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thoughts after the 2024 US election

Sometime midway through the pandemic I felt like if I had any hope or optimism for humanity prior, I had lost it all witnessing how we responded towards a disabling virus. If…

one-year covid anniversary reflections

Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of the day I tested positive for covid for the first time. All things considered I thought I had done well to avoid it for three years…

43

I wrote this time last year that I felt like I was coping better than the year before. This year I don’t feel like I have made much progress, and perhaps I…

the dam

[tw warning: suicide ideation] Yesterday I had another episode where I spent hours crying. This actually feels embarrassing to write, but intellectually I think it is society that conditions us to think…

a wet mouldy sponge

Yesterday after a strength-training session I had a very innocuous mini argument with my partner about misplacing some things at home. Which after I simply slumped and curled up into a ball…

the reality of emotions

Imagine if you can put your swirling emotions in a crystal ball, then elevate the ball in mid-air before scrutinising them from a distance. What would it be like to be able…

coping with loneliness

Since as far as I can remember I have been feeling lonely. I was so lonely that for long periods of my life it was tempting to believe I was an alien…

looking back at 2020

I’m not entirely sure how accurate can a review post be, versus being a snapshot of how one feels at the very end of the year. Memories are always sort of fuzzy,…

hypocrisy. anger. sadness.

Just a few posts ago I was writing how in recent times I have lost the desire to write as I no longer needed it that much as a crutch and as…