest land holdings.”

Advisor: “Thank you… that’s wonderfully generous.”

King: “Your bride must be an exceptional woman. Not many would be willing to overlook your… shortcomings.”

Advisor: “…um, ha, yeah, she’s pretty great. I’m very lucky that she’s so crazy about me.”

King: “Yes indeed. Though I have heard that your sort is often wildly popular with the gentler sex. I suppose that makes sense… an artisan with limited tools must needs be creative with what he has to work with!”

Advisor: “I… right. Hm.”

King: “Does she mourn the fact that you will never be able to give her a child? Or is she relieved to be spared the ravages of pregnancy?”

Advisor: “My liege?”

King: “Of course, if you plan to adopt, I will gladly recognize the child as your rightful heir.”

Advisor: “I’m sorry, do you think I’m sterile or something?”

King: “….well… I just assumed you would be, because of the… ahem.”

King: [mimes scissors cutting through the air]

Advisor: “You think I’m a eunuch?”

King: “…aren’t you?”

Advisor: “No????”

King: “But… you’re so good at scheming…”

Advisor: “Yes, I have a master’s degree in political science and skullduggery, I studied hard.”

King: “And so effete—”

Advisor: “What??? I’m quite masculine…”

King: [grimaces and wobbles hand]

Advisor: “Just because I bathe—”

Don't reblog this post.

(Source) (highly recommend watching)

daffodils growing all over the dang place and i couldnt be mroe thrilled about it

your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to take pictures of daffodils from way down low so those flowery fucks stare into your camera lens all menacing and noot nooty

masculine but in a peacock way.

im just so happy i live in a time period where actual meaningful biological transition is possible. even if we lose rights or the ability to exist in public, nothing can turn back the clock on that, and just by having any sort of access to that our lives are made immensely better. millions of our sisters throughout history would never have dreamed of a day where they could have what HRT does for us.

please don't lose the plot of this. if you're a trans person on HRT you're a living miracle, the dream of hundreds of millions of your ancestors. your lives are all deeply meaningful no matter what anyone says.

One kind of funny thing about Tumblr culture is that it's a universally unspoken rule that if you meet another tumblr user irl and you don't know them super well it's a little odd to ask for their Tumblr, even though youd do that with pretty much any other social platform. Like I was chatting with this person in one of my classes and they were like "oh yeah I have tumblr!" And I was like "oh cool me too!" Then we both just paused for a second, and just. Moved on with the conversation without asking for each other's Tumblr cuz You Don't Do That?? Your tumblr is a personal place. You dont share that shit with strangers. And tbh?? I love that

There’s such beauty in the world

Truly wonderful to live in a world of such serendipity

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

@holyknuckled like that?

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

*wrinkles nose* shouldnt you be repressing that

bouncing on it in accordance with health and safety guidelines

call that a safety railing

reblog with a spoiler for your wip with zero context. no context allowed.