living life like a solo rpg player
One of my all-time favourite games is stardew valley. I don’t actually play a lot of games, partially because they trigger migraines and motion sickness for me, and partially because a combination…
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when goodness is not so good
Last week I briefly wrote that the push for humans to be good is a net negative for this world. There were a couple of comments asking me to elaborate, so I…
the dam
[tw warning: suicide ideation] Yesterday I had another episode where I spent hours crying. This actually feels embarrassing to write, but intellectually I think it is society that conditions us to think…
pandemic grief and sadness
One of the biggest cognitive dissonances I’ve had in this pandemic is seeing almost everyone I know – including the most intelligent and the most socially responsible – throw away all covid…
on seeing my self as a canvas
I am not sure why, but I don’t have much interest in life. I have been this way for as long as I can remember, though I am not sure if my…
thoughts on the suicidal mind
[tw: suicide] I watched Roadrunner, a documentary about Anthony Bourdain, and it left me a lot of thoughts as someone who has struggled with my own existence my entire life. Though I am writing…
how we were loved profoundly influences how we live and love
a personal review of “A general theory of love”
Adults remain social animals
Adults remain social animals: they continue to require a source of stabilization outside themselves. That open-loop design means that in some important ways, people cannot be stable on their own—not should or shouldn’t be, but can’t be. This prospect is disconcerting to many, especially in a society that prizes individuality as ours does. Total self-sufficiency turns out to be a daydream whose bubble is burst by the sharp edge of the limbic brain. Stability means finding people who regulate you well and staying near them.
chronic unease
Some people are good at denial, forgetting, and moving on. I am good at none of those. I accumulate trauma, remember them deeply like they are etched into my bones helpless as…
on the irrational response to covid
I’ve been pretty disturbed by governments’ and people’s responses to Covid ever since the pandemic started. At the beginning we have very little information about this novel virus, so the misinformation was…