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@batwynn / batwynn.tumblr.com

(🏳️‍⚧️he/they)

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Ok well. It’s time to be honest, I guess.

My last ditch attempt has failed. My new primary dr won’t take over the Humira script even though he’s a proper DO, and I no longer have a dermatologist. I’ve discussed my future without the immunosuppressant with my Pyoderma group and it looks like it will be Very Fucking Bad when I run out of the med in March. I’m already in Pretty Fucking Bad health, so the ‘living conditions’ in this future are not going to be exactly… survivable for me. I thought it would be a more mild transition back to where I was before the Humira due to how I take it, but according to folks who had to go off of it with this condition… it completely immobilized them in a lot of ways. Like I said, I already struggle with constant, screaming pain, illness, etc. and can barely force my way through shit as it already is. I will not be ok.

As I’ve said before, I’ve contacted everyone I can, so please believe me when I say I fucking tried. I’ve tried every dermatologist in the state. I’ve asked every doctor and specialist that I had. I’ve tried to find someone out of state who I could beg my insurance to cover. I even tried to figure out how to cover the cost of someone outside of my highly limited insurance but it’s too expensive and most of them need to meet in person, thousands of miles away. I’ve spent two fucking years trying. Turns out, it’s impossible. Wild, I know.

So, yeah. I tried. But it looks like after March I’m not going to do well at all. If I’m lucky, I’ll eventually qualify for the Death with Dignity program. But I’m never fucking lucky, so it’s more likely that I will suffer even more horribly until one of these fucking illnesses finally kills me. In addition, it looks like the big fucking looser who is the US president will be cutting every other program (SNAP, MEDICARE/MEDICADE, SSI, LIHEAP, etc) that my family uses to survive because we are both extremely poor and unwell, so. Yeah. There are no more options.

What this means for you all:

I’ll be working very hard to wrap up the Accidental MerDer comic in a somewhat satisfying way before March. All the other comics are too new to wrap up, so they’ll just have to be what they are. I will continue with my Patreon until the end of March, then close it down because I will very likely be unable to keep up with creating for everyone. I’ll try to make these last few months fun, but in reality I won’t be as available to chat and such as before.

I want to spend some time being selfish, and doing things like going outside for walks and hanging out with the cats. I’d like to try to enjoy some of my shitty life while it lasts.

One last note: I don’t want any advice. I tried every possible option that I can actually do. I am also not suicidal, I tried every possible way to survive but I will eventually become too ill to do so. I feel that I have made it extremely clear, and if you send the nazi police to my door for a ‘wellness check’ as a vulnerable trans person in a rural area I will fucking find out who you are and doxx you to let everyone know what a nice little goose stepping bitch you are.

Sorry if this is upsetting, but I guess this is just the reality of being disabled and piss poor in the magnificent country called the USA. 👍

Thank you for all the years of support and friendship. I wouldn’t have made it as long as I did without your kindness.

See you around.

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Reblogged

Ok well. It’s time to be honest, I guess.

My last ditch attempt has failed. My new primary dr won’t take over the Humira script even though he’s a proper DO, and I no longer have a dermatologist. I’ve discussed my future without the immunosuppressant with my Pyoderma group and it looks like it will be Very Fucking Bad when I run out of the med in March. I’m already in Pretty Fucking Bad health, so the ‘living conditions’ in this future are not going to be exactly… survivable for me. I thought it would be a more mild transition back to where I was before the Humira due to how I take it, but according to folks who had to go off of it with this condition… it completely immobilized them in a lot of ways. Like I said, I already struggle with constant, screaming pain, illness, etc. and can barely force my way through shit as it already is. I will not be ok.

As I’ve said before, I’ve contacted everyone I can, so please believe me when I say I fucking tried. I’ve tried every dermatologist in the state. I’ve asked every doctor and specialist that I had. I’ve tried to find someone out of state who I could beg my insurance to cover. I even tried to figure out how to cover the cost of someone outside of my highly limited insurance but it’s too expensive and most of them need to meet in person, thousands of miles away. I’ve spent two fucking years trying. Turns out, it’s impossible. Wild, I know.

So, yeah. I tried. But it looks like after March I’m not going to do well at all. If I’m lucky, I’ll eventually qualify for the Death with Dignity program. But I’m never fucking lucky, so it’s more likely that I will suffer even more horribly until one of these fucking illnesses finally kills me. In addition, it looks like the big fucking looser who is the US president will be cutting every other program (SNAP, MEDICARE/MEDICADE, SSI, LIHEAP, etc) that my family uses to survive because we are both extremely poor and unwell, so. Yeah. There are no more options.

What this means for you all:

I’ll be working very hard to wrap up the Accidental MerDer comic in a somewhat satisfying way before March. All the other comics are too new to wrap up, so they’ll just have to be what they are. I will continue with my Patreon until the end of March, then close it down because I will very likely be unable to keep up with creating for everyone. I’ll try to make these last few months fun, but in reality I won’t be as available to chat and such as before.

I want to spend some time being selfish, and doing things like going outside for walks and hanging out with the cats. I’d like to try to enjoy some of my shitty life while it lasts.

One last note: I don’t want any advice. I tried every possible option that I can actually do. I am also not suicidal, I tried every possible way to survive but I will eventually become too ill to do so. I feel that I have made it extremely clear, and if you send the nazi police to my door for a ‘wellness check’ as a vulnerable trans person in a rural area I will fucking find out who you are and doxx you to let everyone know what a nice little goose stepping bitch you are.

Sorry if this is upsetting, but I guess this is just the reality of being disabled and piss poor in the magnificent country called the USA. 👍

Thank you for all the years of support and friendship. I wouldn’t have made it as long as I did without your kindness.

See you around.

An update:

So, I made it through the end of March and I have a tentative appointment in early May that might mean I can prescribed Humira or some other med like it. I’m without it until then, though, and there’s a 50% chance I won’t be able to use it again due to antibodies. I’m trying to find someone to prescribe it for like 3 weeks that I need it, but the local ER would send me to the local Derm who was a complete fucking asshole in their referral rejection letter or nothing. I don’t know who could do this, but everyone around me has steadfastly decided my healths isn’t worth writing a script for a med to control a disease they’re scared of even though they don’t actually fucking have to manage it. So. Hanging in there. Trying hard to keep up with art. Feeling like absolute shit health wise. Seeing a potential autoimmune wound opening up already. Fml. But I’m trying, I promise.

You’d think I’d know better and not buy the $14 toy for cats that they not only are indifferent to but actively hate if I turn it on, but then there’s finding out what the cat has been playing with instead of that toy and that the object of all their affection and joy is a fucking piece of barfed up kibble/hairball that re-hardened because I didn’t see the barf behind the cat tree.

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Welcome to my annual TERF sweep and yeet!

If you are a TERF, gtfo. My blog is not for you. No arguments. Just go. Hit the bricks. Get gone.

Nothing quite prepares you for seeing one of your childhood comic book artist faves resharting (or whatever it's called on bluesky) queer art every day like... No, I didn't know they would age like delicious, fine wine, because the bar of expectations for men in comics is in hell but god damn the tannins are softening.

Hey,

If you struggle with knowing if things are real or not, here’s just a reminder that today is April 1st and people are posting fake things/info/jokes today.

If you read something like this:

Take a moment to remember what day it is, and that as fantastic and cool as something like this might seem, it is more likely a joke than not if posted today. When in doubt, check the comments to see people’s reactions, check proper news sources, and/or wait to see what is said tomorrow or on another day.

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hi, I'm a queer disabled poor NB person and my 12 yo cat had to go to the vet because his urethra was corked, he spent 3 days at the vet and the bill was for 512,45€

but the day after, he couldn't pee again so he went back to the vet and they said that he might need a surgery to remove his male bits to avoid more corks but the surgery alone would cost 1K€ which is at least TWICE what I earn in a month, can people here help me make my cat more safe and healthy? thanks!

here's my cat's pic

so my cat Ganesh had another vet scare, with a second cork in his urethra in 3 months, and I'm left with a bill of 405,80€ I can't pay this in full since I'm disabled and unemployed, so if you can help me, I would be grateful! thank you!

this is my PayPal: songofsibyls@gmail.com

still have 1300€ to pay, please help my old man cat ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ...

Dec 26th is my birthday, I'd love to cross that debt for it, if you can help me?

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Reblogged
Anonymous asked:

Hello (it's the anonymous trans guy again) I don't think you got my last message but no worries. I'm just really excited because I'm just over a month on T and my voice is already a bit deeper and the hair on my upper lip is getting thicker and that's really fast! I think my mum is struggling to deal with the changes and she doesn't want to talk to me about it much and my dad never really talks to me anyway but I feel really good! Thanks for listening and hope you're having a great week hun! :D

Hi there! Sorry for missing your last message, but i’m glad it’s going so well, and so fast!

I’m sorry they’re having trouble talking about it, I remember my grandfather having trouble too when my aunt went through her transition. It gets easier with time, I think. As long as your happy and feeling like yourself. :)

I hope you have a great week, as well!

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Hey anon trans guy. I know it’s been 11ish years but I hope you know that I do think about you time to time, and hope that you’re still out there somewhere. Hopefully thriving as much as you can in this world.

If anyone’s wondering what the rural side of a purple USA state is looking like right now, here’s a sample:

80% of the roads are almost completely impassible around the entire state. Massive holes destroying cars. Newly paved roads destroyed in 3 months. We barely had money for cheap patches last year, we are likely not going to have any money for roads and bridges at all this year. Both roads that lead to where I live have collapsing culverts under the roads because they installed plastic ones instead of metal, meaning in DAYS myself, 20+ households, and 5+ farms will not be able to get in and out of our homes. And yet, not a single person out here other than me will complain or say anything to get it fixed because they’re full of complex guilt over voting for this to happen to all of us. My emails and calls to the office of two people that manage this area have been ignored. They’re too busy trying to move the gigantic chunks of ice that flooded several roads from the river flooding severely this year. No, climate change didn’t cause this how dare you even bring that up when people are dealing with results of *climate change?!*

We are getting punished, as a state, because our governor chose to follow the rule of state-controlled law about trans people participating in sports and that made somebody angwy. Most people around here have decided any harm caused by this are trans people’s faults and there has been an even sharper rise in aggression at even the hint of gender-nonconformity. Yes, even the dog’s genders are more intensely defined right now.

Everyone is angry. Every single person. People who wanted this are angry, but can’t even begin to face why. A lot of people who didn’t vote for this are too scared to say anything because most of us are in very real danger. We are so fucking angry, though. If you’re a visible minority and/or wear a mask, the MAGA will unleash their displaced rage on you every opportunity they can get. The people who can afford to be vocal about it are also in danger. Power keg doesn’t even begin to describe it.

60% of people visiting this area were Canadians crossing the border to shop and idk hang out I guess? I have not seen a single Canadian license plate in almost a month now. The hotels are all weirdly open for booking all year when they’re usually booked up. People here are upping their advertising for off-roading, fishing, camping, etc. No, they haven’t figured it out yet.

There’s been a sharp rise of domestic violence, violent interactions on the road, and drug use has spiked. Everyone’s very angry at a few drug users who are living in extreme poverty in town when half their household is using alcohol or other drugs to deal with their daily lives as well. Again, a lot of misplaced anger, yelling at the suffering as though they caused it all.

A loooot of local people just got cut off from contact from their not-asshole families for the first time ever, so you hear a lot of ‘we used to be able to stick together as a country’ and ‘we shouldn’t let things divide us’. No, they won’t say what divided them from their families because they’re still pretending they didn’t do anything wrong even when it’s starting to actually affect their daily lives negatively.

Some of the farmers have been pretty quiet about their politics since somebody cut all of their incoming money. I’ve looked into some of the local farm’s records in the past and know for a fact that their more shady-ish practices got them more money from the government than they got from actually selling food. Billions more. Now nothing. So very quiet.

A weird, sharp turn against the cops has happened ever since people finally saw baby’s first corruption. Billions of dollars for cops that was supposed to go towards something, and has just sort of… vanished for four years now. People started admitting they didn’t vote for it to go to them, so how did it get passed? They’re all very close to Getting It but they still thinks the cops will fuck them save them from the Transes so they can’t get over that hump yet.

There are a select few who are the most normal Joes you’ve ever seen going about their lives very happily and averagely because literally none of this has affected them yet and yes, they’re all younger cishet white men. (I guess they don’t eat eggs?)

Eggs. Rages about eggs. Egg orgies at the chicken people’s houses. So much cash in hand for eggs. People who didn’t even like eggs are all about buying the cheapest from the most backyard-est chickens. People buying chickens who couldn’t raise a chia pet. None of them even aknowledge the bird flu, but they sure have a lot to say about not vaccinating their chickens.

Raw milk. Orgies at the dairy. So much cash in hand for raw milk. People who are lactose intolerant buying it by the bucketload because not only is it ‘free of *insert random thing they’re afraid of here*’ but also ‘*more misinformation*’ and ‘lactose intolerant people can drink it because it’s *insert some random Christian phrasing about purity*’

No sharp rise in church going. Churches have actually closed. The religion has twisted itself too far away from even that.

The dollar (1.50) store is packed. Still no acknowledgement of why we’re all so poor that we’re all getting our groceries here together, because that would admit to a systematic problem. The food there is getting shadier and shadier. We’re all just sort of waiting for the day some bacteria or random rat shit dropped in from the factory kills us from our $1.50 mystery meat frozen meal.

Isolation for queer people—especially trans people—has quadrupled. We aren’t even looking at one another in the stores anymore. No silent looks of acknowledgement or knowing smiles. We pretend we didn’t clock each other at all now. Everyone is cishet/binary passing as much as we can. The tension and fear is very high.

No one, apparently, remembers the caterpillars that destroyed all the trees last year, or the fact that we were warned it would happen again this year 10x worse. Or the fact that scientists said the trees can only handle so many years without fucking leaves. They’re going to die in droves if this keeps happening. It’s literally been completely forgotten by everyone. If you bring it up they stare at you blankly.

The local younger generation are more nihilistic and risk taking than ever. They keep dying while driving 108mph, or from overdoses. They’re angry and scared and genuinly suicidal. The kids aren’t, in fact, alright.

80% of the people you meet around town have been day drinking at the local bowling alley. Yes, they’re all drinking and driving. No, the billionaire cops are not even present on the roads.

Ticks. More ticks than ever before. No, do not even mention climate change this just mysteriously happened.

Surprisingly (I joke), there has a rise in even more mediocre white men in jobs they’re not qualified for as a lot of the older generation are retiring after one too many injuries on the job. You cannot, for the life of you, find a plumber within a 200mile distance that will actually show up and do the job correctly, nevermind well. One guy had this area covered for 50 something years before and apparently was the last person to know how to do their job. Now it’s daily posts on facebook of people looking for a plumber, 20 year old dude ‘master plumbers’ saying they’ll fix it, then the OP posting again looking for a plumber and maybe a priest a week later.

Did I mention how incredibly angry everyone is?

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