Funny Jokes

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Funny Jokes

a woman sitting on top of a couch in front of a tv with the caption,

A Woman with PMS…

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one. ONE! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house seems to know HOW to replace a light bulb. They don’t even notice when the bulb is BURNT OUT! They’d sit in darkness for DAYS before they figured it out. And when they did, they wouldn’t be able to find the bulbs, even though they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for FIFTEEN YEARS.

At a dinner party, a lively debate arose among the guests about whether men or women were better at keeping secrets.

“No woman,” one man said dismissively, “can truly keep a secret.”

“Oh, really?” a woman responded, clearly irritated. Oh Really, Joke Stories, Keeping Secrets, Twenty One, Dinner Party, The Secret, Good Things, Funny

Keeping Secrets-Funny Joke

At a dinner party, a lively debate arose among the guests about whether men or women were better at keeping secrets. “No woman,” one man said dismissively, “can truly keep a secret.” “Oh, really?” a woman responded, clearly irritated.

a cartoon character sitting at a desk in front of a blackboard with writing on it

Science Final Exam

An underprepared student found himself staring blankly at a question on his life science final exam. The question read, “List four advantages of breast milk.” He sighed and decided to jot down whatever came to mind, hoping it might earn him some points:

an old man sitting in a chair next to two older men

The Memory Clinic

Two elderly couples were having a nice chat when one of the men turned to his friend and asked, “So, Harry, how was that memory clinic you went to last month?” Harry replied, “It was fantastic! They taught us all sorts of memory tricks—visualization, association—all of it really helped!”

two men in their 20ss were driving down the road when they heard

A childish Thing!

Two men in their 80s were driving down the road when they heard a commercial for Ex-Lax wrap up with the slogan, “Feel young again.” John looked over at Sylvester and said, “Maybe we should pull over and grab a bottle of that stuff!” Sylvester nodded, so they stopped and each took two tablespoons of Ex-Lax before heading back on the road. After driving about a mile, Sylvester asked, “So, John, feeling younger yet?”

a man is driving a car with people in it and the words are written below

Robot Car

A man purchased a voice-activated robot car that could flawlessly follow any command he gave. Delighted by the car’s accuracy, he proudly showed off its capabilities. One day, his wife, feeling exhausted, asked him to send the car to pick up the kids from school. Agreeing, he spoke to the car, “Car, go pick up my children from school.” The car set off, but when it didn’t return as expected, they began to worry. Hours passed with still no sign of the car, and the man grew increasingly anxious.

an old man driving a car with two police men on it, and the caption reads

What Did He Say?

A senior couple was on a long drive across the country. The wife was behind the wheel when a highway patrol officer pulled them over. The officer leaned in and said, “Ma’am, were you aware you were going over the speed limit?” The woman, a little hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He says you were speeding!” the husband shouted back.

Space Shuttle To The Moon

There’s a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board. The headquarters in the US calls: “Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to coms for instructions. “He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors. So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releasesthe oxygen. A few moments later headquarters calls again:

Drive Thru

Dad Humor

ATM Procedures (For Male & Female)

Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cashwithout leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilisethis facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored tobest reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to the ATM 2. Open the car window 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN 4. Enter amount of cash required and press “enter” 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt 6. Close window 7. Drive away

A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stops in front of a young woman sitting down.

Holding her hand to her chest, she says, “If you knew what I have, you’d give me your seat.”

The young woman, feeling concerned, stands up and offers her seat. After sitting down, the old lady watches as the young woman pulls out a fan and starts fanning herself in the heat. The lady then says, “If you knew what I have, you’d give me that fan too.” Weird Old Photos, Childhood Memories 60's, Lady Watches, Old Lady Humor, Wife Jokes

Weird Old Photos

Childhood Memories 60's

Lady Watches

Old Lady Humor

Wife Jokes

Chutzpah!

A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stops in front of a young woman sitting down. Holding her hand to her chest, she says, “If you knew what I have, you’d give me your seat.” The young woman, feeling concerned, stands up and offers her seat. After sitting down, the old lady watches as the young woman pulls out a fan and starts fanning herself in the heat. The lady then says, “If you knew what I have, you’d give me that fan too.”

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A Clever Solution!

A couple, both aged 75, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, “How can I help you?” The man replied, “Would you mind observing us while we share some intimacy?” The doctor was a bit puzzled but agreed. After the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing unusual about how you’re doing things.”

One day, an older gentleman went in for a checkup.

After the examination, the doctor was amazed. “Wow, Mr. Thompson! I have to say, you’re in the best shape of any 65-year-old I’ve ever seen!”

“Did I say I was 65?”

“Well, no… Did I read your chart wrong?” Cute Backgrounds For Phones, Cute Backgrounds, Dad Jokes

Cute Backgrounds For Phones

Cute Backgrounds

Dad Jokes

Ageless Living

One day, an older gentleman went in for a checkup. After the examination, the doctor was amazed. “Wow, Mr. Thompson! I have to say, you’re in the best shape of any 65-year-old I’ve ever seen!” “Did I say I was 65?” “Well, no… Did I read your chart wrong?”

Age Is Just A Number

Jewelry Boutique

Age is Just a Number!

A 80-year-old man and his stunning young wife were browsing an upscale jewelry boutique when his oldest friend happened to run into him. Noticing the attractive blonde trying on a necklace, the friend leaned over and asked,

There were three old ladies sitting around the kitchen table: Gertrude, Sophia, and Harriet.

Gertrude said, “I think I’ll go upstairs now and take a bath.” She took all her clothes off, and as she was filling up the tub, she had one foot in the tub and the other still outside. She said, “Was I going into the tub or coming out of the tub?” Knock On Wood, Mommy Moments, Take A Bath, Girly Art Illustrations

Knock On Wood

Mommy Moments

Take A Bath

Girly Art Illustrations

Knock On Wood!

There were three old ladies sitting around the kitchen table: Gertrude, Sophia, and Harriet. Gertrude said, “I think I’ll go upstairs now and take a bath.” She took all her clothes off, and as she was filling up the tub, she had one foot in the tub and the other still outside. She said, “Was I going into the tub or coming out of the tub?”

Memory Test

The Third Man

What’s two times two?

Three elderly men visit the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, “What’s two times two?” “184,” he replies. Turning to the second man, the doctor asks, “Your turn. What’s two times two?” “Friday,” answers the second man confidently.